As the observant of you know I told my wife that I wanted a divorce, Due to many and mostly uninteresting reasons that I won't bore you with.
We agreed a 65-35% split in her favour with her keeping the £120k house and all the stuff in it + £25k in cash and I get 75k in cash to put down as a diposit on a flat and furnish it, i figure i'll need at £25k morTgage but hey I get out of the marriage.
So i see the solicitor and she tells me the three options i can use to seperate.
1. Unreasonable behaviour on her part.
2. Unreasonable behaviour on my part.
3. sort out a financial settlement and hope neither of us ***** over the other over in the two years we wait for a seperation divorce.
So I heads home to "discuss" the options with my (soon to be ex)wife
I'm now homeless and living with friends.
Needless to say the "Discussion" did not go so well...
Oh and i'm apparently having a affair... I wish someone had told me i would have enjoyed a bit of nookie while i was at it.
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Ugh, Tarv, I'm so sorry. Which option do you think you'll go with? It sounds like #1 would work, considering you can't even discuss this with her without some baseless accusations.
Always look on the bright side of life
/whistle
Sorry, mate, couldn't be helped.
/whistle
Sorry, mate, couldn't be helped.
Put me down for "if you're leaving your wife and kids because you got tired of being married, you deserve to be taken to the cleaners for the rest of your natural life."
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
I don't really understand option 3. If you have the settlement signed and ready to go, how would one of you ***** the other one over? Is it that easy to change your mind once you've agreed?
"I have lost my way
But I hear a tale
About a heaven in Alberta
Where they've got all hell for a basement"
But I hear a tale
About a heaven in Alberta
Where they've got all hell for a basement"
I Am Moe, i'm out of the horrible atmosphere and I have a 4 pack of Bud that i didn't pay for and a Lie in in the morning.
Life is while not good at least better.
Oh and Yeah She's going to get a draft copy of my divorce based on option 1 by Tuesday.
They recon 6-8 weeks to me getting teh 75k and then what 6-8 weeks to move into a new place.
Light tunnel end of.
Only problem now is we have to "Discuss" access to the kids >.< Not looking forward to that.
Life is while not good at least better.
Oh and Yeah She's going to get a draft copy of my divorce based on option 1 by Tuesday.
They recon 6-8 weeks to me getting teh 75k and then what 6-8 weeks to move into a new place.
Light tunnel end of.
Only problem now is we have to "Discuss" access to the kids >.< Not looking forward to that.
tarv wrote:
Only problem now is we have to "Discuss" access to the kids >.< Not looking forward to that.
Surely she wouldn't try to keep you from them...
How old are the tars in training now?
That's the worst part. You can always make more cash, you can always get a new flat, hell, if you're anything like me there's not much in life that isn't replaceable. The kids is where the deep wounds come from. I wish you luck there.
That's the worst part. You can always make more cash, you can always get a new flat, hell, if you're anything like me there's not much in life that isn't replaceable. The kids is where the deep wounds come from. I wish you luck there.
Basicly you can do a finincial agreement to seperate the money prior to divorce and then having lived seperately for 2 years u can do a seperation divorce, which mean no accusations to **** either party off.
And no Sam i wasn't "tierd" of being married, I was tierd of being cut off from all my friends, with mno physical contact or companionship.
Let me put it this way what would your reaction be if you hubby told you your xmas prezzie was upstair on xmas morning only to find it unwrapped, still in the bag with the receipt and the half price tag still attached.
and that is what i got on a special occasion.
And no Sam i wasn't "tierd" of being married, I was tierd of being cut off from all my friends, with mno physical contact or companionship.
Let me put it this way what would your reaction be if you hubby told you your xmas prezzie was upstair on xmas morning only to find it unwrapped, still in the bag with the receipt and the half price tag still attached.
and that is what i got on a special occasion.
65-35 split? Sounds like you need a better lawyer.
Just as Planned.
The decision to end a marriage, especially when children are involved is never easy. I don't know enough about your particular situation to say, but it's hardly ever just one person's fault. Too bad you can't keep civil for the kids' sake.
Nah 65-35 allows the kids to stay in the family home and gives her enough flexibility to choose how to raise the kids until the youngest is in school full time and 75k will get me a good flat and furnish it with a smallmortgage.
Thats enough for me, my rewards lie in having my life back and avoiding getting depressed again.
Thats enough for me, my rewards lie in having my life back and avoiding getting depressed again.
You're right Flea, it's both our fault, i am certainly not blameless.
Quote:
Let me put it this way what would your reaction be if you hubby told you your xmas prezzie was upstair on xmas morning only to find it unwrapped, still in the bag with the receipt and the half price tag still attached.
Personally I'd think that's a pretty fUCkin' petty thing to get all bent out of shape over, although I'd razz him about it for sure.
It's up to you, of course; but you helped shape this mess, and you're going to fUCk up your kids by leaving. Just so you know.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
tarv wrote:
Nah 65-35 allows the kids to stay in the family home and gives her enough flexibility to choose how to raise the kids until the youngest is in school full time and 75k will get me a good flat and furnish it with a smallmortgage.
Thats enough for me, my rewards lie in having my life back and avoiding getting depressed again.
Thats enough for me, my rewards lie in having my life back and avoiding getting depressed again.
Can't be ***** throwing any stones from inside my glass-house.
Finding it hard to give a toss about someone putting the kids second, but not knowing the background, I just hope the ankle-biters come out of it OK.
Finding it hard to give a toss about someone putting the kids second, but not knowing the background, I just hope the ankle-biters come out of it OK.
