Smasharoo wrote:
This interests me not only because I have seen it play out, but because I am raising sons. How do you communicate that their manhood does not have to be earned?
Haven't read replies.
It has to be earned in most societies, certainly in ours. You're wrong in some ways about women, they have equally arbitrary, but different, status benchmarks. Part of that is obviously that naive young women are generally seen as charming and attractive by our society, while naive young men are seen as immature and non-desirable. For women, "womanhood" is really something that's earned much later in life. Let's say around 40 years old. When you're confused about how men could be so hung up on challenges to their masculinity, think about what you'd feel about a 40 year old single woman living with her 4 cats, with Robert Pattinson posters decorating her basement apartment. Then tell me she's as valid as a "Woman" as you or Nexa will be at that age.
I know older single chicks with cats. Their womanhood is not an issue to me, or to themselves. My elderly aunts are still women, despite not having children or husbands. I have seen women rejected as unnatural (ie, not women) for the child rearing thing, but not for the choice to be childless, more so for neglecting or harming a natural child. Even in this instance, they aren't perceived to be "girly girls" or "children" so much as monsters or freaks.
I realize that anything given can be perceived to be taken, so I suppose I want to raise sons with the same immutable perception of their manhood as women have of their womanhood.
I do love the Rudyard Kipling poem, although if I had daughters I would think it just as valid. It is certainly been true for me.