To a large extent, the implication that someone is born with a sexual orientation but not any gender identity, doesn't make all that much sense since it means that someone is relating to the world in a gendered way but never applying it to a sense of self.
Really? This is really the position that you want to take, that sexual orientation is dependent on gender identity?
I think people forget that there is no road map for this and largely it is because only now in our dominant culture, the taboo around gender variance is lessening and people can view their child's wishes or behavior or anxiety around being cisgendered as something other than purely pathological. These parents are doing the best they can in a situation where there are few models, about how to act or role models, who can help them understand where there child is coming from.
I think we forget that many, many people have had to be in a major closet b/c we've been been so simplistic and puritanical around the gender binary. Having gender variations, regardless of what that means, needs to be addressed in an honest way--and I think anyone who knows anything about the transcommunities, knows it means a variety of different things on a continuum and in the future it'll include more and more people as we get more sophisticated in the way we think about gender.
There is a tendency to slough it off and act like it doesn't matter. It might sound more understanding to say, "Who cares?" That's a stance that someone with a lot of privilege or a lot of denial tends to take. Kids need support understanding and expressing their identities in the face of an overwhelming cultural mandate that tells them that unless they are cisgendered, they are damaged goods.
No, the stance someone with a lot of privilege takes is pity. Then they frequently mistake it for compassion.
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