According to "She Comes First", which I picked up a few years ago due to the suggestion of some folks in this forum, premature ejaculation is simply finishing too quickly for your own tastes. Thus you could be "premature" even if you have sex for hours and hours, if you wanted to go for days.
The thing is, the average man only lasts about 6-8 minutes, while women on average need around 15 minutes to climax* (rough estimate, haven't read the book in a while). You can tilt the odds in your favor heavily by involving copious amounts of foreplay, which is the point of the book: if you can't last long while having intercourse, get really darn good at pleasing a lady with other parts of your body.
The book was awesome for me as a college student, because it really gave me the confidence to please my girlfriends over the years, and taught me a ton about the female anatomy and sexual response system. Now, that said... heterosexual intercourse is a huge deal in the culture of young (18-30) Americans, and intercourse is glorified. My most recent girlfriend (and now ex, for non-sexual reasons) was very self-conscious about cunnilingus, and thus my best skills were often not able to be used. She now has a boyfriend who is, I quote "very large" and able to "last for an hour, then go again within 10 minutes."
And I sit there thinking two things:
1. Why the f*ck do I learn WAY too much info about my exes?
2. How the f*ck does that lucky ******* do it?
So I'm wondering if there is a non-medical, dare I say it, "training" or "conditioning" that you can undergo to increase the length of sexual activity. For example, I know that ************ is counter-productive because it's self-focused and you only aim to please yourself, which doesn't let you take your partner's responses into account. I have heard bizarre stories about tantric sex glorified by Sting, but that sounds more like mood alteration or self-hypnosis. We've all seen commercials or spam mail for the newest and greatest pill, but those seem highly... dubious.
So, 'fess up, anyone have some secrets to lasting longer? Inquiring minds want to know!
*Edit: These figures, I believe, are constant movement. Starting and stopping every time the guy gets close really throws off the girl in my experience and makes that counter reset itself.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 8:50am by LockeColeMA
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Well, if you're really that concerned about it, why not get a um.. device, to help you?
Pensive wrote:
Well, if you're really that concerned about it, why not get a um.. device, to help you?
Don't care about the size thing so much as the lasting part. I'm a smidge above average in both departments, but increasing the length of sexual activity seems more palatable to me than increasing the length of my *****. Something about modifying myself with gadgets down there freaks me out a bit.
Edit: But, on that subject, are there any that actually work? I remember watching a show years and years ago where they compared three types of penile enhancements: one was a cream, one was a pump, and one was another type of contraption. In the end the only one with any actual effect was the cream, of all things. The testers were surprised; they thought the others would give some result and the cream would be snake oil. They couldn't explain WHY it worked that way, and chocked it up to luck.
The program was part of the "20th (or 21st) Century Guide to Sex" (I think that was the name?) series. I believe it was British.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 9:05am by LockeColeMA
Don't let people tell you that having a small ***** and being unable to last long doesn't make you any less of a man - it does. The appropriate response is generally held to be shame, but for God's sake don't cry, that only exacerbates the situation. Comfort eating is fine, so long as it isn't ice cream. Ideally, you should join the NRA or get a really fast sports car to compensate.
Oh, and there are hundreds of ways to prolong sex. The easiest is probably to find a partner you regard as hideous - you should be able to extend intercourse for a virtually unlimited period of joyless thrusting. You could also try numbing yourself to sex by watching hour after hour of pornography, although I've heard this failed for BT. Alternatively, focus mentally on areas of your body other than your *****.
Also, I think Pensive was referring to a vibrator.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 1:06pm by Kavekk
Oh, and there are hundreds of ways to prolong sex. The easiest is probably to find a partner you regard as hideous - you should be able to extend intercourse for a virtually unlimited period of joyless thrusting. You could also try numbing yourself to sex by watching hour after hour of pornography, although I've heard this failed for BT. Alternatively, focus mentally on areas of your body other than your *****.
Also, I think Pensive was referring to a vibrator.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 1:06pm by Kavekk
I'm female, so I'm probably disqualified from this, but I had the idea that when guys were physically close to ******, but didn't want to yet, they would think really hard about something non-sexy for a little bit... you know, your nieghbour's grandma, or dead kittens or something. Since you are still going through the motions of thrusting into something nice, your erection doesn't wilt, but the mental imagery makes you "wilt" enough that your body backs off from the ******.
