DIAF, preggo *****Follow

What he actually said was that most relationships have a long-acknowledged level of contact for which there is implied consent, for both parties. I doubt if you ask your husband's permission every time you want to kiss him, after all. The majority of relationships aren't this sort of bureaucratic extreme where you have to file a request form just to put your arm around your spouse. KTurner's point, as I read it, is that it seemed bizarre to him for this to change if the woman becomes pregnant. While I disagree that this is true for all or most marriages, you can hardly blame the man if it doesn't occur to him that the line of implied consent might shift during pregnancy.

Gotcha, i'll own up to that too then.



You're right. That's the way it is in my house, and that's how it was with my parents. Ive never been in a relationship where it's been an issue, and the few instances where I have seen it as a problem has resulted in divorce or just a totally messed up marriage. Not a huge sample size by any means.

So I guess that doesn't mean that two people, somehwere, can't click even with that wall up. I will say that I, personally, can't fathom it.

Edited, Jun 2nd 2010 2:44pm by KTurner

I can just see what will happen though. She'll be wearing the shirt and sitting down. The belly will cause the second line to end out in a crease so that only the "you can touch my belly" part will show. Much laughs will ensue...!

KT, everyone has different boundaries, be they emotional, physical, or mental. And those boundaries can shift over time and over the course of a relationship. Relationships have a constant ebb and flow. I dont know if you have kids or have ever dealt with your mate pregnant. And frankly that wouldnt mean much anyway because each pregnant woman is different. Some absolutely glow and thrive while pregnant (something I just can not comprehend, but then again I'm in the other camp and hate breeding).

But back to boundaries. First and foremost I was being facetious when I said my husband literally asks permission, but the reality is that in our relationship, no one can do anything they want to the other just because we are each others mate. It doesnt need to be verbally asked but with love there is always respect. And respect equals knowing what your mate is ok with and what is not and sometimes even when. For example, just because I adore him and love him more than anything in the world, it is not ok for him to come up and give me a wet willy... just because. It's not ok for me to come up behind him and grope him in front of company... just because. And touching a pregnant belly, especially when one has the, umm, history of coming up and grabbing me in a playful (yet sometimes annoying) if I am in the middle of hormonal moodswings and had a bad day or am dealing with rowdy kids and I'm on my last nerve... sometimes it's a sign of love and respect to ask in some way, be it verbal or with cues from the other instead of to assume.

As for bad relationships/divorce because others dont do it your way, let me just say my husband and I have been together for 14 years and will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary in a few months.We've had 3 pregnancies, 3 births, three kids in various ages and sleep deprivation. And we're more in love than ever. So again, different stroked for different folks, ya know?

you sure it is yours, then?

Next they'll be telling you not to vaccinate your child...or maybe (hopefully) that is just a crazy southern California thing. (And I'm not talking about questioning one or two vaccines but outright rejecting all of them.)

Jenny McCarthy?

You're sure as hell going to try, though.

Boy this thread got out of control quick. As for the touching issue that touched a nerve, I don't like being touched out of the blue, but I can usually see my husband coming. If I don't, I usually tend to flinch just because I don't like being taken by surprise. Add a new hyperawareness of my body and the space it's occupying plus supersenstive skin that makes some taps feel like slaps, and it's in the interest of marital happiness to approach slowly and gently.

I know some of those women that had those idyllic pregnancies you describe, and they're usually scared to get pregnant again because they're tempting fate.

Also-
WTF happened to you, dude?

It's like bears. You need to make a lot of noise as you're walking through the woods so you don't startle one and get mauled.

Herbs. Yank any old weed out of the ground and slap a label on it and you got "herbs".

Why not go for the one with a side of peaches? Peaches are healthy, right?

Believe me, I get you now.

Any time some chipper ******* comes up to me and chirps, "First one?" I reply, "Only one." and they all tsk,tsk 'nooooooo, you don't mean that.' I do.

Not only do I have Joph Jr. at home, but I really am not excited about this process, even if I am psyched for the eventual outcome.