I Pledge AllegianceFollow

When immigrants come to the UK and decide to become citizens, they have to swear a pledge of allegiance, to the Monarch and to some sort of deity, which goes something like this: "I swear by Almighty God to solemnly, sincerely and truly affirm and declare that, on becoming a British citizen, I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, her heirs, and successors."

I find it strange that people who come to the UK should pledge allegiance to an arguably non-existent God, and to an unarguably unelected monarch. I always thought I would find difficult to take this oath with a straight face, or with any kind of sincerity. I have, however, stumbled a Pledge of Allegiance that I would happily recite. And so, without further ado, here;s my pledge of Allegiance, shamelessly stolen from Johann Hari:



"I pledge allegiance to the Queen Vic, not Queen Elizabeth. I pledge allegiance to Coronation Street, not Downing Street. I pledge allegiance to The Office, not the office of Prime Minister. I pledge allegiance to the Life of Brian, not the Life of Christ. I pledge allegiance to Marmite – and to people who can talk for hours about precisely why they hate Marmite.

"I pledge allegiance to deep-fried Mars bars, cold doner kebabs, and girls who wear mini-skirts in sub-zero temperatures. I pledge allegiance to the NHS, the BBC, and M&S. I pledge allegiance to Shakespeare and to the belief that "there are more things on heaven and earth than are dreamed of in your philosophy, Horatio".

"I pledge allegiance to Radio 4 documentaries about the history of drinking water, told in six parts. I pledge allegiance to George Orwell, George Formby, George Eliot, and George Michael. I pledge allegiance to the Notting Hill Carnival, the Edinburgh Festival, and the people who – for no reason at all – wander around Glastonbury dressed as giant pigeons.

"I pledge allegiance to our national dish, chicken tikka masala. I pledge allegiance to the people who sell candy floss on muddy beaches on muggy days. I pledge allegiance to fog and hail and rain, and to people who wear three layers of clothing and shed them and put them back on several times a day, each time declaring with an optimistic smile, "The weather's lovely today".

"I pledge allegiance to the Beatles and the conviction that life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. I pledge allegiance to queuing, and to the people who tut and cluck and scrunch their faces when anybody tries to push in. I pledge allegiance to William Wallace played by an Australian and Gandhi played by an Englishman.

"I pledge allegiance to Fawlty Towers and faulty trains and that small, almost silent sigh that shudders across a carriage when the train stops for no reason in empty fields. I pledge allegiance to the wrong kind of snow.

"I pledge allegiance to the fact that the London Olympics in 2012 will be messier and shabbier and far more prone to disruption by protesters than the Beijing Olympics, and to English Premiership, the greatest soap opera every not written.

"I pledge allegiance to the boys who died in the mud at Normandy so I could be free. I pledge allegiance to the women who slept in the mud at Greenham Common so I would not burn. I pledge allegiance to Ateeque Sharifi, who came here as a refugee from Taliban Afghanistan, only to be blown up by Talibanists on the Circle Line. I pledge allegiance to everyone who drives an ambulance or teaches a child on this rainy island for paltry wages because they know it's the right thing to do.

"I pledge allegiance to the people of Britain, not because they're the best in the world, but because they're mine."



That's mine.

What's yours?


Edited, May 18th 2009 10:18am by RedPhoenixxx

Yeah, some things get lost in cut and paste.

Weird how it 'stitched' that sentence together.

I wouldn't pledge to that I'm afraid, although I can see he is comically connecting with the disenfranchised sofa generation. I had to swear allegiance to Liz, but being Welsh I would like to pledge allegiance to Wales.

Do I need to list the aspects of Welsh culture?

Grumpy cnut.

I missed the point, sue me.

Welsh cakes...unpronounceable names...rugby...

A very small amount. Generally I have to stretch back to CSE Welsh, which was a long time ago!

I pledge allegiance to the fact that I live in a part of the country full of sanity and anger and Thank my diety everyday that I was born in neither fly-over country nor in the Bible belt, as they both suck and pray for the day that one of us will secede, allowing the Northeast to fly free and become the Cheese eating Eurofags that we were meant to be.

So what exactly does the wrong sort of snow look like?

I don't know why you'd feel the need to. I never said the concepts were fundamental opposite, just that, as an immigrant, this pledge was much more satisfying than the usual crap. Yes, I can see why the UK Government doesn't use this specific pledge. No, I don't think it should become national policy for allegiance pledges to be chosen by random journalists. When did it ever look like the OP was anything more than a sentimental, amusing and silly take on what it means to be British? I'm not Jeremy fucking Paxman.

Man, I know it's Monday, but still.



It's the kind that paralysed London for a few days earlier in the year. That was the excuse given for the paralysis by our Mayor.


Edited, May 18th 2009 3:09pm by RedPhoenixxx

Haha, patriotism.

All I said was "and that have more personal resonance than some arbitrary, remote, and intangible concept such as a flag". Notice the "personal".

I never said one was "better" in the absolute, or that the OP was the "antithesis" of anything. I never mentionned that flags and newspaper columns should be pitted against each other. Nor that some people can't find a flag extremely resonant. You know, people that like boats, for example.

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