Since I've really enjoyed writing Kyle's backstory, I've decided to continue on as sort of an adventure log now that I'm playing the character. The story will start out with how Kyle meets Aurora and will continue on through their adventure through Hollow's Last Hope and Rise of the Runelords. Just warning you in case anyone wants to avoid spoilers.
Quote:
“Famished from his latest quest, the wizard seeks a snack.â€
I sang those words as I sat down to cook myself some breakfast. I had caught a rabbit in a deadfall trap overnight, so that meant I could skip the trail rations. Don’t get me wrong, the elves I had traded with recently make a mean trail ration, but there’s still not much you can do with food that needs to last on the road.
After cleaning the critter, I had marinated it in fairly simple brine made of little more than salt, mead and some herbs I’d found while securing my campsite. While it soaked, I struck camp and gathered some more firewood while keeping an eye out for any kind of edible plants in the area. If I found any, I could make a nice soup instead of just roasting the meat.
Of course, that would require me to get to eat my food at all. It turns out that the brine was a bad idea. The smell of the salty brine had attracted goblins, who were now fighting over the contents of my pot. They saw me at the same time I saw them.
Now, unlike last time I encountered a goblin, I command semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic powers. But even then, I was far too outnumbered to be able to handle these things on my own. I managed to take out several of them with some well placed magic and a couple gunshots to the face, but that left me with two remaining, no spells of any consequence prepared and jammed gun.
Two of the foes tried dragging me to the ground. I’m sure wizard was just as appetizing to them as rabbit. I heard several others scrambling out of the woods to come at me as well. I was pretty sure that I was going to amount to ****, just like that guy who was studying those bears.
I probably would have died if not for some well timed dues ex sexy-na. Or would it be sexy ex machina? Meh, I’m not going to quibble over the semantics. Anyway, as I fought the two, a figure in shining armor came thundering in on horseback and cut down the charging foes.
I managed to pull my knife and stab one of the two, getting the knife stuck. That left me and the remaining goblin trying to choke each other to death when the armored figure walked over and kicked it in the face. Lucky wizard one, goblins zero.
With the battle subsided, I finally got a look at my savior. Standing more than half a foot shorter than me and dressed in a strange, custom-fitted suit of armor made of plate and scale mail, she was a vision of loveliness. I’m not sure what it is that I’ve done in my life to deserve so many random encounters with stunningly beautiful women, but if some deity wants to claim credit for it, I’d be happy to give thanks and light a few candles on whatever their version of Easter is. After all, official church stance is that worshipful adoration is for God alone, but respectful veneration was another thing entirely. He or she could be my own personal patron saint of Homesick Wizards Finding Solace in the Constant Companionship of Major Hotties.
I retrieved my gun and nonchalantly used my power to remove the blood from my coat, doing my best to look cool while doing so. I also took care of the blood on her armor and on her white stallion. While tending to the horse, I noticed that it had a bit of a limp. She checked it out and found that he had a bruised hoof.
She decided to find a place to camp, so I remained with her. It’s not like I was going anywhere that required my presence so urgently that I couldn’t delay a day or two in order to spend time with a beautiful woman. Once we found somewhere she was satisfied with, I applied a salve to the horse’s hoof and set up camp. Remembering my manners, I finally introduced myself. She informed me that her name was Aurora Calwen.
I did my best to hide the fact that I had heard her name before. She was a war hero and a wanted fugitive from Taldor. Apparently there had been a disagreement. Her father had wanted her to marry someone old enough to collect social security and she disagreed with extreme prejudice. Her suitor had gotten the point. You know, the point? That’s a joke, son. She stabbed the old guy. You're built too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em. Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball. Eye. Ball. I almost had a gag, son. Joke, that is.
I came back from setting traps to find her drinking heavily, looking miserable. I could smell the disgusting beverage she was trying to drown in from the other side of camp and told her as much. She just wanted me to leave her alone. I wouldn’t have any of that.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen,†I responded. I walked over and picked up one of the empty bottles, giving it a sniff. My god. I thought it smelled bad on the outside. “This stuff isn’t even fit for degreasing engines. Besides, your problems won’t go away just because you crawl into a bottle.â€
“Go away. You don’t know what it’s like to be unable to be thousands of miles away from home, unable to go back.†I stared at her for a moment and just laughed. She looked like she wanted to punch me but couldn’t figure out which of me to punch. That’s the danger of drinking rotgut.
“I don’t know what it’s like? Tell me something. Do you know what it’s like to be so far from home that you could walk for a thousand lifetimes and wouldn’t have covered a fraction of the distance to your home? Do you know what it’s like to be the only person who knows who David Bowie is? Ever break out into a rendition of ‘I’ll Make a Man Out of You’, knowing full well that no one around you even knows what a Hun is? Listen, we’ve all got problems. But I don’t mind telling you about mine, if you’ll tell me about yours.â€
Apparently she needed an outlet for all that was bottled inside, because she told me everything. I mean, I had known a bit, but I hadn’t known how it had affected her. I wanted to hug her more than anything, to tell her that it was going to be alright, but she was still wearing metal gauntlets and I wasn’t too keen on getting punched in the face by this pint sized powerhouse with the badass scar across her left eye. So I sat quietly and ate some trail rations while she spoke, speaking only to ask questions to help clarify some of the things she said.
When she finished telling me her tale, I went and checked the snares. Sure enough, we had a nice fat rabbit caught in one of my traps. I also lucked into finding some wild carrots, so I prepared a stew for dinner.
As I cooked, I told her my story. I’m fairly sure that there were points where she was having trouble believing me, but I laid it all out there anyway. As I finished my story, a thought occurred. As finicky as the spell was that I would need to get home, I was fairly certain that Earth would be a safe haven for her to hide from those who pursued her. I told her as much. “After all,†I said, “In many of the stories I’ve read, the wizard always travels with a knight who can protect him while he brings his semi-phenomenal, nearly-cosmic power to bear.†I didn’t bring up the fact that the spell caster was usually a woman and the knight usually a man. Once you’ve spent a month as a woman, fulfilling the traditional gender roles doesn’t seem to matter as much.
She must have been desperate for something that would allow her life to regain some of its normalcy because she swore herself to my service immediately. I accepted her oath on the condition that if she felt the need to drink herself silly that she at least drink something that didn’t smell like turpentine. She laughed and agreed to that.
I also pushed my luck, because of course I did. My voice dripping with innuendo, I asked, “Since you’ve sworn yourself to my service, does that mean I get shared tent privileges now?â€
She looked like she was about to deck me, but suddenly she laughed again. ““Sorry, that one takes a different kind of vow.â€
I thought about it for a moment and realized that my adoption by the Voidstrife family did more or less mean that I was eligible to marry a noblewoman. Huh. “Well maybe we’ll discuss that a different time,†I said with a wink. Then, putting on my best Jamaican accent, I said, “Rabbit’s done. I cooked it with a bit of applejack and some cinnamon, so it should be a winna, mon.†She just looked confused. No one gets me.
We ate our dinner and she helped me fortify camp a bit. Then I took the first watch. I ended up letting her sleep a bit longer than I was supposed to because she looked like she needed it. As I watched her sleep, I thought to myself that Aurora is a rather fitting name for the beauty lying in my tent.
The next morning, Aurora’s horse had healed enough to travel, though she didn’t ride it to give it time to heal. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the stallion’s name is Starbrite, because of course it is. Apparently I’m living in a manga.
I won’t go into detail about how I lost my gun, because that sh*t’s embarrassing. Suffice it to say that one of the ruins we investigated had become home to a nest of pugwampis – a type of gremlin whose very presence is unlucky – and leave it at that. I ended up replacing its magical use by enchanting the signet ring Lady Voidstrife had given me as a token of my membership in her house. I replaced its more mundane function with a crossbow scavenged off a bandit we’d taken down.
The next large town we stopped in saw a bit of change of clothing for Aurora. She replaced the symbols on her heraldry with my own chosen arcane mark. I tactfully left out the fact that my symbol was inspired by that underappreciated more realistic Punisher movie that came out in the early Aughties. Don’t get me wrong. I still told her the story of The Punisher as we traveled. I just left out the whole comic book thing is all.
We visited several ruins with little luck before stopping in some small, podunk one horse town for provisions. It was apparent that the citizens were under the effect of some kind of plague. Just my luck. Worried that we’d already been contaminated, I suggested that we find out more about the nature of the disease.
The town’s mayor didn’t have much information, but pointed us in the direction of the town apothecary, Laurel. We headed that way and found the shop with a rather long line out the door. I mean, I’ve seen shorter lines at Disney World.
While we stood in line, another man took umbrage with my hat. I would have argued with him, but you had to see the man to understand why I decided that wasn’t the wisest course. He must have been well over seven feet tall and rippling with muscle. I wisely decided an argument wasn’t a good idea. Still, he seemed a few hammers short of a tool shed, so I changed the subject by asking him why he was so tall. He just seemed confused.
Laurel had her hands full and couldn’t see us right away, so we stood off to one side and tried to help where we could. Another man, obviously traveling with the large man, seemed competent in dealing with the sick and was also interested in the disease. We chatted for a bit and I learned that his name was Geo and his large companion was Lenn. Apparently Lenn had been normal once, but had taken a blow to the head from a giant, scrambling his brains. Geo was searching for a cure for the injury and had dabbled in potion making.
Once Laurel had finished with the last sick person, we finally questioned her on the disease. Turns out it was some kind of fungal infection. She knew of a possible cure, but she lacked the ingredients. One look at her face and I could tell that Aurora wanted to help these people. I didn’t figure it would cost us much more than a few days of our time and it never hurt to make a few friends in the area since there was always a good chance someone might know of some good ruins to scour for magical knowledge, so I agreed to help. Geo volunteered his and Lenn’s help as well.
Laurel told us we would need three ingredients. First was a moss likely to be found on the oldest tree in the forest. Then we needed some kind of pickled root, likely to be held by some old witch who lived in the woods. Finally, we needed some mushrooms likely to be found in some old ruins located in the forest. That last one intrigued me. She didn’t know where we’d find any of these things, so she pointed us to a lumber camp where someone might know where we could look.
At the camp, we found that the plague had reached the lumberjacks as well. One such man, whose son was afflicted, drew us a map with the landmarks we sought. It was late, so we decided to hit the mess hall for dinner and set out first thing in the morning.
In the mess hall, we met another traveler. He was some kind of cat person and went by the name Paulie something or other. I’ll ask him how his name is spelled before my next journal entry so I can be more accurate. He was an interesting sort. I swear to god, he reminds me of Bob Ross. You know, the “Happy Little Tree†painter. He told us he was traveling to Sandpoint, but that hearing about this disease was, and I quote, “bumming him outâ€. We told him what we were doing and he offered to help.
We set up camp near one of the buildings. Aurora and I crashed in my rather large tent. No, it’s not like that. The damn thing is big enough to sleep four people comfortably. We had a fair amount of open ground between us. Lenn and Geo slept under the stars. Paulie slept in a collapsible bathtub. Yeah, I don’t get it either.
The next morning, the five of us set out into the forest. Our cat-headed friend had another surprise for us. He saddled up a freaking yak and we set out. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been near a yak, but if you ever find yourself with that dubious honor, bring a clothespin for your nose.
We headed towards the general location of the “oldest tree in the forest†first. I’m not sure why the moss only grows on that one tree. In my experience, moss grows on many trees. We should have been able to find it on half the trees in that particular area. On the other hand, I got here by flying through space on the back of an elephant sized winged monstrosity, so what do I know?
As we neared the river that ran through the forest, we heard the sounds of something whimpering. We decided to investigate. In the center of a small clearing near the water, we found a fox with its leg caught in a cruel looking trap. The hair stood up on the back of my neck as we approached. I knew that somehow this fox had been left to ensnare bigger prey. I was pretty sure I’d seen this movie. One of us would get too close to the water and then, suddenly, tentacles. Or a giant snake. Maybe crab people. Look, I didn’t know what was lurking in the water, but something was. And I wasn’t letting it get me.
But hey, I’ve been known to be wrong before.
In my heightened state of awareness, I was the only one who heard the rustling in the brush behind us. I spun to find a hobgoblin and a pair of large, trained crows preparing to attack us. Still wary about going near the water, I opted to do something about the hobgoblin instead of rushing behind my more armored companions. With a quick cantrip, I filled his mind with garbage, making it impossible for him to act before he had sorted through the random information. In case you’re wondering, the information I flooded his mind with was mostly Pokemon stats.
Bereft of his leadership, the crows just charged in a straight line, striking at my companions. I prepared to move away, not getting closer to the water but making myself a less appealing target to the hobgoblin. Unfortunately, it seems that not even Mewtwo’s stats were enough to slow him much, because he quickly rushed at me. Bam, one hit from his blade and I crumpled in a heap.
When I came to, I found Paulie standing over me. A quick check of my wounds revealed that he had used magical healing to patch me right up. That out of the way, we turned our attention to the poor fox. Aurora calmed the beast while Paulie, Geo and I freed it from the trap and tended to its wounds. Once we were finished, it nuzzled Aurora affectionately and she put it in a makeshift nest in one of her saddlebags. Starbrite didn’t seem to mind.
And no, I’m not sure why we didn’t just have Paulie use magic to heal it. Remember, I had just gotten up from being laid out by an injury. And Paulie was probably stoned. Not sure about the rest of the group, though.
We made our way to the location on our crude map and found a massive tree. We’re talking hueg liek Xbox. No, you’re not reading that wrong. It’s spelled that way on purpose. Don’t worry about it.
I was expecting the tree to be alive and attack us. I’ve seen Evil Dead, though I never did get to see that remake. The way my day had been going, it would only have been fitting. We took a moment to look for signs of anything amiss, but spotted nothing. That’s how I knew it was going to be bad.
Sure enough, as Lenn approached, some kind of serpent creature leapt from the tree. I recognized it as a tatzel wurm on closer inspection. A tatzel wurm is a kind of dragonkin, which means it’s intelligent enough, likely has some kind of breath weapon and is generally just not to be ****** with. Oddly enough, we have accounts of a similar creature back on Earth. It’s also called Stollenwurm, Springwurm, Arassas and Praatzelwurm. A Swiss photographer even claimed to have gotten a photo of one back in 1934. It is believed to be a hoax, but still.
I’ve been starting to wonder if Earth once had all sorts of magical creatures and we humans were just really good at exterminating them. I mean, we know we killed the megalania. Note, I’m not sure that’s how the word is spelled, but I vaguely remember reading it that way when I was looking at Alpine folklore.
The wurm leapt out of the tree and latched onto Lenn with two swiping claw attacks. The large man grunted in pain. My companions launched attacks at the beast with bow and blade. Lenn took a poison breath to the face, then reversed the grapple before dragging the creature over to us. I cast a blinding illusion of color upon it and my other companions beat it to a pulp. It didn’t stand a chance.
Geo tended to the poison, though it left Lenn feeling a bit weak. Then we gathered the moss and I looked for any signs of a nest. If this thing had left eggs, I was going to smash them. In my chest beats the heart of an earthling, and we earthlings are nothing if not thorough about driving creatures to extinction. Sure enough, we found a nest. Too bad all the eggs had already hatched. Their former occupants were gone. I could only hope that their mother had eaten them.
We gathered the effects of several corpses strewn about the nesting site, found the moss we sought, and moved on. Our next destination: the cottage of a witch. Of course, when it was starting to get dark, we suspected that we still had a mile or two to go, so we made camp. No need to confront a witch at night. We set watches and rested til daylight once more filled the land.
The cottage was ringed with strange fetishes. We called out from outside the line and got no response, so we approached warily. After knocking yielded no response, Lenn ripped the door off its hinges and we peered inside. Along with the many herbs lining the walls, there was a large cauldron. I made a rock glow with a bit of magic, and someone threw it into the cauldron. Naturally, the cauldron sprang to life.
Now, I know a magical construct when I see it. And I know that fighting one is best done outdoors where we can gang up on it. But I wasn’t sure that Lenn would realize this. So I used a bit of magic to make him grow bigger. Ostensibly it was to make him strong enough to damage it, but really it was meant to keep him from trying to engage the thing inside the hut.
Sure enough, a giant man with an extremely oversized axe makes quick work of a cauldron, but not before it tried to eat Paulie. He seemed bummed out about that. Inside the cottage, we found a few nifty valuables and the roots we needed, so we left the cottage before the witch could return. Not that we suspected she would, since the place looked abandoned, but you never know.
Traveling from the witch’s hut, we ran across a pair of wolves. One was wounded almost immediately and tried to flee. The other went down shortly after. While Lenn slew the second wolf, Aurora drew her bow and put an arrow in the back of the fleeing wolf’s skull. Remind me never to **** her off.
We made our way to the ruins. Sections of walls collapsed in several places, so we moved in from two sides. For our signal, I made the sound of a dying giraffe. If you don’t get the reference, don’t worry about it. Just live with the shame of sucking and move on.
Of course, the courtyard was empty. We saw some tracks leading inside, both reptilian and mammalian tracks, but we didn’t know enough to know what lay in wait. We first checked out the large tower. Webs everywhere hinted at a spider laying in wait. Sure enough, a giant spider was clinging to the ceiling, waiting for a chance to strike. As it didn’t realize I had spotted it, I had a moment to cast a spell. A few words and a bit of mystical working later, the ceiling was covered with grease and the spider fell. Lenn smashed it with his axe and that was that. Up the rickety stairs, Geo found a rather nice sword preserved in oilcloth.
We headed inside and followed the tracks of the reptilian. I set up some caltrops in the narrow hallway behind us. Lenn tore another door off its hinges and threw it into another open room, setting off some kind of fungal spores in what appeared to be a library. I trained my crossbow on the hallway behind us while the others investigated the room ahead. Sure enough, Lenn set off a deadfall trap. Of course, it barely fazed him.
Moving further into the room, my companions found a kobold hiding under a bed. It shouted curse words in Draconic. I shouted back for it to watch its language. It seemed startled by that and was swiftly knocked out.
Seeing an opportunity to learn more about the ruins, I tied it up while the others looted the sack on the top of the bed. We dragged it outside and healed it enough to awaken it. I interrogated it and learned that in addition to the spider, it knew of a pack of wolves deeper in the ruins. Since I had offered it its life in exchange for information, we tossed it in the room with the dead spider, gave it a bit of wolf meat and prepared to delve further in the ruins.
While I had been interrogating the prisoner, someone else heard a yelp. Checking the hallway we’d come from, we found a trail of blood leading from my caltrops and followed it to the wolves’ lair. We were surprised when one of them, a rather large specimen, talked to us. We could tell his offer of truce was a lie and he went down like a sack of bricks, as did his two companions.
For the sake of less scrolling, I'm changing from quotes to spoilers.
Well, we made it to Sandpoint in one piece, which is good. Once we arrived, we sought quarters in an inn called The Rusty Dragon, which offers rooms half price to those with great adventure stories. Apparently, my tale of my journey through the depths of space to come to Golarion was deemed too far-fetched and cast doubts on any tales we told, so we were stuck paying full price. Sometimes I just get no respect.
I’ve played enough video games to know that when you reach a new town, you never get to continue on your quest immediately. You have to do some stuff for the locals. Raise your reputation meter. That kind of thing. Then, once they get to know you, they’ll be more forthcoming with information you need to continue on your main mission. It’s either that or bribery.
Luckily, The Rusty Dragon has a jobs board of a sort, things for out of work adventurers to help with. I quickly found something I could help with. A local armorsmith’s crew had come down with some sort of illness and would be out for a week or more. Since some of my studies at the Arcanamirium had involved a bit of smithing, I was suited to assist. Aurora found some work guarding a warehouse or something. Basically she patrolled around out front of some building near the wharfs looking menacing.
I’m not sure what Geo, Lenn and Paulie were doing, but we did see them here and there on our day to day business. Not much interesting happened during that first week, but we did keep hearing about some kind of festival. I’ve seen this movie. Out-of-towner gets burned alive at the festival to ensure a good harvest or something. I didn’t tell them why, but I suggested that the five of us go to the festival together. Thankfully, the others agreed.
During the opening ceremonies, we found out more about the temple being dedicated. It seemed to be a multi-denominational type deal. I wonder if the ground would start quaking if I said a few Hail Marys in there. I recognized many of the holy symbols on the banners there. Calais’ goddess was represented, as was Aurora’s god. I also recognized the symbol of the goddess Shelyn, the goddess of that young woman. You know, that one time where my hair fell out.
Like any good festival, there were games of skill and chance, many of them likely rigged. There were also multiple offerings of unhealthy fair food, devoid of any nutritional value. I was one bearded lady eating a deep fried Snickers bar away from feeling like I was back home.
We decided to try our luck at some of the games. For the first, someone had set up a mockup of the creature known as the Sandpoint Devil with an archery target on it. Several of my companions won the big prize, some kind of pie. I managed to lose my grip on the string, loose the arrow wide of the target and hit myself in the arm with the snap of the string. Thankfully, I was wearing my coat, so the only thing that got hurt was my pride. Lenn won a lesser prize, which he traded to Geo for a pie. I amused myself by mentioning that the stone was in fact a type of geode.
Next we found a strength game, the kind where you hit the little board and the weight goes flying up. Hit the bell and win a grand prize. Aurora hit it pretty hard, but not hard enough for the grand prize. She got a tiny toy bunny, instead. I was careful not to let her see me smile at that. She’s pretty tough, but she has a thing for small animals.
I went next. I managed to hit the target, but the damn weight barely moved. Of course, everyone was laughing at me. Even Aurora teased me a bit. One thing you should know about me is that I really don’t like being laughed at unless I intended it to happen. I couldn’t let that stand. As I watched Lenn stroll up for his turn, a thought struck like a bolt from the blue. After glancing at the rules once more, my lips parted in a wicked grin. I’d show them. I’d show them all! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
As I pulled out my spellbook, I heard Lenn take his swing. The weight hit so hard that it dented the bell. I focused on studying what I would need, then returned. “Please go over the rules with me again, good sir,†I said to the man running it.
“It’s simple. Hit the target with the mallet. Ring the bell and win a prize. No other weapons may be substituted.â€
It was perfect. I smiled and handed the man a silver. “Just in case I need a couple tries.†He nodded. Taking the mallet in one hand, I cast a spell and immediately grew to twice my size. The mallet grew with me. The man looked like he was going to say something, but I cut him off. “There’s nothing in the rules that says I can’t enlarge myself first.†He thought for a moment, unable to figure out any way out of it, and just nodded.
I gave it my mightiest swing… and whiffed it. Enraged, I swung again, missing once more. I was letting my anger get the best of me. I had to use it, not let it use me. I focused my anger into a white hot ball in the pit of my stomach and carefully aimed my shot. The weight rocketed up, bending the dented bell even further. Funny thing is, I don’t even remember what my prize had been. I just remember strutting away past an exasperated crowd of onlookers. Aurora just shook her head and chuckled at me as I winked at her.
We moved on to a bean bag toss game run by a man who had a hatred of goblins that I could really get behind. The bean bags were fashioned into the shape of little goblins and the holes you had to toss them into were painted to look like a fireplace. Children aimed for the closest hole, women for the one in the middle and men for the one furthest away. Aurora gave it a shot, but didn’t manage to sink all three goblins despite not needing to hit the farthest hole. Lenn didn’t fare too well either.
I think my stunt over at the strength game infected my companions with a streak of competitiveness, because I saw Geo take a swig of one of his alchemical concoctions before taking his shots. Then it was Paulie’s turn. He started out as normal, but missed a throw by a bit. He then walked away.
When he returned, he was walking on his knees, having gone so far as to put them in his shoes. His legs were tucked behind him. I immediately realized what he was doing. He was going to try to pass as a kid to get to aim at the closest target. I knew that even if he managed to fool the man running the game, there was no way he would fool the crowd around us. I had to do something to distract them or we were going to get run out of town on a rail. I pulled my violin from my magical bag and began playing “Devil Went Down to Isgerâ€.
The crowd loved the sudden impromptu performance. All eyes were on me, which meant I couldn’t watch what Paulie was doing. Once I finished, however, I spotted him with a small bag of venison jerky, the prize for the game, so I assume that he actually pulled it off. I claimed a piece of jerky as my due for keeping the crowd from spotting what he was doing.
The jerky was a bit salty, so I headed over to get something to drink. Several of the others followed me, but Lenn went off to play another game after Geo cautioned him not to start any fights. The mead wasn’t very good, but the glass was large.
After our refreshment, we went looking for Lenn. Finding him wasn’t hard since he towered over everyone in the crowd. He was at some kind of catapult game similar to those where you toss a baseball at some bottles. The look on his face told us that he hadn’t won. Aurora and Paulie won. Can’t remember if Geo did or not, because I was lost in thought.
I felt bad for the big guy. He looked like he really wanted to win. So, Paulie and I went and convinced the proprietor to help us rig a game in exchange for a full gold piece. While we were talking to him, I saw Aurora give her prize, a toy catapult, to a child nearby. D’awww. Yes, I saw that, you big softie. Now stop reading my journal, Aurora. It took a bit of surreptitious magic, but Lenn won. He seemed happy enough.
After a bit, the mayor once again took the stage. Innkeepers and restauranteurs brought forth offerings of various foods free of charge for all festival goers to enjoy. I rather liked the curried salmon provided by Ameiko Kaijutsu of The Rusty Dragon, though I could tell quite a few people were sweating with the spiciness of the dish. Silly gringos…says the man who gets a second degree sunburn if he walks out in the afternoon sun unprotected for more than an hour.
Of course, no festival is complete without a random attack by goblins, complete with random dog killing, song singing and other mayhem. I didn’t see the first one to rush through the crowd, but I heard the singing. I had once foolishly believed that if I could speak their language, I’d be able to talk my way out of fights with them. So I learned it. Dumbass.
Spotting the most likely location the little ******* had run off to, I gave Aurora my ‘I’m about to do something reckless’ look and shouted after the goblin in his own tongue. “Your mother was a horse and your father was a dog!†I cried.
The damn thing peeked out from under a cart and looked around. “Who said that?†it asked. I pointed at Lenn, hoping it was stupid enough to allow itself to get within arms reach of the big guy. I also hoped it wouldn’t realize that I pointed because I knew what it was saying.
Two of the goblins charged us, while one climbed up on the carriage he had been hiding under. While the others focused on those nearest us, I cast a spell and unleashed an ear-piercing scream of “HELLO DETROIT! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!†on the goblin on top of the cart. Apparently I failed at my casting, because the damn thing just grinned and – I swear I’m not making this up – began headbanging.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lenn stab the ever-living crap out of a goblin with his short sword. He had left his massive axe back in his room at the inn due to Geo’s worry that things could only go wrong if the big guy carried it at the fair, which was probably the right decision, though I really wish he’d had it for the goblins. I saw several arrows fly at the goblin on the carriage, but he managed to evade each and every shot, grinning all the while. I rushed forward and cast another spell, unleashing a cone of colors that clashed worse than anything you’ve ever seen outside of the nineteen seventies. Apparently the goblin couldn’t take it and crumpled, unconscious.
When I turned, the second goblin on the ground had fallen. Geo gave Lenn an alley oop and the big man grabbed the unconscious man on the cart. Paulie stabbed it and we moved on with the killing. Several more goblins were being led by some kind of war singer. They were setting a fire, almost killing one of their own. We took out several of them, including the singer, but one managed to escape.
I took a few moments to summon a horse to serve Aurora in Starbrite’s place, since we likely didn’t have time to get to where he was stabled. Not without sacrificing innocent civilians by wasting our time, at least. After she had mounted, I heard a scream. It was the type of scream you hear only from men who are dealing with things that are truly terrifying. I’ve let out a scream or two like that in my day. Usually involved finding a spider in the bathtub.
We rushed to the man’s aid. Geo got ahead of the man’s path, which took him next to the carriage we had fought the goblin on, and grabbed him, redirecting his path like a planet sling-shotting an asteroid. The man did a one-eighty around Geo and slammed right into the cart, knocking him senseless.
Chasing the man was a goblin riding what looked like a combination between a dog and that one urban legend where the tourists in Mexico bring back some kind of mutant rat thinking it’s a chihuahua. He was followed by several other goblins.
Geo, Lenn and I went around the front of the carriage, Paulie found a clear line to fire from and Aurora flanked the bastards by riding around the back of the carriage. We made short work of these goblins as well, though that thing, which I can only charitably call a dog, managed to escape.
We could hear the sounds of the city guard routing the goblin threat, so we tended to the injured man. He seemed grateful for the rescue. As an old hat at running screaming from goblins, I could sympathize. At least, I could sympathize until he started hitting on Aurora.
She looked uncomfortable as the man, who introduced himself as Aldern Foxglove, made eyes at her and began commenting on her beauty. Now, she’s my knight and protector, not my girlfriend – not that I would mind altering that situation – but I got pissed off at his presumption.
For all Aurora’s knightly training, she never had any real female role models. Her mother had died when she was really young. She was raised by a mostly neglectful father and several instructors. Don’t get me wrong, she’s comfortable enough dealing with men when it’s in a non-romantic manner. She’s always been just one of the guys in most situations, violently disabusing most people of notions otherwise swiftly and without mercy. So she struggles when in situations where someone expresses attraction to her and she can’t just punch them into leaving her alone.
I’m more or less an exception to this rule, since if I make a comment of that kind of nature, I tend to take it so over the top that she always laughs. I tried stopping once, but that didn’t last two days before she told me that she preferred the joking. I’m pretty used to not being taken seriously.
So it was that I felt the need to intervene. I could tell from the man’s dress that he was a noble of some kind, so I figured that he wouldn’t likely take anyone seriously if they weren’t also a noble. I removed my gauntlet of face punching to reveal my signet ring, then I placed my hand on his shoulder and leaned in to give him advice. “Friend,†I whispered, “for your own safety, I suggest you look elsewhere for the company of a beautiful woman. This one is more likely to dismember you for your comments than reward you with the old blush and giggle.â€
He placed his hand on my shoulder to return the gesture and thanked me for the advice. He then apologized to Aurora and thanked all of us again for our aid. He told us to visit him at The Rusty Dragon later and he would reward us properly.
Ameiko Kaijutsu, proprietor of the inn, stopped by to thank us for our aid in defending the city. She offered us a couple weeks’ free lodging to thank us. The lecherous Foxglove thankfully followed after her when she left. I can’t blame him, because DAYUM. Still, not as pretty as Aurora, and I’m not just saying that because she’s probably reading my journal again right now. You keep that up and one of these days you’re going to open it to an ode to your sexy, sexy butt. I’ll probably write it in iambic pentameter, though I’m not sure how easy it will be to adapt “Baby Got Back†into iambic. I’ll still give it the old college try.
Anyway, I’ve gotten off topic. With our assistance of the town during the goblin attack, we might have earned enough of the town’s trust to begin getting answers about some of the nearby ruins and any giant activity in the area. With any luck, I’ll be home within a couple months.
Considering the fact that my luck is usually bad, what’s more likely to happen is that this goblin attack was merely the beginning. I’m sure we’ll end up facing some kind of cosmic horror before I find my way home.
Due to my roommate's brother going on a mission trip to Nicaragua this week, we didn't have a game since my roommate spent the weekend visiting before he left. So I can't update like I wanted to. Game has been postponed to this weekend. So, I've been stuck with nothing to do. Because of that, I decided to re-write Aurora's backstory. The original didn't have any flow. It was more like a dossier of facts. Now, it's Kyle's log of what he knows about Aurora, with a bunch of the basic elements fleshed out better.
Let me preface this by saying that should you find this, Aurora, I really would rather you not read it. I went to a lot of trouble to hide it, and I hope you’ll respect that.
Now, let me explain where I got the information contained within this journal. Some of it comes from Aurora herself, other parts I got by contacting my adopted brother, Chadwick Voidstrife and asking him to look into it for me.
Contacting him for his help verifying some of the details was made infinitely easier by employing the services of a wizard who lives in Magnimar. He’s a fellow Arcanamirium graduate, so I get a bit of a discount, which is nice. He’s figured out a way to get letters to Absalom almost instantly and he has a counterpart on the other end who can send return correspondence. I’m not sure how he does it, nor am I going to worry about it at the moment. All I know is that means I don’t have to reinvent the telegraph and go to the expense of laying wires from here to there. Still, it costs a fair penny for the convenience. Still cheaper than the bird feather tokens we’d been using to communicate. Not that I had any more left after using the last one on my first correspondence with him about Aurora.
The subject of this journal is Aurora Calwen, daughter of Duke Calwen, a noble of Taldor. I’m not entirely certain that he’s a duke. I only half understand noble titles back home, much less whatever crazy mish-mash they have going on here in a dozen different countries. For all I know, his actual title is Grand Adjunct Hufflepuff to Taldor’s Ravenclaw of Gryffindor. It really doesn’t matter what the exact title is, just that he has one.
Let’s start with the physical characteristics. She’s about five and a half feet tall and I would guess she weighs about one hundred forty five pounds or so, with a lot of muscle. I could be wrong, though, since I have very little experience at guessing weight since that’s a good way to get slapped, where I come from. She has pale skin, taking after her Chelish mother, and auburn hair that goes down her shoulder blades, which she usually wears in a ponytail, though she did let me braid it once. Don’t look at me like that. Remember, spent some time as a woman. She also has a scar across her left eye, which only adds to both her beauty and her badassness.
Aside from me and our ragtag bunch of misfits, she travels with a horse named Starbrite. She’s had him since he was a colt and they’ve been nigh inseparable since she was about five. In fact, I suspect that he’s the only way she managed to deal with her mother’s death.
Based on the symptoms as Aurora told me, it sounds like a form of cancer. I can’t be one hundred percent on that, but I’ve watched enough medical programming on Discovery for it to be a reasonable guess. Whether I’m correct or not, however, she took months to die.
And because the universe just loves twisting the knife, her mother died on Aurora’s fifth birthday. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I can’t imagine what that would have been like for a five year old.
Her father didn’t help much. I mean, I feel for the man, but he basically just abandoned her. Aurora was effectively raised by the house staff. And, of course, her father fired most of the staff after her mother died, so really it was just her, her father, a butler – at least, that’s what he sounds like when Aurora told me of his duties – and a couple of the house guards. Every woman on the staff was fired. I guess the man didn’t want to risk sullying the memory of his departed wife by finding comfort in the arms of another woman, so he felt it was best just to get rid of them all.
From that point on, Aurora barely saw her father. He drew into a depression and took to drinking and gambling. It was left to the butler and the two remaining guards to raise her. A five year old with no mother and a father who couldn’t be bothered to deal with her. Boils my blood just to think about it.
