Le Petit PrinceFollow

Yes, this is a ding thread. Eventhough 4k is a pretty lame ding, I post so little that I really can't be ***** to wait another year until 5k.

So here it is: I wrote you a long and mostly pointless tldr story, which could be seen as a metaphor for my journey through the Asylum, but isn't really. I hope you'll enjoy it, and if you don't, or can't be ***** to read it, you can still post for the obligatory rate-ups.

Also, to those of you with kids, I urge you to buy "The Little Prince", and read it to your kids. Greatest children's book, like, ever, man.

Also, I just wanna say: Thanks for the laughs, the headshakes, the drama, the boring bits in between, but most of all, thanks for the countless hours I've spent entertained, reading and posting on this forum. If it hadn't been for the Asylum... I might just have had to work a bit these last three years. So yeah, a heartfelt thanks to all you guys.

Finally, if you're not mentionned here, you might be mentionned there. If you're not there either, I blame the pot. Or your crappy posting.



The Little Prince


Chapter 1,

The Land of the Camembert.


The Little Prince was lonely on his tiny planet made of Camembert. It was never easy to live on a planet made of Camembert. Sometimes it smelt really bad. Sometimes, flies and wasps and ants would come to eat the Camembert, and the Little Prince would have to tell them “If you eat all the Camembert, there won’t be a planet anymore” and the wasps, and the flies, and the ants, would stop eating the camembert, because their tiny bellies were full, and because they had to live on this planet, too.

In the summer, the cheese would melt, and he could not walk anywhere because the ground was all soft and sticky. In the winter, he would go hungry because no one eats freezing Camembert.

At least, not on his planet.

One day, The Little Prince saw an old man, far away in the distance, walking towards him. As the old man approached, The Little Prince was a bit scared, because the old man looked old. But there was nowhere to hide on his planet, because it was very small, and Camembert is not like Gruyere with its little holes that are used as trenches.

“Good day to you, Good Sir” said the old man, to which the Little Prince replied “Hello”. “Fine planet you have here, really! Absolutely spiffing! And all this cheese, it’s wonderful! I bet you never go hungry, do you m’boy!” The Little Prince stared at the old man, and tried to read his eyes, since he couldn’t understand the words.

“My name is Nobby” continued the old man. The Little Prince wished he could’ve replied, but he didn’t know his own name. “Hello Nobby”, was all the Little Prince could say. “You know what goes really well with Camembert, m’boy? Bread! It’s scrumilicious!” The Little Prince tilted his head sideways. “Have you ever eaten bread?” asked Nobby, but the Little Prince shook his head. Nobby paused to consider this for a moment. “Well, well, well” he finally said “I think you should come with me!” The Little Prince was hesitant at first, because the old man was old, and he had teeth missing, and he didn’t smell of Camembert. “Where?” asked the Little Prince. “Come with me in my Audi” said the old man, “and I’ll show you.”

If the Little Prince had had a mother, she would’ve told him not to trust strangers with no teeth, but the Little Prince was brought up by the flies, and wasps, and ants, and all they ever talked about was Camembert, which didn’t smell very nice, especially in the summer, and didn’t taste very nice, especially in the winter. So the Little Prince agreed, and he followed the old man into his Audi.

“Can you play me a song?” asked the Little Prince to the old man. “Why”, asked the old man “are you feeling sad?” But the Little Prince wasn’t sure, so he just stared at the stars outside the window of the Audi. “Where are we going?” asked the Little Prince. “To the land of the Asylum”, replied the old man. “Why?” asked the Little Prince. “To get you some bread!” replied the old man “now put your seatbelt on, we’re going into hyperdrive, yeah baby yeah!” The Little Prince put his seatbelt on, and watched as the stars turned into elongated white lines of stardust, of comet-dust, or maybe just of melted Camembert.

“Wakey, wakey” said Nobby to the Little Prince, who had fallen asleep, mostly because he was tired, but also because he was a bit sad, and missed the stinky smell of Camembert.


Chapter 2,

The Strange Land of the Asylum.

The Little Prince slowly opened his eyes, and stared in disbelief at the world surrounding him. He got out of the Audi, and stomped his feet on the ground, which was hard, and didn’t taste of Camembert.

“Come with me” said Nobby “I know just the man to ask! If you have any questions, like what are the rules of cricket, or what is the median rainfall of Guatemala in March, he will have all the answers.” The Little Prince followed Nobby as they walked through a forest of Apple Trees, which had long, dark cocoons hanging from them.