Quote:
Don't care about the size thing so much as the lasting part.
Yes I know. They make devices just for that thing.
Otherwise known as a fucking ring. (haha double entendre)
They're kinda safe anyway.
***
Can't you just change the rhythm or something? Slow down, or you could always change positions.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 9:51am by Pensive
There are all kinds of products out there that make the man last longer. Hell I sell a few.
There are creams that desensitize the man making him last longer.
**** beads can help if they are used correctly (and yes, I mean on the man).
Also **** rings will keep the blood from receding after he cums so that he can last a few more strokes.
I think the thing to do is to lessen the amount of time it takes for the slower person to ******. This could include adding a toy during sex. Also, Creams or lotions to sanitize the area to make it easier to achieve.
Just need to find what’s right for you.
P.S. I recently started selling romance enhancement products so I've learned alot of this though research and other women that do what I do.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 9:58am by toohotforu
There are creams that desensitize the man making him last longer.
**** beads can help if they are used correctly (and yes, I mean on the man).
Also **** rings will keep the blood from receding after he cums so that he can last a few more strokes.
I think the thing to do is to lessen the amount of time it takes for the slower person to ******. This could include adding a toy during sex. Also, Creams or lotions to sanitize the area to make it easier to achieve.
Just need to find what’s right for you.
P.S. I recently started selling romance enhancement products so I've learned alot of this though research and other women that do what I do.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 9:58am by toohotforu
Try changing positions a time or two or three while intercoursing.
I can usually tell if my hubby is gonna climax. If I'm not yet ready I'll suggest a change up. Usually though - icum1st.
I can usually tell if my hubby is gonna climax. If I'm not yet ready I'll suggest a change up. Usually though - icum1st.
Alma wrote:
I lost my post
Pensive wrote:
Quote:
Don't care about the size thing so much as the lasting part.
Yes I know. They make devices just for that thing.
Otherwise known as a fucking ring. (haha double entendre)
They're kinda safe anyway.
***
Can't you just change the rhythm or something? Slow down, or you could always change positions.
Well, I tried a ring once... actually, it was a Durex Vibrating Ring, for sh*ts and giggles. It didn't seem to have much effect at all. Then again, that ring might have been more designed just to keep the vibrating part in place, instead of actually inhibiting male ******.
The rhythm and changing positions is kind of the crux of the issue. What would feel best for my girl would be missionary (or guy on top, not sure of the technical term), with fast and hard thrusting. Unfortunately, that also felt great for me; hence the problems. Girl on top is awesome as far as I'm concerned; less work for me, a great view of a lovely lady, and while it feels good it doesn't feel urgently good. However, she didn't like being on top, and hardly got any pleasure from it (apparently it hurt her a bit?).
So therein lies the problem. When hard and fast in one type of position is the preference, are you pretty much SOL, or should I try thinking of of Varrus naked on a cold day to distract myself? Or any other ways?
Actually, thinking about I haven't tried a numbing condom like the Trojan Extended Pleasure for the Durex Performax. Reading reviews, half of the people rave about how amazing they are, and the other half complain that either they didn't numb enough (seems more common for Durex) or they numbed too much and led to flaccidity (Trojan).
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 10:06am by LockeColeMA
Well.. I mean, try a different position, or even... have you discussed fetishes with each other?
********** to an ****** some time before you are with the woman ... figure out how much earlier slows you down, but not so much you can't get it up at all.
LockeColeMA wrote:
The rhythm and changing positions is kind of the crux of the issue. What would feel best for my girl would be missionary (or guy on top, not sure of the technical term), with fast and hard thrusting. Unfortunately, that also felt great for me; hence the problems.
On a woman the main body of the clitorus goes back inside the pelvis and wraps around the ******. But of course there's also that sensitive little nub of it peeking above the surface, cupped between her labia. Try if you can get your pelvis nuzzled up into a position that spreads her labia wide against you, and puts your pelvis into contact with her outer clitorus. Then undulate your pelvis in a sort of wave motion back and forth, keeping the pelvis to pelvis contact going as much as possible. Even the lightest of semi-continual contact directly on a woman's outer clitorus can be extremely arousing and pleasurable during sex, leading to ****** for her.