The butler did his best to see to her lessons, and the guardsmen taught her everything they could about fencing and fighting, since they didn’t know what else to do. None of them had raised a little girl before, and they were afraid of losing their professional distance. So none of them could offer her what she desperately needed, affection and comfort.
For that, all she had was Starbrite and an old hound that had belonged to the family since long before she had been born. The hound died later that year, because of course he did.
By the age of ten, Aurora’s skills had surpassed those of her guardsmen mentors and the butler called on Aurora’s uncle Justinian, a knight or at least the equivalent in Taldor’s armies, to train her further. That’s when she began learning the cavalry blade.
To give you an idea of what a cavalry blade is, it’s a two bladed sword a little taller than I am meant for fighting enemies on both sides from horseback. It looks like Darth Maul's lightsaber, but made of metal by someone compensating for something. Aurora, who is more than half a foot shorter than me, learned to use it on foot. It probably would have been a lot easier to dual wield ******* swords, but she learned it anyway.
Perhaps more importantly, being her uncle allowed Justinian the freedom to not hold the child at arms length. For the first time in years, Aurora knew someone who actually seemed to care about her. The trained together, they laughed, they fought. He taught her everything he knew, from skill at arms to military tactics to speech craft. They enjoyed life. It was a happy time for Aurora. She learned a lot from the man. So naturally, the universe decided to take him away too.
It was nothing more than a border skirmish, or so the records say, but Justinian was called off to fight for his nation. One night, while checking on the guards at the camp’s southern end, he took an arrow to the throat. Just like that, Aurora was alone once again.
She continued her training for two more years, mastering everything Justinian had taught her. She aspired to become a member of the Ulfen Guard, personal protectors of Taldor’s emperor. Sure, it was mostly comprised of ethnic Ulfen, but sometimes members of other races can join up, earning the title of leidang, which sounds similar to a word we have back home which I believe describes some kind of coastal defense fleet or something.
Meanwhile, her father had been pissing away the family fortune, one drink or roll of the dice at a time. Eventually, his debt became so great that he had to make a choice. Either sell the family estate to pay the debt, or find some other way to make money. In a move that sounds like it comes from a manga, he sold Aurora.
Now, it wasn’t exactly slavery. Not in the traditional sense, anyway. It was more like a forced marriage. Still pisses me off to think about it. There was another noble in Taldor whose wife and children had died of some kind of plague years ago. This man, in his early fifties, was left without an heir of any kind. He was an only child, or at least the only surviving child, so without an heir, his fortune would revert to the crown upon his death.
He was an acquaintance of Aurora’s father, and had come by their home on business once or twice. Hearing of the man’s debt, this noble offered to pay off everything that was owed, in exchange for the hand of the fifteen year old girl. Yeah. If you’re from my world, reading that statement pissed you off as much as pissed me off when I wrote it down.
Based on some correspondence between the two that Chadwick’s agent managed to uncover, the man intended to use Aurora as a baby factory, forcing her to pop out as many kids as possible before he died, in hopes that one of them would survive. The father, in debt to some very dangerous people, accepted the offer. *******.
Aurora, upon discovering what her father was planning, did the only reasonable thing she could. She fled.
Stealing a map from her father’s library, she took a path cutting north from the family estate near Oppara towards Maheto. She had no idea what to do when she got there. In fact, she hadn’t even been outside of the estate more than a handful of times. She figured that at the very least she could figure out what to do once she and Starbrite had put some distance between them and her father.
A few miles from Maheto, some men caught up with her. They were soldiers in Taldor’s army that Aurora’s father had ordered to bring her home. Outnumbering her eight to one, they ordered her to surrender and return quietly to her father. She had other ideas.
She drew her cavalry blade from its sheath and bore down upon the men who had come to capture her. Her first charge felled two of the men before they could even react. The second charge met with a more measured response and she only slew one other man, while at the same time being knocked from her saddle. Alone and on foot against five mounted men, she carefully measured her response and began cutting the horses out from underneath them as they rode against her until she was now only outnumbered four to one – one man was knocked unconscious by his fall - with neither side having the advantage of mounts. The men tried to swarm her, but quickly learned the folly of their actions as she brought down each of them with precise blows to the weakest spots of their armor.
Yes, I know it sounds kind of farfetched for a girl of fifteen to bring down so many experienced soldiers, but you’ve never seen her fight. I’ve personally seen her take down a dozen goblins on multiple occasions. Trust me. It’s not only plausible, it’s very likely.
Unbeknownst to Aurora, her fight with the soldiers had been witnessed by a dwarf by the name of Marcus Blackmoon, younger brother and second-in-command to Coren Blackmoon, Captain of Blackmoon’s Blades, a mercenary company that operated out of Maheto. With all the border skirmishes between Taldor and Qadira, good mercenaries can make a lot of money out that way.
After checking Starbrite for wounds and cleaning the blood from her weapon and armor, Aurora rode into town. She sought shelter at a local inn, the Stone Hammer, a dwarven establishment. She paid using gold she had taken from the soldiers. She found robbing them distasteful, but deemed it necessary since she didn’t have any money anyway. In my opinion, it also would have served well to make it look like the men had been set upon by bandits instead of being killed by the quarry they were seeking, but that’s not the kind of thing Aurora thinks of.
Coren Blackmoon approached her that evening while she dined on a piece of whatever the innkeeper had roasting on the spit. He was a kind but stern man and projected a brotherly quality to all he spoke to. Aurora, desperate for a friendly ear, found herself telling him everything about her situation.
The dwarf listened quietly until at last she had finished, at which point he immediately offered her a position with the Blades, telling her that it would be as simple as a name change and a bit of a cosmetic upgrade to her armor to keep her hidden from her father. Not having a plan for what to do next, Aurora accepted his offer.
While she lacked all but the barest social graces, Aurora was a capable leader and a skilled soldier once you got her on the battlefield. She rose quickly through their ranks until a few years later she found herself as Coren’s trusted lieutenant and commander of the Blades’ cavalry, behind only Coren and Marcus in rank within the Blades.
A few of the members of the Blades could see what any man who isn’t blind can see and began hitting on Aurora. Having no idea how to behave in such a situation, Aurora tried drawing into herself and became aloof, projecting the image of a commander who was above it all like a shield around herself. She rebuked those who persisted firmly. By firmly, I mean “with extreme prejudiceâ€. In time, everyone knew to leave her alone.
As is wont to happen from time to time when you have two nations who are constantly fighting border skirmishes, war broke out between Taldor and Qadira. Now, I have a bit of knowledge of the general causes of the war, but stating them here would be like listing the cause of the American Civil War as Slavery. Well, sure, that’s a part of it, but it’s by no means the full story. So we’ll just gloss over the why for now.
This war went from “minor skirmish†to “holy **** balls the entire Qadiran army is here†in a matter of days. They marched on Zimar, one of Taldor’s most important defensive positions, and surrounded it. Taldor mobilized their forces, but were outmatched by their foes, who outnumbered them three to one thanks to reinforcements from Kelesh. Grand Prince Stavian III called for a conscription and ordered the hiring of every mercenary company within Taldor to repel the invaders.
The Qadiran commanders had foreseen this and had placed spies within every mercenary company. They allowed the rejuvenated army to crush some of their smaller forces to allow them to build up their confidence. It was only once the army was fully engaged that the spies struck.
They struck without warning, killing the leaders of each and every mercenary company. Some of the companies turned on eachother, others just milled about without direction. Within moments, what seemed like a winning battle turned into a clusterhump.
Thanks to a stroke of luck, one mercenary company was not thrown into complete disarray like the others. Starbrite suddenly stopped mid-charge, and an arrow whizzed in front of Aurora’s face. Coren and Marcus Blackmoon were not so lucky, leaving Aurora suddenly in charge. She rode down the spy, cleaving him in two with a might charge, then began organizing the Blades for a counter offensive.
As she looked around her, she saw that the other companies had not been so lucky. She began sending runners with orders to the sergeants within the other companies.
Something to know about people is that when they find themselves in a frantic and chaotic situation after having followed any kind of command structure, they’re desperate for someone to be in charge. For someone to tell them what to do. Aurora provided that. They obeyed her runners without question.
To say the Qadirans had failed to plan for this would be an understatement. They had expected an enemy mired in chaos, broken, fleeing. Aurora gave them an organized, united front, charging at their forces like a spear pointed right at their guts.
Now, the shoe was on the other foot. The brutality of the mercenary charge, fueled by the loss of many beloved leaders, tore through the Qadirans like Taz through whatever trees happen to get in his way. Suddenly, they realized that their only hope for survival was to break into Zimar and fortify until more reinforcements could arrive.
Mercenary forces crushed them at the eastern gate while the regular army forces tore them apart along the north and south. Only their forces to the west were relatively uncontested by anything but the city’s defenses. As desperate men often do, they summoned up strength they didn’t know they had and managed to break their way in through the Western gate.
The remnants of Blackmoon’s Blades and several other mercenary companies were waiting to greet them.
The battle was short but extremely fierce. The Qadirans were wiped out, but so were the mercenaries. The only survivor was an extremely exhausted and injured Aurora Calwen, now blind in her left eye as a slash to her face had bit through her winged helmet’s visor and pierced it. Once again, luck had been on her side and the blade’s poison only struck her topically, managing to stay out of her bloodstream.
A cleric of Abadar tended to her wounds, even managing to regenerate her eye, though the foul poison left her with a scar cutting above and below it. She also suffered through fevered dreams as she fought of a minor infection. She tells me that she remembers talking to her uncle in the dream. Tears even welled in her eyes as she told me how he had been so very proud of her.
Once she was well, she was taken to Oppara by an honor guard, where she was honored for her bravery by Grand Prince Stavian III himself in a ceremony in the Imperial Square before a crowd of thousands. By her exceptional display of bravery, she was all but assured that she would reach her goal of joining the Ulfen Guard.
Of course, this wouldn’t be Aurora’s story if the universe wasn’t building her up just so it could take it all away.
As she left the ceremony, she was confronted by the noble her father had sold her to. He had recognized her at the ceremony and had gathered up a number of guardsmen to arrest her for fleeing her duly registered and lawfully appointed marriage. He intended to force the marriage upon her and wasn’t taking any chances. He had brought a dozen guards.
Aurora, furious that her past was coming back to haunt her, drew her ceremonial saber and struck down the man. Even in only parade armor, she slew half the guardsmen before the others had the good sense to flee. Fearing that she would be arrested for killing a nobleman, she quickly returned to where Starbrite was stabled and fled the city, heading west, only stopping when Starbrite needed rest.
Once outside Taldor, Aurora took time to try to decide what to do next. She eventually fell in with another mercenary company. Things were going well until bounty hunters, seeking the reward offered for her capture by friends of the nobleman she had slain, tracked her down. Several of her new friends fought at her side and were slain for their efforts. Not wanting to put anyone else at risk, Aurora left the company that night and fled once more.
She traveled as far as Molthune before stopping again. She found work doing private security for a merchant company in the port city of Eranmas on the shores of Lake Encarthan. She had a reasonable life there for a few months, but again bounty hunters found her, men working at the behest of her father’s creditors, who saw the reward on her as a good way to recoup some of what the man owed them.
This time, she managed to slay them without losing the lives of any friends. But now that those who hunted her knew where she was, she could no longer stay. Her employers had a shipment heading north into Lastwall, so she signed up to go along.
From Lastwall, she went west through the Fangwood, choosing the dangers of the woods over the dangers of traveling through the Hold of Belkzen. I’ve heard tales of what can happen to women who stray too close to Belkzen, and I think her decision was the correct one. Once through the wood, she passed through the Bloodsworn Vale, eventually stopping in Korvosa.
It was in Korvosa that despair finally set in. During the day, she worked security for another company in the port city. At night, she spent most of her day’s wages drinking alone in the one room flat she had rented.
She eventually had to leave Korvosa due to a misunderstanding. A sailor misunderstood her gender as an excuse to get a bit grabby. She misunderstood his actions as an invitation to thrash him. Not having had a female role model to talk to for advice, she’s not very good with dealing with men interested in her in any way that doesn’t involve violence. So it wasn’t the first time since she had entered the city that she had needed to forcefully rebuke someone to, and I quote, “protect her virtueâ€, but it was the first time she had been a bit drunk while doing so. Instead of leaving him with a bit of a bump and a splitting headache, she split his head open. As I understand it, he took hours to die.
At the urging of her employer, who didn’t want news of her affiliation with the company to tarnish its image, she once again fled the life she had made for herself. She headed towards Kaer Maga, where she figured she could disappear for a while. She never made it that far.
She awoke one morning, slew a few bounty hunters that had caught up with her, then met a devilishly handsome wizard, who she offered to serve as his knight-protector. I won’t go into too many details about that here since I’ve written about it in another journal, but it’s good stuff.
Needing more information about those that hunted her so that we could better defend ourselves, I used the last of my bird feather tokens to send my adopted brother Chadwick a message asking him to look into it. It took about seven weeks before I received a reply. I was expecting it to take longer to get that kind of information, but it seems he has become ruthlessly efficient at information gathering.
Also, ruthlessly ruthless at neutralizing threats. As I write this, the people offering a reward for the capture of Aurora are dead. Chadwick had unilaterally decided that to end any threat to me, he was going to take out the people offering the bounty on Aurora. He figured that with no possibility of gain, there would be no need for people to continue after her. His mother was at once livid and extremely proud at his actions. Ultimately she went with pride at his desire to protect another member of the family and his initiative in doing so, even if she still felt his measures were a bit extreme. Thankfully, he didn’t get caught, or it might have been a major international incident.
I told Aurora about what Chadwick had done, and she seemed both upset that more blood had been shed to cover her mistake and relieved that she wouldn’t have to look over her shoulder for much longer once the hunters were aware there was nothing to be gained from bringing her in. It was several days later when I told her the rest of what Chadwick’s message contained.
I had been agonizing over whether to tell her, but finally decided that she had a right to know. So I told her the truth. Apparently, after she had slain the man and ran, her father’s creditors had realized that he now had no way to pay them, so they killed him. I understand that it was a pretty horrible death, but I didn’t tell her that part. What I said was bad enough. In a single moment, I had completed that which had begun the day her mother had died. Aurora was now an orphan.
She took it pretty hard. She climbed back into a bottle and began drinking her way to an early grave. It tore me up inside to see her like that, but I couldn’t think of any way to help her. Eventually, we got into a fight.
I won’t try to paint myself as morally superior here. I was upset and some of the things I said were fairly petty. To be fair, though, she didn’t need to hit me. That girl’s fists pack a wallop. Especially when she’s been drinking.
I think the only reason I survived was because I was carrying a healing potion in my bag. She apparently managed to get the healing liquid down my throat while I was unconscious and in the process of dying. Still, it took three days for me to wake up. She apparently didn’t sleep those three days, constantly tending to me, leaving only to gather more firewood to keep me warm.
I awoke and heard her praying. She was begging Abadar for me to be okay. I could see tears in her eyes. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen her cry. I can’t blame her. She had almost killed the only friend she had left. That has to be jarring. I groaned in pain when my head started spinning as I tried to sit up. She heard me and rushed over to help me. “Thank Abadar you’re alright!†she exclaimed. I’m only noting it because I like remembering how happy she sounded.
I let out a weak laugh. “You hit like a girl,†I said softly. Obviously, she wasn’t expecting me to say that. She looked extremely startled and then began to laugh. It was a rich sound and I couldn’t help but smile. I knew at that moment that everything was alright between us.
When she got up to get me something to eat, I slapped her ***. Because I had been wanting to do that for a while and I figured that was my best shot at doing so without getting a beating. Sure enough, she turned on me and how pathetic I looked stopped her from giving me the beating I deserved. She just shook her head and laughed. Hey, I’ll take anything I can get.
Now I write this down from our shared room at the inn here in Sandpoint. She’s asleep in her own bed on the other side of the room, so I should probably put out this light so I don’t wake her. I’ve just been wanting to get all I’ve learned written down in case I need it later. You never know when I might take another blow to the skull and forget everything. She has this habit of bending down to pick things up while not paying heed to whether I’m in arm’s reach or not. I haven’t done anything foolish yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
Then again, she’s probably baiting me to do precisely that. I mean, all she’d have to do is tell me not to and I wouldn’t. Hell, I even offered to stop flirting with her once I witnessed how uncomfortable it made her when some other man at the inn was hitting on her, but she said that how I flirt is funny, so I figure I’ll just keep on. Apparently I’m non-threatening enough that it doesn’t bother her. Or maybe it’s just my amazing charm and wit. I dunno.
She’s been staying sober enough to not risk killing me if I give her an excuse to go all Tsun-tsun. I bet she figures she owes me one. Knowing this, you’d think I’d be an idiot to take the bait. But that’s only because you don’t realize one thing. It’d be worth it.
Hanging out with Aldern, Ameiko’s family troubles and missing out on a horny girl In the week since the goblin attack, we’ve become local celebrities. That has certainly helped us in acquiring information about the local area since people seem more willing to talk to us now. I guess that once a man has put his *** on the line to help with the local goblin problem, you’re less worried about the fact that he’s an outsider. Works for me. I enjoy killing goblins.
Aurora had decided that, after the goblin attack, she needed to keep near me even while in town. She didn’t feel it was safe for me, since the goblins could return at any moment and I have a history of problems with goblins. Pugwampis too, but she didn’t think they’d show up in the middle of town. So it was that I went about my business with an armed bodyguard everywhere I went. Wasn’t good for making money, since she could have found more security work, but since Ameiko Kaijutsu had offered us free lodging at the inn, it evened out.
We took some time to visit a local sage, a man by the name of Brodert Quink. He’s been researching the area, so Aurora and I figured that he might have some knowledge about any local Thassilonian ruins. He was rather helpful, giving us a map of ruins he knows about in the area. When we get a chance, we’ll have to check that out. He also had an interesting theory that the local lighthouse had been some kind of war machine that spewed fire over a mile away. Sounds like a laser tower to me. I made a mental note to look into that later as well.
It seems Geo and Lenn had a similar idea, because we ran into them while meeting with Brodert. He didn’t have much knowledge of local giants, so their search continues. After a bit of discussion, we’ve all decided to stick together a bit.
A runner from Belor Hemlock, the local sheriff, found us and told us that the sheriff wanted to speak with us. I made the obvious “I swear, she told me she was eighteen.†joke, but no one really got it.
When we reached the sheriff’s office, we greeted him. Well, actually, we greeted the dwarven man who had been introduced at the festival as Belor Hemlock. Turns out that wasn’t actually him. Seems they have a bit of fun at the expense of newcomers by introducing the wrong man at festivals.
The real Belor Hemlock is actually a human. Appears to be a Shoanti. Can’t really tell whether his skin is black or a dark shade of brown that would be more indicative of a person from India back home. Didn’t stop me from making the mental joke “A black sheriff? Hey, it worked in Blazing Saddles.†I did, however, refrain from calling him Achoo.
Well, it seems that someone had broken into the burial vault of some local saint, a man by the name of Ezakien Tobyn if it matters, during the goblin raid and Belor wanted our help investigating. Well, I’ve seen CSI a few times, so I figured I knew more than the locals. My suspicions were confirmed when I asked if they had dusted for fingerprints and taken DNA samples. Naturally, they had not. Now, I just needed a black light.
Outside the vault, we found footprints. Most of them were goblin footprints, but there was a set of larger indentations, about the right size for a human, though I guess it could have been a hobgoblin. We opened the vault and naturally, we found skeletons within.
I don’t mean piles of bones. I mean actual animated skeletons. It was a quick and more or less one sided fight. I don’t think anyone even got hurt. Watching that skeleton flail at Aurora pathetically was kind of amusing.
Inside the crypt, we found some discarded clothing. At first I thought it was just from some horny teenagers doing what teenagers do best, but further inspection revealed that it was a Robe of Bones. Naturally, all the patches had been torn off already. It’s likely that’s where the skeletons had come from. Probably for the best that they were all missing, since I don’t think any of us could control any undead we used the robe to summon anyway. Lenn turned the robe into a hat. A turban, to be more precise.
The bones of the saint were missing. As far as we could tell, none of the skeletons we’d just destroyed had been the reanimated saint. That was a bit disturbing. I’m not sure I want to know why goblins would want the bones. Probably to eat em, but the presence of another creature suggests it might be more than that.
On our way back, we decided to go check in with Aldern Foxglove. He had promised us some kind of reward for saving him. For the record, let me just state that I really dislike Aldern Foxglove. He’s like that kid in school that you save from a bully, leading to him following you around and telling everyone how awesome his new friend is. Then, he starts using your cred to up his own. **** that. But still, I like rewards.
In what seems to be becoming a pattern, someone else came to us for help. A woman, whose name was Amele, I think, came with her children in tow. Apparently her son had been complaining that goblin was living in his closet. (Evil, evil monkey!) Now her husband had gone in after the dog that had been dragged into a hole in the closet by something and she was terrified for his safety.
In the child’s room, we found the remains of a dog and a critically injured Alerghast, the husband. Paulie, who had seemed awfully bored the entire time, cast a quick healing spell on the man. I then decided to see if I could get the goblin to come out so we could deal with it.
Speaking goblin and doing my best goblin impersonation, I shouted, “Brother! You can come out now! We’ve taken the house! Quickly! They were hiding fireworks! We have to get them back to the chief!†The part about the fireworks was a stroke of genius on my part, fueled by research into their kind. If you’re going to hate something, it’s best to understand it. Hell, I can tell you the chemical formula for black widow venom if you’re ever curious.
A voice called back. “Really? We’ve taken the house?!â€
“Yes! Now come help us with the fireworks!â€
We heard a sound in the closet and I motioned for someone to go deal with it. Lenn walked over and pulled open the door. The goblin tried to disappear through a hole in the floor. Lenn splattered it with his axe.
The man was still injured, so I gave Geo my surgery kit and had him tend to the man’s remaining wounds. Once that was done, we called in the woman. She was relieved. Lenn tried to console the kid over the loss of his dog. His words, and I quote.
“When I was young my dog died. We ate him.â€
Aurora looked horrified. She had lost a beloved dog around that age too. Geo had Lenn take the dog outside, where we gave it a proper dog burial. Well, okay, so we were missing the cardboard box. But you know what I mean.
We headed to the inn to see Aldern Foxglove. As much as I dislike him, Aurora seems to dislike him even more. She asked to be excused to go check on Starbrite, figuring that I’d be safe enough if I stuck with Lenn and Geo. I told her that she didn’t need me to excuse her, but that I understood.
That pompous idiot was waiting for us at the inn. He had this grand idea to go boar hunting. Since I can’t really put sarcasm into my words on paper, go back to the last sentence and read it in a tone dripping with sarcasm. Anyway, I wanted that reward and had never been boar hunting, so I was fine with going along. Well, okay, I had some reservations after he said we’d be hunting boar in the Tickwood.
Since I’m pretty sure it didn’t get its name from a boisterous idiot superhero in form fitting blue spandex, my skin crawled at the thought of ticks crawling all over me. When I raised my objections, Aldern assured me that the ticks the woods were name for were the size of small dogs or even larger.
You know, that shouldn’t have made me feel better. Yet somehow, it did. I mean, I can see those coming and throw globs of acid at them. The little ones I might not even notice. I think I’ve been on this world too long, for something like that to make me feel better. Ten years ago, if you had told me that, I would have been horrified.
I went and told Aurora about the hunt. I also told her that she was free to skip it if she really didn’t want to be near that guy, but she shook her head. “I’ll be fine,†she said. “He might not, but I will be.â€
I started practicing my lie in my head for the possibility that Aurora might kill the guy. “I swear,†I said under my breath, practicing my most truthful face. “Swarm of giant ticks came out of nowhere while we were focused on taking down the boar. We turned around and he was dead. Oh, you want to know about the slashing wound? Umm…dire lycanthropic ticks. They were Indians who turn into wolves. Beware the wolfen, for he will cut you with his razor.†Oh god. We were going to jail if she killed him.
We headed out. Aldern rode a horse almost as pompous as him. As we traveled, he started asking me questions. “Tell me more about killing goblins. Any tips?â€
I drew my dagger. “It’s simple, really. The pointy end goes in the goblin.†He kept asking me other questions. I kept finding ways to say “The pointy end goes in the goblin.†while waving my dagger. Eventually he went to bug Geo. I winked at Aurora. She stifled a giggle. Booyah.
We eventually found a boar trail, which we followed to a nesting site, or maybe it was a lair. I’m not sure what you’d call it. Anyway, whatever it was, the boar wasn’t there. We readied ourselves, knowing that these things are territorial and would show up soon. Lenn peed on the nest. I’m not sure if he was doing it to draw out the boar or just had to go and wasn’t thinking of it.
When the boar came, it was as large as Paulie’s yak. It charged Lenn, who was closest, and missed with its tusk. I cast a spell to enfeeble it a bit. Aurora told Geo to clear a path. The alchemist did so, then fired at the boar with his bow. Lenn struck the boar with a solid strike from his axe. Aurora and Starbrite charged at the boar. As a battlecry, she shouted, “Come at me, Boar!†I damn near laughed myself silly. Apparently some of the things I’ve told her about home are starting to rub off on her.
Just as Aurora swung her blade, Starbrite decided to bite the foe. This shifted his stance just enough that Aurora’s attack missed. The bite drew blood, though. So that was cool. Also, kind of comical now that I think about it.
Pissed at how much Lenn had hurt it, the boar gored him. I could have sworn I saw part of his lung sticking out of his chest, but surely I was imagining things. A second strike from Lenn ended it.
We returned to the inn and asked Ameiko to cook the thing up for us. As big as it was, we were also happy to share it with the other patrons. I mean, it’s only fair since we’re not paying for lodging. After our Innkeep disappeared into the kitchen with the prize, Aldern began telling anyone who would listen tall tales about how he had slain the boar with the help of the goblin slaying heroes. Truthfully, he hadn’t even fired a shot. It was pretty pathetic. But I decided against exposing his lies. If it makes him feel better, then so be it. I just wanna get paid, yo.
After a bit, an older man looking to be of Tian descent stormed into the inn. He demanded to speak to his daughter. Lenn took a liking to the man. He walked over and began shouting back at the man, seeming to think it was a game. To anyone else, it would have looked like the big guy was trying to intimidate the man, but I’ve been around him long enough to suspect that he really was just behaving like an over-excited rottweiler.
The man took offense at Lenn’s approach and began disparaging us as a whole. I don’t recall exactly what he said, but it was to the effect of us being vagrants and shiftless. Aurora took offense. After all, she was the daughter of a noble house, even if that house had been more or less demolished thanks to her father’s debts. And I was the scion of another noble house. What I’m saying is that we had some measure of respectability beyond just killing goblins.
While it didn’t really bother me, Aurora was another matter. She shouted against him something to the effect of “How dare you speak of us in that manner. Take back your words or I will force you to take them back.†The man just sneered and tempted fate by repeating what he had said. Well, crap.
I commanded Aurora to stay her blade, as I was pretty sure Ameiko wouldn’t want someone killing her father. Well, I wasn’t absolutely certain that he was her father, but it’s not exactly like the place was swarming with Tian. I rushed into the kitchen and warned Ameiko of the impending violence.
Ameiko came out and confirmed my suspicions, then she and the old man began arguing in a language I recognized as Minkaian, having encountered it once or twice before in Absalom. I made a mental note to have Chadwick send me a Taldan/Minkaian dictionary next time I contacted him. In the meantime, I went ahead and quietly cast a spell to allow me to understand what they were saying. Seems he was leaving town and demanding that she go with him. She refused.
The old man then shouted in Taldan. “You’re dead to me, just like your mother!†Ameiko struck him with the ladle she was still carrying, sloshing broth all over his head.
Lenn licked the old man and said, “You taste delicious.†The old man fled.
After a moment of stunned silence, Ameiko said “Well, I guess I have to go wash this ladle. Jackass isn’t on the menu tonight.†The patrons chuckled at her joke and she went back to the kitchen. My eyes darted to Aurora, who seemed to now have a great respect for this woman. I can’t blame her. Ameiko’s life sounds to have been almost as harsh as Aurora’s, though Aurora never got to stand up to her father. Even more amazing considering the young Tian-min woman appeared to only be around eighteen or nineteen.
I considered buying that ladle from Ameiko as a gift for Aurora, but decided that would probably be in bad taste. The rest of the night was fairly boring, and I think everyone was glad when Aldern went back to trying to capture everyone’s attention with his tall tales. Aurora and I sat in a corner playing cards, hoping he’d leave us alone. While playing, I overheard some other patrons discussing rumors that Ameiko’s father may have killed her mother. I filed it away for future reference.
That night, I had a strange dream. Well, it was a memory of a movie I watched long ago. V for Vendetta, in case you’re wondering. Detective Finch was talking to his friend(partner?) Dominic.
“The problem is, he knows us better than we know ourselves. That's why I went to Larkhill, last night,†Finch said.
“I had to see it. There wasn't much left. But when I was there it was strange. I suddenly had this feeling that everything was connected. It's like I could see the whole thing, one long chain of events that stretched all the way back before Larkhill. I felt like I could see everything that happened, and everything that is going to happen. It was like a perfect pattern, laid out in front of me. And I realised we're all part of it, and all trapped by it.â€
“So do you know what's gonna happen?â€
“No, it was a feeling. But I can guess. With so much chaos, someone will do something stupid. And when they do, things will turn nasty. And then Sutler will be forced to do the only thing he knows how to do. At which point, all V needs to do is keep his word. And then...â€
I saw all the images that go along with that scene, but mostly it was the dominoes that I recall. I awoke and sat up in bed. I wondered. Were events moving inexorably towards some end? Was that end planned by a single entity? Something was beginning to smell rotten. Things weren’t adding up. Or maybe they were, in a strange and scary way.
Too many coincidences. This “Late Unpleasantness†that no one would talk to us about. The goblin attack, which was apparently a cover for stealing the bones of a saint. Ameiko’s fight with her father. None of it added up for me. I was missing details. I suddenly found myself recalling Yeats.
Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity.
No. Things couldn’t be that bad around here. “Remember, remember, the fifth of November,†I said softly, with a bit of a sense of irony. Across the room, I heard Aurora stir. By the dim light coming in through the window, I could see her sit up in her bed. “Don’t worry about it,†I said. “Just thinking aloud. Go back to sleep.â€
I laid back down as well and thought for a bit longer. Perhaps I was just being paranoid. I was seeing phantoms where there were none. Yeah, that had to be it. I closed my eyes and slept once more.
The next morning, we were called in to speak with a woman by the name of Shalelu Andosana, a good looking blond elf with the eyes of a hunter. Apparently she was renowned around here as a goblin slayer. Belor wanted her to get us up to speed on the local goblin situation.
First of all, the goblins were acting more organized than usual. So far, that had only resulted in the attack on Sandpoint and the destruction of a farm or maybe two. But it did not bode well for the future. Usually, the five goblin tribes keep each other in check through territorial violence. The fact that they were working together, even on a rudimentary level, suggested that someone was likely organizing them. I could see dominoes begin stacking in my head.
Second, the most likely suspect in the organizing of the goblins was one of the well known goblin heroes. They had names like Big Gugmut, Vorka, Ripnugget and Rendwattle Gutwad. Gods I hope that it’s simply one of them pulling the strings. It would be simple enough to kill enough goblins to demoralize those that remain into submission. I asked Shalelu what would happen if we managed to kill some of the heroes. She said that it would likely demoralize the tribes. Well, that was going to be plan A. I couldn’t do my research if the town was under goblin danger, so let’s deal with this in the fastest manner possible.
Third, apparently the goblins knew of us. We’d made an impression. Crap.
Sheriff Belor said that he was going to take some of his men and head to Magnimar with the hope that they would be able to get further assistance. Hell, that would be even better. With enough troops, we could wipe out the threat to the area once and for all. I mean, I’m normally not all about genocide, but these are goblins we’re talking about. We’ll call that Plan Zero. The ultimate plan, but it hinges on us getting further resources.
I suggested that whatever we do, we should start preparing for the possibility of another goblin attack. I asked if they had any resources we could use to start quietly crafting armor for the townsfolk and perhaps some alchemical weapons, like liquid ice. There wasn’t much, but I was able to secure enough to make some leather gear for at least a few people. With no further questions, we set off to begin secretly preparing the town.
Later that morning, as I was working, a young woman approached me. She was somewhere between “July twelfth on a three hundred sixty five day bikini calendar†and “pin up girl on the side of a World War Two plane†on the attractiveness scale. And she looked distressed. She even had that lower lip quiver thing going. Naturally I was going to help her.
She introduced herself as Shayliss Vinder. I recognized the last name as being the same as that of the owner of the general store, Ven Vinder. She told me that the cellar of the general store had a bit of a rat problem. Giant rats. I immediately began thinking of Princess Bride. She also told me that her father didn’t believe her. Well that just wouldn’t stand. I told her that I would gather my friends and we would handle the rat problem immediately. She then told me that it needed to be taken care of before her father got back, as he wouldn’t allow anyone in the cellar to deal with it.
That was no problem. Aurora was nearby and we could get her and be on our way in half a minute. Shayliss insisted that we go alone, giving me some kind of pouty look. That’s when gears in my head started turning. There was no rat problem. Either she wanted me alone for certain things that happen between men and women when they’re alone, or she wanted me alone so she could kill me for some nefarious purpose. Could she be behind the goblin attacks? Was it her footprints at the vault?
I began weighing odds. I mean, what were the odds that she was the mastermind behind everything, quietly setting up all the dominoes? Then again, I had just had that dream. What if it had been a prophetic warning? Could I really take that chance?
And if I did, and things turned out benign, what would Aurora think if she found out? I mean, I have feelings for her, but I have no idea how she feels about me. For all I know, I’ve already been friend zoned. Could I really turn down a sure thing in hopes of something better down the line when there was already so much uncertainty?
In the end, I could. The combined worry about my potential murder and upsetting Aurora was enough that I couldn’t take the risk. Even if it had been almost a year since the last time I spent any time naked with a woman.
So I continued to play dumb. I insisted that we get Aurora as it would be the only way to be sure that we would come to no harm dealing with the rats. Shayliss stormed off, infuriated. Hopefully she’ll just laugh at how stupid I was later instead of holding a grudge.
I began looking into Shayliss, curious about what her reputation around town said about what her intentions had been. It seems that her older sister had quite the reputation. I believe the expression is “the town bicycleâ€. It also seems that Shayliss was working on a reputation of her own. Even more brazen than her sister, though perhaps a bit more discreet. Likely because she knew that if her father caught her, then that would be the end of her fun.
