Is it really THAT big of a deal???Follow

Sex is sex, gotta have it or you turn into.....Kaolian or something horrible like that. God forbid. Have too much of it, or not smart about who you have it with and you turn into Gbaji. It is a narrow and difficult path to walk.

I believe he was inferring that gabji has syphilis.

Oh, and as for the original topic, sex is the only important thing to me. If there's not enough of it, nothing's right; if there's enough of it, everything's right. If we're not making fUck-faces at least four times a week, then she could be bringing home duffel bags full of coke and cash every night and I'd be melancholy. But if we're getting it on often enough, I don't care that she can't cook and doesn't fold my shirts the way I like.

I've never been married, though.

Yes , its a big deal when the sex dies out, but there could be any number of reasons - Hormones a'la Menopause for example. But thats not the only thing, other things, like depression or low self esteem can also affect someones sex drive. You don't say whether your friend and their significant other have talked about this, but my guess is it affects her as much as him, and theres probably a reason behind it, perhaps something she doesn't feel able to talk about.

My advice is first to try talking - perhaps find out if depression or something else is the issue, or if it is simply a lack of interest. Even if it IS just a lack of interest, its not the end of the world. But find out whats going on. Find out if its something you can work through together, something she needs to work through on her own, or something she may need a little outside help for ( ie, HRT medication or anti depressants)

A lack of sex does not mean a lack of intimacy or a lack of love - they can both exist without sex . However, in a marriage its always worth talking it over, seeijng what may be causing it, and what you are both comfortable with . Not talking about the elephant in the room doesn't make it go away, it just means you spend time concentrating on not talking about it .

I'm not sure if this is what you're referring to, but I have girlfriends that kind of need their man to pretend to not be interested so they don't have to feel the pressure of it all the time, and I've never understood that. I love feeling the spark of attraction when I'm with someone I love, and I guess I've never felt like I was being hounded because, once I've been in a committed relationship, I've never turned it down.

How quaint. :)

In my experience these girls like to bone.

No kidding. Without girls with low self esteem, the world would be a continuous burning wasteland as 15-22 year old men took to rioting.

I'd be offended except I know you mean it, you big softie.

spoken like a woman.

guys need it. when it builds up, its like a drug, an addiction. after a day or two, our eyes start wandering. after a few days, even 7s start looking like 10s. after a week, we would hump the mail lady if we thought she would stand still long enough. after a few weeks, the neighbor is fair game. after a month.......dont bend over in front of us in a shopping mall.......

its not a matter of if its great or average, its a matter of having that testostrone sending our heads into a mindless booty search drained from our bodies before it overrides our sence of obligation to our significant other, dignity, and self respect and drives us to do something destructive to our relationships, mail ladies, or someone bending over in the fruit isle at the grocerie store.

and you silly women wonder why we are as tame as a ***** cat before we get married when we are getting it a few times a week, but turn into mindless insensitive monsters after we get married while you DISSCUSS weather sex is even necessary at all.

sex, a toy, and food. thats all there is to men. its really not that complicated. short us on one of them and even war is an option........

Spoken like a ******* idiot.

Though, granted, I get laid when I want. Which usually means every 5-10 days. More often on rare occasion, or when the ol' lady makes comments about feeling neglected more than once a day [she does it partly as a joke, but mostly because she'd prefer to be getting laid twice a day if not more often - I'm not sure if it's just a "'cause she's overweight fat" (~280ish and 5' even - not my ideal by a long shot, but I'm not complaining much at all) thing or what, but it doesn't matter much to me one way or the other], but in general 5-10 days between it is average. Whew. End of long, overly parenthetical, statement.

To be honest, I think she likes me for the $40k in life insurance I have.
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spoken like a trailer park king.......

I happily married, we don't have sex regularly for many reasons, me not being around 5 days a week and the amount of extra stuff we have to cram into the 2 days i am home mean we are more interested in talking in between the kids time than anythign physical. Our relationship is sound, we don't have any issues with each other and i think we have a very strong family unit, but we very rarely get more than an hour alone per week and sex is way down the priority list in that hour.

That Said:
Why would get divorved just because you don't have sex any more?

Seriously have you any idea how much divorce cost the Average guy?

If i got divorced right now, i would cost me about $250,000 in cash and another $50,000 in child maintainance over the next 15 years, i could not afford to buy another property for a minimum of 15 years probably longer, not to mention she would get half my pension meaning i will have to work longer.

Divorce would financialy cripple me for 20 years, that is why men stay married to women who don't put out even when it's not a happy relationship.

I call it trust, you call it denial, both us feel better for it.

Win/Win

People can 'communicate' until their mouths fall off but I can assure you that unless people have sex drives at about the same level, the relationship will fail.
The sh*tty part is that people's sex drives can just bomb out of no where sending both people into a spiral of animosity towards each other.

Take my ***** of an exgirlfriend for example =^_^=

Start of relationship ~> 6 months in: Sex often 2-5 times a week.
She and I both instigating sex.

6 months in ~> 11 months in: Sex slims down quickly to a solid 1-2 a week.
Mostly me instigating sex.

11 months in ~> 1 year 4 months: Sex drops off to twice a month and then once a month. Only me instigating sex through dry humpings before sleep and offerings of shinny trincates for sex...consideration of roofies considerably considered.

1 year 6 months ~> 1 year 10 months(END): No sex...nothing. She began to resent me because she believed all that mattered to make sex and I began to resnt her for being so damn distant and unafectionate. We ended up spliting because I was pissed about never having sex and because she wanted to be with someone else.

So for me, yes, sex is a huge deal. /rant

Edited, May 31st 2008 11:19am by HyabusaTheMightyRedMage