Hi, my name is Redphoenixxx and I'll be your waiter. . Follow

Don't count on it

Nice BBC article on Parisian attitudes towards customers.

Some highlights:

Well, if you say so. In my view they're doing a job, and deserve to be treated with respect just like anyone else.

When I was in Paris I didn't even notice servers being supercilious, or snobby, or whatever they're rumored to be. I just thought they were formal, and while that is different than here it isn't *worse*.

It makes me stabby when American tourists treat maids and waiters and cab drivers in other countries like ****.

That's strange, my French phrasebook recommended calling my waiter "garcon", among other things.

Really, though, I don't remember anyone being that rude to me in Paris. There was a guy selling water bottles that was quite clearly pissed out of his mind, the state of consciousness I imagine is best suited to standing in the baking sun for hours on end, but he didn't say anything unpleasant.

Hm. Formality of manner is not the same as subservience. In fact I believe that's the whole point.

This is the same mistake Varus keeps making.

I suppose you could go to a foreign country and demand to treat them as you think they should be treated by your cultural standards. I mean, I think they wouldn't be surprised given the stereotypes they have about Americans.

I dislike being addressed with too much familiarity by strangers. Service personnel don't have to kiss my ***, but they also don't get to call me by my first name, or "buddy", "pal" etc. "Sir", will do, or "Mr. <lastname>" or even just a non-commital "you".

I always ask for whatever I need, I don't demand it or become strident and annoying because my drink is almost empty. In return I expect a certain level of deference from the staff.

Witness an exchange at what had once been a lovely, quiet restaurant my wife and I used to frequent, where we relaxed, safe in the knowledge that a flair-bedecked mob of wait-staff would never emerge from the kitchen singing Happy Birthday.

Me(upon entering and seeing a bouncy teenage girl instead of the usual elegant hostess): Good evening, two for dinner please.
Hostess: Hi! It will be a few minutes before I can seat you. Would you like to wait in the bar.
Me: Certainly, thank you.
Hostess: And your name?
Me: Kearney.
Hostess, chuckling: Your first name?
Me, scowling: Mister.

The old hostess, who had always greeted my wife and I by name (not our first names, mind you) had moved away and been replaced with Tiffany or Brandi or some such bimbo, recently graduated from the TGI Friday School of Restaurant Management.


Edited, Feb 6th 2010 5:14pm by Deathwysh

This is what Parisians think equality is? Snob service and superficial pronouns? This might be why the U.S. and U.K. rank so much lower in terms of power distance than France, that is overall people perceive each other as more equal in the U.S. and U.K. than in France, according to Hofstede et al.

Which is why I said perceived power. There is a huge functional power gap between the rich and the poor in the U.S., but when it comes to social interactions it is actually quite small. The rich dude has to wait in line behind the toothless hobo, and they both get pretty much the same courtesies.

In France people may be overall closer in income, but they act like bigger douches about what little they have over their fellows than people in the U.S.

Edited, Feb 6th 2010 5:06pm by Allegory

I'm not sure I'd go that far.

Now who's being a douche, hrmmm?

He prefers if you call him Monsieur.

Having real actual power that is not manifested and discussed is much more harmful than someone having less power who is more honest about it. It's insincere.

Also, the whole "same courtesies"--that's a really shaky argument that falls apart pretty easily.

Edited, Feb 6th 2010 7:15pm by Annabella

If, as a foreigner, I am being polite by my cultural standards, and I am given attitude because I'm not rigidly adhering to every tiny nuance of the culture, how am I the ***? Damn me and my imperfection! I'm a foreigner, being polite, if I'm fucking up your day with my boorish knuckle dragging, correct me, POLITELY.

But, I guess this point is kind of moot, seeing as France is really close to the bottom of the list of foreign countries I'm likely to visit.