Well, crap. I had missed out. Dammit. I mean, it’s been almost a year, and she was smoking hot. And before you start thinking that I had to worry about disease, you have to remember that a reasonably decent cleric would have no trouble dealing with the issue with a bit of magic. Worst case scenario, I’d make a side trip to Magnimar and pay somewhere between one hundred and two hundred gold as a donation to a church, and boom, free and clear.
The only real worry I had left was that somehow her father would find out. Like I’ve ever let that stop me before. My exploits were legendary back in Absalom. Especially that time with the daughter of the Chelish ambassador.
All the noble families had been invited to a costume ball at the embassy. Ours was no different. It was like the masquerade balls you see in a lot of movies about old France and such. Fancy clothes and elaborate masks covering one’s eyes. Of course, I went with the full intention of seducing some lovely young woman. Chadwick and I made a game of it. See who would leave with the most beautiful woman.
I danced with several young ladies before finally settling on the one I would focus my attention on. At that point, I didn’t know who she was. I didn’t really realize it until we snuck off upstairs. I carefully barred the door and we got to doing what we had snuck away to do.
No sooner had we finished than I heard a banging at the door. The girl’s father was shouting through the door, demanding that we open it. I quickly pulled on my pants and boots, then looked out the window. We were on the fourth floor. Well, let’s not say I came unprepared. I put on my coat, shirt and mask and heard the door begin to splinter. I grabbed the girl for one more passionate kiss and flung open the window.
What happens next would have been epic, had it worked. I threw out a couple flasks of impact foam, just in case it didn’t work, then pulled out a spider sac, a type of fungus filled with an adhesive that hardens quickly when exposed to air.
Just as the door exploded open, I leapt out the window and spun in mid air, aiming the spider sac at the wall I was fleeing. I may have also been humming the Spiderman theme as I fired the spider sac at the wall of the building I had just left. Can you blame me?
The stream of glue didn’t quite reach the wall in time for me to slow my fall, so I landed on the impact foam at near full force. I heard a sickening crunch as the ulna in my left arm snapped. The pain was almost unbearable. I lay on the ground for a full few seconds just gasping in agony.
Of course, the young woman I had just deflowered had a room facing the outer patio, which was visible from the ballroom through the great doors that opened onto a veranda adjacent to the patio. So most of the guests inside saw me fall.
I got to my feet after hearing the ambassador shouting at me from the girl’s window. I bowed with a flourish to the astonished onlookers. When I looked back up, the ambassador was gone and the girl, covering herself with a sheet for modesty was looking out. I blew her a kiss, stole a nearby horse and rode out into the city. I quickly splinted my broken arm and hid the splint with a change of clothing and bit of magic, then snuck back into the party before the guards could realize who was missing. I nearly passed out several times that night from the pain, but was fine after a visit to a discreet healer I knew the next morning. Within a week, the tale had become legendary.
But what really cemented the legend was how I went back two days later while the ambassador was gone and spent the entire afternoon with the girl. Once again I had to flee the scene, but this time I was more prepared and escaped unscathed. I wouldn’t suggest trying to glide off the roof of an embassy while being chased by guards, but dammit it makes for an epic sight. Too bad I had to return that Portable Hole I’d used to carry it with me to Chadwick after that.
What I’m saying is that dammit, I had missed out on a fine piece of ***, since there wasn’t anything that should have stopped me other than my lack of surety about how Aurora feels.
Anyway, after Shayliss left and I told the others about the encounter, leaving off how disappointed I was, we were approached by the maid from the Rusty Dragon, a hafling woman by the name of Bethana Corwin. She looked upset. All I could think about was that medical textbook in with my gear. The one with all the anatomical drawings and illustrations of various diseases. To the untrained eye, it would look like smut.
“That book isn’t what it looks like. It’s a medical text, I swear.â€
She just looked at me funny. “What you read on your own time is your business. That’s not why I’m here. I haven’t seen Ameiko since last night, and I’m really worried about her. She’s not answering any knocks at her door. When I peeked in, she wasn’t there. That’s not like her. Please help me find her.â€
We went back to the inn and checked Ameiko’s room for clues. We found a note written in Minkaian. I was about to cast a spell to allow me to read it when Bethana began translating it for us. The note was from Ameiko’s half brother, Tsuto. We had heard the rumors about the family, so we knew a bit about him.
His note asked Ameiko to meet him at the Glassworks. It said he had proof that her father had killed their mother. She was supposed to meet him late last night. The fact that she hadn’t returned by now was indeed truly worrying. We had to go to the Glassworks and see if we could find out why she hadn’t returned. I suddenly began seeing dominoes getting set up again.
Rescuing Ameiko and exploring some ruins. I am the third of six children in my family, three girls and three boys. Not the adopted one here on Golarion, the one I was born into back home on Earth. Mom and dad are Irish Catholics, so they don’t believe in birth control, which is complicated by the fact that they’re smitten with each other still, even after so many years of marriage. I’d probably have quite a few more siblings, but a bit of a cancer problem ended their ability to reproduce.
I get along well enough with my sisters, though my eldest sister disapproves of many of the decisions I’ve made in my life. My younger brother and I have always fought a bit. I think I always tormented him to take out my frustrations with my older brother. If I can ever make it home, I think I’m going to make sure I apologize to him for that.
My eldest brother, Michael junior, however, is a piece of work. He once beat me so severely it put me in the hospital. And he became a local hero for it. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
We never got along. I don’t know what it is, but somehow I always seemed to rub him the wrong way. Mom tells me that I used to look up to him, but as far back as I can remember, I’ve always seen him as something to avoid, rather than someone to look up to.
He has always been stronger than me. Which isn’t saying much, but still, he’s at least as strong as Aurora, if not stronger, which is saying something. I doubt he would stand a chance arm wrestling Lenn, though.
In high school, he was on the football team. He was even captain his senior year. He was immensely popular. My older sister, Katie, was a cheerleader and big in school government. She was also immensely popular. She was also a black belt in Tae Kwan Do, which is why I kept getting into martial arts, since I wanted to be a badass like her. I was bookish, a gamer and always getting into fights, mostly because I couldn’t stand seeing someone get bullied. Probably because I’d put up with it so much at home.
This wasn’t to say I was unpopular. I’ve always been a bit of a natural charmer and made friends easily. But in the shadow of those two, I certainly felt a bit unpopular. Have you ever heard of the baseball analogy for sex? You know, how the bases all correspond to certain acts? Well, at some point, I got it into my head that each base was a guideline for each successive date. Yeah, I know. Looking back I can see how dumb I was being, but at the time it made sense.
I also assumed that those guidelines were followed by everyone. So if a girl didn’t go as far as was expected, I assumed she wasn’t really interested in me. Don’t get me wrong, I never pressured a girl to go further than she was ready. I just didn’t want to waste time on girls who I thought weren’t interested. So I broke up with them. Yeah, I know, I was an *******. I broke a lot of hearts my freshman year.
One girl I dated also happened to be the younger sister of one of my brother’s teammates. I broke up with her after our third date. The fact that we got that far tells a much older, wiser me that she really was interested in me, but a young me with a screwed up notion couldn’t see that. I hear she cried for a week after that. Seems excessive, but as a teenager, that kind of thing felt like the end of the world.
I deserved a beating, but the one I got was excessive.
I was walking home from school on the Monday after that weekend where I broke up with her. I was supposed to be driven home by Mike, but he didn’t want to give me a ride, and I didn’t want to get one from him. Mom and dad still thought I was getting rides from him, but I only did so on days where I absolutely had to. It was late April, so it was nice out anyway. I always took the same path, so it wasn’t hard for Mike to find me. Oh, as a note, he hates being called Mike, which is why I do it.
I was cutting through an old abandoned construction site when he pulled up, tires screeching. I think it was going to be a store or something, but they only got as far about knee high on some brick work when they stopped for reasons I never looked into.
He told me I was going to apologize to the girl and beg her to take me back because my actions had made him look bad to his teammate. I told him to shove it up his ***. Then he hit me. Bam, right in the face. I swung back and connected a hit to his chin. He bit his lip. The pain and sight of his own blood drove him into a rage.
The next part is a bit blurry, but I remember being knocked to the ground, tripping over that half constructed wall. Then he was on top of me. He just kept hitting me. At some point, I blacked out. When he couldn’t get me to wake up, he called 911. The paramedics took me to the hospital, which is where I woke up to hear the story he had told them.
Apparently, as far as everyone knew, I had taken off without waiting for him, and on my walk home had mouthed off to some gang bangers. When he got to his car and I wasn’t waiting for him, he came looking for me. He arrived to find them kicking me while I was on the ground. He said he jumped out of his car and starting hitting the closest banger. They fled after a short fight with him. That’s when he called 911.
The police detective asked me about it. I had several broken ribs, a fractured collarbone and a concussion, so I wasn’t exactly coherent. And I didn’t really remember what had happened. Not at the time. Since I had been in a number of fights that year and my brother had an outstanding record, his story had the ring of truth to it.
It was only a few months later that I really started remembering what had happened. I was determined to tell everyone what had happened, but I told Katie first. She didn’t seem surprised. She didn’t believe Mike’s story. She went and spoke to him about it. He favored his ribs for a week and skipped football practice for a few days. She also told me that she was disappointed in how I had behaved as well, then explained to me what I had done wrong.
I felt pretty ashamed, since her opinion of me mattered to me. I didn’t end up telling anyone else about what Mike had done, but I wrote it down and hid it, hoping someone would find it if anything happened to me. I just couldn’t see there being any good coming out of telling. If I had remembered it right away I probably would have said something, but now it could only serve to hurt mom and dad. Maybe I should have told, but I was a confused teenager and Katie had already made sure Mike had gotten his lumps for it.
I kinda withdrew socially for a couple years. I didn’t date. I rarely went out unless required to by school or family obligations. I just played video games and watched anime. I probably would have stayed that way if my younger sister Molly hadn’t found my invitation to a Halloween party at the local rec center. I had thrown it away, but missed the trash can. She told our parents about it and they insisted I go.
I met a girl at the party. It was a pretty classic meeting. We dressed up as characters from the same anime. We had even both taken artistic license with the outfits, both going for black instead of the colors the characters actually wore, though mine was because I already had a coat that would work and didn’t want to spend any of my summer job money on a red one. We hit it off and dated for most of senior year, until her brother skipped his econ class at the community college and came home early to find us well on our way towards complete and total disrobement one afternoon after school. I fled out a window while he grabbed a shotgun, her parents forbid her from seeing me and that was that.
Anyway, I’m getting off topic. I brought up my brother because it’s relevant here. You see, even as screwed up as my relationship with my brother was, it’s nothing compared to Ameiko Kaijutsu and her brother Tsuto. For instance, my brother may have put me in the hospital, but at least he never tried setting off a plot to destroy our hometown. At least, not as far as I know.
We found that note where Tsuto had wanted Ameiko to come meet him at the family glassworks and immediately I began getting a bad feeling. We rushed over right away. It was early evening when we finally arrived.
The place looked at once deserted and active. There was smoke coming from the chimney, so the furnace was still going, but there was no one to be seen. We tried the doors, which proved to be locked tight. It was an impressive structure. It had to be, since it was how the Kaijutsus had become local nobles, by offering a major service to the area. I wonder if they’d give me land and a local title if I opened a Chuck E Cheese. There’s a serious dearth of pizza in the area. Hell, I could even hire an actual ratfolk to be the mascot.
Finding no way to get in and because Geo couldn’t find his thieves’ tools, we decided to climb the building and look down through the skylights to see if we could see anything inside that would give us a justification for smashing in the door. Lenn scrambled up the side and lowered a rope. He was pulling me up when Aldern showed up. That man is starting to get on my nerves.
He had apparently followed us to give us that reward he promised. I tried telling him that the roof of the glassworks was the best place to get a moon tan, but he didn’t seem to believe me, so we told him the truth, that we were worried about Ameiko. Lenn invited him to join us. He declined and ran off, once again forgetting to give us that reward. Dammit.
We peered down through one of the domed skylights onto the main manufacturing floor. We could see the light of the open furnace, but not much else. Well, not much else aside from several mutilated bodies. Figuring that whomever had done this might still be in the building, we opted to go in hot.
I tied a rope to a vent. Aurora, Paulie and Geo shattered the skylight and Lenn fast-roped down into the room. Once inside, he spotted goblins hiding in the shadows. God dammit I hate goblins. Aurora tried to climb down, but ended up falling almost fifteen feet. Two of the goblins tried to grab at her while Lenn dealt with others.
Paulie and Geo launched arrows at the goblins attacking Aurora and I laid out a patch of magical grease in the path of more goblins who were rushing across the room. This turned out to be hilarious. The rushing goblins slipped and slid around, bumping into each other and falling prone. They started getting mad at each other and began fighting amongst themselves.
This allowed my companions ample time to dispatch the group that had started closer. They then advanced on the others and brought them down swiftly, but not before the final goblin realized who we were.
Once the fighting was over, I was the only one left on the roof. I tossed down the rope and jumped down into Aurora’s arms. I gave her a wink and she quickly set me down, averting her gaze. I thought I saw her blush.
We inspected the bodies and found that the goblins were making some kind of strange artistic “upgrades†to the bodies by attaching molten colored glass to them. The most well complete one belonged to Lonjiku Kaijutsu. “Well, I guess you can say…†I said as I put on a pair of glasses, “…his *** is glass.†Everyone groaned. Guess my humor isn’t appreciated.
With Lonjiku dead, I realized that Ameiko would now be in charge of the glassworks. I’d heard that she wasn’t too keen on the idea and just wanted to run her inn. Well, it could be worse. She could have found out that she was the last of some far away royal line and have to travel across the world to ascend her throne. Thank God nothing like that would ever happen to the poor girl.
We searched the rest of the building, and found evidence all over that there were goblins about. It was kinda like reading the last chapter of the book before going back and reading through the rest. We also found stairs heading down, so down we went.
Inside what appeared to be some sort of storage room, we found Ameiko. She was tied up and looked to have been beaten severely. Paulie attended to her wounds and she awoke. We told her what we had found and she confirmed for us that Tsuto was working with the goblins. She told us that he had wanted her to join him in his plan to destroy the town, but that when she refused he had struck her and had the goblins tie her up. She had sustained most of her injuries during that.
We heard a noise from one of the nearby rooms, so we rushed over to find a very drunk man had fallen out of his chair. Aurora lunged at his bow but missed. He struck Lenn, stunning him as Geo entered the small room. I tried enfeebling him with a spell, but missed.
Lenn came out of his induced stupor and struck the man with his axe. Several times. Probably two or three times more than necessary. Getting a good look at the body, I concluded that it had to be Tsuto. I mean, how many other half elven Tian-Min are running around Sandpoint?
We took what we could from his corpse and found a journal. In it were multiple naughty drawings of what appeared to be a demonic woman. He identified her by name as Nuallia. We recognized the name as being that of the adopted daughter of the local saint whose bones were recently stolen.
The journal detailed how Tsuto and Nuallia were working with the goblins at Thistletop to prepare to attack Sandpoint. They were planning to bring a force much larger than the one that had attacked earlier, around two hundred when the earlier attack had only used around thirty. Nuallia was also working to rid herself of her Aasimar side and becoming demonic in the process. Lamashtu, an evil goddess of the highest caliber, was also somehow involved.
Someone was going to have to go deal with Nuallia as well, not to mention the leaders of the goblins at Thistletop. I got the feeling that someone was going to be us. But that would have to wait. The journal also mentioned a quasit living in the catacombs under Sandpoint that was also a threat. We had found a tunnel leading further under the glassworks, so we decided to investigate that further before we headed up. We sent Ameiko back to town and ventured further.
As we headed into the tunnels, we ran into a creature called a sinspawn. I had read about them in my studies of ancient Thassilon, so I recognized it pretty quickly. It may have been a powerful foot soldier at the height of Thassilon, but the Thassilonians had apparently never met a man like Lenn. He cleaved the thing in twain with a single blow. Maybe they were better in large numbers.
We explored further. Geo went on ahead to stealthily scout for us. Have I ever mentioned that his skin can change color like a chameleon? I probably haven’t because this was the first time I’ve ever seen him do it. I think he may have been drinking his own chemicals. He better be careful. He’s gonna end up with a huge tumor or a tentacle or something like that.
He returned from scouting ahead and told us that he had found the quasit. I enchanted everyone’s weapons with my magic wand and we rushed in. I wish I could properly describe how the fight went, but it happened so quickly that I can’t really do it justice. To give you an idea, let’s go with a metaphor. It was like trying to swat a bee that’s buzzing around your head. Only you’re allergic. And the bee can summon fire elementals. And it can turn invisible. Also, it can cause a magical fear to manifest in you, though I’m proud to say I managed to resist that fear. So did Lenn. He swatted it. Paulie summoned an eagle to try to deal with it, and it did some damage, but the wounds healed up faster than the eagle could do damage.
During the fight, the quasit dropped some blood into a well in the middle of the room. Once the sinspawn rose from it, I immediately recognized it as a Thassilonian Runewell. Geo tried to destroy it, but I knew we would have to drain its power first. That could wait til after the fight.
Once the fight was over, I had the others prepare to down some sinspawn and kept dropping blood in the well. Two arrows, an axe and a sword blow felled several sinspawn in succession. Then the well stopped glowing, meaning it was deactivated and safe for us to return to later to properly destroy.
We continued on and encountered a red marble statue of a rather hot woman with a very angry face. She was holding a tome with a sihedron emblazoned on the front. The sihedron is a seven pointed star and a symbol of ancient Thassilon. She was also holding a well made polearm of some kind, which we immediately stole. We decided to come back later and take the statue as well, since we were sure some kind of collector would pay a decent amount for it.
We continued on and encountered more sinspawn. I attempted to take one out with direct application of a spell intended for entertainment purposes only. Damn fireworks did nothing. Looked cool doing it, though.
We continued on to find a torture chamber. Looked a bit archaic and out of date. Hell, they didn’t even have a car battery and jumper cables. What kind of proper torturer doesn’t have a car battery and jumper cables? Oh, right, one on Golarion. Well, they also didn’t have a Spanish Donkey, so my criticism stands.
What they did have were deformed skeletons. Lots of those. Having learned our lesson back at the dwarven ruins, we smashed those pre-emptively.
Our fears of undead were proved correct as we continued on, finding a number of zombies trapped in pits ahead. As we were checking those out, we were attacked by a large deformed goblin. When I say large, I mean he was almost man sized. And when I say deformed, I mean “more than Quasimodoâ€. He attacked by vomiting up a bunch of stomach acid. I tried to retaliate in kind by conjuring a bolt of acid of my own.
Anyone who has ever fired a gun at a shooting range knows what I mean when I say the following. It was the perfect shot. It hit smack between his eyes. The force of it made his head snap back. For a moment, I thought he was dead. Then he just looks at me with a grin and continues fighting. I don’t remember who killed it. I was too busy being upset that I had wasted my perfect shot on something that was immune to acid.
After he was dead, I took out my frustration by turning the zombies into acidic zombie soup before we continued on. Aurora tells me that while I was doing that, Geo took a blood sample from the goblin. I’m not sure I want to know what he has planned for that.
We pressed onward and found stairs leading down. They had been covered by rubble. Further down the hall, we found a freaky spherical room with strange gravity effects and lightning coursing across the wall, forming into Thassilonian runes. Inside, we found a few items of interest, including some kind of bestiary written in what I think was Abyssal. We then headed back and searched a room we had bypassed earlier.
Inside we found a Vargouille. If you’ve never seen one, it’s a head with bat wings. They can turn people into one of them by kissing them lingeringly. Maybe even with a little tongue. I don’t know. It let out a shriek and paralyzed several of us. I don’t recall what happened next, but it was killed pretty quickly. My money’s on Lenn swatting it, since Lenn is really good at that.
Beyond the Vargouille was some more stairs, which led up to a chamber. From the chamber, we could see light filtering in through cracks. We couldn’t find a way out through it, so we gathered up some wood and set a fire. Once we made our way out, we looked for the smoke. Seems the chamber was directly under an alley between Tower Street and Junker’s Way. Might have been how they planned to surprise everyone.
Ameiko safe and the immediate threat ended, we headed back to our rooms. Before we went to our beds, Aurora told me that she had heard I had been propositioned by a lovely young woman but had turned her down. She told me that she hoped that I hadn’t done so on her account. I let her know that had been part of it, but that I had also been feeling a bit paranoid. Didn’t explain my dominoes dream to her, but she understood.
She told me that she wished that she could be what I wanted, but that she was afraid that might never happen. She wanted me to not let her hold me back in case it never did. It hurt, but I understood. She has too much baggage with the opposite sex for her to feel comfortable dating me. I could live with just being friends. Who knows? She might change her mind one day, but if not, she was right. I couldn’t keep myself off the market indefinitely. It’s not who I am. I made a resolution to look up Shayliss or perhaps one of the other lovely young ladies of the village after we had dealt with the threat from Thistletop.
We spent the next several days preparing. I paid several wizards from town to teach me some spells and then spent the rest of my time crafting things to help us later. I began by making a magical pearl to allow me to recall some of my lesser spells. I think I’m gonna make an entire strand of them. They’ll be like my prayerbeads. Then I made a magical cloak for Aurora, to protect her from many various effects. Also to keep her warm. She’s kinda tiny, so she gets cold. And winter is coming.
God I hope that I didn’t just turn this into Game of Thrones with that line.
When I needed a break from crafting, we went with Father Zantus to boil the hell out of the Runewell. That is how you make holy water, right? You take regular water and boil the hell out of it? I dunno. Anyway, Runewell destroyed, we took some time to remove the statue. It now sits in my room at the inn. I think it watches me sleep. Gives me the heeby jeebies.
Today’s the day we do something about Thistletop. I’m not sure why we’re going personally, but I get the feeling it has to be us. I woke up several hours before dawn. I climbed up on to the inn’s roof to look at the stars and work on this journal by conjured magical light. I’ve been contemplating the lyrics to an old Mighty Mighty Bosstones song.
Have you ever had the odds stacked up so high You need a strength most don't possess? Or has it ever come down to do or die? You've got to rise above the rest. No?
I worry about whether I can. I mean, what if this was why I was brought to this world? What if my presence cascaded into a domino effect all its own, bringing Aurora, then Geo, Lenn and Paulie here? Maybe we’re the ones supposed to take care of this. Is this in God’s plan?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making the same mistake Samantha did. She was broken by this same question. I don’t have quite the inflated sense of my value to the cosmos that she does. So while I suspect that I have a purpose for being here, I don’t have any delusions that it has to have been all that great. Maybe whatever it was has already happened, but to me was so small that I didn’t notice it. If we fail, we fail. I’ll feel bad about it, but it’s not like it’ll cause an existential crisis. But it’d be nice if we succeed. A lot of folks are counting on us. We may not be able to do much, but at least we can try. This Nuallia is a bully. I hate bullies. You can thank my older brother for that.
It makes me wonder if I’ve never had to, but I’d better knock on wood. 'Cause I'm sure it isn't good. And I'm glad I haven't yet.
The assault on Thistletop, part I: We decided to hire a boat to get us to Thistletop. A path through the woods would have been more stealthy, but also more likely to be watched against. Also, this way I didn’t have to walk all the way there. This does leave me with some time to think a bit as the crew does the driving, or whatever it is you call it on a boat.
As we travel towards the goblin stronghold, I find myself wondering. If this were a production on television or a major motion picture, what kind of music would be playing right now? Would it be filled with an upswell of hope as we move on to what feels like the climax for this chapter of our story, or would there be grim determination with a bit of melancholy foreshadowing the grim fate that awaits us?
Or maybe there would be no music. Maybe it would just be Ron Perlman’s voice narrating “1000 Ways to Die 2: Golarion Boogalooâ€. That’s a depressing thought.
And suppose something happens, where it looks like we’re going to die but I somehow manage to pull out a major reversal of fortune. What music would start playing then? I mean, what’s my Theme Music Power Up sound like? Does it kick off with a riff of an electric guitar and open into a heavy metal theme song? Does a singer belt out an anime theme? Maybe it’s the Eighteen Twelve Overture?
Or perhaps it’s Gangnam Style. Jesus tapdancing Christ, wouldn’t that just take the cake?
On a related note, I will not now, nor ever, confirm nor deny that there’s a video on Youtube of me dancing to that wearing a Guy Fawkes mask.
Despite the fact that I can’t see a damn thing through the fog, they tell me that we’re almost there. Will write more later. ~ It’s later, and it has been an interesting infiltration. Since we decided to come during the early morning, hoping the fog would cover our entrance and the daylight would leave the semi-nocturnal goblins somnambulant, it’s now mid-morning. The fog has dissipated and our strategy seems to have paid off.
Yeah, I could have written sluggish in that last paragraph, but how am I supposed to remember words if I don’t use them once in a while?
Anyway, we landed on the beach and then swam over to a cave that looked like a possible back way into the goblin stronghold. Well, I say swam, but really Lenn, Aurora and Geo swam over and then dragged Paulie and me through the water on a rope. Look, I know how to swim, but that’s in a nice placid swimming pool, not the crashing waves and churning waters of the ocean. So I just kinda dead weighted it and got dragged over. Then I helped Aurora back into her armor and we entered the cave.
In hindsight, maybe the ocean route wasn’t our best idea.
I spotted something swimming in a deep pool in the cavern. I wasn’t entirely certain, but it looked like a bunyip, which I only knew about from reading. Imagine a seal mated with a shark and you’d have a fairly good idea of what this thing looked like. I remembered reading that these things were both predatory and territorial, so I attacked immediately, flinging a bit of acid at it. Naturally, I missed.
Then the damn thing let out a howl the likes of which you’ve never heard. I felt the effects upon me and immediately recognized it as fueled by unnatural power. Of course I was terrified. So were my companions. We ran around like idiots for a good thirty or so seconds, the creature lunging at whatever was closest at the time. Eventually managed to wrestle our fear to the ground and turned on the bunyip. It went down rather quickly once we were no longer panicking. I really need to get my friends a copy of the Hitchhiker’s guide.
After killing the thing, we looked carefully in the pool for any signs of another lurking within. What we spotted was something glinting in the light. Naturally we sent our strongest swimmer, Lenn, to investigate the twenty foot deep water. He found bones and some coins, so we decided to pull everything out using Aurora’s net and sift through it for any valuables. Hey, don’t look at me like that. Those people didn’t need them anymore.
If you want to be mad, you should focus on the fact that I was looking for bunyip pups and totally planned to club them if we found any. Corpse robbing really doesn’t compare to shark-seal clubbing, right?
While we looted, we noticed a hole in the ceiling above with a bit of light filtering down. There was a bit of a climb to get there, but it would likely be easy for Lenn. Again I would likely play the role of the dead weight at the end of a rope. Hey, I was tired from all that crafting I’d been doing the last couple days. As we surveyed the hole, a goblin was flung down it, screaming the whole way. He belly flopped and several of my companions had their bows in hand. I’m not entirely certain whose arrow it was hit the goblin hard enough to make it explode, but I want that person on my team at the next archery contest.
I didn’t have the heart to tell them that the goblin had been killed on his hard impact with the water.
Paulie startled me by making a passable imitation of the bunyip’s howl, then I heard the goblins up above scurry off. We waited a few minutes before sending Lenn up to the hole.
Up top, we found ourselves in a large bramble thicket. There were several paths leading off, so we sent Geo to scout ahead. He did that weird thing where his skin(and clothes!) goes chameleon mode and snuck off down a tunnel in the general direction we wanted to travel.
Speaking of Geo, there’s something I’ve forgotten to mention. He has a tentacle now, just growing right out of his forearm. No, I have no idea how it happened. All I know is I don’t think I’m going to be eating anything he cooks ever again.
When Geo returned, he reported that he found another goblin, who held in his hand a sword made of fire. I asked some questions about the properties of the sword and was able to deduce that it was druidic magic. He also told us that there were a number of goblin dogs tied up nearby. I wasn’t about to risk fighting the druid with his backup, at least not without a choke point, so I devised a plan.
Everyone took up positions flanking the bramble tunnel, then Paulie stood by the hole and made his bunyip sound again. I did my best goblin impersonation and shouted for help down the tunnel, saying that the “water beast is climbing up out of the hole! Help!â€
We listened intently to the sound of the druid. He whistled for his pet, though I can’t recall the name he called it. He didn’t sound like he believed us. I hadn’t really expected him to. The bunyip climbing up out of the hole wasn’t the lie I was really telling. The lie I wanted him to believe was that it was goblins lying, not intruders.
That lie he bought. He strode out of the tunnel and was brought down by a blinding flurry of blows from either side. His pet, which I identified as a fire-pelt cougar, tried to protect him. We brought it down too. The nearby goblin dogs didn’t seem to find the sounds of fighting to be out of the ordinary and ignored us.
We sent Geo down another path and he found some goblins resting, apparently having recently killed one of their companions. We had heard the scuffle from down below, but hadn’t made out what they had been arguing about. When he returned and told us about it, we decided not to leave any enemies living behind us.
I called out to the goblins. “The druid fell down the hole and is getting eaten by the water beast! Quick! We have to get his shineys before the beast eats them!†Paulie made another bunyip sound and we heard the goblins rushing towards us.
As they came out of the tunnel, they ran straight into the trap we’d set. The first goblin slipped on some grease, landing face first on a couple caltrops. Then his companions ran gleefully on top of him, grinding him to death on the spiky caltrops. Several of them fell on the grease as well, though not on any caltrops. My companions smashed, slashed and shot goblins until only two remained. One of them tripped the other and made a break for it, and was long gone before anyone could catch him, but since he was running away from the path to the keep, we didn’t worry about it much. We just finished off the last living goblin.
We looted the corpses then threw them to the tied up goblin dogs, who ate them gleefully and ignored us as we passed. I wouldn’t be surprised if that wasn’t the first time someone fed them goblin corspes.
I set up a patch of caltrops on the path behind us as we approached the old rope bridge leading out to Thistletop proper. The bridge looked moderately unsafe. Lenn and Geo opted to go first. Geo inspected the other side and decided that the goblins had likely tied it poorly on purpose, likely to use as a trap. He fixed it and the rest of us crossed.
This seems like as good a time as any to bring this up. At some point, Paulie decided he was going to start self-narrating his inner monologue. He sounded like some kind of film noir detective. Who the hell does that? Don’t look at me like that. Mine’s on paper. His was verbal. Whole different thing there.
The structure proper seemed to be made of wood scavenged from crashed ships. Some of the boards even had the ships’ nameplates still attached. And there was nary a goblin to be seen. So we snuck right in the front door.
Inside, we immediately had Geo begin scouting once more. He returned after a few minutes to tell us that he had discovered a goblin larder that had been broken into already and that the goblins in one of the watchtowers were the culprits. It seems that they had eaten too much and were now in the goblin equivalent of a Thanksgiving Day Coma. We decided to take advantage of it and kill them in their sleep.
Do you remember that scene from Lord of the Rings where the Ringwraiths surround the beds the hobbits are supposed to be asleep in and stab them all at once? It was kinda like that, only we don’t buy our armor at Villains ‘R Us. Also, it’s dramatic when someone tries to kill a hobbit. When it’s a goblin, no one cares.
Geo scouted further ahead. He entered a courtyard where some goblin dogs were frolicking. One of them spotted some of his motion and decided to investigate. Geo alerted us to the about to ensue combat and we rushed down the hall to help him. Didn’t take us long to dispatch the dogs, though my flinging of acid was once again fairly useless.
In the courtyard, we found a door boarded up. Inspection of the area revealed hoof prints. Looked like they came from a horse, but we couldn’t be sure. We decided to carefully open the door and see what was inside.
The first thing we spotted was a couple dead goblins. Beyond them, we spotted an emaciated and injured horse. I mean, it was horrible. Animal Cops horrible. If TV crews from Animal Planet showed up right now, there would be a lot of goblins getting arrested soon. We would have to settle for killing them.
It looked a bit wary about us. Aurora pulled some spare feed out of her bag and attempted to coax the poor thing out to us. Let me tell you something. I’ve seen Disney princesses who weren’t as good with animals as Aurora. The damn thing may have been wary about the rest of us, but it seemed to immediately trust her.
While Aurora fed it, the creature allowed Paulie to approach and tend to its wounds. Even with magical healing, the poor thing still looked pretty exhausted and in need of a lot of rest and good food. We sat with it for a bit, Aurora talking to it and making sure it ate slowly so as not to make itself sick, while Geo explored ahead.
He returned a few minutes later with word that he’d discovered a goblin latrine and some stairs leading down into the complex. He said that he suspected that there was more to the latrine than meets the eye and said he was going to go investigate. Paulie went with him. I told them to have fun with that. Meanwhile, we investigated another closet nearby. It was filled with caged rabbits. At Aurora’s insistence, we let them go. I was a little worried that Lenn might pick one up and start petting it, but he seemed distracted.
After a few minutes, Geo and Paulie called out to us. They had found a treasure chest in a hidden room behind the latrine. After setting off a trap and only avoiding injury thanks to his armor, Geo asked me to come burn off the lock with some acid.
Now, I wasn’t interested in searching through a smelly goblin latrine when I didn’t think anything was there. The treasure chest changed things. It was now worth enduring the stench. So I went and we quickly cracked it open.
Inside was a metric @#%^ton of copper coins. There was also a smaller amount of silver, gold and even a couple platinum coins. We took a bit to sort out the treasure and took everything but the copper. I was going to suggest that we offer Aurora the blue silk gown we found inside, but it kinda smelled bad, so I held my tongue.
I cleaned the stench from us with a bit of magic, then we set up more caltrops at the top of the stairs. We then headed back inside the building, leaving the horse, whose bridle had the name Shadowmist on it, to rest.
Geo headed up the next watchtower. One of the goblins spotted the opening of the trap door, so he rushed back down to us. I pulled out a scroll and placed another patch of grease at the base of the stairs and we quickly dispatched the goblins before they raised an alarm. Once again, I failed horribly at inflicting any damage upon the foes.
Up in the watchtower, we discovered that the goblins had been playing a card game with forty three random cards they had collected. I suspected it was the card game equivalent of Calvinball that they were playing.
We backtracked and one of the doors we passed led to more stairs descending into the compound. The other door opened into a barracks where a number of goblins lay sleeping. We surrounded and stabbed them again, but the narrow quarters meant a couple of them managed to wake before the deed was complete. I rushed in with my dagger and helped bring down the last one as it tried to scurry under a bed. Of course, I nearly faceplanted in the process, but I wasn’t trying to look cool, just trying to keep it from screaming.