In the distance, the Little Prince could hear rumbling sounds, tumbling sounds, explosions and screams, and he felt unhappy. “What is that noise?” asked the Little Prince. “Just the Red and the Blues fighting,” said Nobby “it must be February! Nothing to worry about, m’boy.”

As the Apple Trees cleared out, as the forest became a field, the Little Prince saw a man sitting on his front porch, dead rabbits at his feet, shouting at some kids. “This is the man”, said Nobby “and he’s called Jophiel. Ask him!” But the Little Prince was scared to ask Jophiel, because of the dead rabbits, and because of all the stars on his shirt. “Hello Nobbs” said Jophiel with a smile, “How are you doing today?” Nobby winked at Jophiel, and then nudged the Little Prince, who fell down, because no one had ever nudged him before. “Mr Jophiel”, said the Little Prince as he got up, “where can I find bread?”

Jophiel stared at him for a little while. He was indeed very Little, and not very Princely. For a start, he smelled of Cheese. And not Princely cheese, like Brie, or Chaumes, but stinky cheese. “Well, it depends what kind of bread you’re looking for”, finally said Jophiel. “White? Brown? Whole grain? Wheat Germ? Wholemeal? Rye? Granary?” But the Little Prince didn’t know, so he didn’t answer. “Anything will do” said Nobby, who could see the Little Prince was struggling. “Well then”, said Joph “I’d suggest you start with Wholemeal bread. It contains the whole of the wheat grain, endosperm and bran. It is also referred to as 'whole grain' or 'whole wheat' bread, especially on the Northern side of this planet. Rye bread is nice too, and is made with flour from rye grain of variable levels. It is higher in fiber than many common types of bread and is often darker in color and stronger in flavor.”

As the Little Prince frowned his eyebrows, pretending to think, a lady walked out of the house whose porch Joph was sitting on. She started at Nobbs, then at the Little Prince, then back to Nobbs, then at the dead rabbits, then back to the Little Prince. “We get it, you’re from Camembert. Now **** off, pinche culero! My husband is too old to be playing the Oracle with you pendejos” Nobby smiled, and Joph smiled, and the Little Prince smiled too, because he didn’t really know better.

“Come on”, said Nobby, “let’s find you some Wholemeal bread”.

As they walked away, they heard Joph’s voice in the distance shouting “Remember, the amount of water and flour are the most significant measurements in a bread recipe, as they affect texture and crumb the most. Professional bakers use a system of percentages known as Bakers' Percentage in their recipe formulations, and measure ingredients by weight instead of by volume. Measurement by weight is much more accurate and consistent than measurement by volume, especially for the dry ingredients. Flour is always 100%, and the rest of the ingredients are a percent of that amount by weight. Common table bread uses approximately 50% water, resulting in a finely-textured, light, bread. Most artisan bread formulas contain anywhere from 60 to 75% water. In yeast breads, the higher water percentages result in more CO2 bubbles, and a coarser bread crumb. One pound of flour will yield a standard loaf of bread, or two loaves. Calcium propionate is commonly added by commercial bakeries to ****** the growth of molds!!”

The Little Prince didn’t know what to think, so he didn’t. He looked up at Nobby, who was smoking a pipe. Nobby looked down at the Little Prince, who wasn’t smoking anything. “Damn, six o’clock already?! Time flies, doesn’t it? Well m’boy, I’m going to have to leave you for a minute, I have an appointment with an **********. Walk up that hill over there, and try to find a Mystic named Kelvy. He always has answers”.

And, just like that, Nobby got into his Audi and drove away. The Little Prince looked at the hill, and it looked like a mountain.


Edited, Jun 30th 2008 1:12pm by RedPhoenixxx

Chapter 5,

The Land of Wine,

The Little Prince had finally arrived in the Red corner. Lots of people were also writing placards, inventing slogans, unfolding banners, raising black and red flags to the masts atop their houses. Like a circus, but without the clowns.

Not far away were a group of women, with babies around them, talking about being a mom, and having kids, and what the kids did, and what the mums thought of it, and what the mums thought about what the other kids were doing and what the other mums thought about what the mums of the kid were thinking, or doing. “Heya there!” said one of the mums, “watcha doing here?”

