I've gotten into some of the facts of life talks I've had with Charmaine in the last few years. I've always taken the approach of being as mater of fact as possible when I answer Charmaine's questions and answer them in the same vein that she asks. But I just had to howl from laughter and curl up in a little ball after my last talk with her last night.
She is now in middle school and has become very much aware of boys. A few of her friends have "boyfriends" and Charmaine is will have a "boyfriend" soon (it would be today if she had her way). So we first discused the idea of what a boyfriend was. And for the moment, as a 6th grader, it means she spends time with him at lunch and before school and he walks her home. Maybe a hug or a light kiss. Oh and she's thrilled with the idea that if her boyfriend is in the same PE class as her they'll run together.
Safe enough and innocent enough. Ray is a bit more perturbed than me on this revelation, but hey, it's his little girl.
So after we discuss what the meaning of a boyfriend is and what a date is, which in her mind means they walk around the mall and look at things in the stores, maybe eat a fast food place. She's not quite comfortable with the idea of going into a movie theater with him, even if there a lot of friends with them.
Still great discussion. She tells me about the boys that she's got crushes on and she weighs her options, risks and benefits with each of them. And I'm thinking in my head "Did I ever calculate like that?" In any rate, she tells me what she likes about each boy and what she doesn't and I'm just glad that none of the criteria mentioned is "He's got big hands or big feet."
Then out of a left field.
"Mom, I was in the lockeroom changing with <friend's name> and she told me that boys have dreams....." And she's looking at me expectantly. And I think "OK, here we go....."
So we start with a recap of puberty. Last time, she was more interested in the changes in a girl's body. But this time she's aware that boys change too. So we compare and contrast the differences in each gender. And I explain to her that "man boobs" are different than "woman boobs" and that if a man works out, his pectoral muscles get good tone and mass. I had to get one of Ray's Men's Fitness magazines and then a woman's clothing catalog to illustrate the difference. Then she asks about periods again and we go over that. And I'm trying to not howl with laughter. And I have to explain what "his balls dropped" mean. And of course she's trying to figure out where they were to begin with.
Then she brings up boys' dreams.
"So these dreams......."
"Uh huh. Remember when we talked about erections? Boys get those a lot more when they're going through puberty. They'll get them for the rest of their life, but they get them a lot more right now because of puberty."
"So they get them when they're sleeping?"
"Yup."
"So what's in the dreams that make them do that?"
And here we review sex again and I explain to her the boy is probably dreaming about sex. And she's nodding along like no big deal.
"So then........" And I can tell she's leading up to the wet portion of boys' dreams.
"Well, sometimes, the boy gets excited enough in his dream that he ejaculates and that's why they say it's a wet dream."
She promptly claps her hand over mouth in horror and then doubles over with the idea that the cherished boy she has a crush on would have such a dream.
And I'm howling with laughter in my mind. And I'm cringing at the same time because I'm sure that she'll have a dozen questions later.
I'm still laughing at my desk. I gave Ray the lowdown of the discussion and he is so infinitely relieved that I do these talks with our daugher. Because apparently she wants a lot more detailed information than her brothers ever did with Ray.