That left us with two options, we head into a foyer that looked to lead to a large room, or we skulk down a hall near the second watchtower. We opted for skulking, as it was working for us so far. Geo snuck ahead. A few minutes later, he came rushing back. “There’s a large room ahead where some goblins appear to be entertaining one of their more important members, who is sitting on the back of a huge lizard. I think one of them saw the door open. Don’t think he saw me, but they’re likely to investigate.â€
Thinking quickly, I realized that I had to give them a reason to have seen something. A reason that wouldn’t make them send up an alarm. Something they thought that they could deal with themselves.
I channeled my will into my ring and used it to cast a spell to alter my shape, assuming the form of one of the goblins we’d killed out in the thicket. Based on my knowledge of engineering and architecture, I realize that the large room he was describing was likely the one the foyer led to as well. I motioned for Aurora to set up for an ambush outside the door to the foyer and asked Lenn and Geo to prepare to one at this end of the hallway as well. Then I rushed down the hall.
Geo had opened a door leading to a horrifying butcher’s room of some sort next to the door to the large room. I quickly grabbed what I think was a haunch of horse meat and then peered into the large room. I did my best to look like I was trying not to be seen while at the same time actually trying to be seen.
It worked like a charm. The large goblin on the lizard, probably Ripnugget, chief of this tribe, shouted at me. “Stupid Birdcruncher! You steal our food and you become food! That’s the rule!†I screamed in my best impression of a goblin, which was easy since I had all the physical makeup of one, dropped the meat and ran down the hallway.
Most of the goblins who were on foot followed me at full speed. With Lenn and Geo guarding that end, it was kinda like that scene from Fargo. The one with the woodchipper. You know what I’m talking about.
Ripnugget had gone out the other entrance, where Aurora and Paulie were waiting. He was trying to cut off my escape and wasn’t expecting real resistance there. I didn’t see the beginning of that fight, but Aurora and Paulie managed to bring down the chief’s mount fairly quickly.
The warchanter ran back into the large room from the hallway. I thought he might be trying to escape, so I shouted for Lenn and Geo to follow him. Meanwhile, I rushed into the room where Aurora and Paulie were fighting a cornered Ripnugget.
Wanting to save most of my magic for our confrontation with Nuallia and not wanting to accidentally douse a friend with acid, I opted to help by distracting the goblin chief while he was fighting desperately. I decided to opt for intimidation. “Ripnugget!†I shouted. “We have taken your shineys from the hidden chest! Next we take your home! Then, we take your women! When we’re done, the Thistletop goblins will be no more!â€
I could see the effect upon him immediately. He wasn’t expecting my words and they certainly had an effect. Distracted and off-balance, Aurora and Paulie finished it off quickly. In the room behind me, I heard the warchanter’s song stop as Lenn and Geo cut off its escape.
We investigated the remaining surface rooms. Despite finding a desk, no books were inside. I wasn’t holding out much hope considering it was a goblin stronghold, but it would have been nice.
Paulie tended to peoples wounds while I used my magic to clean the gore off of them. We were both tending to Aurora when the strangest thing happened. He tried using his wand to cure her, but he seemed to be struggling a bit. I’m pretty sure one cast even failed completely.
I’ve seen failures like that. Back at the Arcanamirium they taught us about spell resistance, that it took extra effort to overcome. But I’ve cast dozens of spells on Aurora and never noticed her resisting my magic. It’s a bit of a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a sexy, sexy butt. Weirdest of all, I don’t think Aurora even noticed it.
We decided to take an hour to rest up after that last major fight and get a bite to eat. We’ve returned to the courtyard with Shadowmist and are taking some time to eat some lunch before heading deeper into the compound. After wolfing down my lunch, I decided to write all this down while it was fresh in my mind. Aurora is brushing down Shadowmist and the others are chatting.
Our hour is almost up and it’s about time to go find and kill Nuallia. Wish us luck.
Prologue/Interlude: A Trip to Magnimar War. War never changes. Since the dawn of human kind, when our ancestors first discovered the killing power of rock and bone, blood has been spilled in the name of everything, from God to justice to simple, psychotic rage.
Me? I was about to get my skull bashed in for the last one. All that stood between me and death by psychotic rage was a bedroom door. You see, I had made a mistake. It might seem minor in the grand scheme of things, but in context it makes sense. You see, I had fallen asleep.
I was awoken by the sound of a young man, perhaps barely a teenager, shouting down a hallway. “Dad! There’s a man in big sister’s room!†Well, he didn’t actually say ‘big sister’, but I want to keep her name out of it to avoid any shame this weird *** town might heap upon her if they learn of my exploits. I don’t mind if people judge me, but I’d rather no one else have to live with it. Most people aren’t as enlightened as I am about accepting themselves for who they are.
There are a few things I feel it’s important to note. I had been invited by the young woman and she was of legal age. I may be a man-****, but dammit, I have rules. She also wasn’t married or betrothed. I won’t be a party to someone else’s adultery. I didn’t lie to her about my intentions. She knows I’m not interested in anything more than a bit of fun. Misrepresenting your intentions just doesn’t seem right to me.
I also won’t use magic to influence a girl’s decision to sleep with me. Wait, let me rephrase that. I’m not above using magic to impress a potential partner, but I also know a few spells that can actually physically alter someone’s mind in a way that makes them see things differently than they might otherwise. Using those to get sex strikes me as morally reprehensible. Special Hell kind of stuff.
Not that I needed to. I mean, this isn’t universally true, but there are some characteristics that tend to attract girls just old enough to be legal but still young enough not to know better. Girls like bad boys. Girls like musicians. Girls like their guys tall. Girls like exotic foreigners. Girls like men from noble families. Girls like poets. Heroes get girls.
I’m a tall man who plays violin. I’ve been adopted by a noble family since coming to Golarion. I recently told off the city’s leadership and while the content of my rant hasn’t become public knowledge, the very fact that I did so has become the talk of the town. You don’t get more exotic or foreign than “from halfway across the galaxy†and while I’m not much of a poet, I have a fairly decent knowledge base from back home to work from that no one here has ever heard, so I can pass as one. And recently, my friends and I had saved this town from imminent certain doom.
I’m not saying I’m perfect. Far from it, in fact. I’m just saying that on occasion, women’s panties have been known to burst into flame just because I walk into a room.
<Writing in the margin reads, “It worries me that you actually seem to believe that.â€>
That isn’t to say, however, that I won’t use those spells to convince an angry father not to kill me. I have a keen sense of self preservation. I just didn’t have any of those prepared today. What I did have was a spell for temporarily locking a door, which I employed immediately upon realizing what was going on. I barely got it locked before someone started beating on the door. With the force they were using, the door was going to splinter inward within moments, lock or no.
My companion sat up in her bed and pulled the sheets up around herself as I looked frantically for my clothing. After a few moments I gave up and cast one of my two remaining spells. All my clothing flew towards me and I was dressed in seconds. The spell was designed for helping someone put on armor if a fight started while they were sleeping, but it worked well enough on clothes.
I grabbed my magical bag, then planted a quick kiss and grope on the young woman looking terrified at the door. “If we do this again, let’s get together at my place,†I said to her. I flung open the window and jumped out onto the roof outside just as the door broke open. “Run, run as fast as you can!†I shouted back at the enraged father. “You can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man!â€
I prepared to leap to the ground below when I spotted the girl’s older brother waiting down there with an axe. Why is it that I always forget to take older brothers into account?
With my planned means of escape cut off, I looked around for options. There was only one and I didn’t like it. But I had learned the art of escaping from pursuit from Michael Westen. “In the end, sometimes making an escape is just about being willing to do what the guy chasing you won'tâ€. So it was that I jumped from the roof of the farmhouse and grabbed onto the roof of the barn next to it. Don’t be surprised that this girl was a farmer’s daughter. You’ve all heard the stories.
I managed to pull myself up just in time to hear someone crash into the wall below me. I looked down over the edge to see that the farmer had leapt after me, but hadn’t quite reached the barn roof, which is why I’m glad I’m so tall. He looked to have survived, but his leg was at an odd angle. “You should get that leg taken care of,†I called down before throwing him a few coins to pay the healer. I then pulled out a rope and quickly rappelled down the other side of the building. It wasn’t pretty, but I was down quickly enough to be able to retrieve my rope and start running.
Behind me I heard hoofbeats. It seems that the older brother had saddled up the old plow horse. Escape by foot was no longer an option. I cast my only remaining spell and conjured a mount of my own, a swift Taldan charger that looked a bit like Aurora’s horse, Starbright. As we galloped away, I began singing at the top of my lungs.
“Get your motor running. Head out on the highway. Looking for adventure, or whatever comes my way. BORN TO BE WIIIIILLLLLDDDD!â€
Back in town proper, I returned to the inn where we were staying. The others looked a little annoyed. It seems I had completely spaced on the fact that we were going to the city of Magnimar that day to try to sell the quasit’s dagger and that statue we had taken from the catacombs. I was only an hour late, but I felt bad, so on the way out of town I stopped by Venn Vinder’s general store and bought a few bottles of flammable beverages for everyone and was quickly forgiven.
Speaking of Venn Vinder, I think his daughter may be stalking me. In the few days since we got back from Thistletop, I haven’t been able to go anywhere in town without spotting Shayliss. Last time I had run into her, I’m pretty sure she had propositioned me for sex, but I had misinterpreted her intentions and thought she planned to take me to her basement and cut me into tiny pieces. Look, it’s been a weird couple of weeks.
I had planned to see if her offer was still open when I got back from Thistletop, but I had been so angry about how the town had treated Nualia that it slipped my mind. Then, while hanging out with my friends at the Rusty Dragon, a pretty girl asked me to dance. We didn’t end up in bed together until a couple days later, which is where this journal entry began.
With her father’s leg broken chasing me, I suspected that my buxom farm girl wasn’t going to be available, so perhaps when I get back into town I’ll take the time to look up Shayliss. Rumors say she’s pretty smart about avoiding getting caught, so I’d bet we can have weeks of fun with little risk of getting caught. And if we do, well I plan to have better spells prepared.
Magnimar is about a day-and-a-half away by land from Sandpoint. You can easily do the trip in a day on horseback, but we have yet to find one that can comfortably carry Lenn, so we’re forced to go a bit slower. Add in the fact that we had to rent a wagon to carry that creepy *** statue and it’s definitely not something to do in a single day.
Paulie’s been acting fairly strange. I swear, it’s been like talking to an amoral Billy Mays. So I’ve been talking with Geo and Aurora mostly. Geo still hadn’t caught on to the fact that I was trying to set him up with Shalelu, so we had a bit of a discussion about that. After talking he had warmed up to the idea. She is rather pretty, after all. Maybe not Aurora pretty, but pretty.
<â€Flattery will get you nowhere.â€>
<â€Maybe you just haven’t been flattered enough.â€>
For the rest of the day, he worked on a poem while riding on Shadowmist. The horse was looking a lot better than he had been. A few days rest and good food had done him a world of good. Magical aid hadn’t hurt either.
We decided to camp for the night near a Desnan wayshrine. While not her goddess, Aurora paid respect to the goddess of travel before we began setting up camp. Lenn gathered firewood while Geo and Paulie cleared the site of debris. Aurora and I set up our tent, which I feel I must remind you is large enough that while we sleep in the same tent we aren’t in any way sleeping together. I only feel I must lest Aurora hurt me for insinuating something that isn’t happening.
I set up magical alarms in several spots around the campsite, then retired to my tent to work on copying Lyrie’s spells into my spellbook. After a bit, I heard Lenn speak, not that it’s very difficult to hear when he talks since he has no concept of an indoor voice. “If I win, you have to put it in your mouth and swallow.â€
I looked up from my work and stared in the direction of the voice. I couldn’t see who he was talking to through the tent, but I didn’t have to. Moments later I heard Aurora’s voice. “Deal.†I’m pretty sure there’s an indentation in the ground from where my jaw hit the floor.
I stared intently in that direction and heard some grunting. I’m sure you can’t blame me for thinking the worst. After a moment, I heard Lenn howl in victory. “I win! Now put it in your mouth.â€
I saw Aurora’s shadow projected on the side of the tent by the fire. She seemed to be sitting…or even possibly kneeling. “I’m ready,†she said, sounding a bit trepidatious. From the shadow, I saw a large, long object near her face. “It’s so big! I’m not sure I can fit it in my mouth.â€
“Then just lick it!â€
I saw her do so. “Mmm,†she moaned. “That tastes so good!†The shadow entered her mouth. “It’s so gooey! It’s running down my chin.â€
I managed to upend the tent as I leapt out to stop this atrocity. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. “Stop! I can’t let you continue….eating that sausage?†Yes, you heard me. Apparently Lenn had cooked some homemade sausage for dinner and Aurora was a bit nervous about eating anything he had cooked. So he had bet her that if he beat her in arm wrestling, which was the source of the grunting earlier, she had to try his food.
I’m not sure why she had positioned herself in such a way as to cast those naughty shadows on the tent, nor talking in such horrible innuendo. Unless…she was doing it on purpose! I think she was ******** with my head! Evil! I used to think you were a nice person, Aurora.
<â€That’s what you get for making me worry about you the night before. I spent the whole night worried that you had been jumped by goblins or bandits or something. How am I supposed to be your bodyguard if I don’t know where you are?â€>
<â€Oh. My apologies. I promise to let you know if I’m not coming home from now on. Though I wouldn’t have to if only it was your bed I was spending my nights in.â€>
<There seems to be no response.>
Everyone had a good laugh at my expense and we sat down to dinner. Lenn’s cooking was actually rather good. The only thing the sausage was missing was a bit of mustard and relish. Oh well, you can’t have everything you want.
I slept fairly well that night, though I recall getting a bit chilly in the autumn air. When I awoke, I was covered in two blankets and Aurora was already awake, watching as the first rays of light broke on the horizon. Apparently she hadn’t woken me and had taken my shift at watch. Awww.
<â€Don’t read too much into it. I just didn’t think I could sleep anymore.â€>
Magnimar had a lot in common with the other major cities I’ve visited on this world. For one, they hadn’t quite figured out public sanitation yet, though things got a lot better as you got into the richer parts of town. Second, the docks were always active. Business operated at all hours it seemed.
Once in town, Paulie took off with the wagon towards the docks to try to sell our statue. I had a bad feeling about letting him go off alone, but I had too many other things to get done. Besides, he knew that we would all be staying at an inn in the Silver Shore district that had been recommended to us by one of the wealthier citizens of Sandpoint, so we all knew where to meet up.
Geo took Lenn off to find a brothel, as the big guy wouldn’t shut up about wanting to go to one. I wished him luck on finishing his poem then Aurora and I set out first to secure our rooms at the inn before looking around town.
The innkeeper was quick to notice my signet ring and more than happy to oblige my need for several rooms. He even gave Aurora and I the inn’s only two bedroom suite once she told him that she was my bodyguard. I didn’t want to know how much it was going to cost us, but I’d never gotten an upgrade at a hotel before, so I just went with it.
On the other hand, it seemed a lot less likely we were going to be accidentally put into a room with a single bed which we would simply have been forced to share, which would have just been a shame.
While we were there, I wanted to check out the Aquaretum, a combination aquarium and museum, but the proprietor seemed to be under the weather and it was closed until he got better. So instead I focused on finding the three things I had come to find in this town.
The first was a buyer for the dagger. I was expecting to find a large magic school like the Arcanamirium in Absalom or the Acadamae in Korvosa. Alas, this city had magic schools, but nothing on that scale. I could find no one who might use such a thing here. I ended up lucking out and found a merchant going to Korvosa. I convinced him that the dagger would sell for a great amount to the imp summoning wizards there.
The second was a paladin who could craft a wand for me. We started out at the temple of Sarenrae, where I dropped the name of my good friend Calais in order to try getting someone to assist us. They had no one who could help, but one of the clergy members recalled that there was a paladin at the church of Iomedae who could do such a thing. Aurora took some time at the altar to give her respect to the goddess and we headed off towards the temple of Iomedae.
The folks over at the temple of Iomedae were fairly helpful, but wary about why we might want to purchase a wand such as we wanted. Once I explained that I wanted a way to cure the heinous damage caused by poisons and ghosts after our encounter with the shadows while we were fighting to protect the town of Sandpoint, the tone of our interactions changed. Since they could detect no deception in my words, since indeed there was none, they decided that our intentions sounded noble enough and introduced us to the paladin/crafter we sought.
It’s said that paladins tend to die young and gloriously. This man was the exception that proved the rule. He was covered in more battle scars than I could count and had to be fairly ancient. By his silver hair - and I don’t mean it had greyed, I mean it was actually silver, as in metallic silver - I could tell he was an aasimar. He greeted us warmly and asked that we forgive him for not standing. Apparently he had once taken wounds so grievous that even the temple’s best healers could not restore his ability to walk.
I felt an instant respect for the man and could not imagine that anything short of a Balor or a Puragaus could have possibly stood against this man in his prime. He was, in my mind, worthy of his own webpage of facts like “When he smites evil, evil thanks him for it,†and “He once marched into Hell and punched Asmodeus in the face. Asmodeus apologized for getting in his fist’s way.â€
Spending a full half of a day talking with the venerable paladin, we told him more about ourselves and he agreed to craft the wand we wanted, but said that it would take a few days. I paid him up front and the cleric who introduced us told us that they would deliver the wand to us at the inn where we were staying. The paladin offered us his blessing and wished both of us luck wherever our journey might take us.
Sometimes, it’s the little things in life that seem the most profound. There was something about meeting this man that I think changed us both, just a little. To see that much good in one man was inspiring. It’s an event that I’m glad both Aurora and I had been there for, and I get the feeling that it’s a good sign that no matter what happens, everything will turn out okay, even if we have to work for it.
We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering in silence. We visited the shore and stared out at the ocean for over an hour, neither of us saying anything. When we returned to the inn, we found our friends already waiting. Paulie announced happily that he had traded our statue for a wand. Upon inspection, it had some charges missing, but seemed to be a slow healing wand that used infernal power.
I’m just glad he hadn’t traded it for magic beans.
The next day was spent searching out wizards who might, in exchange for a small sack of gold coins, teach me a spell or two. I had a whole list of magical spells I had heard about back in Absalom that I felt ready to actually try casting, so we knew it would take us most of the day to hunt down what I was looking for. Add in the time to actually copy them and we were looking at two, maybe three days spent on this task alone. Add in the fact that I wanted to spend some time at the inn working on some magical craftwork for my companions and that could easily stretch out to taking the whole week.
I visited the Golemworks first. Since I wasn’t a customer or one of their approved suppliers, they wouldn’t even let me on the premises, citing “trade secrets†and the like. I did tail a few of their employees to a local tavern after work and managed to convince them that teaching me a few spells wouldn’t really be a violation of company protocol. I even threw in a round of drinks for good measure.
The next day I was in the marketplace looking for some materials I would need to make magic belts for Aurora, Paulie and Lenn when Aurora pointed out Paulie to me. It seems he was in the market trying to sell some of that sausage Lenn had made. I know I compared him earlier to an amoral version of Billy Mays, but he had gone past that. He was now that other guy. The one whose nuts you’re gonna love. You know who I’m talking about, even if I can’t recall his name.
First of all, he had taken to using magic to make customers of the other food stalls look like they were getting sick and confused from consuming the other foods. Second, I overheard one vendor telling another that Paulie had used some kind of power to steal his trade secrets right from his head. That one made me a bit nervous, as I had witnessed Samantha do the same thing once. The look on the face of the guy whose mind she had violated probably should have sent me running for the hills, but I wasn’t exactly thinking with the upper brain at the time. Aurora and I decided the less we knew about what Paulie was up to, the better off we’d be. It’s not like he was actually hurting anyone, and the fact that we’d be leaving after only a week or so in town should limit the amount of damage he could do.
Over the next couple days, I visited several of the smaller magic schools. These schools reminded me a lot of how martial arts dojos are depicted in several animes. Many of them you would likely have mistaken for nothing more than fancy houses hidden in nice neighborhoods if you didn’t know what you were looking for. I managed to cross off most of my list fairly quickly. It was only towards the end of the list that I started getting desperate and considered visiting the Stone of the Seers, the most respectable of all the schools in town.
I know what you’re thinking. Yes, it would have indeed shaved time off my search to start there. But you have to understand something. The school is focused on divinations and abjurations, and I’ve spent time around diviners before. Look, I have nothing against divination as a school of magic. It’s a highly useful tool and I employ it all the time. My problem is the kind of people it seems to attract.
The first subset, and probably the largest, is the paranoid. They want magic to allow them to prepare for any and all danger, both real and imagined. Combined with access to abjurations, and you get people who should be hiding in a room with coat hangers suspended from the ceiling, afraid that the government was going to find a way to penetrate their tinfoil hats and read their thoughts. Instead you get the same kind of people, only they can see the future, scry on the world around them and prepare dangerous magical traps to keep “the monsters†at bay.
The second subset I like to call the Trelawneys, after the Harry Potter character. You could also call them space cases, kooks or cloud cuckoo landers, as TVTropes might. They always seem lost in their own worlds and interpret signs and portents in the strangest things. They irritate the ever-loving crap out of me and are the primary reason I wanted to avoid the Stone of the Seers.
The third subset is what I call the “Magic Security Guyâ€. They’re a bit like the paranoid subset, but they’re in control. One of these is exactly what you want to hire when someone has made a magical threat on your life. These people I can get along with, even if they can be a might bit twitchy.
The fourth subset is the curious. When you’re in a world where magic knowledge far outpaces scientific knowledge, you have to use the tools available to you if you want to learn more about the world around you. These people use divination to look at the world around them from different perspectives, sometimes watching the behaviors of animals through crystal balls to see how they behave when no one’s around or perhaps using magic to see things normally beyond sight, such as the depths of a lake or something too tiny to see. As a general rule, I like these types of folks, but you have to wade through a ton of tinfoil hats and Trelawneys to find just one or two of these.
Sometimes, however, they find you.
With the permission of Master Nivlandis, I worked my way through the grounds of the Seerspring Gardens, seeking those who could teach me the spells I sought. It was nearly late afternoon and I was seriously considering stabbing myself in the leg as an excuse to escape a particular Trelawney who wouldn’t take the hint that I didn’t want to hear another word of his theory that black tea leaves were better for divination than green tea leaves when two beautiful young women, one blond and one brunette, if you’re curious, approached me. They told the Trelawney that I had promised to take them to dinner and I gave him a feigned look of apology and we quickly snuck away.
“Sorry to have intruded,†the blond said. “But we couldn’t stand to see you trapped by that idiot any longer.â€
“Besides,†the brunette added, “one of the oracles told us that the answers to our questions would come in the form of a tall, mysterious stranger in a black coat.â€
I smiled at them and said, “No need to apologize. I don’t think I could have taken another minute listening to that asinine theory. And let it be said that if your question is whether one man can satisfy two women in a single night, the answer is most emphatically yes.†The women laughed and Aurora rolled her eyes. I grinned at Aurora. “If you’re trying to say I should go for three, I’m game if you ladies are.â€
“In your dreams,†Aurora said. I shot her a look that said that I indeed hoped my dreams would go in that direction and she chuckled in spite of herself.
“Actually,†the blond said, “we were hoping you might have knowledge of nature. We’ve been trying to find the answers to a number of questions that everyone thinks we’re crazy for looking into. Like why do things fall towards the ground, and why do children look like their parents? Everyone tells us that these things are just the way the world is, but we’re not satisfied with the answers. Since you told Master Nivlandis that you graduated from the Arcanamirium, we were hoping someone out in that part of the world had answered even one of these questions and you might have heard of it.â€
These women had no idea how they had just hit the jackpot. People back home don’t seem to realize just how amazing the knowledge we take for granted is. Any middle of the bell curve seventh grader back home knows at least half a dozen concepts that would absolutely blow the minds of people here. I was never in the middle of the bell curve. I was on the high end and genuinely enjoyed learning new things, even if I got bored with concepts before I could study them to the point of mastery. Still, my shallow knowledge of most subjects dwarfed most people’s deeper understandings of topics.
I took the ladies back to the inn where we were staying and we talked for hours while sitting in the common room of the inn eating the supper I hadn’t promised them but paid for anyway. I taught them about gravity, genetics, the wavelengths of light and a number of other topics. These were all things I had already taught to Aurora, since it would be in her best interest to know them if she did end up going back to Earth with me when I finally found a way back home. Still, Aurora sat with us and joined in on the discussion, clarifying things she had been unsure about from our previous lessons.
Of course, eventually it got too late to continue discussion and the girls didn’t want to walk home on the deserted streets at this hour, so they stayed the night. In case you’re wondering, yes, I did prove my earlier boast truthful, though sadly Aurora declined joining us.
I awoke the next morning and left the two lovely and very naked women to sleep a bit longer while I headed downstairs to get some kind of breakfast in the common room. I found Geo working on his poem to Shalelu. I ordered something from the innkeeper and sat across from my friend. “Mind if I take a look?†I asked.
“Well, it’s not quite finished, but I don’t mind if you want to check it out,†he said, handing me the sheet of parchment he was working on.
It was, um, inventive. I’ll give it that. “Geo…I’m not so sure you should compare the color of her nose to a disinfectant unguent.â€
“But the blood vessels in her nose make it that particularly fetching shade of pink.â€
This was going to take a while. “Geo, that’s only scratching the surface. Girls don’t like to be told that they remind you of potions, salves and, my god I can’t believe I have to say this, the internal organs of wild pigs. They want more romantic comparisons, like autumn sunsets, flowers, butterflies wafting through a meadow on a summer’s day. Look, if you don’t believe me, ask Aurora. We have a couple more days before we go back. Go find the local bard’s college. There’s always one in towns like this. Get one of their students to help you. Please, before you send this poor girl fleeing for her life.â€
He looked dubious. “Well, if you’re sure, I guess it can’t hurt to get a professional opinion.â€
“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s the innkeeper with the tray of food I ordered. I’m off to go deliver it to some girls who I’m sure will be quite hungry after last night. With any luck, I won’t be leaving the room again until this afternoon.â€
<â€You really should have been more gentle about how you told him that his poem wasn’t very good.â€>
<â€Actually, in this case, you’re wrong. I couldn’t leave any room for him to justify leaving it how it was. If I tell him, it just stings a bit. If it had made it to Shalelu in that form and she had said it, well that would have broken his heart. Sometimes you have to be blunt to be kind.â€>
<â€I must have spent too much time around you. That actually sort of makes sense.â€>
<â€Just as planned. First, you’ll start seeing the wisdom in my words, next, you’ll find yourself unable to get my dashing good looks out of your head. It’s only a short step from there until you’re pole vaulting into my bed and are deliriously happy for having done so.â€>
<â€â€¦â€>
That afternoon, after I walked the girls out, the innkeeper told me that he had received two deliveries for me. The first was the wand I had commissioned, delivered by a courier from the Temple of Iomedae. The second was a letter bearing the seal of House Kaddren, one of the noble families that founded Magnimar. I tore it open and was amazed to find that a member of the household, Amanda Kaddren, cousin to the head of the household, Kimandi Kaddren, was a fan of mine from back in Absalom. She had seen a number of my weekly shows while she was studying at the Arcanamirium, even the orchestral performance. Since I was in town, she was hoping I’d perform for her and some of her friends.
The only snag was that the family was hosting some dignitaries and would be for several days. Since we’d be leaving town, there was no way I could perform for them there. So I talked to the innkeeper and he was fine with my request to bring a number of young nobles with more money than sense to his establishment. I told him to talk with Lenn to work on a menu and talked Aurora into working as a bouncer for the event, then headed over to the bard’s college to find myself a backup band and leaving the innkeeper to send a response to Amanda Kaddren, offering his establishment as the site of the concert.
At the bard’s college, I spotted Geo surrounded by several lovely young women, all discussing what I assumed was his poem. Good on him for taking my advice and not only getting the help of a professional, but several female inputs as well.
I put together a band, complete with several stringed instruments, a trumpet, percussion and backup female vocals. They were all pretty talented and learned the songs quickly. It only took a little over a day before they were ready.
Amanda Kaddren’s reply arrived with the same courier that the innkeeper had sent to deliver his offer. It was an emphatic yes. The concert was set for the evening after we received the letter, two days before we left to go back to Sandpoint.
First of all, let me say that the meal Lenn and the innkeeper prepared was sublime. There were four courses and the finest of ingredients in each of them. They even baked a cake. A cake! It had strawberries. If Lenn keeps cooking like that, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to hold onto my image of him as a dumb brute. A dumb brute with a heart of gold, mind you, but a dumb brute nonetheless.
The night of the performance, the inn was packed. Apparently word had gotten out in the upper social circles that this was the place to be tonight, so not only was this a large crowd, it was a large crowd composed of people from some of the richest families in Magnimar who were too young to be taken seriously by their families but old enough to be allowed outside without more than a bodyguard for supervision.
The first dozen songs went off pretty well, but as always there was a bit of a snag. Apparently the female vocalist I’d hired wasn’t much of a professional. As the night went on, she got more and more drunk until you could no longer understand her slurred words. I was left with three options. Either I could finish out the set with only songs that didn’t require a female vocalist, have her sing In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, or find a replacement female vocalist.
I rather liked the few songs we had left to perform and I hadn’t taught the band anything from the Iron Butterfly catalog, so I was left with the third option. There was only one woman who had been present during all our practicing who could possibly fill in, so I begged her to join us on stage.
Needless to say, Aurora didn’t like the idea. Like it or no, however, she agreed to do it. Aurora’s voice is untrained, but she has some pretty major raw talent. The two of us performed several duets and the crowd ate it up.
We finished the set and the crowd chanted for an encore. I told them that I wasn’t sure I could sing further, but that I had a special guest who might just perform one final song. I stepped into the back and used my magic to transform myself, bringing back my alternate form, Fleur-de-Lis. I slipped on some magical sleeves, changing my clothing into Fleur’s signature outfit and stepped out. I could hear several people break into emphatic applause, which spurred the rest of the crowd to do the same.
Aurora and I performed one final song and, after telling the crowd that I simply had to leave them wanting more, I snuck into the back to resume my normal form before it happened involuntarily and I tore my clothing.
The crowd had begun to make its way out the door to stumble home drunkenly when I returned. I thanked Aurora for her help and she simply told me that I’d owe her one before going to check on Starbrite and head to bed. I was cool with that.
I was approached by a young woman who looked familiar. “I’m impressed that you even brought back your alter ego,†she said. “You still put on one hell of a show.†She then tiptoed and planted one hell of a kiss on me.
I realized where I remembered her from. Amanda had done the exact same thing at one of my shows back in Absalom. She had also suggested we continue that discussion at length somewhere private. I had turned her down because at the time she had been around sixteen. It had been difficult as she was also very beautiful, but a man has to live up to his rules.
That was a few years ago, and this time when she made the same suggestion, I threw her over my shoulder and carried her upstairs as she laughed the whole way.
The next morning, after seeing Amanda off, I sat down with the innkeeper to figure out how much money we had made. It was substantial, but there had been quite a few costs to pay as well. After paying the band, supplies for the food and cleanup, our share was enough to cover the cost of our rooms for the week, buy some apples as a treat for Starbrite, Shadowmist and Paulie’s yak and have a little left over.
<â€Thanks for thinking of Starbrite. I’m sure he enjoyed the treat.â€>
<â€Any time.â€>
I went to a tailor and spent the rest getting an apron made for Lenn. I considered getting him a “Kiss the Cook†apron in reference to Breaking Bad, but instead went with one that read “A’ Drippin’ That Sauce†in reference to Epic Meal Time, who I’m pretty sure will be the cause of the epic zombie apocalypse that will one day occur back home. It’s only a matter of time.
Tomorrow we head back to Sandpoint. Probably at an ungodly early hour, so I guess I should put this away and get some sleep. I’m sure things will go south on us again soon, so it was nice to have this break. I especially enjoyed singing with Aurora. I hope we can do it again sometime.
I mean, I read a study once that showed that people who sing together have their brainwaves sync up during the song, and that’s kind of cool, knowing that Aurora’s thinking like me when we sing.
<â€And with that, we’re never singing together again.â€>
<â€Aww, I was just joking. Come on, you have a beautiful voice. You should share it with the world, or at least with me.â€>
<â€Perhaps we’ll discuss it some other time.â€>
One thing I’ll say for my life, though. It’s never boring.
Roll Play is a bunch of people from the SC2 scene playing D&D.
Neal, the DM, does some livestreaming of some of his campaign work, mapmaking and whatnot. They stream for like 3-4 hours on Twitch every Sunday, and there's usually a Q&A on Reddit afterwards.
Murder, seduction, tentacles and some sausage for some reason. When we returned to Sandpoint, I began having the nagging suspicion that something was missing. I did a quick inventory, and nothing important was missing, at least. Still had my spellbook, all my magical items and my useful tools and alchemical concoctions. It probably wasn’t worth worrying about, and we had bigger things to do. Well, let’s not say bigger. Let’s say more important.
What I’m saying was I was off to seduce Shayliss, and I don’t want to give any woman any reason to suspect that I’ve called her fat.
I went down to the general store to find the sexy young woman, only to find it closed. That was strange. It wasn’t a holiday as far as I knew. I checked a few of the places I had seen her, but she wasn’t at any of them. So I returned to the inn to drop off my non-essential luggage.
Aurora, who had been tailing me to make sure my quest wouldn’t lead me into danger, told me that things in town seemed a little tense to her. I agreed.
When we reached the inn, we found the others seated in the common room. It seems Geo had about as much luck finding Shalelu as I had in searching for Shayliss. Not surprising, really. Shalelu was likely out keeping an eye on the local goblins. She was the town’s protector, more or less, after all.
A messenger for Belor Hemlock arrived just as I returned to the common room after ditching my extra gear. He needed to speak to us, so we headed over to meet with him right away, after I took the time to make sure the others had their stories straight about where I was when that farmer broke his arm.
He looked a bit troubled. “I need your help,†he told us, getting down to business. “There was a murder last night. Two people were killed at the lumber mill. My men are investigating, but they’re a bit green.â€
“Goblins are green!†Lenn interrupted enthusiastically. Geo took a moment to quiet the man.
Hemlock continued. “Anyway, they don’t have the experience with this kind of thing that they need, and I was hoping you five would be able to help out again, since you had such luck exposing and stopping the goblin plot.†Damn. I had been hoping that book two of this obvious trilogy would wait at least a few months. Hell, Dresden gets a year between most books. Is it too much to ask that I be given time to find a steady, non-committal girlfriend before more horrifying crap goes down? Really? Is it?
