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#27 Aug 07 2008 at 10:33 AM Rating: Excellent
Ministry of Silly Cnuts
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You guys lack both ambition and imagination.

I dream of having special earth-changing powers like:

Beer-label Man - An unerring ability to peel the label from a beer bottle in a single, pristine piece, confounding the enemies of freedom.

The Lawn Ranger - an intuitive ability to predict how many times the lawnmower will need emptying before mowing a lawn. /flex

Nobby - Taunter of Scallops With an extensive and vicious vocabulary of mollusc insults, shellfish will tremble at my name.
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#28 Aug 07 2008 at 10:55 AM Rating: Decent
Nexa
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bubspeed wrote:
Flying would be number one. Combine that with telescopic vision and super strength.

A big ****** wouldn't hurt either.


I'm sure the girls tell you otherwise, but the latter doesn't require any special power.

Nexa
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#29 Aug 07 2008 at 11:18 AM Rating: Default
Kaelesh wrote:
The One and Only Katie wrote:
Telepathic powers that translate over the internet.


Why would you need telepathic powers to "translate" over the internet. YOU'RE TELEPATHIC!

Seriously, that's dumb.

Edited, Aug 7th 2008 1:16pm by Kaelesh


I'm going with the assumption that there would be a distance limit. If I'm going to be brain washing people to shoot themselves or choke themselves to death with their cross over cables, I want it to work via the internet.

My second ability would be able to reach through the internet and slap people.
#30 Aug 07 2008 at 11:57 AM Rating: Good
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#31 Aug 07 2008 at 12:12 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
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The One and Only Katie wrote:
My second ability would be able to reach through the internet and slap people.


Why, when you could brain-wash DSD to slap herself?

HAH!
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#32 Aug 07 2008 at 12:22 PM Rating: Default
Tare wrote:
The One and Only Katie wrote:
My second ability would be able to reach through the internet and slap people.


Why, when you could brain-wash DSD to slap herself?

HAH!


While she is the death of the Asylum, there are other posters here I'd have do that first.
#33 Aug 07 2008 at 1:24 PM Rating: Excellent
Tracer Bullet
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bubspeed wrote:
A big ****** wouldn't hurt either.

It would if it's big enough.


Ha-chacha

#34 Aug 07 2008 at 4:21 PM Rating: Good
Telepathy/Telekenesis.

Think about it (and as a comic collector for the last 16 years, I have). Telepathy, in and of itself, would constitute massive amounts of brain power. Thus, having this ability would probably give you a photographic memory (& possibly reflexes as well).

Taking that into consideration, you'd have the ability to absorb information directly from people's minds as well as all written information (Like say, read every book in a library.)

Add telekenesis to it (You wouldn't need "Dark Phoenix" level Telekenesis, a small amount would be fine) and you'd have complete control of your body at the micro level. You'd be able to control adrenaline levels, turn off pain receptors, speed up healing (by manually controlling white blood cells), & literally "cure" disease.

Hell, if you could figure out "scientificaly" how someone else with powers uses there's, you could "mimic" their powers. Spontanious combustion (fire), weather related abilities (Wind- You could say "make" a tornado, water- Create a water spout, lightning- generate it meteorologicly), teleportation (if, ya know, you could figure it out), healing (explained above) and any other ability that wasn't simply done by "magic" (no Superman flight- but you could fly telekineticly, you could mimic heat vision, perhaps "cold" breath,

Physicaly, you'd pretty much be able to have a "perfect" body. You could even take it to border on superhuman. I remember seeing something on Tibetan monks who are able to put their arms through giant rollers that exert over 600lbs of pressure: which is enough to grind human bones into dust.

In a fight, you'd be able to use any "moves" you've ever witnessed or abosrbed telepathicly as well as "know" what the person was going to do before they did it: if you even choose to allow them to throw a punch. With a gun you could make any shot (Hell, you could even "curve" bullets telekineticly alla Wanted. But it would still suck).

Granted, I'd use said powers selfishly, most likely in Vegas to win oodles of $. Which, in turn, I would spend on hookers and blow.

With great power comes irrisponsibility.
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#35 Aug 07 2008 at 5:55 PM Rating: Decent
I would be a Jew.

I would have unlimited money and I would also be able to shapeshift into anything on command.



In all seriousness. Time. You can do anything while everyone else is frozen in time. You can also judge what people are going to do before they do it, so you would never get hurt.
#36 Aug 07 2008 at 10:02 PM Rating: Default
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The power to make people feel any emotion at any time, any where. ;)

i dunno a good name, but i can imagine what id be doing with this power most of the time... so it'd probably be something like

ORGASMO-MAN!
#37 Aug 08 2008 at 2:20 AM Rating: Good
Too much hassle.

