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Will this get me fired?Follow

#1 Jan 09 2010 at 7:19 PM Rating: Sub-Default
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Alright, I'm sure many of you've seen "Jerry Maguire" and are familiar with his "memo". Well, I'm on the verge of doing the same thing at my workplace but I figured I'd share it with my fellow Allakhazamers first.

Quote:
Your Opinion Doesn't Matter... (A diatribe)

As we enter a new year (hell, a new decade) there's one message that I'd like to share with you all...your opinion does not matter. You think it does and that's all fine and dandy but to Joe Blow in Wisconsin he doesn't even know you exist. That's right. All the BS that your Hippie-Yuppie school teachers taught you about expressing yourself and sharing ideas...it's about as useful as that year's worth of soap scum on your shower head.

Day in and day out I hear people spouting off their opinions and a majority of the time it's an unsolicited one at that. Oftentimes, it's an opinion that's about as transparent as an empty wine glass. The owner of that opinion put about as much thought into it as you would picking your nose.

And, what's worse than an opinion? An idea! I know, you're thinking how is an idea a bad thing? An idea is like a child. If you love, nurture it (and sometimes even scold it) that idea will grow into something worthwhile. But, if you just let it sit there in it's own filth with no love, no light...it becomes a monstrosity.

I despise "idea" people with a fervent passion. They're the people that sit at a desk in an artificially lit office just thinking. They don't actually "do" anything...they just think about it. No, what they "do" is make other people follow through on their "ideas". These types of "idea" people typically become managers, bosses, Congressmen, etc. They dream up ideas every minute of every day and each one is about as substantial and original as the remakes Hollywood shoves down our throats at the movie theater.

Now, if you've read this far (and haven't crumpled this up and thrown it in the trash can) I applaud your fortitude because I do have a point to this rant...while your opinion might not matter, you can make it into something more concrete. Think of an opinion/idea like a house. You have to start with a foundation, add structure (walls, floor, ceiling) and finish with a coat of paint, furniture and decorum. Once you have that solid home established, then you can share it with others and maybe (just maybe) it might mean something. It will certainly mean more than the shanty your loud-mouthed neighbor built out of cardboard and duct tape.

But, then again, this is all just an opinion...and even my opinion doesn't matter.


A little back story: our boss wants us to build a "dream wall" of ideas. We're supposed to come up with something to post on the wall for others to read. So, I'm thinking this will be my contribution.
#2 Jan 09 2010 at 7:28 PM Rating: Excellent
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Are you under the impression that your opinion DOES matter, where others' do not?

It's pretty obnoxious.

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#3 Jan 09 2010 at 7:31 PM Rating: Excellent
Maybe if you were a bit brighter you could do more than recycle one man's bitter flirtations with coherence and add something original or worthwhile to the wall. But hey, if you did that, the rest of us wouldn't get to enjoy the delicious irony of the situation. And make no mistake, we are all laughing at you. It's just so fucking hilarious. It'd probably be wasted on them, anyway; I'm sure your boss and coworkers are just as dull and sophomoric as you are.

Anyway, to answer your question: quite possibly.
#4 Jan 09 2010 at 7:33 PM Rating: Excellent
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We can hope.

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#5 Jan 09 2010 at 8:01 PM Rating: Excellent
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This was unsolicited.
#6 Jan 09 2010 at 8:27 PM Rating: Excellent
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Fired, booed out of the office for wasting people's time? same thing.

I want my 12.5 seconds back. Now Please.
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#7 Jan 09 2010 at 8:31 PM Rating: Excellent
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I would fire you for your atrocious over-use of similes and metaphors.

#8REDACTED, Posted: Jan 09 2010 at 8:58 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) You basically just called me a big doodoo head and ripped off an Adam Sandler skit.
#9 Jan 09 2010 at 10:10 PM Rating: Excellent
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trickybeck wrote:

I would fire you for your atrocious over-use of similes and metaphors.

#10 Jan 09 2010 at 11:02 PM Rating: Excellent
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You want to save your job?