Paulie spoke first. “Righteous, man. You can count on us, bro.†Yeah, if his voice sounded like a mix of Keanu Reeves and that turtle from Finding Nemo, you got it right. There’s something seriously wrong with that guy. As soon as this damn town gives me a breather, I’m going to have to figure out what the hell is going on with him. I took Psych 101 as an elective back in freshman year, mostly because I thought it meant the show and not psychology, but that should be enough to diagnose whatever the heck is going on, right? Of course, that’s going to follow finding a steady bedmate and figuring out why it is Aurora seems to have spell resistance that only works some of the time.
I pulled out my magic sleeves and put them on, picturing a classic Sherlock Holmes outfit. My clothing immediately changed to match what I was picturing. “Alright, we’re in. What do we know already?†I made a mental note to buy a pipe sometime, since the outfit was lacking without it. No one commented on my change of clothing.
“Well, we think the killer is someone you know.†Because of course s/he was.
“Why do you suspect that?†Geo asked.
“We found this at the scene.†He pulled out a note. The note was quite disturbing and I shall not write the contents here lest it drive you off the very cliffs of insanity, but it was signed ‘Your Lordship’. On the back was the name of the person who it was addressed to. It was smeared, but I know my own name when I read it. Well crap.
“Who was killed?†I asked, my face in my palm.
“One of the victims was Katrine Vinder.â€
Of course she was. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to stave off a headache. “Let me guess. The other was Banny Harker?â€
The sheriff seemed surprised at that. “We haven’t told anyone that. How did you know?â€
“Long story. Short version is that rumor about town is that the two of them were involved and it was causing her father no end of grief.â€
He seemed satisfied with that answer. Then his mood darkened. “We had to lock up Venn. He flew into a rage and attacked me and my men when we told him his daughter had been killed. I don’t think he was involved, but right now he’s the only suspect we have.â€
“Anything else we should know?†Geo asked.
“Yes. Harker’s body was mutilated. Someone carved this into him.†He pulled out a piece of paper, which had a rough sketch of a sihedron on it, because of course it did. At least one of us must have shown recognition on our faces, because he asked, “Do you know what it is?â€
“Yeah, we know what it is,†I said, trying not to face palm once more. I pulled out the amulet I was wearing. “We pulled this off of Nuallia’s corpse.â€
He seemed startled. “Put that away. Don’t let anyone but me see it. I don’t believe you all had anything to do with it, especially since you weren’t even in Sandpoint when the other murders happened, but you know how people talk.â€
“Other murders?†Aurora asked, startled.
“Yeah. Some local con artists. They were carved up like Harker and we found a similar note, but this one was written to them, inviting them to help out with some kind of scheme. I’m sure they’re related, but I’m not sure what made these separate individuals into targets.â€
“You didn’t mention that Katrine was mutilated like the others. How did she die?â€
“Looks like she was pushed into the wood chopper.â€
I puffed on an imaginary pipe for a moment. “Okay, so how about this. Perhaps she and her lover got into a fight and he accidentally pushed her into the wood chopper. Then, having witnessed the fight, our killer struck at the man who killed her. You see, whoever this is, maybe they are trying to kill those who have committed crimes. Perhaps another runewell related plot?â€
“It’s not bad as a theory,†Geo agreed.
“It’s better than anything we have,†Hemlock replied. “Go check out the scene of the murder, talk to Venn and maybe talk to the guy who witnessed the first murder.â€
“There was a witness?†Man, this sheriff may be good at keeping the peace, but he really sucks as a detective.
“Grayst Sevilla. Local thug and known associate of the three dead cons. They usually hire him to protect them. He’s in bad shape. Gone mad. We have him at Habe’s Sanitorium outside town. We thought he may have done it, but he was locked up when this second set of murders happened.â€
“Anyone else we should talk to?â€
“Ibor Thorn, Harker’s partner. He found the bodies at the mill. We’ve detained him at the mill’s office, but we’ll need to let him go soon.†I took a moment to bend a gold coin as a cap for Geo’s sihedron ring. While I was working, Lenn pointed out that my hair seemed shorter. Merde, crap and Battlefield Earth. Lyrie Akenja had that pouch filled with hair and nail clippings and such.
We headed off to investigate the murder scene. As we walked, I addressed the others. “When it turns out this is being done by Lyrie and I’m vindicated for suggesting we kill her when we had the chance, I expect your apologies to be long and drawn out. Public, too.â€
Unless you want to give me your apology in private, Aurora. If you know what I mean.
<I wouldn’t count on it.>
When we arrived, the guards let us in. Geo and I headed to the murder scene while the others went to speak to Thorn. It was a gruesome sight and smelled horrible. I’ll spare you the worst details, but here’s what we think happened. Someone came out of the swamp near the mill and entered the mill through an open window. He attacked Katrine and Banny. Katrine tried to fight him off with an axe. In the struggle, she was pushed into the running wood chopper, but not before striking her foe. We collected rotting flesh from the axe, which we identified as some kind of undead, though not the type.
Then the foe took its time killing Banny. Flesh was peeled off, his jaw was missing – likely to prevent us from using magic to speak with his corpse – and the rune was carved into him. Then the murderer made its way to the city’s waterways, likely covering its tracks and its scent. Remind me to start boiling any water I drink in this town.
The others discovered from Thorn that Banny had been cooking the books and stealing money from the mill’s owners, the Scarnettis. Lovely family, that one. Suspected of burning down competing mills and likely to brutally kill someone stealing from them. But I don’t know that they have control of undead and I don’t know that there’s a connection to the other murders. Likely a red herring. Will investigate it, but not wasting too much time with it.
As we walked to the jailhouse, we discussed what we knew. “It’s too bad that no one witnessed this murder,†Geo lamented. “I mean, there was one guy who saw the other one, but he’s crazy and likely won’t tell us much. We could use a more solid lead. I know you suspect it’s Lyrie, but I’d like more proof.â€
I thought for a moment and a realization hit. “There was one witness to the murder.â€
The others looked shocked. “What? Who? How do you know that someone witnessed it?†Aurora asked.
“Elementary, my dear Aurora,†I said. “On my world, we’d have the entire CSI team gathering forensic evidence. With DNA and other tools, this would be an open and shut case. But this isn’t my world, which means we can’t use those.â€
“I don’t see how that helps us,†Geo said.
“Yeah, dude, I think you’re riding the wrong wave,†Paulie added.
“You’d think that, but you’d be looking at the downside. You see, this isn’t my world, which means there are other tools available to us that are completely beyond what we could do back home.â€
“So what does this have to do with another witness? Who could you mean?†Aurora asked
“Katrine Vinder.â€
“I hate to break it to you,†Geo said, “But I’m pretty sure she’s dead.â€
“We can rebuild her. We have the technology,†I said with a wink.
“What?†Aurora asked, still confused.
Geo caught my meaning. “She was in two pieces, but she was all there! The killer didn’t mutilate her or take any of her body parts! But still, that’s going to be expensive. I don’t think we have the money.â€
“Would anyone care to tell me what you two are talking about?†Aurora seemed to be getting more confused.
“It’s elementary, my dear Aurora. Back on my world, bringing someone back to life would be impossible. Here, it only costs a trip to Magnimar and a very sizable donation to one of the large temples to pay for the materials needed. We could be speaking with Katrine Vinder within a couple of days. I think I know someone who will front us the money and we can pay them back later. We’ll get Sheriff Hemlock to have some guards escort her body and continue our investigation. You all in for helping me pay back the loan when we get the money?†The others agreed.
All the guards at the jail were giving Venn Vinder a wide berth. His cell was the only occupied one as we went to speak with him. Upon walking in, I immediately cast a charm upon him, making him regard me as a close friend and trusted ally. I had prepared it that day to use on him, after all, but I was expecting to be talking my way out of an *** whooping while getting dressed if I needed it.
He eyed the others warily, but seemed to relax when Lenn handed him a sausage. Seems he hadn’t eaten all day.
I spoke with him, and he told me what he could. The man was clearly heartbroken. Can’t blame him. I would be too. In a moment of compassion, I made a mistake. I told him that we were going to revive his daughter. We should probably be keeping that on the down low. We don’t want the killer finding out and interfering. But I told him anyway. He told me that he would hold me to it.
He had no real enemies, so we didn’t think the killing was revenge on him. And he confirmed that his surviving family was staying with a friend, so they should be safe. Our questions asked, we headed off to go speak to Brodert Quink. Perhaps his more extensive knowledge on Thassilon would help us decipher what connection there was with the rune.
First, we showed the scholar the flesh sample we’d taken from the crime scene. He seemed to recognize it and grabbed one of his books, which identified it as ghast flesh. Crap. I knew enough about ghasts to know that they carry ghoul fever, a less virulent form of plague similar to the zombie plagues you see in movies back home. We would need to go make sure we destroyed the brains of the mutilated victims. Katrine was likely fine, since it was obvious that she hadn’t died from the plague itself, which was required to reanimate them, but Banny was still suspect. The other three had died too long ago to be capable of coming back from it.
Quink told us a bit more about the sihedron. He told us that most scholars believe it represents the seven virtues of rulership: Wealth, Fertility, Honest Pride, Abundance, Eager Striving, Righteous Anger and Rest. He has a different suspicion. He thinks it represents wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. Yeah, the seven deadly freaking sins. Because of course it does. I’m going to skip the part where we start out not believing the scholar with the whacky theories only to have him vindicated later and go straight to believing him. I’ll let the others decide if they want to believe him or not.
Quink said he’d look into it more for us, and we headed off to where they were keeping the bodies. We bored a hole into the back of Banny Harker’s skull, then Geo drank a potion and inserted one of his tentacles into the hole. The sound it made was disgusting and I’m never eating calamari again. A moment later, there was the sound of an electrical arc and we smelled the brain burning. Eww.
After replacing the removed piece of skull, we checked out the other three bodies. Sure enough, the same mutilations. Jaws missing, sihedron rune, all that. We then spoke to Sheriff Hemlock and filled him in on the plan for Katrine. He agreed to have a couple of his guards secretly take the body to Magnimar by wagon. I told him I’d have the funds to him by morning, or at least a letter to my adopted family to secure them if the person I was going to speak to wouldn’t help us.
It was evening after we left Belor Hemlock and I wasn’t going to a sanitorium at night. Nuh uh. Ain’t happening. So we returned to the inn and I told the others I would send a messenger to the person who would hopefully loan us the money. While the others went about their business, I snuck into the kitchen.
Inside, Ameiko Kaijutsu was kneading some kind of dough. She was wearing a low cut blouse and pants that must have required mechanical aid to squeeze into and a cute little apron that did nothing to hide the cleavage exposed by her shirt. Thank god for that.
She smiled when she spotted me. “If you’re here to make another attempt at seducing me, it’s going to fail just as bad as last time.â€
I shrugged nonchalantly. “Can’t have failed that bad if seeing me makes you smile,†I said sagely.
She laughed. It was good to hear her laugh. Poor girl had been through a lot lately. “Okay, so perhaps you didn’t make quite as much of a jackass of yourself as you could have. So what brings you here?â€
“Aside from a chance to see you with that cute little bit of flour on your cheek?â€
She laughed again. “Yes, aside from that.â€
“Actually, I hate to ask, but I need a major favor. Can you keep a secret?†She agreed that she could and I told her about the murder and our plan to revive Katrine. She listened thoughtfully and responded. “I can understand your need for secrecy. How can I help?â€
“I need to borrow the money. I can get it from my adopted family back in Absalom, but that could take days, maybe even weeks. The longer we delay, the more we risk further murders. The faster we can act, the more people we can save.â€
“You and your friends saved my life and this town. I’ll gladly help out. I’ll give the money to Sheriff Hemlock first thing in the morning.â€
“Good, now we just need to explain why I was in here in case anyone’s following me, since we think the murderer might be someone we know.†I looked at her and said completely deadpan. “I’m going to need to grab your butt and you need to chase me out of here and shout at me.â€
“Wait, you’re going to what?†Before she could react, I had already given her firm butt a good squeeze and dodged away, grabbing a couple meat pies before fleeing the kitchen. She chased after me with the wooden rod she used as a rolling pin, though I could see she was fighting to look annoyed instead of laughing as we burst into the common room.
It’s too bad that she doesn’t seem like the kind of girl down for a casual romp. She’s beautiful, exotic and a lot of fun to talk to. I’m sure I could successfully woo this one, but only if I wanted a real relationship. There’s only one girl I’d consider that kind of thing with since she’s already agreed to go back to Earth with me, but that doesn’t seem like it’s gonna happen. Oh well, plenty of other beautiful girls in this town. I’m sure at least a few of them are down for a relationship that doesn’t have any chance in ending in marriage.
Once I had finished eluding the feisty woman with the rolling pin, I made my way up to my room. Remembering my missing hair, I prepared and cast a spell to warn me of intruders to the room and sat down to take stock of my possessions. It seems I was missing some socks. Since there weren’t any dryers to lose them in here, I knew that this was likely the work of Lyrie, though it made sense.
I guess Amanda Kaddren might have taken them and the hair as a memento, but that would be too easy. No, someone I don’t want to have them has my socks and some of my hair. Yeah, that’s not a thought I needed before going to bed. Maybe if I think about how firm Ameiko’s butt was, I can block that other thought out.
A field of screams. Anyone who has done any reading on literary techniques, be it from TVTropes or a more formal education, is probably familiar with the term “Chekhov’s Gunâ€. It describes a principle articulated by the Russian playwright Anton Chekhov, where he says in several known letters something to the effect of “If you have a gun hanging on the set during the first act, it must be fired sometime during the second or third act. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.†It’s a part of the law of conservation of detail. There’s only so much detail you can put into a work before it becomes counter-productive, so you have to make every detail count.
If the gentleman thief steals a silver letter opener, expect it to still be in his pocket when he gets ambushed by the werewolf. It helps prevent an issue with suspension of disbelief, since we recall him picking it up. Certainly makes more sense than him just happening to have a silver bullet in his pistol when the time comes.
It’s an important technique for any author. I must admit, however, when you’re writing about events from your life more or less as they occur, it’s generally very difficult to set up a Chekhov’s Gun. You don’t know what item you pick up might prove useful later on and you don’t want to spend all your time writing about every little thing in hopes that it’ll prove pivotal later. So you just write about things that have an interesting story regarding how you acquire them and hope that you get lucky.
If you don’t, at least you have the satisfaction of knowing that literary critics who read your work are waiting in anticipation for Chekhov’s Gun to be fired with no payoff coming. It’s the literary equivalent of blue balls. And blue balls, my friends, are always funny. Unless it’s happening to you.
I had set my magical alarm before bed and it awoke me about an hour later. I woke Aurora and we heard the sound of something up on the roof. We tried to investigate, but it was gone and we went back to our respective beds. I made a mental note to reign in the radius of the alarm to just include the room itself.
In the morning, I told the others about it and they agreed to be on alert. I might have to consider setting traps up on the roof, since whomever was up there had to be up to no good. Unless, of course, it was just some ninjas-in-training. Ameiko is Tian-Min, after all. Maybe they work for her.
Don’t look at me like that. Ninjas are totally a thing here. Some of them even dress in all black, or more commonly, dark blue, and run around on rooftops at night. I saw some back when I was in Absalom.
I was sneaking back home after a rendezvous with the rebellious young woman looking to push back against overly strict parents by sleeping with a notorious local bad boy who had caught my attention that week. Yes, notorious. My escapades with the diplomat’s daughter had given me something of a reputation around the city. No one could prove anything, of course, but that didn’t stop by dance card from being pretty full.
Anyway, I had used a nearby rooftop to get up to the young woman’s window and was using the same roof to make my way to an alley near a busy street when I spotted three figures running across another nearby roof. Let me explain something to any would-be ninjas out there. Conventional military wisdom suggests keeping yourself between the sun and your enemy, preferably while having the high ground. This is advantageous since it means your enemy will have to stare in the direction of the sun to see you.
When you’re not fighting but instead trying to be stealthy, putting yourself between the moon and an observer just results in being easily spotted. When your goal is to move through a city without being seen, it’s not such a great idea to stick to the rooftops, especially on the night of a full moon. Better to move through darkened streets or even the sewers, if they’re spacious enough. But these idiots figured the roofs were the way to go.
Apparently they had been told to eliminate witnesses, because when one of them saw me, they immediately began rushing in my direction while drawing weapons. I positioned myself on secure footing and prepared to cast a spell. Once all of them were in range, boom, a spray of color struck them in the face. They passed out and slid from the steep roof to the street below. I’m pretty sure none of them escaped at least minor fractures.
It seems that their instructor had neglected to tell them not to cluster up when charging a wizard.
Once we finished breakfast, we prepared to go visit the sanatorium. Deciding that the trip might take longer than we would like otherwise, Geo and I purchased some horses. We figured faster travel could be pretty useful overall, and it would be easier to carry off any loot we found in further explorations once we had this murder situation under control.
Of course, we barely made it to the edge of town when one of the town guards approached us. Apparently Sheriff Hemlock needed our help with another problem. Because of course he did. Any more of these side quests and I’m going to resign myself to chase the next butterfly I see, to hell with the primary goal. Then again, in a world where one of the deities is a giant butterfly at least some of the time, that would probably just end up being yet another quest hook.
On the other hand, it could also be Desna looking for a booty call. Never slept with a goddess before. Should keep an open mind on the idea of chasing butterflies.
We arrived at the sheriff’s office to find him conversing with an unkempt man who reeked of alcohol. I knew it was too much to hope that they needed us to come act as impartial judges at a wet t-shirt contest.
The man, who introduced himself as – I’m not making this up – Farmer Grump, told us that there was trouble on the southern farmlands. It seems that the scarecrows were attacking people. The hell is this? Westfall? The Defias going to show up next? “I know what you’re thinking, but the deadmines was only a set back!â€
I guess it could be worse. Jeepers, creepers, where’d you get those peepers? Jeepers, creepers, where’d you get those eyes?
I suspected that it was probably more goblin shenanigans. It wouldn’t surprise me for Lyrie to have called on some old allies to continue harassing us. My main clue was that dogs had been eaten. I know that I wasn’t going on much, but considering that we had just recently taken on some goblins, it made sense.
It could also have been constructs. That’s how I would do it, if I were Lyrie. Wait, no, that’s wrong. I’d have used landmines. Good luck finding those without a metal detector.
Since it sounded like this was more urgent, we agreed to go look into it. After all, the dude in the sanatorium would still be there, crazy as ever, tomorrow. These farmers probably didn’t have that kind of time.
We headed out towards the farm that seemed to be at the epicenter of the attacks, the Hambley place, arriving late in the morning. Man, let me tell you something. You’re never so aware of just how many damn scarecrows there are on a farm as you are when you think they’re going to come to life and attack you.
I dismounted and threw a rock at the nearest scarecrow. Nothing happened, so we approached cautiously. Sure enough, sometimes a scarecrow is just a scarecrow. We were slightly less cautious as we approached the next one.
Of course, that one looked up at us and let out a bone-chilling, inhuman shriek and began trying to break the rope that held it tied to the post. We could hear others shrieking all across the farm as they were all alerted to our presence.
And here I was without a single fire spell prepared. The wicked witch was surely cackling at my predicament. Or at least, she would be if she hadn’t been killed by her own mop bucket. What a world, indeed.
We were surrounded by maybe a dozen of the things, each trying to break their bonds. One near us did so immediately, but the one that had initially shrieked struggled. Aurora and Starbrite made quick work of that one while the others attended to the nearest free foe.
With that many enemies, I unleashed the monkeys. No, not what you’re thinking. Get your head out of the gutter. I mean I conjured a swarm of monkeys under my control. I did, however, shout “MONKEYS!†in my best Gir impression.
The roving pack of murder monkeys swarmed the nearest scarecrow at my command. One of the little beasts clambered onto the foe’s back and tore the burlap sack from its head. I inwardly groaned at what I saw. We weren’t fighting goblins, nor were we fighting constructs.
We were fighting ghouls.
The rest of the fight was quick and brutal. The ghouls were little match for us, though one of them managed to infect Geo with ghoul fever. He found the whole thing fascinating. We knew that we had at least a few days to get him cured, so we weren’t worried about it. And if worst came to worst, we knew that we could use the wand I had commissioned in Magnimar to extend that duration by weeks if necessary, thanks to Geo’s knowledge of the disease.
We tended to our wounds. Paulie used the wand he’d been carrying and I took the wand he had traded our statue for and began tossing out heals as well. When I got to Aurora, I noticed that she seemed to be resisting the spell. I still managed to force the magic through to close her wounds, but that was still worrisome.
She had never resisted a spell I had cast on her before. It seemed to be growing worse. Maybe it’s some kind of anti-magic malady? I really needed to take the time to experiment.
Once we were done healing, I walked over to Geo, who was inspecting a ghoul. “Why were they tied up like that?†he asked. “If they hadn’t been tied, they would have been able to come at us in greater number, instead of a few at a time.â€
That was a damn good question. I was about to tell him that I had no idea when Aurora spoke up. “Perhaps they weren’t ghouls when they were tied there?†I was impressed. Beauty, brains and an awesome butt. I love that girl.
We carefully checked the rest of the scarecrows. We suspected that there might be a few infected people still alive up there, so we couldn’t ignore them. Still, we were cautious, in case a ghoul or two remained.
The first couple scarecrows were just that, but the third was indeed an infected person. She looked extremely ill. It’s possible she could have turned any moment. It’s definite she wouldn’t last twenty four hours. Luckily, all we had to do to prevent that was fire Chekhov’s gun.
I pulled out the wand I’d had crafted while we were in Magnimar and tossed it to Paulie. Sure, it had been made to heal me if I had to use my blood to fuel some spells, but it worked well enough for this. “Geo, what does the disease target?â€
The alchemist thought for a moment, obviously recalling some medical texts. “Fine motor control and overall well being.â€
“On it, dude,†Paulie said. “Righteous.â€
The woman looked to be feeling a lot better after a couple wand bursts, so we cut her down from the pole. She introduced herself as Lettie Guffman. As we continued checking scarecrows, she told us how she and several others had been taken a few days ago. She also told us that the ghouls had been holed up in the barn. I was tempted to suggest that we just bar the doors and light it on fire, but I couldn’t be sure that they didn’t have more living victims inside, so we were probably looking at another breaching action. We were getting fairly good at those. If only I had a supply of flash bangs.
We located a second person tied up. “Horran!†Lettie cried out. Having learned a bit about the town, I recognized his name. This was Lettie’s husband. He looked to be in about the same shape as she had been, so Paulie quickly tended to his illness with the wand and we cut him down.
He confirmed what his wife had told us as we checked the last scarecrow, which turned out to be another dud. We discussed it for a moment and offered them the use of Shadowmist and my own white mare, who I was mentally calling Rarity but held the actual name of Snow Belle.
“Go to the temple and tell Father Zantus that you’ve been infected with ghoul fever and need healing. If he insists upon charging a donation to the church, tell him to contact me about it later,†I said. “The two of you don’t have time to dally, so get going. Go straight to the temple, then visit Sheriff Hemlock and let him know what’s going on.â€
Aurora told Shadowmist to protect them and Snow Belle – which I still think is a stupid name, by the way – and the horse seemed to acknowledge her command. One of these days, I need to figure out how she’s so good with animals.
We headed towards the barn. It was built around a statue marked with yet another sihedron rune. Because of course it was. Bob dammit.
We were careful about looking into the barn. Geo quietly opened the door and didn’t see anything, though the darkness made it difficult to be sure. He came over and reported it to us.
Let me explain to you the difference between a zombie and a ghoul. Zombies are slow, shambling creatures. Ghouls are faster. Zombies can strike you, bludgeoning you with their limbs. Ghouls have claws and horrible toothy mouths. Zombies are as dumb as a sack of rocks. They cannot think at all. Ghouls, however, have working brains.
For a properly prepared wizard, you may hide your form in the dark, but not your thoughts. I prepared a spell and searched inside, listening for the thoughts of our foes. Nothing. The damn place was empty. Sometimes being clever means you find hidden enemies and sometimes it just means you waste a spell.
We turned our attention to the farmhouse. The door opened into a room that looked like living quarters. Nothing appeared inside, so we headed in. Geo noticed a faint scent of death coming from down the hallway, so he investigated. As he peered inside an open door, we heard the sound of a ghoul’s shriek.
For some reason, we fought the ghouls in the room where they were. I have no idea why we didn’t pull them back to us, but they might not have been stupid enough to follow us to a better tactical position. They weren’t goblins, after all.
Lenn took a hit and was paralyzed by the toxin in one ghoul’s claw. Aurora stood over him to block any enemies from attacking him and Geo rolled past them to help bring down our foes more quickly by attacking from both sides. Paulie hung back, ready to rush in to heal someone, though he could do nothing about the paralysis. With the doorway crowded as I knew it must be, I couldn’t get in the room either.
I knew that monkeys, however, would likely not have the same problem. I channeled power into my ring and within a few seconds a swarm of monkeys appeared in the hallway. They rushed into the room, with my mental command to attack the undead within.
Within less than a minute, the fight was over. Paulie tended to the wounded and we continued investigating.
One of the undead, a ghast – a greater version of a ghoul in case you’ve forgotten – was carrying a key. We recognized the symbol on it. House Foxglove. Unfortunately, based on the clothing, it wasn’t that annoying *** Aldern. In fact, it was dressed more like a servant.
In the room was another corpse. This one was carved up like the ones before, sihedron rune and all. It was also several days old, meaning it predated the deaths of Banny Harker and Katrine Vinder. On the body was another key. This one was simple enough. We figured it probably unlocked something in the house, since we suspected this was Farmer Hambley.
Of course, there was another note. This one clearly had my name written on it. <The rest of the page seems to be filled with vile epitaphs. The journal continues on the next page.>
I skimmed through the note and we investigated the room across the hall. It was a spacious storage room slash closet. Deep within, we found a chest. The key from Hambley’s body opened it easily. It was filled with pouches of silver coins. Far more than a normal farmer should have had.
Geo expressed trepidation at the thought of taking the man’s life savings. I told him that the farmer had no more use for it, and we had a substantial debt to pay to Ameiko, so he agreed and we collected the money.
If my years spent watching crime shows have taught me anything, it’s that there’s always a connection between the victims of a serial killer. Sometimes it’s hair color. Other times, it’s profession or location. For the life of me, however, I can’t figure out what the connection is in this case. We had to go to the sanatorium today. Especially now that we suspected that the witness had probably contracted ghoul fever.
With a lot to think about, I sat in front of Aurora on Starbrite as we began making our way to Habe’s Sanatorium. I pulled out the letter once again.
“I fear you. I hate you. You must fear and hate me as well. You may unmask me, so I must unmask you first.†The note was signed “-Your Lordshipâ€.
Fear? Maybe, maybe not. Hate? Perhaps too strong a word. I was certainly disgusted by the actions of this “Your Lordshipâ€. I was also curious as to what exactly he was doing this for. Was it simply the work of a serial killer, someone who gets off on murdering his victims? Or did he have a greater plan? Were these the rantings of the ghast who had perpetrated the other crimes, and presumably these as well, or were the letters penned by the power behind him?
If this were a novel, these seemed like they would be a red herring, or at least part of a greater plan, less important in the grand scheme. But that didn’t change the fact that people were dying, and it wouldn’t stop until we ended the one behind these killings.
So prepare to be unmasked, you son of a *****. And go ahead and try to unmask me. You aren’t going to like what you find underneath.
I am Kyle O’Halloran, son of Michael and Katherine. I was raised to never give up, never surrender. You may be a bit ahead of me now, but I am on your trail. Enjoy your little killing spree while you can, because sooner or later, I’m going to find you and I’m going to kill you. This time, you’re going to stay dead.
Sanatorium, leave me be. Sanatorium...just leave me alone. Another tool used in the crafting of literary works is the Red Herring. In its basic form, it’s a clue that leads in the wrong direction. Spotting them can be easy or difficult, depending on how you use other contextual clues. Was the man cheating on his wife a clue to why he was murdered, or was it simply extraneous information that will lead you to look at the wrong suspect?
You have to be careful, however, when deciding what’s important and what’s a red herring. Perhaps what you’re looking at isn’t so useless a clue as you suspected. Perhaps you’re just lacking context to put it into the proper perspective.
Let’s take a second look at the man referenced above. If you were to look into the most obvious path the clue leads you down, the possibility that his wife murdered him, you might find yourself drawn off course by the red herring. But what about the other possibilities that it suggests? Perhaps his girlfriend, upset that he refused to leave his wife, was the culprit? Or maybe his girlfriend has a husband of her own and the man was killed in a fit of jealousy by the girlfriend’s husband?
Both are perfectly plausible possibilities that are suggested by the revelation of the man’s affair, but are far too easily overlooked by someone dismissing the clue after a quick check of the circumstances. And that’s before you consider other possibilities, such as the man being killed in a struggle with the person who discovered his affair and is blackmailing him.
That’s why those contextual clues are so important. When you find a man who is ritualistically murdered who happens to be stealing from his boss, that second revelation might seem like a red herring. Why would the man have been ritualistically murdered? Why not just kill him in a more standard way? Classic red herring. Of course it wasn’t the boss. It looks too obvious. Of course, even then, there’s the possibility that the killing is unrelated to other similar murders and the boss was using a copycat to hide his own actions as being those of a serial killer. It makes for an excellent twist. Still, it feels like a red herring.
However, when you come back to it after examining other clues, maybe the fact that he was stealing from his boss isn’t so unimportant a clue after all. Maybe it was a clue to the killer’s motive, but not in the way you expected at first glance. You just had to look at it from a different angle. You just have to see it through a lens of the contextual clues provided by the other murders.
What does a man who is stealing from his boss have in common with a farmer who has a hoard of silver coins hidden in a chest in his closet? How about with some local thieves and ne’er do wells?
To paraphrase the words of Auric Goldfinger: One embezzler is happenstance. An embezzler and some thieves is coincidence. An embezzler, some thieves and a farmer hoarding silver far beyond what he would normally have is enemy action.
Have you spotted the overlap, the unifying thread that binds these three murders? What if I were to throw in the fatal bloodletting of a rich attorney? No, that one didn’t happen, but it’s a reference to a movie. Okay, how about the words of a scholar who believes that the sihedron symbol represents the Seven Deadly Sins? I’ll admit, I didn’t put these clues together right away, but it’s obvious now that I see it.
These people were guilty of the sin of Greed. But why kill greedy people? For that answer, we would need another contextual clue.
We had already encountered one runewell in the catacombs under Sandpoint. What if someone was trying to fuel the awakening of another runewell? But why? Think about it. The runewell we encountered, which I suspect to be related to Wrath, was being used to empower the creation of an army of sinspawn. So what would the logical purpose for awakening a runewell of Greed?
Wealth seems like a good possibility. A vault leading to vast riches that could only be opened by someone controlling a runewell of Greed seems like an excellent motive for murder. Based on what little I know of Thassilon, it seems like tying a vault to a runewell would be something they might do.
Even with three clues, I didn’t spot the connection right away. If I had, how many people might have been saved who weren’t? I’m no detective. But apparently my companions and I would have to do. May the Lord have mercy upon those poor, unfortunate souls who rely upon us.
Poor unfortunate souls. It’s sad, but true.
Night was falling when we reached the Sanatorium, which is just what I was hoping wouldn’t happen. We banged on the front door. I shouted “Sanctuary!†in my best Quasimodo voice., which was yet another reference none of my companions got. Either no one heard us, or no one cared. So, since we’re a roving band of murder hobos… I mean, “adventurersâ€, Geo picked the lock and we made our way inside.
As we entered, we immediately discovered that all the floors creaked. I guess that’s not a big deal. I mean, we had broken in to speak with the owner as duly appointed members of the law. It’s not like we had to sneak.
But come on. You and I both know that there had to be some kind of shenanigans going on here. I was just going to be happy if it didn’t turn out to be a Lovecraftian cult. With my luck, I suspected that we were probably going to be dealing with a crazy doctor with a drill. I made a mental note not to drink anything the owner gave us.
Geo went through the reception area and found what appeared to be a bedroom. Inside the headboard was a locked coffer, which we promptly opened in case it held clues, which it didn’t. But it’s the thought that counts. We opted not to take the money, since Herr Doctor Habe – I’m calling him that because I expected enough human rights violations to summon the ghost of Mengele - had not yet given us a reason to feel justified in confiscating his valuables. We only do that after we arrest someone.
I never said I was a good cop. Or even a cop, really. At best, we were outside consultants.
We made our way into a common room. As we crept along, I could have sworn I heard the floors saying, in their creaking manner, “I’m going to kill youâ€. I need a vacation. There were three doors on a single wall, so we opted to check all three doors at once.
Lenn got his door open first and said, in a voice far too loud, “Supplies!†If a group of Asians had come out followed by Weird Al, I was leaving. Thankfully, it was just full of mops and nails and such.
Geo and Aurora opened their doors at about the same time. Geo quickly and quietly closed his, but Aurora held up her hand to indicate that something was amiss. I then heard her say, “Greetings. I apologize for waking you, but we need to speak with your boss.â€
From the room, I heard a man’s voice. “GURNAK! WHY WEREN’T YOU ON PATROL?!†I then saw a tiefling, who actually kinda looked like Quasimodo, now that I think about it, lunge at Aurora with a sword. Her armor prevented any injury and Lenn rushed over and grabbed him.
I motioned at the door Geo had just closed, and he grabbed the knob, holding it tight. While he struggled with the occupant within, Aurora and I pummeled the other one into unconsciousness while Lenn held him, since he didn’t seem keen on talking like a rational human being.
Lenn rushed over to help Geo hold the door, dropping the unconscious tiefling to the floor with a hard thud. I told Geo to let the door open with the next big pull. Guessing at my intentions, he did one better. Instead of pulling or letting go, he pushed inward. Gurnak fell to the floor hard.
Meanwhile, I heard Paulie shout, “TIME TO GET HIGH!†in a voice reminiscent of the marshmallow people. You know the ones. If not, your neighbor in the dorms was nothing like mine. Also, Paulie burst into flames.
Now, I don’t mean that he was agitated. It’s not an expression. I mean, he was literally on fire. It’s a miracle that the floorboards didn’t catch as well.
One problem at a time. I motioned for Aurora to keep an eye on Paulie while I dealt with Gurnak. I wiggled my fingers, spoke a few words and, like usual, the magic happened. Except this wasn’t the kind of magic you worked on the ladies, unless you were a horrible individual. No, this was a spell I keep prepared to escape angry fathers. It makes them want to trust you, which makes it much easier to lie my way out of things. Or at least convince them to let me escape unharmed.