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
How old are the kids? I was 22 when my parents separated, but was very upset when a year later, I found out my Dad stuck around for years waiting for me to finish school, so as not to add an extra weight on me while in university. I was more upset at him for having done that and not taking care of himself than i ever was at him for leaving my mother. All I've ever wanted from them was for them to be happy, so sticking around for me while not being happy was something I wish he hadn't done.
Now if your kids are say, 12 or younger, then I don't think you're likley to get that reaction, but always a possibility.
Now if your kids are say, 12 or younger, then I don't think you're likley to get that reaction, but always a possibility.
Donate. One day it could be your family.
An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. Victor Hugo
An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. Victor Hugo
Lord Nobby wrote:
Can't be ***** throwing any stones from inside my glass-house.
Finding it hard to give a toss about someone putting the kids second, but not knowing the background, I just hope the ankle-biters come out of it OK.
Finding it hard to give a toss about someone putting the kids second, but not knowing the background, I just hope the ankle-biters come out of it OK.
It's like I don't even know you anymore.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
Lord Nobby wrote:
Finding it hard to give a toss about someone putting the kids second.
Light shed on why Drac was Drac.
A happy home is the best for the children and if it takes the parents spiting and giving them 2 homes were the parents are happier, then being together a divorce is better in the long run.
I know kids will always wish their parents where together, but at least my girls as they got older realized why the marriage didn't work out and glad I left their father.
If you're depress when together, Tarv the kids will survive. You may want to consider counseling for them and yourself to help with the transition.
The biggest issue that can cause problems, is if one of you lets the children get away with breaking rules the other parents feels is important.
Because of such issues with my ex over how to raise the girls, we also did couple counseling for awhile, though my ex never listen to any of the things the therapist told him to do for the girls. My ex wanted to be their friend and not a good parent, so they were allow to be out all night and he would take one along to the clubs dancing at the age of 14.
I know kids will always wish their parents where together, but at least my girls as they got older realized why the marriage didn't work out and glad I left their father.
If you're depress when together, Tarv the kids will survive. You may want to consider counseling for them and yourself to help with the transition.
The biggest issue that can cause problems, is if one of you lets the children get away with breaking rules the other parents feels is important.
Because of such issues with my ex over how to raise the girls, we also did couple counseling for awhile, though my ex never listen to any of the things the therapist told him to do for the girls. My ex wanted to be their friend and not a good parent, so they were allow to be out all night and he would take one along to the clubs dancing at the age of 14.
In the place of a Dark Lord you would have a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair! -ElneClare
This Post is written in Elnese, If it was an actual Post, it would make sense.
This Post is written in Elnese, If it was an actual Post, it would make sense.
Stop... just go back and tell her you were joking.
Divorce is hell ... way worse than marriage could ever be. The secret to my 26 year marriage, has been the two divorces I've lived through as a kid. Once at 5, and once more at age 9.
It's really going to change the relationship you have with your kids, and you will regret that more than anything, especially when a new dad comes into their life.
Most get divorced thinking it will bring them happiness. Ironically they get married for the same reason.
Seriously think it over... It's never to late to put it back together.
Divorce is hell ... way worse than marriage could ever be. The secret to my 26 year marriage, has been the two divorces I've lived through as a kid. Once at 5, and once more at age 9.
It's really going to change the relationship you have with your kids, and you will regret that more than anything, especially when a new dad comes into their life.
Most get divorced thinking it will bring them happiness. Ironically they get married for the same reason.
Seriously think it over... It's never to late to put it back together.
Just don't run off to another state for a couple of years.
Maybe without the distractions of a family you can finally focus on learning to spell.
Anyway, good luck on your new life. Sorry you're going to die alone.
Anyway, good luck on your new life. Sorry you're going to die alone.
After being in a 13+ year marriage, I can and will admit that there have been when I have wanted to jump ship, get a divorce. I'll admit that I've done the whole "Dreaming I'm single" scenario in my head after a particularly vicious fight with Ray. Have I ever wanted to go through with that? I usually come to my senses by the time I start thinking through the ramifications of the legal process and knowing that under all the anger, hurt and frustration, I still love my husband. The life we've built together, the home we've made together, the children we have together, (the debt we've taken on together) all enforces my belief that at the end of the day, at the end of my life, there is no one else that I want to be with.
Love does take a marriage only so far. Communication, respect and trust help keep that love anchored. Without those, love can disappear pretty quickly.
Tarv, I hope that you and your ex will be able to put all the animosity aside and maintain a good relationship for the sake of your children. That can take a very long time. But it can happen. Keep on reassuring your kids that even though you won't be under the same roof with them doesn't mean that you don't want to be with them.
Edited, Mar 5th 2010 2:49pm by Thumbelyna
Love does take a marriage only so far. Communication, respect and trust help keep that love anchored. Without those, love can disappear pretty quickly.
Tarv, I hope that you and your ex will be able to put all the animosity aside and maintain a good relationship for the sake of your children. That can take a very long time. But it can happen. Keep on reassuring your kids that even though you won't be under the same roof with them doesn't mean that you don't want to be with them.
Edited, Mar 5th 2010 2:49pm by Thumbelyna
FWIW, after many years of it just being me and my sons, they now have an excellent relationship with their mother and her husband (who happens to be a bloody nice bloke).
Without a doubt, a divorce can be a traumatic experience for sprogs, but so can being brought up by parents who are constantly bickering, fighting, or just generally miserable.
Without a doubt, a divorce can be a traumatic experience for sprogs, but so can being brought up by parents who are constantly bickering, fighting, or just generally miserable.
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
I just want to go on record as saying some of you people are judgmental as f'uck.
It isn't always a bad thing, but it's a decent indicator of where the peni are.
It isn't always a bad thing, but it's a decent indicator of where the peni are.
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