I know the hard hard hard and fast fast fast trust can be fantastic too, but trying different holds and rhythms, all under the subset of the "missionary position", can be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally worth exploring.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 10:21am by Aripyanfar
Aripyanfar wrote:
LockeColeMA wrote:
The rhythm and changing positions is kind of the crux of the issue. What would feel best for my girl would be missionary (or guy on top, not sure of the technical term), with fast and hard thrusting. Unfortunately, that also felt great for me; hence the problems.
On a woman the main body of the clitorus goes back inside the pelvis and wraps around the ******. But of course there's also that sensitive little nub of it peeking above the surface, cupped between her labia. Try if you can get your pelvis nuzzled up into a position that spreads her labia wide against you, and puts your pelvis into contact with her outer clitorus. Then undulate your pelvis in a sort of wave motion back and forth, keeping the pelvis to pelvis contact going as much as possible. Even the lightest of semi-continual contact directly on a woman's outer clitorus can be extremely arousing and pleasurable during sex, leading to ****** for her.
I know the hard hard hard and fast fast fast trust can be fantastic too, but trying different holds and rhythms, all under the subset of the "missionary position", can be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally worth exploring.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 10:21am by Aripyanfar
Thanks! I remember the anatomy lessons from the book I read. The only reason I said "what feels best for her" is because that's what she liked and asked for... and she seems rather unwilling to differentiate from it for too long. But good advice is welcome, so thanks!
I suggest playing with the tight contact wave motion for a little while before speeding up and settling into your two favourite hard thrust.
a) It's called ********.
b) Use a (wet) finger on it while penetrating her. Or even other bits she likes. Won't make you go longer, but may make her go faster. :)
Edit: I also thought of something I read once and have made a bit use of, but it's hard to do. You can contract muscles down there to block ejaculation. It takes a bit of training; you need to "find" the muscles first, then work on applying enough pressure to stop ejaculation. The muscle is down inside in the middle, towards your butt. Can't explain it any better, but try googling it.
It works for me a bit, but I can't use it to go from 100 to 0, so to speak.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 5:20pm by Turicus
b) Use a (wet) finger on it while penetrating her. Or even other bits she likes. Won't make you go longer, but may make her go faster. :)
Edit: I also thought of something I read once and have made a bit use of, but it's hard to do. You can contract muscles down there to block ejaculation. It takes a bit of training; you need to "find" the muscles first, then work on applying enough pressure to stop ejaculation. The muscle is down inside in the middle, towards your butt. Can't explain it any better, but try googling it.
It works for me a bit, but I can't use it to go from 100 to 0, so to speak.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 5:20pm by Turicus
Professor Turicus wrote:
a) It's called ********.
b) Use a (wet) finger on it while penetrating her. Or even other bits she likes. Won't make you go longer, but may make her go faster. :)
Edit: I also thought of something I read once and have made a bit use of, but it's hard to do. You can contract muscles down there to block ejaculation. It takes a bit of training; you need to "find" the muscles first, then work on applying enough pressure to stop ejaculation. The muscle is down inside in the middle, towards your butt. Can't explain it any better, but try googling it.
It works for me a bit, but I can't use it to go from 100 to 0, so to speak.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 5:20pm by Turicus
b) Use a (wet) finger on it while penetrating her. Or even other bits she likes. Won't make you go longer, but may make her go faster. :)
Edit: I also thought of something I read once and have made a bit use of, but it's hard to do. You can contract muscles down there to block ejaculation. It takes a bit of training; you need to "find" the muscles first, then work on applying enough pressure to stop ejaculation. The muscle is down inside in the middle, towards your butt. Can't explain it any better, but try googling it.
It works for me a bit, but I can't use it to go from 100 to 0, so to speak.
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 5:20pm by Turicus
That would be part of the tantric sex thing.
I've always found a heavy buzz to very mild intoxication to help with extended periods of intercourse. In the case of your ex being self-conscious about cunnilingus, I'll use the Yo Gabba Gabba term "Try it, you'll like it" and suggest extending that to a woman who may be self-conscious. My wife was very much self-concious about that very thing and avoided it for the longest time. After quite some time of consistently wearing her down and assuring her she had nothing to be self-conscious about, it only took 1-2 times before it became a regular addition to the action.