You could see immediately on Gurnak’s face that it was successful. He looked at me with a bit of trust, but also confusion. “Sorry for the commotion, buddy. We sent ahead a messenger. You should have been expecting us.â€
“No messenger came.â€
“My apologies, Gurnak. Look, we need to speak to the owner of this place about a recent arrival. Can you take us to him?â€
“Nonono. The master will be displeased if we disturb him. He’ll beat me.â€
“Ah, well we can’t have that. What if you just tell us where he is and we go to him ourselves?â€
“Supposed to be on patrol. If I let someone get by me, he’ll beat me. He’s upstairs, but you can’t go see him. Please, he’ll beat me so.â€
“Oh dear. Well, we can’t have that. Well, we could always tell him that we knocked you out. He can’t blame you for being overwhelmed by a large group of us.â€
“No. He’ll know I’m lying. Please, just leave and come back tomorrow.â€
I gave Geo a look and he immediately caught my meaning. “You know,†I said, pausing to make a show of it and give Geo the distraction he needed to get behind the tiefling. “It doesn’t have to be a lie.â€
He tried to say “What do you mean?â€, but he only got as far as “Wha-!†as Geo grabbed him from behind with a tentacle. As I’ve learned from a Michael Westen voice over, in a weakened state, you want to avoid pressure to your carotid artery. It blocks the blood flow to your brain and you’ll black out in about four seconds. When those four seconds involve being in contact with one of Geo’s creepy *** tentacles, well, then that’s something you REALLY want to avoid.
Gurnak hit the floor and we turned our attention to Paulie. He had the fire under control at this point, so we asked him what was going on. “This is pretty stupid! I’m bored!â€
“By all means, let’s get moving again.†We could investigate whatever the hell was going on with him later. For now, we would just have to keep an eye on him. It worries me a bit that I didn’t freak out at what was going on. Has my definition of normal gotten so skewed that this was okay to me?
I do have a theory about Paulie. Unfortunately, its premise starts with an unknown, so I can’t say I like the theory. But at least I have one. You see, it’s clear that his magic stems from a divine source. Around here, they call people like him oracles. They don’t study in monasteries nor do they spend their days praying to a god for guidance. Well, maybe some do, but it doesn’t seem to be a requirement. A deity simply decides they need something done and gives someone the power to do it. This usually also manifests some kind of detrimental side effect: the oracle’s curse.
I haven’t been able to figure out what deity has chosen him, but what if it’s more than one? What if this has left him susceptible to mind altering affects, like those of the local runewells? Would that mean that these apparent personality shifts are related to whatever runewell is putting out the strongest ambient mindwaves or whatever?
We went to one of the doors across the room, and it was locked. Geo tried picking the lock, but it was beyond his skill. So Paulie lit it on fire and Lenn kicked it down. They made an awful racket doing so. And, naturally, it wasn’t the way we had planned to go. The stairs behind it led down. As you all know, standard procedure in a haunted house is to go to the attic first, then the basement. A sanatorium with a patient infected with ghoul fever likely would work the same. So we needed to go upstairs.
I set a patch of caltrops by the door and we headed to the other door on that wall. It was unlocked and the stairs led up. Now we were getting somewhere. Geo went first to scout ahead.
He hadn’t been gone more than a minute before I heard incoherent babbling from upstairs. Two voices, and they were being loud about it. The rest of us followed and found Geo giving some food to a pair of patients locked in cells. The food had calmed them down quite a bit. The closest was a giant of a man, almost as big as Lenn and appeared to be older than feudalism. The further one appeared to be blind. Both were calmly munching on what Geo had given them.
A few moments later, we heard the sound of the doorknob turning across the room. I pulled out a scroll from my pack blindly, managing to get a good one. When the door opened and a were-rat stood before us, I cast the spell immediately. His eyes closed and he crashed to the floor, asleep. The giant patient also passed out where he sat. The blind man was either oblivious or didn’t care.
Knowing that the sleep wouldn’t last, we quickly bound and gagged the were-rat and tossed him into an empty cell, which we then locked. With the were-rat’s arrival, it was certain whomever was upstairs knew we were coming. We could work that to our advantage. He knew someone was stirring up things downstairs, but not who.
We had a pair of tieflings locked in their rooms who could fit the bill nicely. I pulled out another scroll and cast the spell upon it. A reasonable illusion of one of the tieflings appeared before me. I had it begin walking up the stairs, carefully adding the sounds of the creaking steps to the illusion. Geo crept up behind it, his footfalls much quieter than those of my image.
I followed the image up, concentrating on keeping it going. At the top of the steps, I could see the light from an open door. The image stopped in front of the door as the man inside spoke. “What the hell are you doing here, you idiot?! You’re supposed to be patrolling downstairs. What was that racket?â€
The spell I was using doesn’t allow for intelligible speech, so I quickly added a swollen tongue to the image’s mouth. One that looked like it had been bitten. The image opened its mouth and pointed to its swollen tongue, making an apologetic gesture. I then had it pantomime carrying a torch, falling, hitting the door and knocking itself out.
The man inside threatened to beat the tiefling, so I had the image flee in terror. It had served its purpose. Geo was at the top of the steps and just outside the door. After a few moments, he peeked into the room and told me with hand signals that the man inside looked like the leader. I nodded and began casting a spell as silently as I could. If I turned myself invisible, I could use another spell to read the man’s mind and figure out what was going on, what horrible experiments he had wrought.
Of course, that assumed I could cast without being detected. Which, naturally, isn’t what happened. Instead, I heard the man start at the sound of my voice. He got up and came to investigate. He walked right past Geo, whose skin had gone chameleon mode and started down the stairs, where I stood invisible. Not wanting to risk confrontation with what I assumed was another wizard, I waited until he had only one foot on the ground and gave him a push. He flipped three times before reaching the bottom of the steps.
I was going to feel like an *** if he wasn’t the bad guy I expected him to be.
My comrades at the bottom of the stairs were on him immediately. He was hogtied within seconds. At least they trust my judgment, even if I second guess myself. I saw Geo head down to help out and decided to investigate the upper floor further. The man in the cell, Grayst, spotted me before I spotted him.
“He said you would find me. He said to give you a message. He said you should come to the Misgivings soon, to meet the pack, for they have something wonderful to show you.†It was apparent he was past the terminal stage of his ghoul fever. His eyes fixated on me, sending a chill down my spine.
“Umm, guys!†I called downstairs. “I might need some help up here! Paulie! He looks flammable!†Hey, you weren’t there. You didn’t see the look he was giving me as he tried reaching through the bars to get to me for his master. “Who told you this? Who is your master?â€
His face went completely emotionless and he looked at the floor for a moment. “The Skinsaw Man is coming!†he whispered, once again fixating on me, renewing his efforts to reach through the bars.
Look. I know. I’m a wizard. Things like that shouldn’t scare me. But let’s face it, ever since the time I discovered The Slender Man mythos, there are some things that scare me more than they rationally should. Someone with a name like that, what TVTropes calls “The Adjectival Manâ€, well that makes me nervous. And he was coming for me.
Was he the man setting up the dominos in my dream? Or was this just another step up on the Sorting Algorithm of Evil? I’m not sure which prospect worries me more.
Paulie arrived at the top of the stairs and skipped – skipped! – over to Grayst. He looked at him for a moment and grinned. “Your face looks pretty soft!†he said, before reaching out and touching Grayst, who was completely ignoring him. In an instant, Grayst was ablaze.
Even engulfed in flames, he continued to focus on me to the extent of ignoring the damage he was taking. Even as Geo arrived and began to put some arrows in him, he continued staring at me. As he took his last breath, his eyes continued to try to bore a hole in me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that sight as long as I live.
As I composed myself, Geo looked around. His search confirmed what I had suspected. He was ignoring basic human rights in his quest for knowledge about mental health issues. Jesus Tapdancing Christ, I hate to be right sometimes. Lenn brought the man up and we began to question him.
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t have the catfolk light you on fire right now.â€
“No! You can’t! He made me do it!â€
“Who?†Geo asked.
“The necromancer! Caizar Lu!†He was blubbering as he spoke. I’m pretty sure he pissed himself.
“Where is this necromancer?â€
“In the basement! Please don’t hurt me!â€
“Let’s search him for keys, tie him up and lock him in this other cell. He can look at Grayst while we deal with this necromancer. That should give him plenty to think about.†I’ll be honest. I was seriously considering having Paulie just light him on fire anyway, but I don’t think Aurora and Geo would have approved.
We made our way downstairs and ran straight into a pack of zombies. There were at least half a dozen of them. Aurora, Lenn and Paulie kept their attention while Geo and I rushed down the hallway to get behind our foe. As we ran, I heard him casting a spell. I identified it as a spell to make it appear like you were in a place where you weren’t standing, like looking in a convex mirror makes things appear further away. I shouted out to the others to use their other senses as their eyes would deceive them as a I ran behind Geo.
It was worse than I thought. There were six of him. I love that spell when I use it. It was my favorite spell in World of Warcraft when I played my mage, and it’s one of my favorites now that I can cast it for real. However, it’s also a pain in the *** when other people use it.
I blasted him with some magical glitter, hoping to blind him and Geo began swinging at him. At least one hit connected as the man pulled out a potion. That’s when I noticed the awful smell.
Over where Aurora, Lenn and Paulie were fighting the zombies, the necromancer had conjured a cloud of terribly foul gas. Aurora looked like she was going to be ill, but the other two looked fine as they took down the last zombie.
The necromancer drank his potion and turned insubstantial. He began float away, making his way out into the reception room. Then Paulie let loose some kind of fireball. Fire doesn’t care if you’ve gone semi-permeable. In fact, you’ve just given it more surface area to scorch.
The necromancer fell in the reception area. We had to wait about ten minutes to loot his corpse. Meanwhile, we grabbed Herr Doctor Habe’s stash, since he had proven himself worth looting as well, even if we were going to arrest him. Remember, we’re a band of murder hobos that has been given some minor authority by the local law. We never promised not to rob people as we arrested them. If the sheriff doesn’t like it, he can find someone else to investigate this sh*t.
In the basement, the necromancer’s lab contained several bodies, as well as a map of the Sandpoint hinterlands, where he had been tracking ghoul activity. Figuring that would come in handy, we grabbed the map. We also grabbed the necromancer’s spellbook and his notes on Thassilonian magic.
It seems that the Thassilonians took opposition schools to a whole new level. I should probably clarify that a bit more. You see, when you’re a wizard, you can choose to either specialize in a particular field, or try to get a general study of all magic. I had chosen the latter, which is the norm at the Arcanamirium, but other schools emphasize specialization. The downside to specialization is that you have to give up something to spend more time on the school you’ve chosen to focus on.
This usually means that while you have a specialized knowledge of one school and a general knowledge of others, you have to choose to allow your study of another school or two to lapse. We call these schools of magic that a wizard gains minimal knowledge in his “opposition schoolsâ€. For the Thassilonians, your focus is determined by the “virtue†you choose to represent, as are your opposition schools. And more than just lacking some knowledge of the opposition schools like other wizards, you eschew their use entirely.
For instance, Wrath focuses on Evocation magic, while being opposed by Abjuration and Conjuration, the schools personifying Envy and Sloth. So a Thassilonian focused on Wrath would be able to bring down a fireball, but unable to teleport or shield their mind against mental attacks. All for a few extra spells per day of your specialization.
Every school of magic has something to offer. While I can understand specializing in a field, giving up use of two schools entirely is so far beyond foolish as to border on madness. A good wizard should have a tool for all situations, not spend all their metaphorical coin on a single, really good hammer and a couple surplus wrenches, forgetting to buy any tin snips.
What happens when you find yourself needing to cut a sheet of tin? You gonna bang on it with the hammer? Good luck with that. Still, the notes were what I needed to piece together the linking thread between the earlier murders.
I grabbed the scroll the necromancer had as well. It contained a spell for animating the dead on it, and I’m planning to add it to my spell book. Sure, it’s evil magic, but every tool has a purpose.
Going back to the map, it’s worth noting that much of the activity was centered on the Foxglove River. That was an interesting piece of the puzzle, to be sure.
You see, when Grayst mentioned The Misgivings, he was talking about the Foxglove family estate. It was called The Misgivings by the local Varisian populace due to the number of tragedies that had befallen it. In the eighty years that it had stood, people had died, servants’ quarters had burned and it had stood abandoned for much of the span.
Notable deaths included the entire family of Vorel Foxglove, the merchant prince who had built it, as well as Cyralie and Traver Foxglove. Cyralie had been burned to death and was found smashed upon the cliffs behind the house, while Traver had killed himself in his bedroom.
Naturally, it was also rumored to be haunted. The only person who ever visited it was the caretaker, Rogors Craesby, but he was dead. I knew he was dead because Craesby was missing an ear, and I recalled that the ghast at the farm had been missing one as well. I’m serious. The recollection came to me all Shawn Spencer style.
Haunted or no, the investigation led there, so we had to go. Of course it was a trap. We aren’t stupid. We’ll take the best precautions we can. But it’s the only hand we have to play right now and none of us are keen on giving up yet.
Back when Summer Wars came out, a number of my friends and I got into Hanafuda Koi-Koi. I don’t want to spend too much time here discussing the rules, but the important thing to remember for my purposes is that any time points are scored by forming a yaku, or card combination, you can choose to either stop to cash in points, or you can choose to keep going. When you keep going, you say the words Koi-Koi, or “come onâ€, to indicate that you’re continuing. This isn’t without its dangers, as the opponent can end up stealing away your victory by forming a yaku before you can do so again. This is, of course, a gross oversimplification of the rules, but it’s close enough for my purposes here.
We had won a victory, even if mostly unrelated to the main task, by slaying the necromancer. His information will prove invaluable. Unfortunately, our foe was still winning, and if he won, more people would die. This hand wasn’t over. Koi-koi.
We were so tired when we got back to town and turned over our prisoner that we didn’t even realize that Shadowmist, Rarity and the two farmers never made it back.
A haunted house, ghouls and finding the Skinsaw Man. Infamous writer Oscar Wilde once wrote: “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.â€
Anyone who has ever visited a message board, or read any comments on Youtube, knows well the truth of this. Remove social consequences, and the niceties vanish. For some of us, we take on an online persona whose social standing is perhaps as dear to us as our own in real life. Others instead bask in the freedom of anonymity to unleash the darkest parts of their very souls, the masked bandits of the connected world, reveling in the release of the darkness within them.
I have never understood these people, though I have, from time to time, donned a mask to commit mischief. I was wearing one the day my friends and I toilet papered a teacher’s house. During the infamous incident with the Chelish ambassador’s eighteen year old daughter, then too was I wearing a mask. And, of course, there was that Halloween incident with the shopping carts, the eggs and enough bottle rockets to start a small war in a third world nation. I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations has come up on that last one.
I guess, in a way, I do understand the power a mask has on its wearer. By hiding your face, you armor yourself. No one can see your fear, your remorse or even the wicked glee upon your face as you are at your most unleashed. Perhaps then, I understand what the Skinsaw Man was going through when we encountered him. How far away from that state have I been myself?
Perhaps more than anything we encountered this night, that thought unsettles me greatly. People have “promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.†In this man, our foe, I have beheld myself as a nightmare. If only it were as simple as waking up.
But perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.
Thanks to a tendency to learn as much as possible about a new location, we already knew that the manor we were planning to investigate was most likely haunted. As such, we didn’t want to go in unprepared. So we decided to spend a day in town on a bit of a lock and load montage in preparation for our trip into the haunted domicile.
Aurora and Geo stocked up on holy water while I enchanted Aurora’s armor, in hopes that a little magic would protect her as much as possible from ghosts. After they had completed their purchase, the other four spent time finding out anything they could about The Misgivings and the Foxglove family. They only turned up one more piece of information. Turns out that the family had some connections to a secret-ish society known as the Brothers of Seven. They were merchants and also rumored to be thieves as well. At the time, we weren’t sure if they had anything to do with what was going on, but it was interesting to note.
Speaking of things that were interesting to note, my teapot had gone missing. When I mentioned it to our innkeeper, she offered to replace it. With all Ameiko had already done, I really could not accept her offer, so I declined. I did consider asking her to upgrade the locks on the room, but decided not to worry about it at the moment.
I then went to speak with the local priest. I figured he might have a few magic scrolls that could help us against ghosts or other undead. He didn’t, but he was helpful about suggesting what divine magic effects to look for when I visited the magic shop.
At the shop, I found several scrolls of the spells that Father Zantus has suggested. I picked up a few for protection from both the corporeal and incorporeal, then made a larger purchase, grabbing one that could consecrate an area against the undead. I wasn’t sure if it would offer much help in the haunted house, but I figured that since “swarmed by ghouls†had become a regular occupational hazard for us, it would be nice to have. I gave all of these scrolls to Paulie, since I figured he’d be able to cast them with little issue.
In the afternoon, Belor Hemlock informed us that the head of the Scarnetti family and a number of his guards had been attacked. I sent a letter to the man, warning him of the link between greed and the attacks. In it, I suggested that if any of his men were known to be exceptionally greedy, he should ensure that they are not left without someone else to help protect them.
Of course, I knew that the attack had been on him and not one of his men, but you don’t just come right out and call a nobleman in this kind of society a greedy *******. There are niceties involved. At the least, you have to imply, rather than outright saying it.
We had spent the day in our preparations, but had found out mid-morning that the farmers and our horses hadn’t returned. Sheriff Hemlock sent a group of men to go check out the road between town and the farm, but had found nothing. Which is why we were all incredibly surprised when Shadowmist returned to town that evening. He was once again wounded, and wouldn’t let anyone near him until Aurora managed to calm him down enough for Geo to get a chance to tend to his wounds.
Geo told us that the poor thing had been infected with Ghoul Fever. It was sorta weird going to Father Zantus and spending a donation of far more than most people made in a month to cure our horse when people had been dying all around Sandpoint from attacks. But still, we did it. We suggested that Father Zantus ask Desna to bless him with as much disease removing magic as possible, since we had a feeling that this would get worse before it got better.
After the horse had been taken care of, the rest of the evening was uneventful, until maybe an hour after we went to bed. I was awoken by a mental ping from my magical alarm in time to see the doorknob turning. I’m not sure if I had forgotten to lock the door, or if it had simply been picked, but I didn’t wait to find out. I quickly used a cantrip to wake up Aurora, who was asleep in the other bed, by hitting her with a light magical force.
As the door opened, I saw a ghoul creeping into the room and lumbering over to my bed. For the record, that’s an image I’m never, EVER, going to be able to get rid of. Once it stood over me, I kicked quickly, trying to send my blanket onto his head, but failed miserably. I then rolled and fell between the two beds, shouting all the while.
Aurora grabbed her weapon, which lay next to the bed, and leapt to her feet, putting herself between me and the ghoul. Unfortunately, without armor, the ghoul managed to both bite and claw her, likely infecting her with Ghoul Fever and also paralyzing her. So it was up to me to save us, since I couldn’t hear anything from the nearby rooms where Lenn, Geo and Paulie slept.
In the close quarters, I had two options in my spells that I had prepared that day. The first was magical bolts of force. It wasn’t a bad option, but there was no guarantee it would kill the enemy. If it failed, then that was it. We were probably doomed, barring intervention from one of the other rooms.
So I went with option two. I quickly stood and unleashed a blinding blast of sanctified light in the face of the ghoul. Yeah, I know, I’m not exactly the holiest person. But I can fake it pretty well, and that’s all the magic needed.
For most people, like Aurora, who also got a full view of the pulse of light, the light functions similarly to the visual component of a flashbang. If you’re looking right at it, you’re blinded for a few seconds. But if you have evil in your heart, the sanctified light burns away the unclean.
Undead, being reanimated by unholy energies of unlife, are always evil. The ghoul reacted the same way a normal person might if you ignited a fireball in their face. First there was the screaming, then the falling, and finally, the little bit of twitching. This was followed by a light salad and a cheese course.
Okay, so actually it was followed by Geo rushing in, dagger drawn and tentacles at the ready. And no, that’s not something you want to see when you’re in your bedclothes. Yet another image I won’t ever be able to get rid of.
We heard the sounds of combat outside, so I told Geo to wake the others and bring their armors into our room so I could gird everyone in a few seconds with magic. I then handed Aurora my spare set of magical clothing changing sleeves and we were both in more appropriate clothes in an instant, only having to put on shoes the old fashioned way. I mean, we were rushed enough that I could justify not leaving while Aurora changed, but we really didn’t have time for that.
Once the others reached the room, I used my magic to slip their armors on them all at once, and we headed downstairs and outside. The scene was pretty chaotic. We managed to slay a few ghouls as we worked our way to the loudest part of the fighting at the town square.
Remember how I said that “swarmed by ghouls†had become a regular thing for us? Tonight was no different. Too bad Paulie didn’t think to bring the scrolls with him.
The fighting was quick and fierce. Where a single ghoul had given us trouble while we were unprepared, more than a dozen over several waves fell before us like wheat before the scythe, even if they were coming from all directions.
After the fighting had ended, Belor Hemlock approached us once again. It seems that “Your Lordship†had left me another note at the Scarnetti attack, but that the initial investigation had missed it. It read, “I will destroy you. I will take the mask you wear and make it my own.â€
You bet your *** I pushed an armoire in front of our door before trying to go back to sleep that night.
The next day, we headed out towards the manor fairly early. I mean, I still got my eight hours of sleep, but we left earlier than I probably would have preferred. We arrived late in the morning after a fairly uneventful journey. As we approached, the sky seemed to darken and I felt apprehensive, like Nagisa going to spend a weekend with Shizuma at the similarly creepy cottage to learn her Etoile’s secrets. And if you got that reference, you have no grounds on which to judge me.
Still, I worried that this episode would end with me or one of my companions crying and cut to a saccharine as hell end theme in one of the greatest mood whiplashes in history.
“Unmei†still playing in my mind, we decided to first investigate the broken down and charred remains of an outbuilding, likely the servants’ quarters which had burned down many years ago. The sound of the surf and a few crows were all we heard as we approached.
Inside, a quartet of ghouls were playing the song of gluttony, noisily gorging on the remains of some animal. It wasn’t until we got a bit closer that I recognized the clothing worn by two of the ghouls…and the animal they were feeding on. Without thinking, I shouted, “Rarity, no!†and plunged my companions and myself into combat with the ghouls.
Anger dominated Aurora’s visage as she and the others grimly cut down the foes. We then stood over the poor creature who had given her life to try to help us save people. It was a senseless waste. Had we known that there had been no other survivors in the area, she wouldn’t have died. We had to assume that the farmers had been killed as well, though none of these ghouls were them.
Horran and Lettie Guffman were two more people whose names would be etched into the book that recorded my failures. And Rarity was another comrade, albeit only an animal, who had fallen in battle because of my failure. Someone would pay for these deaths. I would see to that.
The main house had a large set of double doors that opened when we used the key we had found on the dead Foxglove retainer. Inside, we were greeted by many, many eyes upon us. I almost opened fire with a spell before realizing that all the eyes were attached to stuffed animal heads. One of those heads was still attached to its body.
Stuffed or no, I cried out upon spotting the manticore. Then Geo and I spotted wafts of smoke coming up off of its body. “Holy water?†I asked him. He nodded and drew a vial, having come to the same conclusion as I had. Either this was some kind of actual fire, which meant water would be a solution, or it was ghostly activity, which holy would deal with. Hence, holy water.
Geo threw the flask. It struck the manticore and shattered. The smoke continued, but the application had clearly had an effect, so Geo threw another one. With the second flask expended, the smoke stopped and we walked inside.
Surrounded by all these taxidermied critters, I couldn’t help but think that if this family were moved to my world, the Foxgloves would have their own reality program on TLC. I just wasn’t sure if it would be “Redneck Nobles†or “Extreme Housekeeping Disastersâ€. You see, it smelled god awful in there. I felt like I would need to bathe in bleach for a week to start to feel clean again.
Paulie must have noticed my hesitation. He laid a hand(paw?) on my shoulder and said, “Come friend, let us bravely venture inside. Justice awaits!†His voice had shifted again. Sometimes the shifts in his voice were subtle, but this was anything but. I had heard similar things said with similar voices, usually by paladins with more faith than brains. This was going to be a long delve into a creepy as hell house. Oh well, at least he didn’t seem intent on burning everything down. Not that I didn’t think this house could stand to go through a good fire. I just prefer that we be outside when it happens. I also wanted to wait until we were done searching the place for clues. We were going to find and end “Your Lordshipâ€.
Inside, we found several things of note. The first was a magical, mummified monkey’s head. After a quick inspection, I determined that it would let out a shriek if the rope attached to it was pulled. Lenn hung it around his neck as a companion to the other head there.
The second thing we discovered, after moving a rug, was a disgusting, yet also interesting patch of mold. It spiraled inward, almost as if someone had painted it on. We carefully passed it and continued deeper into the house.
The third thing we found was a set of stained-glass windows. The windows, four in all, each depicted a grisly scene. Each had a seven-sided box marked with necromantic symbols and a monster that looked like it was being drawn into the box. The four monsters we managed to identify as a treant, a roc, a sphinx and a kraken. We weren’t sure what the significance of the types of monsters was, but with the necromantic symbols and the terror on their faces, we suspected that they were sacrifices of some sort. And, if necromancy was involved here, then it was safe to say that a ghostly infestation was not only possible, but maybe even likely.
As we entered the next room, we noticed movement near the fireplace. Geo tossed in a flour bomb to reveal our invisible foe, but it didn’t stick to anything. Whatever it was, it was likely insubstantial. Geo then, against all better judgment, approach the spot where something appeared to be pacing. He got this strange look in his eyes, grabbed Lenn by the arm and led him outside to the building where we had just fought the ghouls.
The servants’ quarters, or at least, what was left of them, were now covered in hundreds, maybe even thousands, of terrifying looking birds. They looked to be ravens or crows.
The butter it came out all grizzle-y gray. Ristle-tee, rostle-tee now, now, now. The cheese, it took legs and ran away. Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey Donnie-dostle-tee, knickety-knackety, rustical quality, willow-tee, wallow-tee, now, now now.
Worse than just crows, however, they also looked diseased, possibly even undead. I had an idea, but I wasn’t entirely certain it would work, so I handed Aurora my flask of acid, being careful not to spook the birds. Then, I quickly recited the words of the spell and unleashed a blast of light into the middle of the flock.
Thank God I had been correct and they had been undead, otherwise that probably would have just pissed them off. As it worked, the vast majority of the crows died instantly in the purifying light. The half dozen or so that survived flew away, and we hurried back indoors.
Once inside, we asked Geo what had happened. “I’m not entirely certain. First, I hear the name ‘Lorey’ whispered, then I suddenly start feeling like there’s something outside I absolutely have to show Lenn right this instant. Then, there was that bright flash of light and I’m back to normal, though my head is a bit fuzzy.â€
Our standard operating procedure in dungeons had thus far been “Geo scouts aheadâ€. Now, knowing what kind of things the spirits within were capable of, we agreed that separating like that would likely be suicide for our scout. No, we were going to stick together.
Continuing on, we found a rat in a metal tub. What the hell was this, “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark� Someone probably brought the thing from Mexico, thinking it was a chihuahua. The damn thing was diseased, so Geo shot it and we moved on.
In the next room, we found a grand piano. In a moment of curiosity, I decided to see if the thing still played. Maybe Chopsticks would improve everyone’s mood a bit.
No sooner had I hit a key than it began playing on its own. Geo suddenly burst into dance. I think the dance he was doing was the Foxtrot, but it’s hard to tell when there’s only one person dancing. When he stopped, he told us that he had been dancing with a woman who appeared to be getting strangled. It seemed to disturb him greatly, so we moved on.
In the next room, we spotted a ghostly figure in the window. As a nice change of pace, nothing horrible happened to Geo and we continued our investigation. Naturally, the next room held a surprise for Geo as well.
In the middle of the room, which appeared to be a library, lay a fine looking scarf. Geo, not having learned from my experience with the piano, walked over and picked it up. No sooner had he done so than it began to strangle him. We fought to pull it from him and in a few moments he was gasping for breath and the scarf was upon the floor.
“I think I was the woman,†was all Geo said at first. After a few moments, he continued. “She was Aldern’s wife, Iesha. He strangled her to death.â€
Captain Crunch and the Cavity Creeps. Not only had he hit on Aurora, he had been married when he had done so, or at least a self-made widower. That ******* had to die. Right after we took care of the Skinsaw Man, we were hunting down Aldern next.
Geo looked a little worse for wear, so Paulie zapped him with the wand I had gotten crafted back in Magnimar. Wait, actually, let me rephrase that to reflect the look upon Paulie’s face as he did so. Paulie “bravely†zapped him with the wand I had gotten crafted back in Magnimar. Bravely.
I’m not so sure I like the intensity on the catfolk’s face today. Maybe we’d be better off with him back to his previously apathetic self.
We investigated a bloodstain on a bookend and decided to investigate another floor. I had once heard that when in a haunted house, you should go to the attic before the basement, so we took the stairs up. As we walked up them, we heard echoes, as though someone was following us. As expected, checking behind us revealed nothing. Apparently the house just had a good grasp on the Rule of Creepy.
The first room we checked had a fireplace in it. My first thought, and I have no idea why this was my first thought, was that it was large enough for a child to get lost in. I still haven’t figured out why that thought came to me and I doubt I’ll ever know. What I do know is that I was suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of terror. I thought I heard people arguing.
In my mind, these people arguing were my parents. And somehow, I knew that they would eventually try to kill each other and that the survivor would then be coming to kill me. Then I saw a man covered in tumors and wielding a long knife fighting against a woman wielding a torch. I was filled with an overwhelming urge to hide, but I spotted the banner Aurora carried on her back and felt a bit reassured, so instead I sat down where I was, grabbed my knees and began rocking back and forth until the feeling passed.
I snapped out of it to find Aurora’s hand upon my shoulder. I reassured the others that I would be fine and told them what I had seen, then we continued our exploration.
The next room contained more of the stained glass windows. More necromantic symbols could be seen in each, and they all contained imagery that I took several moments to put together. “Son of a Lich!†I swore.
“What is it?†one of the others asked.
“Scorpion venom. Vampire’s breath. Tongue of deathwing moth. Belladonna. Heart of a maiden slain by poison. This is a formula for turning a wizard into a lich. We have to find out more. If whomever did this is still here, we’re going to have to deal with him, and we aren’t nearly prepared enough to handle a lich.â€
We continued searching. The next room contained a number of portraits covered in cobwebs. This time, it was Lenn’s turn to ignore the danger of curiosity. He pulled away the cobwebs, revealing portraits of two separate Foxglove families. On one side, the portraits of Vorel, Kasanda and their daughter Lorey.
On the other, Traver, his wife Cyralie and their children Aldern, Sendali and Zeeva. On a side note, though she was much younger in the portrait, I could have sworn I had seen Sendali Foxglove before. The best my memory could come up with was that the similar face belonged to someone who owned a restaurant in Absalom. I know I’d seen that person at a few parties, but I never went and talked to her. I wonder if it’s the same person.
Suddenly, the room grew cold and the lights we carried dimmed. The faces in the portraits began to morph and change. As best we could tell from our knowledge of the tragedies that befell the families, they showed us how each person died. Only Sendali and Zeeva’s portraits remained the same.
Aldern’s portrait depicted him as a ghoul.
“Well, crap. Now we’re never going to get paid,†I said. On the other hand, I had a good excuse to kill him, so I guess it was a wash. On the other other hand, I suddenly felt pretty ill. Looking at myself, I could see sickly red splotches all over my body.
The room had returned to its normal temperature, the portraits changed back and the lights became bright again. “What’s wrong?†Aurora asked. I looked around and saw that I wasn’t the only one staring at my skin. Paulie and Geo were as well, though I could see no sickness upon them. That suggested two possibilities to me.
“Either this is a hallucination, or we’ve been infected with a magical plague, one which allows us to see the symptoms before others see them on us. We’ll need to be careful when we return to town for help. There is no telling how contagious we are.â€
Past that room was another which looked like a study. As we entered, Paulie rushed to the desk and pulled what looked like a wooden stake from the drawer. He then turned it, preparing to plunge it into his chest.
We wrestled it from his hands and Lenn held him down until he seemed to return to normal. “What the hell do you think you were doing?†I asked.
“I was trying to bravely stab myself.â€
“Why?â€
“For justice.â€
“What.â€
He just shrugged and I let it drop, figuring it was the work of the ghosts within the house. I was really starting to want to get out of here, but not without finding out what had happened to the lich. And there was still the Skinsaw Man to deal with, and this house likely held clues as to his whereabouts.
Next was another washroom. This tub didn’t contain a rat, but the floor of the room looked decidedly unsafe. I splashed a bit of conjured acid on the floor, tipping the balance and, sending the iron tub and the room’s entire floor crashing down into the washroom below.
We continued on, making a note to be wary of dangerous looking floors. As we walked into the next room, I noticed Aurora’s head move, like she heard something. She then began reaching for her dagger, struggling to keep herself from drawing it. She looked at me and said, “Get away from me, quickly!â€
I did as she said and in a few moments she managed to fight the compulsion. Her shoulders relaxed and a single bead of sweat dripped down her brow, following the line of the scar across her eye. She blinked as the sweat struck her pupil. “What happened?†I asked.
“I heard a woman’s voice. ‘What have you gotten up to, down in the damp below?’ it asked. Suddenly, I was filled with an overwhelming desire to kill my wife.â€
Huh. “So, I’m your wife, eh?†I asked, my tone suggestive.
“Don’t read anything into it. It’s probably just because you’re the most feminine of the possible targets I had.â€
I looked first at Lenn, muscle-bound and massive, then to Geo, with his writhing tentacles and finally to Paulie, whose feline face currently seemed vacant of anything resembling thought. Then I thought about how I owned more dresses than anyone in the party, just in case I had to disguise myself as a woman or got cursed again. “Yeah, I guess that checks out. Let’s keep going.â€
Before leaving the room, we examined a portrait on the wall. It belonged to Iesha Foxglove, Aldern’s wife. Geo confirmed that she was the woman in his visions.
Most of the rooms upstairs contained building materials. It looked like Aldern, or some other recent occupant, was working on fixing the roof. The boards were normal lumber – pine, I think – so there was no value in stealing them like the time we took apart those darkwood pews in that abandoned cathedral. Not that we really had time to deal with the boards anyway.
