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#1 Nov 16 2009 at 11:39 AM Rating: Excellent
Nexa
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We have a few of them on here, haha....Oh Onion, you slay me once again

Quote:
Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
November 14, 2009 | Issue 45•46

ESCONDIDO, CA—Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.


California...hmmm...

My favorite:

Quote:
According to Mortensen—an otherwise mild-mannered husband, father, and small-business owner—the most serious threat to his fanciful version of the 222-year-old Constitution is the attempt by far-left "traitors" to strip it of its religious foundation.
"Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear: 'one nation under God,'" said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any reference to a deity until 1954. "Well, there's a reason they put that right at the top."


It would be funnier if it wasn't true.

Nexa

Edited, Nov 16th 2009 12:51pm by Nexa
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“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
#2 Nov 16 2009 at 11:40 AM Rating: Excellent
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Oh, Nexa. Example.com gets us all eventually. Smiley: laugh

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#3 Nov 16 2009 at 11:43 AM Rating: Excellent
Nexa
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Samira wrote:
Oh, Nexa. Example.com gets us all eventually. Smiley: laugh



DAMMIT, I hit edit IMMEDIATELY...hateful traitor.

Nexa
____________________________
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
#4 Nov 16 2009 at 11:50 AM Rating: Excellent
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Samira wrote:
Oh, Nexa. Example.com gets us all eventually. Smiley: laugh

That's in the Constitution, I think. Right after the part about not liking Mondays.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#5 Nov 16 2009 at 11:51 AM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
Samira wrote:
Oh, Nexa. Example.com gets us all eventually. Smiley: laugh

That's in the Constitution, I think. Right after the part about not liking Mondays.


Which, clearly, is why the Founding Fathers in their wisdom made holidays fall on Monday whenever possible.

____________________________
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

#6 Nov 17 2009 at 2:54 PM Rating: Good
Nexa wrote:
We have a few of them on here, haha....Oh Onion, you slay me once again

Quote:
Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
November 14, 2009 | Issue 45•46

ESCONDIDO, CA—Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.


California...hmmm...



Oh it's better then just California: Escondido is in northern san diego, which as I recall is where gbaji lives.

samira wrote:
Which, clearly, is why the Founding Fathers in their wisdom made holidays fall on Monday whenever possible.


The founding fathers were so awesome that their birthdays *always* fall on Mondays. /nods

or, as we the employees of the glorious state of california have found out: days between x-mas and new years, as needed

#7 Nov 17 2009 at 6:57 PM Rating: Decent
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yossarian wrote:
Oh it's better then just California: Escondido is in northern san diego, which as I recall is where gbaji lives.


Oh please... There are some states less wide than the distance between where I live and Escondido.
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King Nobby wrote:
More words please
#8 Nov 17 2009 at 7:05 PM Rating: Excellent
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Quote:
Oh please... There are some states less wide than the distance between where I live and Escondido.


I go based on the entry in Wikipedia for Escondido.

Wiki wrote:
Notable residents

* Diego Sanchez: guitarist of the brutal death metal band Disgorge
* Steve Reeves: Bodybuilder
* Lester Bangs: rock music critic
* Mark Redman: Professional Baseball player and graduate of Escondido High School
* Benjamin Britten: English composer, famous for his opera "Peter Grimes"
* E. H. Bronner: famous soapmaker
* Pete Coscarart: former Brooklyn Dodger
* gbaji: infamous troll/essayist
* Mike Esparza: Rock 105.3 radio personality, host of The Mikey Show
* Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: founder and resident of the Shanti Nilaya retreat in Escondido in the late '70s and early '80s
* Deborah Jeane Palfrey: the so-called D.C. Madam
* Shannon MacMillan: professional soccer player and graduate of San Pasqual High School
* Sean Salisbury: Former ESPN anchorman and former NFL quarterback; graduate of Orange Glen High School
* Andrea Zittel: Contemporary artist
* Randy Vasquez: Actor
* Eric Weddle: #32 of San Diego Chargers resides in Escondido
* Brittany Hogan: former Miss California
* Anacani: featured singer with Lawrence Welk orchestra
* Richard Denning: Actor
* Harold Bell Wright: Famous Author of the 20's & 30's
* Tom Anderson: Co-founder of Myspace.com
* J.J. Cale: Musician
* Randy Johnson: Former Major League player with Atlanta Braves, current Special Asst to Oakland A's GM Billey Beane, Graduate of Escondido High School
#9 Nov 17 2009 at 7:34 PM Rating: Decent
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Well. If we're going to quote wiki:

Wiki Demographics for Escondido wrote:
The median income for a household in the city is $42,567, and the median income for a family is $48,456.


Wiki Demographics for where I live wrote:
The median household income was $120,886; 17.8% of the households made $200,000 or more and 12.3% made $30,000 or less.



But hey. They're pretty much exactly the same, right?
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King Nobby wrote:
More words please
#10 Nov 17 2009 at 7:37 PM Rating: Good
gbaji wrote:
Well. If we're going to quote wiki:

Wiki Demographics for Escondido wrote:
The median income for a household in the city is $42,567, and the median income for a family is $48,456.
I can just see the sign outside Escondido:

"Escondido: One household = 7/8 Of A Family"
#11 Nov 18 2009 at 12:36 PM Rating: Good
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Escondido was also my ex's home town. For those who are new to the Asylum, my ex is transgender and ***** up mental case, who believes nothing is their fault.

Hmm, somewhat like how some posters think liberals are to blame for all of the country's problems.
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In the place of a Dark Lord you would have a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair! -ElneClare

This Post is written in Elnese, If it was an actual Post, it would make sense.
#12ThiefX, Posted: Nov 18 2009 at 9:29 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) You are.
#13 Nov 18 2009 at 9:30 PM Rating: Good
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Liberals are so good, they engineered cancer to be infectious!
#14 Nov 18 2009 at 9:47 PM Rating: Good
ThiefX, lemme get this straight: the idea that people could, say, go to work and not have to worry about getting killed because of unsafe conditions is the cancer that's killing /b/ the US?

Seriously, it's not just liberals that are killing this country. It's everyone in politics that is.
#15 Nov 18 2009 at 9:49 PM Rating: Excellent
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MDenham wrote:
ThiefX, lemme get this straight: the idea that people could, say, go to work and not have to worry about getting killed because of unsafe conditions is the cancer that's killing /b/ the US?

Seriously, it's not just liberals that are killing this country. It's everyone in politics that is.


Yes, goddammit. The Triangle Shirt Factory was what made this country great.

/wipes a patriotic tear

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In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

#16 Nov 19 2009 at 2:49 AM Rating: Good
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I was really hoping this was going to be about a new super hero. [:frownieface:]
#17 Nov 19 2009 at 6:24 AM Rating: Good
Gurue
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JD sighting!
#18 Nov 19 2009 at 6:29 AM Rating: Good
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Quote:
Liberalism is Failure, is a sickness, a Cancer.


Like fetuses!
#19 Nov 19 2009 at 2:09 PM Rating: Decent
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Pensive the Ludicrous wrote:
Quote:
Liberalism is Failure, is a sickness, a Cancer.


Like fetuses!


Fortunately for you, my keyboard was already pretty grimy...
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King Nobby wrote:
More words please
#20 Nov 19 2009 at 2:15 PM Rating: Excellent
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gbaji wrote:
Pensive the Ludicrous wrote:
Quote:
Liberalism is Failure, is a sickness, a Cancer.
Like fetuses!
Fortunately for you, my keyboard was already pretty grimy...

With aborted fetuses?
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#21 Nov 19 2009 at 2:17 PM Rating: Excellent
Will swallow your soul
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29,360 posts
Jophiel wrote:
gbaji wrote:
Pensive the Ludicrous wrote:
Quote:
Liberalism is Failure, is a sickness, a Cancer.
Like fetuses!
Fortunately for you, my keyboard was already pretty grimy...

With aborted fetuses?


Or nachos. Hard to tell once they get crusty.

____________________________
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

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