So Manchester United sign a new Iraqi player from Baghdad. . .
It's his first game in the Man U coloUrs at their home Stadium in Manchester.
With 10 minutes left, his team are 4-0 down against Chelsea.
Somehow, the Iraqi scores 5 goals and is the hero of the day.
Straight after the match he calls his mother to express his joy.
"Mom! I scored 5 goals and won the game single-handedly!"
"Well that's all fine for you! Today your father was shot dead and me and your sister were raped, you selfish son of a camel!"
"Sorry Mom, but how's that my fault?"
"It was your idea for us to move to Manchester!"
Brrum-psssh
or maybe /tumbleweed