A woman’s unearthly shriek came from down the hall. Holy water in hand, we rushed to where we heard the sound. The door was locked, so Geo picked it. Inside we found a poor, wretched shell of a woman staring at a mirror, seemingly unable to look away. I recalled reading something about a type of undead that had such a self-loathing that mirrors were almost anathema to them, so I suspected that the woman was a revenant, a creature come back from the grave to slay the one who murdered it. She also looked to be wearing the same clothes Iesha was wearing in Geo’s vision, so we suspected Aldern would be her target. We figured an alliance would be a good move. But we needed to make sure the rest of this floor was clear, so we left her to her mirror for a bit and continued searching.
The next room contained more of those stained glass windows. The first depicted a dark haired woman, who I suspected to be Arazni, the Harlot Queen of Geb. A little interesting backstory on her. No idea if it’s true, but it seems plausible in this world gone mad. Geb is a nation ruled by the dead. Not a good place for a vacation. Arazni was once the Herald of the human-turned-god Aroden. After an attack on Geb, the ruler retaliated and sent his newly raised minions – the knights who had attacked him – to steal her corpse, which he animated as a lich. She now rules alongside him as his Harlot Queen. I have no idea why they added Harlot to the name, rather than calling her the “Dark Queen†or “Eternal Queen†or “Lich Queenâ€, though that last one might have been due to copyright law or something. Not that they have Warcraft here, but you know, maybe.
The other window, which was half broken, depicted another famous lich. Socorro, known as the Butcher of Carrion Hill for reasons that aren’t entirely clear to me, served Tar-Baphon, known as the Whispering Tyrant. To the best of my knowledge, the Whispering Tyrant is imprisoned in his old capital and his Butcher hasn’t been seen since the tyrant’s defeat. The entire nation of Lastwall watches over Tar-Baphon’s prison.
I suspect that these people were the inspiration, perhaps even personal heroes, for the person who sought to become a lich. If those are his role models, I don’t want to meet the guy, unless I’m at the head of a column of paladins sent to destroy him. And only if they each had a keg of holy water hooked to a garden sprayer.
As I studied the windows, I became aware of Lenn flailing about behind me. “This is stupid!†he shouted. Then, he was back to normal. I suspect it was another ghostly vision, but I’m not sure what he saw.
Once we had learned what we could from the windows, we headed to the next room and began looking for other clues. Also, for things of value not nailed down. Actually, we had tools to pry out nails, so even things that were nailed down, so long as they were small enough to carry.
Geo found a removable brick that hid a cache of platinum coins, some vials that he thinks once contained the drug pesh, and a key. Likely the key to Iesha’s room, if I had to guess. I picked up the ornate telescope and stuffed it in my bag. Sure, it was broken far beyond normal means of repair, but I wasn’t planning on using normal means to repair it. A quick bippity boppity boo and it would be worth at least a thousand gold to the right collector. We also grabbed a painting depicting a bullfight done by famous artist Ando Something-or-other. Peng-Peng.
While all this was happening, Paulie looked lost in thought. The difference from the vacant expression he had been wearing much of this day was noticeable enough that Aurora kept an eye on him in case he tried to stab himself again.
Finally, we prepared to free Iesha. We made sure to clear a path for her and then threw a blanket over the mirror. We figured that she wasn’t a danger to us as long as Aldern lived, and I use “lived†in the loosest of interpretations.
As suspected, she marched off immediately, hunting for Aldern. We followed close behind as she headed downstairs.
In the basement, there was what looked like a kitchen. We heard sound in the walls, and suspected that there were probably vermin in the walls. Rats, since we had seen the one in the tub. We quietly followed Iesha down the hall.
Once she reached end of the hall, she began pounding on the locked door. This, of course, brought the rats. Because of course it did. We could hear them scurrying in the walls, so we rushed into the kitchen. I prepared a spell. When the rats came pouring from the wall, they found themselves surrounded by hundreds of monkeys.
That lasted about two seconds before Lenn starting swinging at the intermingled swarms, killing monkey and rat alike. Within moments, the swarms were decimated by the combined assault of my companions and the acid I was flinging. It’s a good thing that those monkeys were only temporary magical recreations of the real thing, or I would have felt bad.
We heard the door Iesha was at splinter and rushed after her. The room inside was some kind of arcane workshop, and it had two more stained glass windows. The first depicted a man, Vorel by the looks of it, drinking the contents of a flask. The second showed him, with a terrified look on his face, being sucked into the seven sided box.
The windows also appeared to be moving a bit. We had to decide quickly whether to continue following Iesha or investigating further. We had to decide whether to investigate further or continue following Ieshas. I used my ring to cast a spell to allow me to see all magic auras. My eyes began to glow blue and I could see nothing from the windows. It had to be more ghosts. Eff that. We followed Iesha.
She had managed to get a bit ahead of us while I had cast my spell, but her tracks were easy for Geo to follow. From up ahead, we heard the shrieks of ghouls. We moved quickly to catch up and found Iesha under attack by a number of the creatures.
We attacked them, helping clear a path, and Iesha hurried on. In the next chamber, we found her fighting against a number of small green ghouls with watermelon-shaped heads. Or possibly ghasts. But I’m going with ghouls because “Ghoulblins†sounds better to me than “Ghastblinsâ€
Aurora jumped down a ledge to flank the ghoulblins, and promptly took a claw attack and was once again paralyzed. We immediately jumped to her aid and took out the ghoulblin threatening her. Then we helped Iesha with the ones she was dealing with. She continued forward into a moldy room while we healed up.
We then followed her, arriving to find her in combat with Aldern Foxglove. He looked to be having trouble bringing himself to hit her, so the fight was looking kinda one sided. When he spotted me, he shouted, “You?! You’re supposed to be dead!â€
“You first,†I replied, taunting him.
As Iesha continued striking him, he pulled on a mask that looked to be made of bits of human skin. No sooner had he tied it than Iesha and my companions brought him low. As he collapsed, he shouted again. “No! It wasn’t supposed to be this way!†and then his face began morphing, taking on a new appearance.
There’s no other way to say this, so I’m just going to come right out with it. He looked like me. Aldern dead, Iesha’s face became serene. “Finally,†she whispered, then collapsed, finally heading to her eternal rest. We looked over the room. There was a suspicious mold spot shaped like a man, but that’s not what drew my attention.
On the table was my teapot, my missing socks and several other items I had lost, as well as things I had thrown away in the last week or so. As if that wasn’t creepy enough, Aurora called me over. “I think you need to see this,†she said, sounding disturbed.
Aldern was wearing a locket. Inside was a portrait of me. It was actually a pretty good portrait, though the circumstances just made it feel creepy. He was also carrying a notepad with a number of drawings of me in different poses.
I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was the drawing of me sleeping. Before I knew what was happening, I was yelling at the top of my lungs and stomping Aldern’s corpse like he was a necromorph and I was Isaac Clarke, or for the older generation, like I was Michael Bolton and he was that damned fax machine. I still remember the sensation of his skull exploding beneath my boot.
On the table was also a letter. I read it and handed it to the others to read, not quite sure I could trust myself not to growl incoherently while trying to speak.
We inspected the fungus on the wall, the patch shaped like a man. On the ground next to it was the broken pieces of what looked like a puzzle box. Geo volunteered to grab them, pulling a cloth around his face to keep from breathing spores. I cast a spell on him to protect him from any magical effects from the fungus, specifically mental control and possession, since it had been that kind of day. He gathered the pieces with no trouble and set them on the table for us to look at.
After piecing together a few of the pieces, it was beginning to take shape quickly. It was beginning to appear seven sided, and I could make out a number of the symbols on it. Yep, this was a lich’s phylactery. We couldn’t be sure what had caused it to break, but it seemed likely that the lich hadn’t completed his apotheosis. That might be why Vorel looked terrified in the stained window upstairs.
It also couldn’t be a coincidence that it was laying next to a man-shaped patch of fungus. We looked at the fungus further. It seemed to follow the shadows we cast, so Paulie shot an arrow infused with magical sunlight at it, just to see what would happen. Sure enough, the arrow somehow managed to disperse much of the fungus. A couple more arrows did little to further alter the fungus, so we began wondering how to deal with that infestation once and for all.
If this fungus was tied to undeath, then Positive Energy, the force that creates life, would probably be able to cleanse it like bleach, down to the mycelium. Sadly, we had not brought a cleric with us. We tossed some holy water at it, and that did seem to have a decent effect, but I suspected we would need at least a couple kegs of the stuff to really cleanse this place.
Worried what would happen if this fungus was allowed to spread, I brought my concerns to the others. Geo, Lenn and Aurora had no suggestions beyond returning with a cleric or two and some more holy water, but Paulie did come up with a suggestion that I really should have thought of.
“Well, if all we need is positive energy to exorcise this foul beast, perhaps we may bravely use the scroll you provided me with.â€
The scroll? “I’m not so sure that shielding it against ghosts will have any real effect.â€
“No, the other one,†he said. He pulled out a scroll and I saw the label I had put on the ribbon tied around it. It read “Consecrate: For Use When Swarmed by Ghoulsâ€.
I slapped myself in the forehead for forgetting about that. “Yeah, let’s do that,†I told him. He cast the spell and the room suddenly became comfortingly warm and a soft light seemed to glow all around. The fungus began to let out an unearthly shriek as it melted away to nothing, leaving only dust behind. “What a world, what a world,†I said softly.
We gathered up Iesha’s corpse, wanting to give it a proper burial, and set out to finish looti- err, I mean exploring the house. Couldn’t leave any more dangers inside, you know. We braved a few more dangers and killed a few more ghouls, the Guffmans among them. We also slew a skaveling, a sort of bat-ghoul thing. It was probably the demon creature people reported seeing.
Among the corpses of the skaveling’s victims, we found something, or perhaps I should say someone unexpected. His face was decomposed, but still recognizable. “What have we here?†I said rhetorically. “If it isn’t Shaz ‘Red Shiv’ Bilger. You know, you’re a wanted man. There’s a reward out for you, dead or alive. Shouldn’t have attacked those caravans, Shaz. You should have lived in town, made some kind of honest living. Maybe then you’d still be alive. Oh well, least you can do is make us some money.†We threw his corpse in a separate sack from the one we were using to carry Iesha and continued upstairs.
After further inspection of the windows in the arcane workshop, we felt comfortable coming to the conclusion that the windows told the story of Vorel’s path to Lichdom, starting with his inspirations at the top, the formula he used below that, the sacrifices below there and finally the climax of the ritual and it going awry somehow. I’m not sure we’ll ever know exactly why it failed. I’m just glad that it did.
In the room were some rat cages. It looked like someone had been experimenting with the fungus on the poor things. A few were still alive, so we quickly put them out of their misery. Further inspection of the cages revealed a maker’s mark. “Pug’s Contraptions. Magnimar,†Geo read. Well, that settled it. We were going back to the big city.
Wanting to make sure we had completely cleansed the place, we took several hours to prepare the house for burning, stacking lumber soaked in alcohol or oil in numerous places throughout to maximize the burn. We also put the ghoul corpses under the piles to make sure they burned as well. While doing so, we discovered several other small caches of loot to take with us.
It was evening when we lit the fire, and night had fallen when the fire reached its full blaze. I stared out at the ocean, the blue light of the melancholy moon and the orange flames of the fire intermingling in the clear water.
I noticed her scent before I heard her, the soft scent of lilac intermingled with cured leather and metal. “Are you alright?†Aurora asked me, her voice concerned.
“I’ll be fine,†I said. “You?â€
“It’s too bad we couldn’t save more,†she said softly. I just nodded. We stared out at the water for several minutes, neither of us saying a word. Then, she spoke again. “Would you play something for them? Not just the ones getting the cremation, but the Foxgloves too? It doesn’t feel right letting them go with nothing to send them off.â€
I nodded again and pulled out my violin. I took a moment to consider what to play. Amazing Grace might be fitting the funerary nature of this, but the grace of any god was not something the Foxgloves had. No, they had been cursed by the actions of one earlier in their line. That reminded me of another family who had similarly been cursed, though the progenitor of their family curse had become a vampire instead of a lich. Still, the similarities were striking.
I put the bow to the violin and began playing “Bloody Tears†from Castlevania, changing it on the fly from a background theme to a more melancholy tune fitting my purpose by altering the tempo, emphasizing certain notes and softening others and even altering the key and adding in my own verses as I played. I have to say that it came out pretty beautifully.
In the moonlight, I could see a single tear running down Aurora’s cheek before she thanked me and excused herself.
I stood on the cliff for a while, staring out at the ocean and considering the letter we had found on the table near Aldern. It had been addressed to him, detailing his orders for after he turned into a ghoul, including mention of a list of targets for the sihedron ritual. It was signed by someone called Xanesha.
The Skinsaw Man was not the mastermind. It wasn’t him setting up dominoes. That person could have been Xanesha, but somehow I doubted it. Either way, she was another step up on the chain of command and had much to answer for.
We had scored a goal today, but the game was still being played. We had to decide whether we felt we had done enough or if it was up to us to keep searching for the one responsible. I knew my answer. Koi koi.
I returned to the small campfire where Lenn was making dinner. We ate and began our trip back to town by moonlight, satisfied that the barren, rocky ground wouldn’t allow the flames from the manor to spread.
Upon returning to town, we had Father Zantus come cleanse us of disease, paying yet another donation to the church that it likely shouldn’t have been charging. We then returned to our rooms to get some rest so we could begin enchanting our weapons in preparation for our trip to Magnimar. Xanesha and the Brothers of Seven were waiting. We didn't want them to wait too long.
A townhouse, hostage rescue and a drunk barbarian. Back in Absalom, there was a young tax collector who once owed me a favor. He was a friend of a friend and I had set him up with a young woman I knew, and they got married. Since he offered to help me out if I ever needed it, I took him up on his offer, asking for information.
You see, I was still trying to learn the value of money in Golarion. If I had to work beyond performances at a tavern, I had no idea what would be a fair wage. I mean, I couldn’t use those performances as a comparison since I had no idea what bands back home make.
So it was that we spent a couple afternoons discussing the types of wages people make. Turns out, at least in his experience, that your average reasonably skilled craftsman makes somewhere in the neighborhood of around six hundred gold pieces a year. That amount comfortable supports the craftsman, a spouse and a couple kids at somewhere in a middle class lifestyle. Back home, for the sake of simplicity, let’s assume that puts us at around sixty thousand dollars a year.
By comparison, a somewhat skilled farmer makes somewhere in the neighborhood of four hundred gold. By our scale here, that means that he’s making around forty grand a year. Considering the general costs of living, that perhaps means he has the ability to put aside maybe forty or fifty gold year for larger expenses, injuries and the like.
Now, I’m making some suppositions here, but I’m reasonably comfortable with those numbers. It gives me a basis to work from. It puts every gold piece at around a hundred dollars in comparative value. If I assume I’m off by around ten dollars per gold piece or so, I can at least ball park things a bit.
To make sure I understood it well enough, I compared the value of some common items here with their counterparts at home. A loaf of bread runs around two copper pieces in most bakeries. At one hundred coppers to a gold, that means a loaf of bread runs about two bucks. That seems reasonable. A pitcher of common wine runs around two silver, or twenty dollars. Again, makes sense.
It breaks down in the face of the differences in our manufacturing culture compared to theirs, with things like a simple backpack running about two hundred bucks, but thus is the way of machines. What we can put out in the thousands per day in a single factory, a craftsman on Golarion might make one or two of in a day.
Now, I haven’t actually tallied up the value of what I own, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the possessions I carry are worth somewhere in the low millions of dollars in value by equivalence. Definitely at the point where the word million is a valid way of describing the value of my possessions, even if I’m only at a very high fraction of that. Perhaps three-quarters? I don’t know. Again, haven’t really calculated it. I do know that I’m currently sitting on about one hundred and eighty grand in liquid assets, mostly coins but also a few gems and such.
Not bad for a kid who has only lived here a decade or so.
After a few days of recuperation, we left Sandpoint for Magnimar. I worried that Sandpoint was setting itself up to be someone’s Doomed Hometown, so as we left I had the nagging feeling that something would go wrong while we were gone. Still, it would be worse to leave our lead to get colder, so we headed for the big city. Maybe I could come up with a way to protect the town while not actually being there.
Upon arriving in town in the early or mid morning, Lenn and Geo headed for the inn we had stayed at last time, to secure us some rooms and probably a bit of food. Aurora, Paulie and I went to sell the telescope I had taken from the manor and repaired with magic as well as the painting we had liberated as well. All told, not a bad haul.
As we were heading over to the inn, we noticed a house with a number of city guards outside. I talked Paulie into talking to the guards to find out what was going on, since none of them were women for me to try charming.
He did a good job as usual and we found out some troubling information. Turns out there had been a number of murders, all similar to the ones committed by the Skinsaw Man. I had suspected that he was nothing but a pawn. Sometimes, I hate being right.
We found out that the person in charge of the inquiry into the murders was a man by the name of Justice Ironbriar. I had heard the name before, in passing, but didn’t know much about him.
In a town of a good size like this in a world as horrifying as this one, it wasn’t too uncommon for there to be murders. Normally, however, they were confined to the seedier parts of town. These had spilled out into the wealthier neighborhoods. In fact, they seemed to explicitly target nobles and merchants of some means.
This had the town in an uproar. The ritualistic nature of the murders wasn’t helping either. As we returned to our inn, it seemed that everyone was talking about the killings.
Lenn was a bit drunk when we got to the inn. Geo told us that they had heard rumors of the killings and we compared information, before setting off to find out what more we could gather.
We had made a number of contacts in Magnimar when we were last here, so we tried those first. It was at the home of one of those, Amanda Kaddren, that Geo recalled the cage we had found in the Misgivings. Sadly, that meant that I had to decline Amanda’s offer to let me give her a thorough private interrogation. Lives were at stake, no matter how attractive she was and how thorough she was offering to let me be.
I had Geo take a few minutes to damage the cage as an excuse to go talk to the man who had made it, and we set off for Pug’s Contraptions.
The proprietor fixed the cage and we got what information we could, saying that our friend in Sandpoint had asked us to return it to his friend here in Magnimar, but we’d forgotten his friend’s name. The man did his best to be helpful, telling us that the one who had bought it was a strange man by the name of “Foxboot or something like thatâ€.
Well crap, that told us nothing. We were getting ready to leave when he recalled one piece of useful information. Turns out the Foxgloves owned a place in the city. Since we had taken the keys from Foxglove, we figured we’d head there. Good a place as any to look.
There was a guard walking along the road out in front of the townhouse as we approached it. Lenn, unfortunately, was still drunk. “We’re breaking in!†he declared loudly to the guard.
If I could have facepalmed right then without looking suspicious, I would have facepalmed so hard that I knocked myself out. Instead, I laughed. “Sorry about our friend, guardsman. He’s drunk. We’re just airing out a friend’s house while he’s out of town. See, we have the key.†He didn’t quite seem to believe me, and I can’t quite blame him. After all, we were armed to the teeth. But still, he did nothing to interfere with us. He just called over another guard and they chatted outside the house. Probably making sure we weren’t stealing anything.
Once inside, I set up a magical alarm in the entry room, to let me know if anyone came in behind us. While I did that, Lenn picked up the rug, looking for mold. We weren’t bothering to be quiet. After all, the place should be empty and the city watch already knew we were in there. Being sneaky would have just raised suspicion.
We heard footsteps upstairs. I almost panicked, thinking a servant was still home. But then I remembered the words of Michael Westen. “I never run around in the bushes in a ski mask when I'm breaking in someplace. Somebody catches you, what are you gonna say? You want to look like a legitimate visitor until the very last minute. If you can't look legit, confused works almost as well. Maybe you get a soda from the fridge, or a yogurt. If you get caught, you just look confused and apologize like crazy for taking the yogurt - nothing could be more innocent.â€
I quickly recalled the name of the Foxglove hireling in Sandpoint. “Rogors, is that you up there?†I called upstairs.
I heard a familiar voice. “Oh, we have guests!†Aldern Foxglove said. “We’ll be right down!â€
Aurora looked over at me and mouthed “What the fu…?â€
I shrugged, replying with a mouthed “I know, right?â€
After a moment, Aldern and Iesha Foxglove stood before us. What kind of magical trickery was this? Had we done the Time Warp and gotten here a few months ago? It wouldn’t have been hard. It’s just a jump to the left, followed by a step to the right. My mind began racing for the right thing to say.
Unfortunately, my right thing to say wasn’t as fast as Lenn’s wrong thing to say. “Didn’t we kill you?â€
This time I couldn’t contain the facepalm. I decided to go with the assumption that either these were fakes or the Aldern we killed was. “Lenn, that wasn’t real. Remember? Aldern and I were fencing.†I looked at Aldern. “You were showing me some of your moves after the boar hunt and I accidentally tripped you. You were out for over an hour.â€
“Oh! Right, right,†Aldern said. “I remember that. See, big guy, I’m okay.†That answered that. Either this wasn’t the real Aldern Foxglove or he knew about the fake and thus had to cover for his lack of knowledge.
“Anyway, what are you doing back in town? We took this cage to be repaired like you asked because you said you wouldn’t be able to make it back for a few more weeks. And this must be Iesha,†I said, removing my hat and bowing. “I’m afraid that your tales of her beauty simply don’t do her justice. I thought she was going to be out of town as well. Or did you set this up to make sure you could show off your extremely beautiful wife?â€
‘Iesha’ tried to look flattered and Aldern laughed. “It seems you’ve caught on to my little scheme. Come, join us for refreshments in the dining room.â€
“Sounds good,†I replied. “Lenn, why don’t you help our host with the refreshments. The rest of you go ahead, I’ll be right along. My boot seems to be coming untied and I need to attend to it.â€
While they went ahead, I fiddled with my laces until they were gone, then cast a spell to allow me to hear thoughts. I concentrated as I made my way into the next room, where they waited, and began the questioning.
“Since you guys are here, maybe you can help us find work like you promised,†I called out to Aldern in the kitchen, focusing my thoughts on Iesha. “You said that the Brothers might have something for us to do?â€
“We can certainly see what they have available,†Aldern called back, sounding uncertain.
Iesha’s mind, however, revealed something else. “The Brothers? What do they already know?†she thought.
I had to fight to keep from grinning. “Oh, and before I forget, if they don’t have anything, don’t forget to ask your friend Xanesha. You said she might have something as well that we could work on.â€
The alarm in Iesha’s mind was immense. “This isn’t going well. What did that idiot tell them?â€
Aldern walked into the room holding a tray of glasses with what I guessed to be some tea. “That’s also a good possibility. She’s always looking for help.â€
I turned to focus on his mind, but before making it, I glanced at Aurora. In that moment, our eyes met and my spell allowed me to hear her thoughts. It was an accident. I never intended to do so. Still, I saw her thoughts anyway. She was utterly seething. Her thoughts were a bit jumbled, but if she had been given the chance, I think she would have hit Iesha right then and there.
I really am unsure why she was so angry. Unless, maybe she was jealous? I did get that my compliment to Iesha was part of it. That is somewhat intriguing.
<That had nothing to do with it. Just forget you ever saw anything.> <But you were…you know what? Nevermind. I didn’t see anything.> <Smart choice.>
I managed to break away from Aurora’s mind and focused on Aldern. He was just as close to panic as Iesha. “Dear, why don’t we head out into the garden and pick some fresh herbs. I bet some of that tarragon would go splendidly with the sausage our guest has brought with him.â€
From in the kitchen, Lenn called out, “I like sausage.â€
I motioned for Geo to check outside. He opened the door a crack and I looked out as well, hearing their thoughts as he heard the words. The gist of it is that Iesha was going to double back around and they were going to surround us and attack.
I rushed towards the entrance she would use and activated the hat of disguise I had taken off of the real Aldern, doing my best to look like him.
A few moments later, Iesha came in. She seemed startled that Aldern was there. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be surrounding them.â€
I felt one corner of my mouth turn upwards and began chanting the spell I had chosen for this. As the power began to coalesce within me, I heard the fighting starting in the other room. I have to admit, I had never handled offensive power of this magnitude. It may have gone to my head. “And lo, the power of the gods was within me. The might of Zeus flows through me and I strike down those who would oppose me! My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!†Okay, so maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me to stop bragging as it brought forth those words. I can’t be sure.
Still, you have to admit that it was awesome when I stretched out my hand and a bolt of lightning, nature’s raw destructive power, shot from my fingertips into Iesha. As the bolt struck her, her form changed, revealing a grotesque creature I didn’t recognize. Some kind of shapeshifter, to be certain, but not sure what it was.
The rest of the fight was quick and brutal. When it was over, Geo opened the door and called out to the two guardsmen still standing outside. The fighting had gotten their attention and they looked ready to draw their weapons.
“Guardsmen, I must speak with you both immediately,†my betentacled ally said. They rushed in, weapons drawn. Immediately they saw the corpse of the thing that was pretending to be Iesha. “As you can see, we have managed to take out a pair of shapeshifters. I apologize for earlier when my friend proclaimed that we were breaking in. In truth, we’re part of a special task force deputized to deal with the perpetrators of the recent murders and we believed that some of the people involved were hiding in here. We wanted you to wait outside, but couldn’t risk tipping off these people that we knew they might be inside, so the big guy made up that lie.â€
I was impressed. For someone who wouldn’t have any idea what a Bavarian Fire Drill was, Geo was masterfully setting one up. I decided to capitalize on his efforts.
“We didn’t realize that they had shapeshifters in their employ, so that was a surprise. We need to investigate the premises and can’t be disturbed while we do so, as we’ll be employing dangerous arcane methods to reveal what we can. As such, we need everyone kept away.†I pointed at one guard. “That will be your job. Secure the perimeter and keep everyone away.†I turned to the other. “We sent two of Sandpoint’s guards ahead on a related mission of similar importance. I need you to go locate them and have them come here to meet with us.â€
The two looked at each other, a bit dubious. “You heard the man,†Aurora barked, settling into the tone of authority one usually hears from drill sergeants. “Now move!†The men rushed to their tasks immediately.
We searched the house, knowing that it would probably be no more than an hour or so before someone caught on to us. For the most part, it was uninteresting. Upper story windows were boarded up, though you couldn’t tell that from the street.
In one room, we found a fireplace with some lions on it. Geo recalled that one of the keys we had taken from Aldern had a similar motif, so we looked for a keyhole. It was in one of the lions’ mouths. Upon turning it, a secret compartment opened.
Inside, we found the deed to the Misgivings. Turns out it was financed in part by the Brothers of the Seven and would become theirs after one hundred years. They were going to be pissed when they found out that we’d burned it down.
We also found a ledger. In it was noted an entry “Iesha’s trip to Absalom†with notes that payment was to be made to someone called “B7†on Oathday at midnight at the Sevens Sawmill. In hindsight, I should have realized that the sawmill would have been related to them on name alone. Oh well, you miss some things.
We also found some platinum coins, which we went ahead and took as evidence. Spendable evidence. We then closed the hidden compartment, making sure to make it look like we didn’t know it was there.
When we returned downstairs, the guard I had sent to locate the folks from Sandpoint returned. “I found one of them. He wants to speak with you all. I’m to bring you to him.â€
The others and I exchanged glances. “Let us go bravely forth!†Paulie proclaimed.
The guardsman looked a fair bit battered when we met up with him. I remembered seeing him in town, but had never caught his name. “I’m so glad that you’re here,†he said. “Marus was taken, along with Miss Vinder. I have no idea how they found out about you raising Miss Vinder, but they left a note with me. Found it when I came to. They want one hundred platinum coins delivered to the spot noted on this letter or they’ll kill both of them. Please, you have to save them. Marus has a wife and kid.â€
One hundred platinum coins works out to the equivalent of about a hundred thousand dollars, in case you’re wondering. “We’ll find them and bring them home safely. Then we’re going to make sure that these @#%^s understand just how bad they’ve screwed up by trying to extort us,†I said.
Along with the hundred coins, I slipped in my Sihedron Medallion. Its shape should ensure I’d have an easy time finding it with magic, in case our foes gave us the slip. I also carved something into it with my engraving kit, to make it easier to find. We then headed to the dropsite.
Geo melded in with the crowd in the plaza, finding a good vantage point and then using his alchemy to chameleon himself against a wall. Lenn and Paulie watched his progress from around a corner, hidden from view of the fountain in the center. Once he was in position, Aurora and I made the drop, stowing the bag in a hidden spot under the outer lip of the fountain, then went a few blocks out of our way and doubled back around to where Lenn and Paulie waited.
It was over an hour later, once crowds had dispersed quite a bit, that someone checked the dropsite. Geo followed them, and we followed Geo. He went through a winding path, eventually reaching an abandoned looking townhouse in a bad neighborhood.
While the others watched from outside, Geo and I made our way inside. I used magic to hide myself while Geo relied on natural skills. We listened outside the room where the man and his friends were talking. Geo slid the door open ever so slightly. I got a good look at him and we heard them talking about how they would get even more money from us.
Geo shut the door and we searched the house. The victims were nowhere to be found. We had to find a way to learn where the Katrine and Marus were being held and I had already used my mind reading spell for the day. Any attempt to try using it again would likely blow up in my face. No, we were going to have to go with a trickery based approach.
I used a light spell while standing by the upper floor window to let the others know to approach and we headed down to open the door for them. Once Geo had it open, I activated the hat I had taken from Aldern and focused on appearing just like the man we had followed here as I could. It wasn’t perfect, but the lighting was dim enough that I was willing to believe it could work. I put on my magical sleeves to alter my clothes, giving them a disheveled and torn appearance, but otherwise looking like the other man.
The others followed me and set up in the hallway out of sight. I flung open the door and pretended to be startled by the doppelganger in the room. I did my best to imitate his voice. “Oh gods! He’s here already! Quickly brothers, we must subdue him!â€
All three drew their weapons. Crap. One of the men, the one closest to the window, looked back and forth between me and the man I looked like. “What the hell is going on here?â€
This might actually work. “I was bringing back the loot when they jumped me. We messed up big! That one there is their wizard. They tied me up and he used a spell to look like me. He said he was going to read your thoughts and find out where the girl is, and then the big one would make all three of us into sausage!â€
The other two men looked to be buying it. My doppelganger looked irritated. “If I’m a fake, then how do you explain this?†He pulled up his sleeve, revealing an intricate tattoo. The others seemed to recognize it and looked to me. “Where’s yours?â€
I hadn’t counted on that. I could still salvage this. Thinking quickly, I said, “You know full well I don’t have one. You used your foul magic to strip my tattoo from me and put it on your own skin!†I suddenly stopped, trying to look like I’d heard something. “Oh gods! It’s his friends! They’re in the halls! They must have realized I got away! Run!â€
One of the men threw open the window and bolted out. I tried to kick my doppelganger in the crotch but missed, hitting him in the thigh instead. He slashed at me as I dove out the window, catching my side with a shallow slice. As I landed, I could hear Aurora clanking into the room, heading to the window. I shook my head at her, telling her not to follow right away and ran after the fleeing man, doing my best to keep up.
“Into the alley,†I called out. “I need to tend to my wound before I bleed out!â€
The man dove into the alley and I followed. “Hurry,†he told me. “We have to get back to the warehouse before they catch us.â€
“I’ll just be a moment,†I said. “Keep an eye out behind us there while I wrap the wound.†Once his attention was turned, I cast another spell I had memorized that day. It wouldn’t have worked with three together, but with the one, he was at my mercy. As the spell washed over him, he found himself trusting me as a close friend. Even if he realized I wasn’t who I claimed to be, it would no longer matter.
He turned back to me. “No one’s coming yet, but hurry.â€
“All done,†I said. I then made a show of searching my pocket for something. “Crap. I must have dropped it. Give me one moment, I need to run back a little.â€
“Why?â€
“When they jumped me, I managed to get my hands into the wizard’s pocket without him noticing. Took about a dozen platinum coins and I’m not losing them.â€
The man grinned. “You sly dog. Alright, hurry, but you’re giving me a couple of them.â€
I grinned back. “Done. Just shout if you see them coming.†I rushed back and pretended to be picking up coins. In reality, I was crushing some chalk, leaving a bit behind for the others to follow. As I was doing so, I spotted one of the others coming out of the house. I gave the signal to stay hidden and rushed back to the other man. “Let’s go!†I said, and we were off.
I left two bits of chalk each time we turned, giving the route we were taking, more or less. I trusted Geo would spot them easily. It took maybe ten minutes to reach our destination. Probably could have gotten there more quickly, but the other guy was taking a circuitous route to lose any pursuit.
We arrived at the warehouse and entered by climbing up some crates to an open window. “Are we certain that they haven’t somehow gotten here before us and taken the prisoners?â€
He looked around and spotted a pair of barrels. He went up and gave each a swift kick. I could hear a muffled sound from inside. “They’re still here. If they come after us, we’ll take the girl, put a dagger to her throat and threaten to kill her if they try to follow us. If they don’t show, well the boss will be here in the morning. We’ll see what he wants to do.â€
I nodded. I had to make sure that the people inside the barrels were indeed Katrine and Marus, and I had to do so without arousing suspicion. He trusted me, but I didn’t want to take a risk. Someone could get hurt. “Hey, that escape got my heart racing and my wee man excited. How about we take the girl out of the barrel and have some fun?†Heavens help me for uttering those words. But I figured it would be a good way to make sure that the kidnappees were indeed the ones we were trying to save. Not that we wouldn’t have helped random kidnappees, but I had made a promise to Venn that his daughter would make it home safely and I aimed to keep that promise.
He shook his head. “The boss will flay us alive if either of us touches the girl. If you need a minute alone, go behind the crates over there.â€
Crap. Well, at least I knew that they likely hadn’t been hurt. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just take some of these coins I got off the wizard and once we’ve taken care of what the boss wants, go buy me a *****. Maybe three.â€
He laughed. “I may just join you.â€
“Well, you better plan on getting your own, because I’m not sharing mine.â€
He laughed again. “I’m going to go check and see if they’ve managed to track us. I’ll be back in a few. No touching the girl while I’m gone,†he said with a stern look.
“And risk you telling the boss? Not likely. Off with ya.†Once he was gone, I quickly opened each barrel and checked inside. The first contained Marus, tied and gagged. I slipped him my dagger. “I’m going to try to take out the guard. If he gets the better of me, you have to use this to escape before the boss gets here.†He nodded and I closed the barrel.
I opened the other barrel. Katrine was inside. She flinched away from me and tried to scream, but the gag prevented it. Obviously she had heard what I’d said to the other man.
“Relax,†I whispered in my own voice. “I’m here to rescue you. I just had to make sure it was you. Just be patient a bit longer and I’ll have you out.†She didn’t seem to believe me, but she nodded and I closed the barrel.
