Polyamoury ....... (was forum=28)Follow

I was wondering if any OOT'ers had any experience of being in a polyamourous relationship.

It's something my boyfriend and I have discussed a fair bit. The situation is, I'm 4 years older than him, and I've had some past experience sexually and relationship wise , whereas he has none.

Now, it's all going swimmingly between us, but at the back of my mind is the niggling thought that I'm the only person he's ever slept with, and that somehow thats not fair on him, especially if it continues going well and we end up settled. I feel like he should have the opportunity to gain more experience, and at the same time, I also know I'd hate it if he ever said 'Sorry, I want to break up with you, I want to go bone someone else'.

We're really good as a couple, already its as though we've been together for years, but somehow I feel like being with me is closing down his options (entirely my own opinion, not related to any comments from him). I think that, if he were to sleep with someone else, in an open way, with me knowing about it, while I wouldn't neccessarily enjoy it, I'd be happy that the balance was more even. And of course, the flexibility would extend to both of us, not just him .

His view on the matter is he's pretty happy as it is, but of course he can't gaurantee he won't want to sow his oats someday, however he loves me and wouldn't want to hurt me by being deceptive .

So, on paper, polyamoury sounds like an ideal solution. I don't hapen to know anyone thats been in that kind of relationship before though, so I'm really curious to know if any of you have any experience or opinion .

I thought you left or quit or were banned or something.

My current GF and I have blow away every expectation I've had from previous relationships. We live together peacefully, stay out of each others way when we need to, manage to have a great personal mental and physical relationship. We see other people and that bothers neither of us. I go off and do my gay thing and she is supportive. We are so comfortable around each other and get what each other wants that we are drawing plans up to stage quick marriage to score 10 grand each in pell grants just to have the money. We are both also on a similar intelligence level and it helps. She is four years older than me and is some times a bit unstable, but I'd like to think overall I have been as supportive as I can be reguardless. Over all I'd say I never though dating a former client would be a good idea, but this relationship so far just seems to work. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but certainly those who know they don't want to limit themselves in any way and at the same time have a partner they can rely on.

Was in an "open" relationship for about 4 months last year. He had his Internet affair in Switzerland and I dated another person twice without anything happening and at some point we pretty much stopped seeing each other. I mean, it couldn't have ended much better, but it did end pretty quickly.

I see where you're coming from, when I was 18 or so I totally wanted experience, and lots of it, but he's not a teenager anymore and if you're happy together and he's satisfied I think it shouldn't be necessary. Speaking for myself, the "I want more experience! This can't be it!" thoughts occured only when I was generally dissatisfied with the respective relationship.

Is the fact that you don't see each other very often a factor?

I've nailed women, with my girlfriends consent and her presence and it turned out just fine. Course, we talked it to death and it worked out great. These people are still our friends, nor awkward feelings or accusations afterwards (when the ******** stopped) and today we're married and pretty happy.

Course, this wasn't about experience, just sex.

They way I figure, if the BF doesn't have a problem with jsut being with you and only you, why do you have that problem? Most women would kill for that kind of ****.

Where did that turn of phrase come from, I wonder.

Nobby probably knows.

As for your issue, I'd never be able to be in an open relationship. If I'm with someone who wants to date other people just to see what it's like, then I trust he'll tell me that and we'll deal with it.

I have been involved and have friends that have been in polyamorous relationship, including one of my closest friends here in Boston, who has been involved in several and in general in dating in addition to her primary.

From what I've seen, good communication or at least good boundaries is absolutely helpful--some polyamorous and polymonogomous people I know are better at communicating b/c they are very explicit when setting up the parameters of their relationship.

Also, you have to be comfortable with yourself and not get caught up in competitiveness--and if you feel competitive, having the ability to talk about it.

And have people you know also who are either accepting or practice it so it's not a big secret to everyone but a more organic part of your life.

If you have serious doubts or reservations, you should wait. Maybe go to some intimacy and sex parties to engage in voyeurism to get yourself to talk about sex in a more public way that involves other people but isn't as threatening.

Edited, May 12th 2009 6:19pm by Annabella

Just go out and have a couple threesomes with him and a girlfriend of yours.

Then have a few with some delicious male friends of his.

Edited, May 12th 2009 6:48pm by Ikkian

Missed that. Beaten to the punch I see.

Great minds think alike?

I've known quite a few, especially within the BDSm scene. I can't say that they were great for long term success but a few made it for about 3 years.

The problems i could see is competition for resources - one man had his wife and girlfriend who lived with him, would also dally with some other submissives within the scene (which both ladies were mostly ok with, since that meant they weren't having to sub) however, the girlfriend did not get along with his wife and as much as he tried to fairly split up his time with them both, the girlfriend eventually moved on because she had the hopes he would divorce his wife and marry her...

So, you can be open an honest with a 2nd member however that doesn't change their desires, dreams or intentions.

Looking on the outside, it may appear that polyamory would be simple however, consider how you would handle if one of your boyfriends flings took things too seriously or he took them more seriously.

IF he isn't experienced, you could always teach him. Thats the fun of a relationship; bring the kink.