Dear NobbyFollow

The world seeks consistency.


Seek advice and you worry whether you'll receive confirmation, advice, or ridicule.

To add certainty, I (in response to Auntie Flea, and hence, lacking originaility) offer you Uncle Nobby's Advice Line

To be clear, it's 99% certain that your response will be abusive, unhelpful and vitriolic.

Bring on the "Dear Nobby" posts. The responses will be less boring than those of "La Tia Pulga"

Bear in mind that my starting assumption is to seek confirmation in your post that you are a cUnt.

Dear Nobby,

If you lay your hands upon my child, will they be able to play Layla?

Edited, Feb 4th 2010 6:19pm by baelnic

Dear Nobby,

How do I saddle a dinosaur?

I am a cunt, so is there any point in going further with this?

Dear Uncle Nobby,

Have you smothered the Snaggletooth yet?

With bated breath,
Demea

Dear Nobby:

What do you have to say to the critics who say that you combine the worst, rather than the best, features of Alan Rickman and Eric Clapton?

Dear Nobby,

When Bun-Bun dresses normally, there isn't a problem. Unfortunately, Bun-Bun is from the South and not tall for the region; at 145 cm/35 kg it is a bit hard for her to find clothes she likes in Beijing. Clothes in her size tend to be -- youthful -- and guesses about her age range from 12-16. A friend, who is a retired vice cop, insisted on checking her ID and confirmed it is authentic and shows she really is 22 (or 23 going on 24 as she counts it).

My editor is talking about sending me to Europe to handle some consulting. That brings me to the question: if she doesn't wear the bubblegum pink, crocheted hat (with pom-poms and bunny fur around her face), can we travel safely or will I simply be lynched/reported to the police as a probable pedophile?

Dear Nobby,

I've never been a big contributor to these boards, but I really need some advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. There are all the usual signs… the phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up, my wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike , that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Any help would be much appreciated.

I can help on this one. Take them both to the dealer's.

Dear Nobby,

Why does france still exist as an independant soverign nation?

Dear Nobby,

Why are so many people asking you questions when you haven't even bothered to answer one yet?


Cranky Canuck

Answer: This



I'm thinking of making it my new avatar.

My money is on Flea.