After the man returned, I waited a few minutes and told him I had to use the restroom. Well, in a more gruff and thuggish way, but you know what I mean. Once I was outside, I spotted the others maybe a quarter mile away. I cast a light spell so they could see it and then wrapped myself in a defensive illusion. Then I opened the door and headed back inside. Once my “companion†was in sight, I unleashed the power of another lightning bolt.
Sadly, it wasn’t enough to take him down. He drew his dagger and rushed at me. He never made it. From behind me, a pair of arrows sailed through the air, striking him in the chest. I unleashed a blinding burst of holy light in his face. I could tell it burned him and he was blinded by it. He didn’t even see Lenn as the giant man rushed in and cleaved him in two with his axe.
“Where are they?†Geo asked.
I ended the magical disguise by focusing my thoughts on my hat. “Marus is in this barrel,†I told him. “He has my dagger. I’ll get Katrine.†I opened her barrel again and quickly untied her bonds.
She had tears in her eyes as she threw her arms around my neck. “You came for me!†she said.
She was trembling, still terrified. I returned her embrace, trying to comfort her. “Of course we came for you. You’re safe now.†She cried into my chest for a minute before finally calming and regaining her composure. I dried her eyes with my handkerchief and gave it to her to blow her nose.
“What’s the plan now?†Geo asked, once Katrine had calmed down.
“Their boss will be coming in the morning. We need to clean this up and prepare for his arrival. This ends today.†My tone was a bit more angry than perhaps it should have been.
We cleaned up and rested in shifts. I awoke from my nap to find Katrine sitting beside me. She had held my hand as I slept and had fallen asleep herself, her head on my shoulder. Poor girl. She had been through a lot recently. The man she loved had been killed, as had she. Then, when she had been brought back to life, she had been put through this ordeal.
You know, she was just as hot as Shayliss. Must run in their family. I was in no hurry to get up. Alas, I had to. Geo came back in. “Someone’s coming,†he said.
I nodded and woke Katrine. I directed Marus to guard her, giving him my crossbow and quiver of bolts and we set up for our ambush.
The fight was quick and dirty. They surrounded him on three sides and he tried to run, but a slash from Geo to his calf sent him tumbling to the ground and it was over. He was still alive, so we tended to his wounds and tied him up.
Aurora and I escorted Katrine and Marus to the nearest guardhouse. Katrine threw her arms around me again and kissed me on the cheek before we left. I thought I saw Aurora roll her eyes.
On our way back, we grabbed a barrel of pitch. Well, Aurora did. I’m comfortable enough with myself to admit that she’s way stronger than me. Anyone who wants to give me crap about it can eat a lightning bolt.
We lightly heated the pitch and used the sticky stuff to effectively glue our prisoner into a barrel. The heat woke him and we began trying to interrogate him. “You know,†I said. “When your business plan involves kidnapping and trying to extort people to make money, you really should make sure you know exactly how your victims got their money. Because it could be violence. There’s a lot of money to be had in applied violence. Now you’ve gone and pissed off some murderhobos. Hope you have life insurance.â€
Let’s just say that the interrogation didn’t go very well. He feared someone else more than he feared us and he was certain that his brother would save him and kill us. All we got was his name, Tegrin. Them’s the breaks, sometimes. I wasn’t content to live with that, though, so Geo knocked him out again and I went to take a nap.
Yeah, I know, that makes little sense. But I couldn’t cast spells in the state I was in. I needed sleep. Once I had my magic back, it would be easier to interrogate him. And that meant I needed sleep.
After my nap, the interrogation went a bit better. We were able to get his brother’s name, information that the one who had given them the information on the secret mission to revive Katrine was a woman and a promise that he’d leave town if we let him go, which I had promised during our interrogation. Truthfully, I intended to turn him in to some local paladins and ask that they execute him for his crimes, but I could tell that Aurora wanted me to keep my word, so I did.
We arranged a trip for him on a freighter heading towards Absalom and let him send a note to his brother that he was leaving. Yeah, don’t worry, we proofread the note. I also gave him the name of a contact in Absalom that could help him find more honest work.
After that, I visited the temple of Iomedae. “Back so soon?†one of the clerics asked me. “Don’t tell me you need another wand already?â€
“No, this time I have a much more dire request. We were dealing with a ghoul infestation in Sandpoint before we were forced to come to Magnimar on more pressing business. We think we got most, if not all of them before leaving, but I’m still filled with a nagging worry that there might be more. I was hoping that a few of your paladins might check up on the town and ensure its safety. If they’ll stay for a week, we’ll be able to be sure that it’s safe.â€
“Of course, the safety of the people is very important to us. We’ll gladly send a detachment to root out the undead.â€
“Thank you. In addition, two Sandpoint guards and a young woman they were protecting were attacked by kidnappers. We rescued them this morning. If they can return to Sandpoint in the company of your paladins, I would feel much better. As thanks, I would gladly donate fifty platinum coins to your wonderful temple.â€
“We could do good works for the people here with that money. Of course we’ll gladly escort the young woman and her protectors, since we’re going that way anyway.â€
“Thanks, I knew I could count on you,†I said, handing the man the sack of coins. “If your men need lodging, tell them to seek out the Rusty Dragon and tell Ameiko Kaijutsu that we will pay for their stay, since they’re there to protect the town from the undead.â€
I went to Katrine and the guardsmen and told them about the paladin escort, then returned to the inn as dusk fell. It had been a long day, but I had one more thing left to do. I spoke with the innkeeper and told him that I was looking for the bones of a large creature to decorate the front hall of the manor I was planning to build and asked if he knew of a merchant who might be able to get such a thing.
It seemed reasonable enough to him, so he said he would speak with a few merchants he knew personally. I told him what I was looking for, that an adolescent T-rex skeleton would be best, but that I was willing to consider other fearsome beasts as well. I gave him measurements of what I was looking for and a few gold coins for his trouble.
In truth, I was planning to use the secrets on the scroll I had gained from the necromancer to animate the bones into a steed, not unlike Flintlocke’s dead ram once I fully understood their use. And I was hoping for a T-rex because that’s what Dresden did, and just imagine how cool that would be. I didn’t want something that could suffer like Rarity had.
Then I went to bed. Naturally, we were woken in the middle of the night, but instead of an attack, it was much stranger. But that’s a story for next time.
Funny things Kyle didn't see: Once he followed the man out the window, the other thief he was tricking was still falling for Kyle's bluff. He helped Lenn and Geo finish off his cohort there before realizing that Kyle was lying. Then, the others tried to take him down with non-lethal in case Kyle lost the other guy. Lenn critted on a raging hit with his axe improvising for non-lethal. GM ruled that he hit the man so hard in the stomach with the flat of the axe that his eyes exploded.
A sawmill, an elven justice, a horse and some PG13 action. Some days, you awaken with the right song in your head. So it was for me, when I woke to a pounding on the door to our suite just before midnight and for some reason found myself humming Hedwig’s theme. I rushed out into the common room in my boxers to see what was going on and met Aurora.
She was wearing that translucent satiny nightgown she only wears when we have separate rooms. Which is unfair, really, since I was the one who gave it to her. There was no special occasion for the gift. I just really wanted her to have it. In the moonlight streaming through the window, the view was good. I’d go into a thorough description or write a sonnet so I’ll always have it to remember, but trust me, I won’t ever forget that image.
She also had her double bladed sword in hand. She readied herself for whatever lay beyond the door and I pulled my attention away from the glorious view and approached the door. “Who is it?†I called out.
“Please, you must come quickly.†I recognized the voice of the innkeeper’s wife.
“We’ll be right out. Just give us seventy five seconds or so.†I turned to Aurora. “Grab my clothes from the chair in my room and take them into yours. I’ll need about a minute with my spellbook.†She nodded and followed me into my room. I cast a light spell and the view got even better than in the moonlight. Best purchase I’ve ever made.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to admire it. The innkeeper’s wife sounded serious about the need to hurry. I pulled open my spellbook and turned to the page with the spell for quickly donning armor and clothing. After a minute or so of quick study, I went into Aurora’s room, where I found that she had pulled on pants and a tunic. Her wonderful nightgown was lying over the back of the chair. My clothes and her armor were both on the bed.
With a quick cast, the clothing and armor pulled itself onto us. “Let’s go,†Aurora said.
We opened the door and headed out into the hallway. The woman waiting for us looked upset. “What’s wrong?†I asked.
“The stables,†she said, hurrying down the stairs.
Aurora and I exchanged a glance. I could see from the fear in her eyes that I wasn’t the only one thinking about what had happened to Rarity. Aurora leapt over the railing, falling ten feet or so to the ground below and bounded out the door. I pushed past the innkeeper’s wife and ran as hard as I could to keep up.
Thankfully, Aurora’s armor slowed her down and I caught her as we reached the stable. A crowd had gathered outside. Aurora tried to push past, but even with her strength, she was having trouble getting past the throng of peasants.
I called on the power of my ring and cast a spell to make my voice louder. “Either make a path or I swear to Pharasma I’ll conjure a fireball in the center of the crowd!†I bellowed, hoping that invoking the name of the goddess of death would remind these people of their mortality. The crowd parted and Aurora and I rushed past.
The innkeeper stood by the stable door, a stout cudgel in hand. “Let us see the heavenly steed!†One of the mob shouted. The innkeeper raised his cudgel menacingly. He motioned for Aurora and I to go inside.
I must say, I really wasn’t prepared for what we saw. For lack of a more hilarious term, Starbrite was twinkling. Or more accurately, he was glowing. Blue, if you’re wondering what color light he gave off. It was faint, but in the darkness it was definitely visible, though it really didn’t illuminate much.
I looked at my companion. “Aurora, you wouldn’t happen to have any idea why your horse is putting on a light show, would you?†She shook her head, unable to speak. I studied Starbrite for a few moments. There was no doubt about it. He wasn’t just a horse. He was infused with celestial power. I’m not sure why we had never noticed it before.
Aurora looked at me, pleading. “Please, don’t let them treat him like they did Nualia. I don’t want to hurt them, but I have to protect him and I can’t think of another way to keep him safe other than with my blade.â€
Crap, I hadn’t thought of that. Rubbing their warts on her, tearing out bits of her hair... I couldn’t let them do that to the only companion Aurora had from childhood. I thought quickly. “Well, there’s always the Wizard’s First Rule,†I said to no one in particular.
Aurora just looked at me. “Do you have an idea?â€
“Might be a longshot.†The look she gave me told me that she wanted me to try. I prepared a spell and pulled out a jar of squid ink, casting a light spell on the ink. I wasn’t going to enjoy this. I walked outside, and one of the members of the crowd shouted for me to let them into the stables.
“I can’t hold a crowd this size much longer,†the innkeeper said to me.
“That’s okay, there’s been a misunderstanding. Just give me a moment to explain everything and I think they’ll leave.†He nodded and I addressed the crowd. “Good people, I’m sorry, but it seems that there has been a misunderstanding. You see, the horse inside is indeed glowing, as you’ve already heard. But it’s not because of any celestial touch.â€
“You just want to keep the holy steed to yourself!†someone in the crowd shouted. Several others murmured in agreement.
“Not at all! You see, I fear that if you treat this poor beast as some kind of holy steed, you’ll only anger the heavens. He’s not holy. You see, I’m a wizard, and he somehow managed to get into my magical inks,†I said as I held up the jar of ink with the light spell on it.
“This could be a trick,†someone in the crowd said. “Show him to us!â€
Dammit. I had been hoping not to have to do this. “It is no trick, good sir!†I said. “I will show you.†I opened the bottle of ink and drank it all in a single gulp. Thankfully it was squid ink, so I likely wouldn’t have any trouble digesting it, but it was still an unpleasant taste.
After a moment, someone shouted, “Nothing’s happening! See, he’s lying!â€
“I assure you, it just takes a moment. You just need to be patient. You’ll see soo- *HNNKK*†I doubled over, grabbing my stomach in apparent pain. I fell to my knees and the crowd stepped back involuntarily, gasping. I used the sound to hide that I was speaking magic words and my position to hide the gestures. “AAAAAAHHHH!!†I shouted. “My skin feels like it’s burning!†As I released the spell, my skin began changing color, turning a bright blue. In truth, I looked like a Smurf.
The innkeeper was beside me. “Milord! What’s wrong?â€
I stood up slowly, doing my best to appear ill. “And this is why you don’t drink magical ink,†I said, looking at my very blue hands. “You don’t know what the effect will be. Also, I think I might throw up. I’m going to need some Wismuth Salix. If possible, could you get some for Starbrite as well? He’ll likely be feeling a bit sick as well.â€
The crowd began murmuring their disappointment at the fact that Starbrite obviously wasn’t a celestial steed after all and started to disperse. “How long will this last?†the innkeeper asked me, while others were still in earshot.
“For me, hopefully it’ll be cleared up by morning. But for the horse, I have no idea. Not only am I no expert on horses, but he drank an awful lot of ink. It’s entirely possible it could be permanent.â€
He nodded. “I’ll go visit the apothecary and get the medicine for you and the young lady’s horse.â€
“Thanks,†I said before heading back into the barn. Aurora was just inside, where she had been watching from the entire time. “He should be okay now.â€
“Will he really be sick?†she asked, whispering.
“No,†I whispered back. “As far as I can tell, he really is some kind of heavenly steed. You sure you have no idea why? No encounters with angels you’ve forgotten to tell me about?â€
She shook her head. “Nothing I can recall.â€
“Alright, then,†I said. “There’s just one more thing. In your saddlebag is my symptom kit. There’s a syrup in there that will induce vomiting and diarrhea. We need to give Starbrite some of it.â€
She looked alarmed. “What? Why?â€
“I’ve gotten rid of most of the people, but some of the more persistent will want to be sure I was telling the truth and may snoop around later. If the stable boy is complaining about the sick horse, then that should help convince them. I wish there was another way.â€
The syrup doesn’t taste bad, so Disney Princess Aurora had little trouble getting him to drink it. After the innkeeper returned, I took the medicine and pretended to give some to Starbrite, then magically locked the door to the stables with a spell that would fade by morning so the stable boy could get to work. I keyed it so that Aurora, the innkeeper and I could open it.
When we got up to the room, I conjured a light spell and helped Aurora out of her armor, then went to go remove the blue color from my skin and vomit up the medicine. I managed to get a bit of vomit on my shirt, so I removed it immediately so I could clean it with a bit of magic before a stain set in. I then gargled with some mead, not having any Listerine handy and cleaned my mouth with the same spell.
After that, I undid the charm that I had used to change my skin color. One of the simplest spells, learned by most apprentices, but a powerful tool for bluffing if used correctly.
I was washing my face with a towel and the basin of warm water the innkeeper’s wife had brought me when Aurora came back into the common room, once again in her nightgown. In the warm glow of the magical light, it was completely apparent to me that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath it, at least not in the chest region. Her perky breasts were joyfully visible in the light of the room. She hugged me tightly, and I was quite aware that all that was between us was a rather thin layer of satin.
“Thank you for protecting Starbrite,†she said softly as I returned her embrace. After a moment, she released me and I reluctantly let go as well, then she headed off into her own room for bed.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever know if she had deliberately put those clothes on before coming out to thank me or if she had simply decided to do so and forgot what she was wearing. Both are just fine with me. I just wish she’d hugged me longer.
The next morning, after a night of wonderful dreams, I awoke and met the others downstairs. Aurora and I filled Geo in regarding what had happened with Starbrite, and I decided not to say much regarding other things I saw that night. If Aurora hadn’t intended me to see anything it was best I not bring that up. And if she had, well then it was a private moment between us and I didn’t want to cheapen it by bragging.
Besides, I had other things on my mind. Like the fact that Paulie came down to breakfast glowing. More than Starbrite. And his personality…have you ever seen the episode of South Park where everyone acts gay? It was kinda like that.
You know, I’ve been trying to figure out that cat man for a while, and I just don’t get what’s going on. I can say that whatever divinity gives him his powers is fickle at worst and whimsical at best. The powers he has access to seem to change with the tides. Worse, this seems to be having a detrimental effect on his mind. He changes personalities every time his powers change. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him go through at least nine personalities.
Oh well, most of the personalities aren’t too hard to work with. As long as he isn’t trying to light everything on fire, we can get along together well enough. I decided not to press the issue. Besides, we had a lumber mill to investigate.
The mill was located down on Kyver’s Islet, along with maybe half a dozen other mills. We opted for the low risk stakeout option, which wasn’t my idea, but was fine with me. After about an hour into watching the mill operate normally, I remembered that I get bored with that kind of thing easily and decided to ask around indirectly, trying not to tip off the workers.
Pretending to be a potential investor looking to buy a share of the mill, I asked the workers of the other mills what they could tell me about the Sawmill of the Seven - great ominous name, by the way. They told me that things were fairly normal over there, but that Justice Ironbriar visited the mill fairly often, and was probably a part owner of the operation. I greased a few palms to keep them quiet, then Aurora and I went back to the others with my findings.
Lenn had fallen asleep on watch, but Geo and Paulie were vigilant. When I told them about Ironbriar’s involvement with the mill, they came to the same conclusion Aurora and I had. Lead investigator into the murders also part owner of a mill possibly connected to a shadowy organization that might be involved in the murders? Yeah, he rose right to the top of our list as a potential suspect.
I gave a couple kids a few silver coins to keep track of anyone unusual who visited the mill with a promise that they would each be given a gold coin when I returned if they were diligent. We then went off in search of Justice Ironbriar.
I’ve had easier times finding beautiful women to ogle in men’s only gyms than we had looking for the elusive elven Justice. He was nowhere to be found. We decided to observe the mill for a day or two more, then sneak in if that turned up nothing.
After a third day of staking out the building, most of which I had spent back at the inn enchanting items for our party’s use, including a rod that would allow me to silently cast a few spells a day, which I figured would aid in stealth, we set out for the mill around midnight. The streets were dark, but the mill was active, with a crew manning the operations through the night. Geo picked the lock and we headed inside.
The machinery was loud. We hoped that would help us as much with the sneaking as it hindered our ability to hear anyone else who might also be sneaking. It certainly couldn’t hurt.
On the ground floor, we found several stalls filled with cut wood and a bunch of hay. We weren’t sure what it was for, but suspected that perhaps they used the hay to feed cart horses while loading up deliveries of lumber.
We then headed upstairs. I’m not sure if it was Lenn’s heavy footsteps or Aurora’s rustling armor that gave away our approach, but a worker appeared out of one of the doors. “You’re not supposed to be here,†he said calmly. “Come back during the day if you need to speak with someone about business.â€
Thinking quickly, I leveled my crossbow at him. “Take us to Foreman Tannen. He is long past overdue on payment of a debt and is bound by law to face trial and go to debtor’s prison.â€
He responded calmly, without any care for the fact that I was aiming a crossbow at the spot right between his eyes. “Foreman Tannen isn’t in right now. He works during the day. Come back then.†Crap. I hadn’t thought to find out who runs the night shift, I had just gotten the name of one of the higher ups during my earlier investigation.
I was trying to think of a way to salvage the situation when Geo spoke. “Tell us about the Brothers of Seven.†If I hadn’t had a crossbow in both hands, I would have face palmed. Geo apparently lacks all ability to lie except when it comes to lying to guards. Even Aurora’s face had an astounded look on it at Geo’s ending of any credibility to our lie.
“You’ll have to come back tomorrow,†the man said, shutting the door between us. We heard him lock it.
I sighed. “Well, I guess we do this with violence. Geo, be so kind as to unlock the door?†I readied a spell. Once Geo unlocked the door, I turned invisible. Geo drank an extract and did the same, then we crept into the room. The men inside were wearing strange masks that looked to be made of human skin because of course they were.
Now, I don’t want to go on a rant here, but what the hell is up with all these human flesh masks? Was there a sale down at the Costco? Did someone have some left over orphans and needed something to do with them? I mean seriously, what the crap is up with that?
Geo and I exploded from invisibility and the others rushed in. The fight was quick and dirty. At one point, more enemies dropped in from the floor above, where wood normally comes down after running through the automatic slicer.
Sadly, one got away, fleeing out the window. I studied one of the masks. Sure enough, it held some nefarious enchantments. We gathered their masks and headed upstairs, certain that it wouldn’t be long until we had to explain our presence here to the town guard. We needed evidence that would exonerate us.
Upstairs, Geo picked the lock on a door and carefully looked inside. He made the hand signals indicating that one enemy was forward and to the right, while one or maybe two enemies waited to the left. He then indicated he was going right. His skin changed color once more and he crept into the room.
I waited a moment and unleashed a burst of radiance into the room, placing it on the left side so as to avoid blinding Geo. Two of the men inside were startled by the light and injured by its cleansing power. That confirmed that they were evil, so that made me feel better.
Geo jumped up and caught one foe clean in the gut with his dagger and rended his flesh with strikes from his tentacles. Lenn, Aurora and Paulie rushed into the room. Lenn hit one of the foes so hard his corpse went flying into one of the auto saws. I felt myself pale as I watch it chew through his body and drop it into the room below.
You know, that’s probably exactly what Katrine Vinder had gone through, though I suspect she had been alive when she hit the saw. I feel really bad for the poor girl. Maybe I should check up on her when we get to Sandpoint.
Aurora engaged a foe around the corner in the room. I rushed over and thrust my dagger at him, trying to distract him so she would have a better shot at taking him down. Turns out it was unnecessary. He was blind from the magical light I had conjured seconds before. Aurora and Lenn ended him rather quickly.
As Geo inspected one of the bodies, the machinery ground to a halt. I just barely managed to spot several more foes climbing up through the chutes below the auto saws and dove around the corner where the other man had been hiding.
As the others fought, I reached out with my magic into the planes, calling for something to answer my call and aid me. A few moments later, three lantern archons materialized. That was kinda what I’d been hoping for.
The archons began firing searing beams of light at the enemy. Then I heard the door open again. “What is that thing?†Aurora called out. I could hear the others struggling with their new foe and leapt around the corner.
I wasn’t expecting that. “It’s a Babau demon!†I called out. “Elemental magic likely won’t help much. You’ll need cold iron or holy weapons to get through its defenses. Either that or hit it as hard as you can. Archons! Focus your fire on the demon!â€
While we fought the demon, more enemies climbed up from below. Paulie conjured a magical bow and began trying to harm both the men and the demon. After the demon fell, we began routing the remaining men.
That’s when I felt the sickly touch of negative energy. My body was wracked with pain as it permeated the room. Several of the dying foes on the ground felt the touch of it and passed beyond the veil into death.
In the doorway stood a man in far too many clothes. I don’t say this because I wanted to see him less dressed, I just mean that he didn’t look like he should be able to function in all of that. He was also wearing a mask likely made of human skin, though this one was a bit different from the others.
He taunted us and we began fighting him. He made use of the door to keep us from having a harder time hitting him. Aurora called for me to give her a better chance at reaching him, so I used my magic to make her grow. She did what she could to strike over Lenn, who stood on our side of the doorway. Still, it was not an easy task.
After the man taunted us again, Paulie called out. “Oh my god, you guys! He’s under some kind of magic spell. He may not be attacking us of his own free will.†I began trying to discern what magic spells he had upon him by using my own magic to resonate with the auras upon him. Meanwhile, Lenn brought him down. Geo moved to make sure he didn’t bleed out before we could ascertain whether he was actually responsible for his own actions.
As I examined the spells on him, I recognized several. The only one really worth noting here is the charm he had upon him. He might have been less than culpable for some of his actions. On the other hand, he was carrying a holy symbol of Norgorber, evil god of murder and other nasty things. I highly doubt his hands were entirely clean.
Making matters more complicated was the fact that under his mask, he was Justice Ironbriar. There would be political implications if we killed him. ***** it. “He’s a cleric of an evil god of murder tied up with whatever is going on with these Sihedron Murders. As much power as his god has given him, his hands aren’t clean, even if he was charmed into these latest crimes. We have no way of knowing what support he may be able to muster. Leaving him alive may mean that Xanesha escapes. I’m not willing to risk it. I vote we kill him.â€
“I agree,†Aurora said. That surprised me. “If he wasn’t a cleric of the god of murder, I would be less inclined to do so, but in this case, that might be the best option.â€
Lenn counted on his fingers. “That’s three!†he said gleefully as he decapitated the unconscious figure. I’ll hope he was counting himself and wasn’t just wrong on his count. Geo and Paulie just shrugged.
“We don’t have much time, let’s see if there’s evidence further upstairs,†Geo suggested. I wrapped up Ironbriar’s body in a spare sack and stuffed it into my magic bag.
Upstairs, we found a locked door. Geo opened it with a key he had found on Ironbriar’s body. Inside, we found a wall covered with human faces. Someone had taken the skin off of multiple victims and stretched it into macabre ornaments which now adorned this wall because of course they did.
Geo and I searched the desk. He didn’t seem bothered at all by the faces. For me, it was just one more scene for my nightmares. Inside the desk, we found several books. One was a gibberish book on a “lost magic artâ€. Anyone with the barest of training could see that it was a fake. We also found a real spellbook. I decided to study it later at my leisure.
Finally, we found a diary of some sort. It was written in a combination of Elven, Draconic and Infernal. I knew the first two, Aurora knew the third. Between us, we could tell it was written by Ironbriar in code. It could take days to decipher fully. Still, the wall full of faces would buy us that time.
While I’m on the subject, let me take this opportunity to mention something about Aurora. In addition to being some kind of Disney princess when it comes to dealing with animals, that woman has an incredible ability with languages. In the time it takes me to learn one, she can learn two. And that’s even after you consider that I’m a super genius. Don’t get me wrong, Aurora’s incredibly intelligent. It’s just that I’m not used to someone being better than me at that kind of thing, and I know something like six languages well enough to be considered fluent.
Satisfied that we’d found everything on that floor, Geo scaled a ladder up into a trap door that led to a rookery. There were a bunch of ravens within. Now, there were no incriminating letters, but we had an idea. I parchment and wrote upon it. “The Black Crow flies at midnight!†I followed the words up with the Batman symbol. If I knew where it was, in a general way, I could get close enough to use magic to pinpoint its location.
Finally, I cast a light spell on the parchment and Geo tied it to a raven’s leg before sending it off. It flew directly towards the Irespan to our north. The light went out before it reached its final destination. Still, that gave us a good place to start looking.
Once we were certain the building was secure, Geo went to fetch the guards to show them the grisly scene in the office while Aurora and I took the body of Ironbriar to the temple of Iomedae. We weren’t certain who we could trust within government, as anyone could be a potential member of this murder cult, so we needed someone with some political power that could be trusted. Hence, clerics and paladins of a goddess who favors justice.
I begged the clerics to use their magic to confirm his guilt by speaking to his spirit in order to ensure that we would be exonerated of any wrongdoing in killing him. Once I fully explained the situation, a process that took hours, they agreed.
Unfortunately, captain “Wear all the clothes!†didn’t feel talkative. Still, the clerics seemed to believe us considering all our past dealings with them and agreed to speak to the law on our behalf. That, combined with the evidence in the office was enough to buy us time to decipher the journal.
For a week, Aurora and I studied the journal. It might have gone faster, but every time she got close enough for me to smell her hair, I flashed back on the previous week’s nocturnal adventure and lost my train of thought.
While we worked on that, Geo took the evil magical masks to try to get some money from getting rid of them. He was hoping to get a bounty for destroying them from a temple, but I gave him the name of the black market dealer I met last time we were in town, the one who sells me those less than entirely legal contraceptive aids. I have no idea what route he took for getting rid of them, nor did I really care. As long as I never have to see them again.
When Aurora couldn’t take any more work on the journal, I spent my time working on crafting new magical items for the party. She seemed especially happy about the boots that help her jump better and run faster even in armor.
In the journal, we found evidence that Ironbriar had led the cult for quite some time and that someone he called “Lovely Xanesha†had been the one to suggest to him this new method of killing. It also mentioned dealings with the Red Mantis cult, a group of assassins who worship some fiendish assassin bug or something. I know more than that, my brain just can’t recall its name and it’s not really important. They had paid Ironbriar for something he called “Vorel’s Legacyâ€. Probably that damned phage.
Finally, the journal mentioned the location of Xanesha. She was hiding out in the Shadow Clock, a structure located beneath the Irespan. We had been unable to locate my Batman letter, so that was handy. We began planning our assault on Xanesha.
I wrote down everything in a letter and sealed it with some wax. Earlier this evening, I visited the Temple of Iomedae once more. One of the clerics I had met before, a balding man missing three of his front teeth, greeted me. “Milord, we received a message for you from the paladins we sent to Sandpoint on your behalf. It seems that they were attacked by ghouls on the road, but managed to slay them with no injuries. Miss Vinder is safely back in Sandpoint, though it seems that she and her sister have begun publicly bickering over some man. Finally, they have begun hunting down and routing the remaining ghouls as requested and believe it should take no more than a few weeks to fully cleanse the area.â€
“Thank you,†I told him. “May I speak to the head cleric? I have a letter to deliver.†He nodded and ran off to fetch his superior. The head cleric greeted me and I handed her a letter along with Ironbriar’s journal. “My friends and I have deciphered the journal. We move to arrest the leader of this plot in the morning. If somehow we don’t see you again before dawn the day after tomorrow, please open this letter, it explains everything, including where we’re going and who conspires to lead the enemy. Please make sure it gets into the hands of someone who will stop the threat. And if you happen to find our bodies, we’ll pay for revival if you will do so.â€
She agreed and offered to say a prayer for our safety. I thanked her, telling her we could use all the help we could get.
Tomorrow morning, we go after Xanesha. We can’t be sure if she’s the highest member on the ladder or just the next rung. What’s certain is that she has access to magic at least strong enough to bespell Ironbriar and it’s likely she knows we’re coming. Bring it on. We’re ready.
Roll Perception, DC 15. 17. Success. You spot a section of the journal covered in what appears to be invisible ink. You apply heat, revealing the hidden words. If you’re reading this, you either recall elementary school science or have some other experience with invisible ink. In a moment, I’d imagine you’ll understand why I took steps to hide this section. I didn’t want Aurora or anyone else reading this without me realizing it, so here we are.
About halfway through our week while analyzing Ironbriar’s journal, Geo came to me, telling me he needed my help on a potential way to cure Lenn of the brain damage that had afflicted him. I readily agreed, as Geo would likely do whatever he could to help me in my own goals, but perhaps I should have heard out his plan first.
In the time we’ve known each other, we’ve discussed many things. Magic being chiefly among them, but also concepts from my world. He was especially curious about what we had learned about medicine through our comparatively advanced science. I never saw a reason to withhold much, so I told him about quite a few things. For the sake of what I’m writing here, one thing that I perhaps should never have mentioned was MRI technology, specifically what I knew about use of gadolinium based contrast solutions.
It gave him an idea, one I really wish I could forget.
I went with him and Lenn to a building that looked fairly non-descript. He had promised Aurora that he and Lenn would make sure to keep me safe while out and about, so she remained at the inn, working on the journal. In truth, I’m sure he knew that she would object. I’m still not sure why I didn’t.
Geo knocked on the door and a small panel slid open. “State your business.â€
“I have an appointment with your grand cleric. Tell him that Geo has arrived.†After a few moments, the door slid open. I didn’t even have to detect the magical auras to realize that it was being controlled with magic. In truth, it was kinda neat.
Inside the building, words were written all along the walls and numerous young wizards and clerics worked at various workstations, studying various experiments in the use of magic. It didn’t take me long to realize that we were inside some secret temple of Nethys, the insane god of magic.
Now, I don’t mean insane as in “these people do things that I find objectionableâ€. I mean insane as in “This god is literally insane, unable to decide whether he wants to destroy or save the world.†I’m really not sure if working with these people was a good idea. Still, I was curious as to what Geo had planned.
We followed a young woman from the entrance over to a room that was currently unoccupied. A chair with arm and leg restraints was bolted to the floor. I really should have found an excuse to leave, but I didn’t. Hostel vibe or no, I was really curious.
As we waited for our hosts, Geo strapped Lenn to the chair as he explained to me what he had planned. You see, he had been studying the tentacles growing from his arm when he had an idea. He was going to try to regrow Old Lenn from his own body.
I know what you’re thinking. I was thinking it too. “Quaid!†Right? Right.
You see, there were apparently parts of Lenn’s brain that hadn’t been damaged. Every rare once in a while, he would flash back into Old Lenn. Geo wanted to find those parts of Lenn’s brain that hadn’t been injured, cut them out and transplant them into his own head.
It’s okay, I’ll wait while you vomit.
After transplant, he wanted to use the same methods that had resulted in the growth of his tentacles to grow a properly functioning Old Lenn from his own body. He told me that he’d already used the procedure successfully on rats. Yeah, as if that was supposed to make me feel better.
On an unrelated note, anyone know the Rattish word for “Quaid!�
He showed me a vial of dye he had made. He said it only bonded to undamaged sections of someone’s brain, and that’s where I came in. The dye became invisible when bonded, but was visible through magical detection. He wanted me to find the sections and use the same magic I had used to dye my skin for the crowd to dye the damaged sections of the brain. He would then remove them and the clerics of Nethys would regenerate the damage he had done, including to Lenn’s skull after he had sawed it open.
I asked him what he had paid to the clerics, and apparently they weren’t doing it for gold. Their services were free in exchange for the knowledge they would gain watching the procedure, as well as everything he knew about the dye he had made.
I don’t know why I agreed to help, but I knew that if he was going to have a chance to succeed, he would need a reasonably competent assistant. I wasn’t sure how sane these people would be, so I had to do it. I would just have to live with this image in my dreams for all eternity.
The clerics came in and work began. It went rather smoothly. Geo used another concept I had taught him about, anesthesia, to keep it from hurting Lenn too much. Aside from that, it was pretty much exactly what one would expect from medieval surgery: Brutal, lacking in finesse and unsanitary.
Once it was done, I had the clerics use magic to remove any infections that the two might have picked up along the way, something no one else had considered. And then we left, once Lenn had recovered from the anesthetic. On the way back, Geo explained that it could take days, or even weeks before he knew if it was working.
Back at the inn, I drank until I passed out. It didn’t help. I just relived my day over and over until I woke the next morning with Aurora standing over me. I don’t even remember it, but apparently during the night she had needed to bring me a bucket to throw up in.
I have really got to get back to Earth. This is a special bonus section. I would have written it as part of the journal main, but my friend didn't tell me he wanted to add this in until after I had already written and posted it. I think it works as an invisible ink section. It's really just prep for his prestige classing Geo into Master Chymist.