As soon as I'd get a superpower, I'd have to use it for good purposes, and become a superhero. Fuck that. From what I've seen, most superheros are totally psychotic and unstable human beings, unable to form any meangful relationship, and totally enslaved to their superpower and the responsibility it brings. I already feel guilty for not doing more for the world... How would I justify playing MMOs and smoking weed if I could solve most of the world's problems through telepathy/invisibility/teleportation?

Most of my problems could easily be sorted out with a pair of glasses that have eyes painted on them, so I could fall asleep at work without anyone realising. I'd happily settle for that.
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#38 Aug 08 2008 at 2:52 AM Rating: Decent
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Many minds ~

On the surface I would be entirely the same. In reality, I would have two or three companions staring out from behind my eyes, having access to all my perceptions but with their own emotional states.

One would be an autistic savant with a photographic memory who would act as a sort of library for me.

Because he would be useless at meaningfully processing this information, I would have another borderline aspy (we'll call him Bob) who would delight, naturally, in long term planning, games of straetgy, maths, semantics, etc would make use of the fantastic memory of the other one.

We would all be good friends and they would be very happy talking to me and sharing information, and would love to carry out tasks for me. When I say tasks I mean cognitive functions, they would be basically brains in a jar; all the behavioural stuff would be my own as would the final decisions about my actions.

So when doing homework I would have the savant either sleep or help by reciting theorems and notes, try the problem myself a little and if I don't get it confer with Bob who would act as a sort of tutor. And in an exam I would ask them for help and advice and in bad situations do exactly what they tell me.
#39 Aug 08 2008 at 2:56 AM Rating: Decent
@#%^ing DRK
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Immortality + time travel.

I'd be batshit crazy.
#40 Aug 08 2008 at 3:43 AM Rating: Good
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Quote:
Many minds ~

On the surface I would be entirely the same. In reality, I would have two or three companions staring out from behind my eyes, having access to all my perceptions but with their own emotional states.


I read an article some time ago that suggested this type of thing, while not to this relative extreme, is rather common. There's a sizable percentage of the population, myself included, who's internal monolog consists of more than one distinct "voice".

#41 Aug 08 2008 at 4:34 AM Rating: Good
The power of heart!

Be back in a moment, I have to throw away this keyboard and swallow sulfuric acid.
#42 Aug 08 2008 at 10:49 AM Rating: Good
At least they gave the mexican something.
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#43 Aug 08 2008 at 5:32 PM Rating: Decent
The ability to read minds. It's the only power which could change the course of human history.
#44 Aug 08 2008 at 9:54 PM Rating: Decent
Paskil wrote:
Immortality + time travel.

I'd be batshit crazy.


But what if you time traveled to a point / place in time where a rock formation once stood, and you became embedded in the rock, only, because of your immortality, you don't die, you're just stuck there, bound to the rock, for eternity.

/shudder
#45 Aug 08 2008 at 10:13 PM Rating: Decent
It's Just a Flesh Wound
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Invisibility and the ability to turn what I'm touching invisible if I so wish it.

After that, I can delete my **** burn my **** off onto a few dvds. Not to mention I can also video tape a decent amount of people walking into invisible things for lawlz.

Edited, Aug 9th 2008 2:11am by Deadgye
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#46 Aug 09 2008 at 2:12 AM Rating: Decent
@#%^ing DRK
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BD wrote:
But what if you time traveled to a point / place in time where a rock formation once stood, and you became embedded in the rock, only, because of your immortality, you don't die, you're just stuck there, bound to the rock, for eternity.

/shudder


What are you, fucking retarded? I'd travel back/forward in time and move before I tried again.
#47 Aug 09 2008 at 2:18 AM Rating: Decent
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Paskil makes a good point.
#48 Aug 09 2008 at 11:32 AM Rating: Decent
Paskil wrote:
BD wrote:
But what if you time traveled to a point / place in time where a rock formation once stood, and you became embedded in the rock, only, because of your immortality, you don't die, you're just stuck there, bound to the rock, for eternity.

/shudder


What are you, fucking retarded? I'd travel back/forward in time and move before I tried again.


Yeah, because that's absolutely more plausible. It's a ******* fantasy discussion, you twit.
#49 Aug 10 2008 at 12:33 AM Rating: Good
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Quote:
Immortality + time travel.

I'd be ******* crazy.


This is never a bad plan.
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#50 Aug 11 2008 at 7:22 AM Rating: Decent
Id like the ability to use the powers of people around me... Potential versatility FTW =D
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