Forum Settings
       
Reply To Thread

Priority Objectives of Corporate Strategic PlanningFollow

#1 Mar 04 2010 at 10:50 AM Rating: Decent
*****
10,755 posts
Yesterday at 2PM I was given the dubious honor of owning one of 6 corporate strategic objectives for the coming year. I was given a working name (subject to change) and a 30,000ft 3 sentence description of the initiative.

By 3PM today, I'm expected to have my team put together and submitted to the Executive team. WTF? I have a 3 word working title....that's it.


Should I
Roll with it and rub it in my co-workers faces :2 (8.0%)
Walk into the VP's office and start swinging :3 (12.0%)
Lube up and try to relax :10 (40.0%)
Pharm for post count and pretend I have premium:10 (40.0%)
Total:25
#2 Mar 04 2010 at 10:52 AM Rating: Decent
Will swallow your soul
******
29,360 posts
NephthysWanderer wrote:
Yesterday at 2PM I was given the dubious honor of owning one of 6 corporate strategic objectives for the coming year. I was given a working name (subject to change) and a 30,000ft 3 sentence description of the initiative.

By 3PM today, I'm expected to have my team put together and submitted to the Executive team. WTF? I have a 3 word working title....that's it.


Poll Removed: No more than one per thread, please!


Quoted for pollishness.
____________________________
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

#3 Mar 04 2010 at 10:54 AM Rating: Decent
*****
10,755 posts
Samira wrote:
NephthysWanderer wrote:
Yesterday at 2PM I was given the dubious honor of owning one of 6 corporate strategic objectives for the coming year. I was given a working name (subject to change) and a 30,000ft 3 sentence description of the initiative.

By 3PM today, I'm expected to have my team put together and submitted to the Executive team. WTF? I have a 3 word working title....that's it.


Poll Removed: No more than one per thread, please!


Quoted for polishness.


Fixed

And thanks for having pity on me. :(

Edited, Mar 4th 2010 11:54am by NephthysWanderer
#4 Mar 04 2010 at 11:01 AM Rating: Decent
Will swallow your soul
******
29,360 posts
NephthysWanderer wrote:

And thanks for having pity on me. :(



Just promise me you'll end your presentation with this:

Screenshot


____________________________
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

#5 Mar 04 2010 at 11:07 AM Rating: Decent
Avatar
*****
13,240 posts
I could build a strategic planing team out of that.
____________________________
Just as Planned.
#6 Mar 04 2010 at 11:07 AM Rating: Decent
Soulless Internet Tiger
******
35,474 posts
Timelordwho wrote:
I could build a strategic planing team out of that.
Out of what, you and a kitten?
____________________________
Donate. One day it could be your family.


An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. Victor Hugo

#7 Mar 04 2010 at 11:12 AM Rating: Good
Avatar
*****
13,240 posts
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
Timelordwho wrote:
I could build a strategic planing team out of that.
Out of what, you and a kitten?


I think that qualifies as a team.
____________________________
Just as Planned.
#8 Mar 04 2010 at 11:12 AM Rating: Decent
Will swallow your soul
******
29,360 posts
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
Timelordwho wrote:
I could build a strategic planing team out of that.
Out of what, you and a kitten?


Don't underestimate the corporate power of a bossy kitten.

____________________________
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

#9 Mar 04 2010 at 11:13 AM Rating: Good
Soulless Internet Tiger
******
35,474 posts
What does the cat decide? The colour of the yarn?
____________________________
Donate. One day it could be your family.


An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. Victor Hugo

#10 Mar 04 2010 at 11:15 AM Rating: Decent
Sage
****
4,042 posts
Samira wrote:
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
Timelordwho wrote:
I could build a strategic planing team out of that.
Out of what, you and a kitten?


Don't underestimate the corporate power of a bossy kitten.



Video is relevant. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57VbE0J9niw
#11 Mar 04 2010 at 11:16 AM Rating: Good
Avatar
*****
13,240 posts
Samira wrote:
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
Timelordwho wrote:
I could build a strategic planing team out of that.
Out of what, you and a kitten?


Don't underestimate the corporate power of a bossy kitten.



Dr. Claw makes a pretty convincing case.
____________________________
Just as Planned.
#12 Mar 04 2010 at 11:17 AM Rating: Decent
*****
10,755 posts
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
What does the cat decide? The color of the yarn?


Kitten decides who dies first.
#13 Mar 04 2010 at 11:17 AM Rating: Decent
Will swallow your soul
******
29,360 posts
NephthysWanderer wrote:
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
What does the cat decide? The color of the yarn?


Kitten decides who dies first.


And, of course, when the meeting ends.

____________________________
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

#14 Mar 04 2010 at 11:20 AM Rating: Decent
Avatar
*****
13,240 posts
Samira wrote:
NephthysWanderer wrote:
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
What does the cat decide? The color of the yarn?


Kitten decides who dies first.


