Hahaha, that was pretty good!
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Handjobs
Nobody likes giving them or getting them. Handjobs are the black jellybean, scented-candle-Christmas-present, gift-certificate-to-Talbott's of sex.
SO TRUE.
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All Women Can Do That Grippy Thing With Their Vaginas, Apparently
This isn't a theory, just something I recently found out, which floored me. I can't believe you've been keeping Kegels a secret for all this time, ladies! Ark of the Covenant, my *** -- this is the f**king Holy Grail!
Recently discovered this with my current girlfriend. Fascinating and exciting discovery!
The thing about heavy girls having the best vaginas I know isn't true. However, the heavier girls I have dated have all been really fun in bed.
Other things that I could add to this:
Do yourself a favor and don't have sex with virgins. No, seriously. I've got my fingers crossed on my current relationship working out, but as this is my fifth girlfriend and my fifth V-Card... the odds seem against it.
Crazy girls make good lovers but THEY ARE CRAZY I don't know how much explanation this needs. The crazier the girls I've been with are, the more fun I've had... but the only time I've been literally scared out of my wits by a girl is when she ended up being batsh*t crazy*. But she was a freak in bed too. Choose carefully!
Also, to Flea:
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Bad Kissers are Bad @#%^ers
Not necessarily. I made out with a girl once years ago and she was terrible (to be fair it was her first kiss and we were both really sloshed). It was like she was trying to devour my mouth and stick her tongue down my throat... at the same time. A few years later (and more experience on both of our parts) we ended up hooking up... and she was AMAZING. Was my best sexual experience for years until recently. So I guess like all things, people can change; glad I gave her a second chance!
*She also wrote those creepy cutesy messages. The theory is true! Edited, Apr 5th 2010 4:34pm by LockeColeMA