So Nobby, question for ya...Follow

As I am in nonstop contact with a small person whose vocabulary can be best described as "sponge-like" I've been forced to curtail my inherent potty-mouth tendencies. This is quite a sacrifice on my part, after 20 years of talking like a trucker.

I've decided, for those times when I absolutely MUST say something harsher than "gosh-darn-it!" and "oooh you ninny!" that my best bet is to select a word or phrase that, if parroted at the top of a very shrill toddler voice in a crowd, won't attract even the tiniest bit of attention from the average ignorant Americans. There is a wide assortment of British colloquialisms that are perfectly suited to this purpose, for they not only will go right over the head of the dumb Yanks, but they also tickle my fancy just by sheer virtue of their creativity and expressiveness.

So, I should have no problem calling the random driver who cuts me off so sharply he places the lives of me and my passengers in mortal danger a "************ or a "prat." But there is one expression that I want to make sure I understand correctly and don't apply in the wrong context.

What's the best translation of "cow?" I know it's an unflattering phrase describing a female who is behaving badly. But is "you cow!" closer to "you *****!" or is it more filthy, like "you cnut!"

Any other helpful pointers for a closet Anglophile?

Ignore Gwyn - she's just a daft Caa.

Actually, she nailed it - Cow (pronounced 'Caa') is an endearing insult.

Try "numpty" (idiot) or 'pillock'. Satisfying words to enunciate.

My favourite pejorative word (self-invented) is to call someone a "Funt" or "a funting idiot". Everyone knows what you mean to convey, but you are safe from censorial judgement.

Its pronounced "Cow". Hearing going in your old age?