Run around the office with a goldfish telling people "It's not a mission statement".
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publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
#11REDACTED, Posted: Jan 09 2010 at 11:02 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) Not only unoriginal but lazy as well.
#12 Jan 09 2010 at 11:03 PM Rating: Good
Your boss is in all probability looking for ideas. Telling him/her & your co workers that their ideas don't matter isn't what he's looking for, even if you feel it's clever.

And clearly, you're the only one who does.
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#13 Jan 10 2010 at 2:10 AM Rating: Excellent
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I still don't have my 12.5 seconds back. Chop Chop!
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#14 Jan 10 2010 at 2:32 AM Rating: Good
Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
I still don't have my 12.5 seconds back. Chop Chop!
The OP is clearly not knowledgeable in the key equation of rapativity, namely E=mcHammer.
#15 Jan 10 2010 at 9:18 AM Rating: Excellent
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CrazyBard wrote:
Nadenu wrote:
trickybeck wrote:

I would fire you for your atrocious over-use of similes and metaphors.



Not only unoriginal but lazy as well.



Very lazy. Your point?
#16 Jan 10 2010 at 10:10 AM Rating: Excellent
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Nadenu wrote:
CrazyBard wrote:
Nadenu wrote:
trickybeck wrote:

I would fire you for your atrocious over-use of similes and metaphors.



Not only unoriginal but lazy as well.



Very lazy. Your point?


I believe he was pointing out that unlike himself, you understand the principle of using exactly as much effort as is warranted.

I applaud his humility.

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#17REDACTED, Posted: Jan 10 2010 at 5:59 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) Anyway, thanks for the feedback.
#18 Jan 10 2010 at 6:06 PM Rating: Excellent
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crazyposter wrote:
Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters, to meeeeee.
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#19 Jan 10 2010 at 6:11 PM Rating: Good
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I can only hope you get fired, but first I hope you get covered in chum and thrown into a vat of sharks.

As a matter of fact, be a dear and submit that to the idea wall for me.
#20 Jan 10 2010 at 6:22 PM Rating: Good
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
Fired, booed out of the office for wasting people's time? same thing.

I want my 12.5 seconds back. Now Please.


*writes a check for 12.5 seconds plus interest*

*puts it in the mail*
#21 Jan 10 2010 at 6:24 PM Rating: Good
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Way to get your brown eye in a tizzy, kid. You asked. This is why you suck at your job, in case you needed a clue. It's probably hard to sit on that weeping ****.
#22 Jan 10 2010 at 6:31 PM Rating: Good
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I recommend one of those donut cushions.
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#23 Jan 10 2010 at 8:11 PM Rating: Excellent
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Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
I recommend one of those donut cushions.

Speaking of which, I think it's about time for me to invest in one of those. I got 'roids like a sleeve of golf balls stuck halfway up my ***.
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publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
#24 Jan 11 2010 at 12:04 PM Rating: Good
CrazyBard wrote:
Nadenu wrote:
trickybeck wrote:

I would fire you for your atrocious over-use of similes and metaphors.



Not only unoriginal but lazy as well.



I may be wrong about this but didn't you just rip off this letter idea from a movie? Now thats unoriginal and lazy.
#25 Jan 11 2010 at 12:24 PM Rating: Decent
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toohotforu wrote:
CrazyBard wrote:
Nadenu wrote:
trickybeck wrote:

I would fire you for your atrocious over-use of similes and metaphors.


Not only unoriginal but lazy as well.


I may be wrong about this but didn't you just rip off this letter idea from a movie? Now thats unoriginal and lazy.

Where do you think half of *my* material comes from??
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publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
#26 Jan 11 2010 at 3:12 PM Rating: Good
Debalic wrote:
toohotforu wrote:
CrazyBard wrote:
Nadenu wrote:
trickybeck wrote:

I would fire you for your atrocious over-use of similes and metaphors.


Not only unoriginal but lazy as well.


I may be wrong about this but didn't you just rip off this letter idea from a movie? Now thats unoriginal and lazy.

Where do you think half of *my* material comes from??


Indeed, good point dear sir.
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