Lern2speak Medykul!Follow

Not an cut 'n' paste job. A conversation with a bunch of medics today:

What the patient says
What the doctor hears

Patient:- I do occasionally snack between meals
Doctor:-I'm on my 5th McMuffin Meal by 10am every day

Patient:-I have the occasional drink
Doctor:-I am usually off my tits on cheap brandy before the breakfast news has finished.

Patient:-The little mite's been vomiting all night doctor
Doctor:-He was slightly sick at 9pm

Patient:-The little mite's been Projectile vomiting all night doctor
Doctor:-He was slightly sick at 9pm, and I am a schoolteacher

Patient:-Oh my back! You have no idea how much pain I'm in.
Doctor:-I need a sick-note before the team-building away-day tomorrow

Patient:-I think it might be {insert name of extremely rare disease here}
Doctor:-I have been googling all morning

Patient:-I want a second opinion
Doctor:-I am going to tell you these laxatives are painkillers

0.002% With severe, recurrent headaches have a serious disease.
70% of people googling 'headache' go on to researche 'brain tumor'

Yes but it is really, really good to know going in what the doctor will *think* you have ahead of time and be able to ask intelligent questions about it.

Otherwise you might die - especially if you have an HMO.

(That said, this reply is US-centric).