Dear AmericaFollow

Dear America

Firstly, thank you for the wonderful things you've exported to we humble Europeans. We are eternally grateful for Elvis Presley, Cheesecake, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Clint Eastwood, Seinfeld, The Grateful Dead, Les Paul, The Bourne Trilogy, Harvard, Joey Tribiani, the Moon Landings, Paul Robeson, Jon Stewart, Norman Rockwell, Samuel Barber, Jelly Belly Beans, Quentin Tarantino and Janis Joplin.

SRSLY. My life has been enriched by delights that travelled west to east across the atlantic.

I'll even forgive you for Dan Brown, McDonald's, Ford cars and Jerry Springer (although I'll acknowledge he was born in London).

But would you please, please take your Halloween, Trick or Treat AssHatterhy back to the USA and stick it right up your star-spangled **********

For 364 nights a year, children would fully expect to be treated with extreme ire at knocking on doors when I'm half way through my dinner or favoUrite TV show. They know that my response would be like a 300 horse-power hair drier aimed at their ickle faces.

So why, in the bowels of Christ; in the name of all that's sacred, am I expected to greet their grease-painted faces, their Dawn of the Dead outfits, with anything other than contempt and vitriol, just because it's All Hallow's Eve?

For over a thousand years (add 3,000 if we include the original pagan feast), we Anglo-Saxons have acknowledged the mysticism of the night before all saints are commemmorated, and the souls of the lost visit us here on earth. Fair do's. A bit of Seasonal cullinary excitement as the Autumn's first frosts sharpen the flavoUr of root vegetables, and pigs are slaughtered for their salted and preserved meaty goodness.

But why, oh why, for fUck's sake, do I have to tolerate spotty little oiks knocking on my door to demand (not seek, entreat or request) candy?

In my neighboUrhood, 70% of the door-knockers are asian, whose parents were born on the Indian subcontenent. Pakistani, Bengali and Punjabi kids; turbans, jilbabs, dhotis and hijabs neatly ironed, surronding horror-movie make up faces.

So, in conclusion, despite those cute hallowe'en scenes in E.T., take your hallowe'en, and stick it where the sun don't shine.

Love

England

PS. I do have a huge box of candy by the front door. I am, after all, only human.

Good point

At least Sweetest Day hasn't migrated across the ocean.

Yet.

Candy makers, while counting up their sales.

You know, no-one's ever trick or treated me. I'd quite like someone to, really, just for the novelty.

Only once, though.

After visiting Wikipedia to find out what that is, I just had to comment. It says "Great Lakes Region" celebrates it... but that is a lie. I have never heard of it. I live in Michigan, on the coast of Lake Michigan, and have lived here for 15 years. I went to college at Michigan Technological University with people from Wisconsin, Ohio, Michigan, etc. These people I went to school with never celebrated it. Until today I had never heard of it.



Also, I don't know about your European folk and the various rules/etiquette regarding Trick or Treating but here, everywhere I have been, turning off your outside lights = No Trick or Treating here. So if you don't want to be bothered that night, turn off your porch light and kids just pass you by.

I love trick or treating! We went out tonight to a neighboring town (because said neighboring town is backwards and won't allow Halloween to be celebrated on Sunday since Halloween is all about devil worship, idiots) and tomorrow night we'll do it here in our town.

Tons o' candy and fun.

Grew up and Ohio and assumed it was a nationwide Holliday excuse for greeting card companies, flower shops, etc. to make more money.

Paddington Bear lied to us about collecting money for fireworks? There was never a tradition of guising? Wrens are actually safe on St. Stephen's Day?

Tradition must be dead. Besides, in a country with Morris dancing and downhill cheese chases, "trick or treat" must seem far too tame.

Yeah, what the hell is up with that??!?

You spelled "favorite" wrong...

Darn English people thinking they know English....

The irony in this post made my liver hiccup.

Because people sell crap like that. And apparently because some women need constant material reminders of emotions.