I've Been Subpeonaed Follow

It's just an appeal hearing for a job reclass that an old employee of mine filed a couple years ago. The employee is long gone (met some guy on the intranets and moved south)

The hearing is in an hour. I've never had to swear to tell the truth before. I've got butterflies in my tummy. Lunch sucks.

And don't forget to tell the judge if she doesn't keep quiet, you'll hold her in contempt of court.

On cross, "A sphincter says what?" is sure to get a laugh.

"I can always accurately tell when someone is guilty." Point at Judge. "Adultery?"

As they swear you in and they ask you for the truth, tell them everything you say is a lie. Dont forget to do some random hand flapping and jerk your head around once in awhile. While you're at it, have some fun and play like you have tourettes. Then come back and entertain us with everyones reactions.

Just tell them you were unable to identify the Phylum and or species of the subject and that further observation and or captive study / DN testing may be warranted to fully identify the scientific classification.