Today, I took an early lunch as I had to run across town to the UPS depot and pickup my X-Box 360. You see, it had red-ringed on me about a week and a half ago after a year and 7 months of faithful service. I sent it in for a warranty repair, and was eager to pick it up today as I have been watching DVD's on the PC, which just isn't the same as on the 50" wide screen. I arrived there at 11:40, and found that they didn't open till noon. I decided to get lunch out of the way while I was waiting, and while there wasn't much in the immediate area, there was a new Super Wal-Mart just across the street.
Typically, I avoid Wal-Mart as much as possible. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of their practices and whatnot, but I'm even more repelled by the people who usually shop there. At the north end of town is the University, so there's lots of college kids that frequent that branch, which at the least provides eye candy. This was at the south end of town, and walking in I knew immediately I wasn't going to be impressed. They did have a McDonald's in the store, and with some thought I should have put two and two together and came up with the logical conclusion that a McD's in a Wal-Mart was a recipe for disaster. In stead, I thought that since it had been at least 10 years since I had a burger and fries from McD's, and possibly as much as 18 years since I had partaken on the US continent, it might be worth giving it a go again. After all, how bad could it be?
I walked over to the restraunt area, and was immediately annoyed by a grand total of 5 people blocking off the entire counter area with their shopping carts full of cheap Chinese goodness. I understand we're in a store, but do people really have to stop in the middle of their shopping to go get some food to shove in their face before continuing? Apparently so. After roughly a 10 minute wait for 5 people to order (aren't we really beyond haggling over price? When it's on the menu listed for a certain amount, it's pretty much set) I stepped up to the counter and was greeted by the blank stare of "Scooter." No ****, that's what his nametag said. He proceed to apologize for their debit card swipers not working as the system was down, and stated "Cash only, sir". Well, at least he was polite. I countered with a "No problem" as I am one of those people that believe in always having a little green on hand for just such occasions. I then ordered 2 regular cheeseburgers, as I'm not a fan of anyone's special sauce, a medium fri, and small strawberry milkshake. The transaction completed despite Scooter's annoying tendency to drift off or stutter every time I looked him in the eye. My food was promptly delivered, and I negotiated the shopping cart maze to a corner table where I wouldn't be disturbed.
After the first bite of the cheeseburger, I knew I was in trouble. It didn't taste remotely like a burger, more like tasteless oatmeal between two pieces of cardboard lathered with ketchup and a pickle-like substance. I washed some of it down with my shake, and against my better judgment took another bite. The second was no better than the first. Well, at least the shake was good. I moved immediately to my fries, and after dipping several in ketchup, I threw them down the hatch. I then contemplated whether or not someone had purposely deep fried salt and tried to pass them off as fries. I gagged that down with some more of my tasty shake. I attempted a bite of the second cheeseburger just in case the first was a fluke, and discovered the second was even worse, or else my tolerance had dropped another notch.
I gathered the remains of that lunch, quickly took it to the bin, and then contemplated whether visiting the restroom and forcing what little I had managed back up would be prudent. After a brief but bitter debate, I decided I had no intention of seeing what a Wal-Mart/McD's bathroom might look like. and headed for the exit. Before I reached it, a manager cheerfully thanked me for coming in, and asked me how my lunch was. I stopped, turned, tipped my shake to him and replied "Well, the milkshake was good."
If I step into another McDonald's before I die, it will be too soon.