The Little Prince looked at the mum, and thought she was quite pretty for a mum. “Hmmm”, said the mum not waiting for an answer, “You don’t happen to come from the Camembert planet, by any chance?” The Little Prince’s eyes brightened up, and he said “Yes. How do you know?” The mum smiled, “I used to live on Cheddar planet, I recognise the smell. Yay!” And the Little Prince smiled. He felt closer to home. But felt far away from bread. “Is there any bread around here?” he asked the mum.

And then, suddenly, out of nowhere, came a gigantic, gargantuan laugh. “Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...” said the laughter, “no.”

The Little Prince turned around, and saw a tall man with long dark hair. “Come on, kiddo,” said the man with dark hair, “you really think we’d all be here, fighting and arguing, if we had bread left over?” The Little Prince wasn’t sure, so he let out a hesitant “yes?”. “Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, no” said the man with dark hair. “No way. No chance. Only gullible people think that. The bread is long gone, that’s not what this about. For all we know, there might never have been any bread in the first place. Don’t believe what you hear, you hear?”

The Little Prince wasn’t sure what to say, so he stayed silent. “Look, kid, it’s all a sham. It’s a lie. It’s too complicated for you to understand, and I, for one, will not bother to teach you if you can’t even teach yourself. You can scramble for the crumbs they spit out, but you won’t get bread. Poker?” And the Little Prince poked the mum, and it felt a little strange. He would’ve poked her again, if a beautiful Goddess hadn’t come from the sky in a blaze of blond hair and research paper to take the dark haired man away.

The Little Prince felt homesick. This land was too strange and weird and dangerous for him. He decided to find Nobby, and ask him for a ride home, in his Audi, with the melted strings of Camembert outside the window. He walked back across the field, atop the mountain, through the Apple Tree forest, when he heard yet another voice. “Hey, buddy, want some wine with that cheese?”

The Little Prince had had enough whine for a day, but felt intrigued by this coarse, strangular, penetrative voice, as though a century old turtle was trying to bark. “I got everything you need, wine, beer, joints, meth, pills, lines, you name it, I got it.” So the Little Prince moved towards the voice, and saw 2 men sitting around a table, looking tired, weak, dishevelled, but happy. “Here ya go mate, have some of this old pot-filled-Airedale, straight from my planet” said the second man. And the Little Prince ate the Airedale, and drank the wine, and smoked something, and took a pill, and snorted elongated melted strings of, maybe, Camembert, and he watched the leaves turn into coloured clouds shouting to the dancing winds that all you need is love.


Chapter 6,

The Land of GFY

The Little Prince awoke, and the two men were still standing next to him. “Did you rape him”, asked the first one, to which the other replied that he hadn’t because he’d fallen asleep, and anyway, he was more into raping sheep than little princes, you know, because he was traditional and patriotic like that.

And the Little Prince smiled as he remembered his crazy dreams, and he said thank you to the Sheep man, and to the Turtle man, and to a nearby cat, who was nice. He continued to walk towards the Oracle’s house, and saw a giant boat hovering above it. “Excuse Mr Sailor”, said the Little Prince, “Can you take me to Camembert Planet?” And the Sailor looked at the Little Prince, who was pretty tall really, since everything is relative. “Ay, I cant see why nought. This ship is ma hoose too, ya know? Argh well, little fella, climb on board and let’s set sail to the focking Camemberte, like.”

And as they sailed away back to the Little Prince’s planet, he turned around, and all the people he had met, and some he hadn’t had time to meet, seemed to form a strange pattern on the ground, which, to the untrained eye, almost seem to resemble the letters “GFY”.
And the Little Prince smiled, and shouted “GFY too”.

And everyone was happy.


La Fin

Congrats! But tl;dr.

The AoC servers were down :'(

Also, I type quickly.

Congratulations. Love that book. Very very nice ding-a-ling.

Gratz Red! Only halfway your postcount myself, long ways to go.

Too much talky.

It was better than my non 4k ding.

*clap*

I finally found the time to give this the single-sitting reading it deserved, and I've got to say, well done. Excellent ding, reminiscent of a time when bread flowed like rape.

I don't know where the book ends and where your stories begin, but that was some bizarre stuff. I Loved it!

Gratz n' all that too.

When I finally hit the Continent one day I'll be counting on you for a connec

ps. I just read the Mystic's bread bit out loud to my roomate and indeed she nodded her head as she laughed her head of. the delivery was spot on


Edited, Jul 2nd 2008 7:57pm by Kelvyquayo