And, of course, when the meeting ends.



The kitten also determines when to press the big red button. My analysis has shown that a kitten is better suited for this over watch duty than any human.

I'm not kidding.
____________________________
Just as Planned.
#15 Mar 04 2010 at 12:38 PM Rating: Good
@#%^
*****
15,953 posts
Face it, you're fucked. This is what happens to nice people.
____________________________
"I have lost my way
But I hear a tale
About a heaven in Alberta
Where they've got all hell for a basement"

#16 Mar 04 2010 at 12:44 PM Rating: Decent
Several times a day, if they're lucky.

On a similar note, I voted for option 2.
#17 Mar 04 2010 at 12:54 PM Rating: Good
Avatar
*****
13,240 posts
On a serious note, this is likely a test from above to see if you can acquire the information you need, communicate this, and construct a team from the best components you have available. If you pass, you might see future strategic planning/management, if you fail, they will say sorry for not giving you what you needed while secretly ticking the box next to your name that says "not management material".

While it may not be the oldest one in the book, it is pretty common.
____________________________
Just as Planned.
#18 Mar 04 2010 at 1:04 PM Rating: Good
Helpful Tips & Tricks #127:
Do not identify specific individuals. Rather, identify a role and a target position you know to exist within the organization possessing the necessary skill & knowledge to accomplish the task. This indicates the appropriate level of thoughtfulness in addressing the project needs without presupposing consent by other area supervisors/managers and leaves it to the executive team to see to it that you get the resources requires to accomplish the task.
#19 Mar 04 2010 at 1:47 PM Rating: Decent
****
4,158 posts
NephthysWanderer wrote:
Yesterday at 2PM I was given the dubious honor of owning one of 6 corporate strategic objectives for the coming year. I was given a working name (subject to change) and a 30,000ft 3 sentence description of the initiative.

By 3PM today, I'm expected to have my team put together and submitted to the Executive team. WTF? I have a 3 word working title....that's it.



I don't remember it being all so complicated when I was flipping burgers for McDonalds!
____________________________
"If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders". Carlin.

#20 Mar 04 2010 at 7:11 PM Rating: Decent
*****
18,463 posts
Well? How'd it go?
#21 Mar 05 2010 at 12:25 PM Rating: Good
The Glorious Atomicflea wrote:
Well? How'd it go?

I assume badly, because he really sucks at follow through.
#22 Mar 05 2010 at 1:58 PM Rating: Decent
*****
10,755 posts
All about priority ranking for follow-through. You all made the list only because I had an extra line on my scratch pad.

I named names. At a small-mid size company, naming resources without being specific usually gives you the window lickers instead of the B-students. Knowing the other 5 objective leaders would name names, my only hope was to reply and be the first to request specific people along with the reason I needed that person.

The best part is that I was able to hand off another team I was chairing in the process. I built the team, started the laser lights and fog machine and then quietly left the building before anyone realized the band had no instruments. All the while being congratulated profusely for my stellar work on creating a high performance culture. Hell, they even handed me $1000 for going above and beyond.
#23 Mar 05 2010 at 6:51 PM Rating: Decent
Avatar
*****
13,240 posts
NephthysWanderer wrote:
All about priority ranking for follow-through. You all made the list only because I had an extra line on my scratch pad.

I named names. At a small-mid size company, naming resources without being specific usually gives you the window lickers instead of the B-students. Knowing the other 5 objective leaders would name names, my only hope was to reply and be the first to request specific people along with the reason I needed that person.

The best part is that I was able to hand off another team I was chairing in the process. I built the team, started the laser lights and fog machine and then quietly left the building before anyone realized the band had no instruments. All the while being congratulated profusely for my stellar work on creating a high performance culture. Hell, they even handed me $1000 for going above and beyond.


See? What did I tell you.

This is how you play that game.
____________________________
Just as Planned.
#24 Mar 06 2010 at 4:55 PM Rating: Decent
Lunatic
******
30,086 posts

I named names. At a small-mid size company, naming resources without being specific usually gives you the window lickers instead of the B-students. Knowing the other 5 objective leaders would name names, my only hope was to reply and be the first to request specific people along with the reason I needed that person.


At the beginning of the fiscal year where I consult, I could have booked about 100 hours a day based on the requests for me. I never thought I'd regret having a daily rate, but I can see why people don't do it now. I was also mistaken by a middle manager with a serious Napoleon complex for someone who somehow reported to him. He told me he'd "take my refusal to work on his project to the systems integration steering committee." Good luck with that, buddy. The last four RFPs they sent me are still sitting in my desk drawer, next to the magnetic zebra I hide periodically in the IT lab. The zebra's far, far more important to me. I should really probably hire someone.

____________________________
Disclaimer:

To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

Reply To Thread

Colors Smileys Quote OriginalQuote Checked Help

 

Recent Visitors: 138 All times are in CST
Anonymous Guests (138)