Generally, the best thing to do is use what you have in your toolbox other than intercourse to get her very close to climaxing, and be ready to change over near immediately. It's not only extremely effective for her, but it puts less pressure on a guy to last longer and actually makes things more intense when you finally get to the intercourse part (what better than the two of you being close to climax anyways?). It's really the only way to go for me, since we stray from condom use. Besides, if you're good at something, you should do it...right? I don't think any woman is going to say "no" after a man proves his worth at pleasing her. If cunnilingus isn't an option (for whatever reason), get really good with your hands and learn what she likes. Ask her, talk to her...because if you're just relying on moans and groans as signals, chances are you aren't doing a good enough job.
Generally, the best thing to do is use what you have in your toolbox other than intercourse to get her very close to climaxing, and be ready to change over near immediately. It's not only extremely effective for her, but it puts less pressure on a guy to last longer and actually makes things more intense when you finally get to the intercourse part (what better than the two of you being close to climax anyways?). It's really the only way to go for me, since we stray from condom use. Besides, if you're good at something, you should do it...right? I don't think any woman is going to say "no" after a man proves his worth at pleasing her. If cunnilingus isn't an option (for whatever reason), get really good with your hands and learn what she likes. Ask her, talk to her...because if you're just relying on moans and groans as signals, chances are you aren't doing a good enough job.
LockeColeMA wrote:
So I'm wondering if there is a non-medical, dare I say it, "training" or "conditioning" that you can undergo to increase the length of sexual activity.
So, 'fess up, anyone have some secrets to lasting longer? Inquiring minds want to know!
Yes, there is. I've mentioned this book before on this forum. Read it and practice what it preaches. It works.
http://www.amazon.com/Eso-Ecstasy-Program-Better-Intimacy/dp/0446391786
Deathwysh wrote:
LockeColeMA wrote:
So I'm wondering if there is a non-medical, dare I say it, "training" or "conditioning" that you can undergo to increase the length of sexual activity.
So, 'fess up, anyone have some secrets to lasting longer? Inquiring minds want to know!
Yes, there is. I've mentioned this book before on this forum. Read it and practice what it preaches. It works.
http://www.amazon.com/Eso-Ecstasy-Program-Better-Intimacy/dp/0446391786
Alma wrote:
I lost my post
Elinda wrote:
Deathwysh wrote:
LockeColeMA wrote:
So I'm wondering if there is a non-medical, dare I say it, "training" or "conditioning" that you can undergo to increase the length of sexual activity.
So, 'fess up, anyone have some secrets to lasting longer? Inquiring minds want to know!
Yes, there is. I've mentioned this book before on this forum. Read it and practice what it preaches. It works.
http://www.amazon.com/Eso-Ecstasy-Program-Better-Intimacy/dp/0446391786
Haha, I saw that too. The stains must come free (oh, the puns).
I'll look into it, I do quite enjoy reading. I guess you could say I have a... book worm?
... Yeah, I'll just go sit in the corner now, lol.
Ryneguy wrote:
I've always found a heavy buzz to very mild intoxication to help with extended periods of intercourse. In the case of your ex being self-conscious about cunnilingus, I'll use the Yo Gabba Gabba term "Try it, you'll like it" and suggest extending that to a woman who may be self-conscious. My wife was very much self-concious about that very thing and avoided it for the longest time. After quite some time of consistently wearing her down and assuring her she had nothing to be self-conscious about, it only took 1-2 times before it became a regular addition to the action.
Generally, the best thing to do is use what you have in your toolbox other than intercourse to get her very close to climaxing, and be ready to change over near immediately. It's not only extremely effective for her, but it puts less pressure on a guy to last longer and actually makes things more intense when you finally get to the intercourse part (what better than the two of you being close to climax anyways?). It's really the only way to go for me, since we stray from condom use. Besides, if you're good at something, you should do it...right? I don't think any woman is going to say "no" after a man proves his worth at pleasing her. If cunnilingus isn't an option (for whatever reason), get really good with your hands and learn what she likes. Ask her, talk to her...because if you're just relying on moans and groans as signals, chances are you aren't doing a good enough job.
