I want to tell you what I think about new game called Age ofFollow

teh Asylum!



After years of sitting on their fattening asses molesting disabled wombats, developers are finally ready to release the long-awaited and over-hyped MMO called Age of teh Asylum! This revolutionary MMO borrows its concepts from games as diverse as The Sims (Sitting at Home Expansion Pack), Lemmings (OOT Edition), and Call of Duty 5 (Photocopying Reports Edition).

The main goal of the game is to gain levels (or "posts" as they are known in AotA) by using super-powerful spells (or "sentences" in AotA jargon) in order to defeat foes (known in-game as "gbajis"). As characters progress, they get access to new abilities ("words") and rumours abound that an accumulation of "words" can lead to a super-customised "Title", such as "Slayer of the Gbaj".

Classes are divided into Twats, Wimminz, and Virtual sociopaths, each of whom fullfill an important role in group dynamics. Too many Twats in one party can lead to collective suicide for the non-Twats present in the party, while too many Wimminz can lead to banjo-playing. Virtual sociopaths tend to solo.



Classes:

Twats:

Teh Shadowrelm: Teh Shadowrelm is a pawerful coster closs, moster of confusion and bewildermenting. He will stay hidden in the shodows for long time, from wherehence he drows his mystical powars. His main spell consists of standing atop a mountain and shouting "LEBOOONOOOON!!", until his foaes die of bewilderation.

Teh Varrus: Teh Varrus is the master of disguise and cunningery, and comes in many shapes and sizes, all of them racist. Teh Varrus usually sneaks up on his foes, and lashes at them with witty and clever nicknames such as "Smashed" and "Jophed". Lawl. Also, he earns a lot of money and has an okra field, from whence he sells demonic insurance.

Teh RedPhoenixxx: Teh RedPhoenixxx is French and he wants you to know it, connard.

Wimminz

Tah Samira: Tah Samira is an evil and elusive witchtress of knowledge. Aside from her brutal putdowns and tormenting /shrugs, she can also transform herself into a demonic Clown named "Mr Winky". "Mr Winky" is a fearless clown of happiness and death, and kidnapps people and rapes them repeatedly in his special place called "Das Basementum". But, much like Dave Banner, tah Samira is not responsible for the actions her outter being.

Tah Tare: Tah Tare is a rogue-like gnome-assassin, hailing from the deepest forests and lumber-jacked trees of Canadanation. She sometimes teams-up with her partner in crime, Tah DSD, enabling them to wreck havoc on this world by luring unspecting males into their nest, in order to produce disgustingly cute offsprings.

Teh Katie: is a dirty *****, who has since emigrated to the sunnier climates of the OOT. Note from the Dev Team: This class has now been deleted :(

Teh Virtual Sociopaths

Teh Smasharoo: Teh Smash (as his legions of detesting fans like to call him) is a brutal machete-wielding Republican Slayer. Possessing an impressing range of retorts, ranging from "False" to "Hahahahahahahaha, no", Teh Smash strikes fear into his opponent's hearts by bludgering them to death with poker cards. Rumours abound that this 900-feet tall bullet-proof pimp can summon a demonic temptress minion by the name of Nexa, who can pout people to death.

Teh Totem: Teh Tot is a fiersome warrior-engineer from the nether regions of Zaire. His inventions range from the pixie-powered "helicopter", to a mystical brew called "beer". His shapeshifting is legendary, going from slightly over-weight middle-aged grand-pa, to a slithering Alabama Black Snake, rumoured to measure 62 yards in length, and 0.5 inches in width. Fo' shame.

Teh Nobby: Teh Nobbs is a legendary lore-telling wizard from ages past. His teeth are long-gone, his hair is but a dimishing collection of shimmering strings of hay, but his wisdom knows no bound. Having witness the creation of Time and Space, it is foretold he will still be here to witness the final Armageddon. Driving around in a leprechon-powered engine of death, his reckless carnage of all things road-side has often to be held responsible for most natural disasters.



Look-out for Age of teh Asylum in all good gaming stores, and some rubbish ones too. Special Edition includes fantastic pets (!) such as "Teh Paulsol", a amphibious sheep with a funny accent, "Teh Nepth" a smiley cat with a propensity for not reaching 10k, and "Teh BT" an inflatable turtle made of ***** ********.

So long, gamer, and see you in teh Asylum!

This game is subscription based. All cheques and boob-pics should be made payable and sent to www.RedPhoenixxxisatwat.gov.uk




Edited, May 23rd 2008 11:21am by RedPhoenixxx