Is it really THAT big of a deal???Follow

Virgin.

It is gross. You get hot, sweaty, covered in pre-ejaculate, and squirt stuff out of your body. Sex isn't bad because it is gross, but it is gross.

Sex is embarrassing, for most people. It is generally avoided in casual conversation; most people would be embarrassed if caught in the act by friends, family, or strangers. Sex isn't bad because it is embarrassing, but it is embarrassing.

Sex is dangerous; I don't even understand why you would disagree with this. You try to qualify the statement by saying "with a trusted partner," but 1. even then it is still dangerous, 2. we're talking about sex, not "sex that is with a trusted partner." There are STDs, there is the possibility of injury in some more extreme fetishes, and orgasms put quite a bit of strain on the body. It's not so dangerous that one should entirely avoid it, but it is dangerous.

The point I'm trying to make here is that sex isn't some beautiful ultimate act of love. It's typically a recreational activity, like basketball. People should stop pretending it is something more than that.

There are two reasons for that.

1. Any activity is generally more fun with people you know than with people you don't. Seeing a movie with my friend is more fun than seeing a movie with a stranger. Racquetball with my best friend is generally more fun than racquetball with a lesser friend. For this same reason you will generally enjoy sex more with someone you know and care about than someone you don't.

2. Your beliefs affect the way you feel about something. Sex isn't connected to intimacy, what's connected to intimacy are your beliefs about sex. You feel differently having sex with someone with whom you are intimate because you feel you should. It's the same reason a Muslim might be annoyed by you defiling the Quran, but not care as much about you defiling the Bible or the Vedas.

My point is that sex is an activity like any other. The only difference is that people have artificially attached beliefs to it, and because many people accept that illusion it becomes real and effectual, but it is still an illusion. Sex is only as big of a deal as people pretend it is.

Edited, May 31st 2008 10:51am by Allegory

In other works you never been in a long term committed relationship with anyone you had sex with.

Since the girls are all grown and it been just me and Jonwin, sex is never embarrassing. Sometimes all we want is a quicky, others times may take a bit of planning before hand and may mean taking some time afterwards to clean toys. The important thing is we both take time letting the other one know what we want. When a couple communicates their needs and then let the time flow, sex oftens flowers into something very beautiful.

Sex is like wine. Sometimes as it ages you get vinegar, then there are wines that will always go up in price the longer the bottle. The magic with a good wine, is in making sure you handle the bottle with care and remove the cork carefully. Decant into the proper glass and take the time to savor each moment you have with it.

As I understand it, sexual release also releases a chemical that is linked to feelings of closeness and intimacy within the brain. Which means it is more than just recreation, but bonding and an emotional experience.

Heh, I'll give you that, but I strongly doubt that experience would alter my perspective.

Sex can be really fun, but so can hiking. If a couple chose to put the same emotional and cultural constructs into hiking as many do sex, then hiking would be be exactly like sex for them, with respect to intimacy, beauty, or whatever romanticized term one wishes to apply. Children will often look to their parents after they are injured to see whether they should cry or not. If the parent looks worried the child will sob; if the parent tell the kid it's ok and smile then the child won't think twice about the injury. The injury doesn't change, the only difference is how the child believes she should be feeling. Recreational activities don't become special and magical because you start doing them naked with a little more contact, but your belief about what you should be feeling does alter what you feel.

My argument is that sex is overly romanticized, and you respond with an analogy where wine is overly romanticized?

Edited, May 31st 2008 8:36pm by Allegory

You would have no reason to know that I love to hike and use to backpack in the high sierras. After sex it's my favorite recreational activity. I rarely can go hiking and will never be able to go back packing again, due to pain walking more then a few blocks now.

You don't need to have a body to that is in 100% working order to have great sex.

Thankfully I still can enjoy mad monkey sex whenever Jonwin and feel feel like jumping each other. Jonwin isn't that romantic, rarely buys me flowers and while the sex is great, there are times I rather spend with my massager then my masseur.

I also am known to have sex instead of taking something for pain. In fact I have a head ache coming on and may just drag Jonwin up to bed right now.


Edited, May 31st 2008 9:57pm by ElneClare

Especially if after you filled your bellies with wine and cheese he slid his hard **** into you.

Course chocolate just turns to ****.

Again, you are speaking entirely from ignorance.

I'm not sure what you're getting at, that casual sex and intimate relationship sex aren't any different? Or that men as a rule don't see sex as an intimate gesture?

I'm getting at the fact that sex and intimacy aren't linked in any way, for anyone of any gender. Sex is better with intimacy, but so is eating dinner. People with trust issues link sex with intimacy, and there are some people who can't be intimate with those they don't have sex with. Neither of those things make sex a particularly "intimate gesture" any more than cooking someone an omelet. As far as sex in a relationship, sometimes it's a celebration of intimacy, and sometimes two people just want to ****. Neither one is particularly more "special" than the other. We have enough ludicrous hang ups around sex in our society as it is, do we *really* need to exacerbate that by pretending it's the special cherished magical thing that we only do with people we're madly in love with?

Not for you it isn't, which is fine. As always, you're taking your perception of things and, rather than presenting it as your experience, present it as a rule.

Wrong. Stop projecting. None of what I posted involves my personal experience, unlike your posts which seem to deal exclusively with it.


I certainly didn't wait until I was married, nor did I marry the first person I screwed, but I've only ever had sex with people I'm in love with. For me, it's intimate. It's letting someone into my body, and I don't do that lightly, for a multitude of reasons. As for trust issues, that's laughable. I'm almost too trusting--and I doubt I'm the exception to the rule for my gender.

That's dandy. It has absolutely nothing to do with sex be linked with intimacy. It has to do with you easily submitting to social control telling you that sex and love are intertwined. That you're easily manipulated doesn't speak to anything other than you being easily manipulated.

Last time someone told me I can't talk because I didn't have experience it was about Vanguard, and I was dead on about that one. You've got to give me something more to go on besides "You don't know," Flea, you really do.