Generally, the best thing to do is use what you have in your toolbox other than intercourse to get her very close to climaxing, and be ready to change over near immediately. It's not only extremely effective for her, but it puts less pressure on a guy to last longer and actually makes things more intense when you finally get to the intercourse part (what better than the two of you being close to climax anyways?). It's really the only way to go for me, since we stray from condom use. Besides, if you're good at something, you should do it...right? I don't think any woman is going to say "no" after a man proves his worth at pleasing her. If cunnilingus isn't an option (for whatever reason), get really good with your hands and learn what she likes. Ask her, talk to her...because if you're just relying on moans and groans as signals, chances are you aren't doing a good enough job.
All of this is wonderful Advice! Rate up!
The hell is tantric sex?
The only other Tantra I know of is the concept in Vajrayana Buddhism... which is kind of weird.
The only other Tantra I know of is the concept in Vajrayana Buddhism... which is kind of weird.
You need to find a girlfriend who doesn't have so many sexual hangups.
Introduce her to a good vibrator. Even better, invest in a Sybian and try to keep the women away.
Or tell your partner they aren't allowed to ***. Kinky sex can do wonders delaying orgasms.
I understand that you can meet interested sexual partners at Cecilia Tan readings.
edited as silly elne, should know better then trying to mess around with tags
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 3:50pm by ElneClare
Introduce her to a good vibrator. Even better, invest in a Sybian and try to keep the women away.
Or tell your partner they aren't allowed to ***. Kinky sex can do wonders delaying orgasms.
I understand that you can meet interested sexual partners at Cecilia Tan readings.
edited as silly elne, should know better then trying to mess around with tags
Edited, Jul 13th 2009 3:50pm by ElneClare
In the place of a Dark Lord you would have a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair! -ElneClare
This Post is written in Elnese, If it was an actual Post, it would make sense.
This Post is written in Elnese, If it was an actual Post, it would make sense.
Ryne,
Translation;
Spend more time practicing your abc's down south.
Quote:
I've always found a heavy buzz to very mild intoxication to help with extended periods of intercourse. In the case of your ex being self-conscious about cunnilingus, I'll use the Yo Gabba Gabba term "Try it, you'll like it" and suggest extending that to a woman who may be self-conscious. My wife was very much self-concious about that very thing and avoided it for the longest time. After quite some time of consistently wearing her down and assuring her she had nothing to be self-conscious about, it only took 1-2 times before it became a regular addition to the action.
Generally, the best thing to do is use what you have in your toolbox other than intercourse to get her very close to climaxing, and be ready to change over near immediately. It's not only extremely effective for her, but it puts less pressure on a guy to last longer and actually makes things more intense when you finally get to the intercourse part (what better than the two of you being close to climax anyways?). It's really the only way to go for me, since we stray from condom use. Besides, if you're good at something, you should do it...right? I don't think any woman is going to say "no" after a man proves his worth at pleasing her. If cunnilingus isn't an option (for whatever reason), get really good with your hands and learn what she likes. Ask her, talk to her...because if you're just relying on moans and groans as signals, chances are you aren't doing a good enough job.
Generally, the best thing to do is use what you have in your toolbox other than intercourse to get her very close to climaxing, and be ready to change over near immediately. It's not only extremely effective for her, but it puts less pressure on a guy to last longer and actually makes things more intense when you finally get to the intercourse part (what better than the two of you being close to climax anyways?). It's really the only way to go for me, since we stray from condom use. Besides, if you're good at something, you should do it...right? I don't think any woman is going to say "no" after a man proves his worth at pleasing her. If cunnilingus isn't an option (for whatever reason), get really good with your hands and learn what she likes. Ask her, talk to her...because if you're just relying on moans and groans as signals, chances are you aren't doing a good enough job.
Translation;
Spend more time practicing your abc's down south.
Pensive wrote:
The hell is tantric sex?
The only other Tantra I know of is the concept in Vajrayana Buddhism... which is kind of weird.
The only other Tantra I know of is the concept in Vajrayana Buddhism... which is kind of weird.
Well, it's basically not complex, just not all that easy at first. Or so I've heard anyway. Muscle control to stop ejaculation, controlled breathing to control orgasms, it's also supposedly going to intensify the ******.
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