Wants/Expectations/Minimum RequirmentsFollow

Ok, so you get that person who is ideally perfect. Seems great right? But where is the room to grow. Where is the room to make improvements in your lives together? And if they are perfect now, whats to say they will be perfect in 5 years? If you get someone with some slight blemishes, it makes it easier for them to overlook your own. It also makes it easier to grow together and outgrow those blemishes.

Burning toast is a dealbreaker for me.

Burning water, on the other hand, requires talent.

Hence the slight blemishes. You should know their fundamental ideas up front. But a lot of people said something along the lines of "sense of humor". Whats funny and entertaining to you at 20 will not always be funny and entertaining to you at 30. Before I got married, if I met someone I thought was perfect, I always got a little skeptical, usually with good results. When I met my wife, I learned that "perfect" meant I love those small blemishes too.

Right, but what might be a blemish to you might be more to someone else. Some people might say, "The same religion as me is fundamental" some might say, "They don't push their religous beliefs on me" or "Respect for my religious beliefs" or "I don't date anyone but athiests". Obviously, your own background and values are going to dictate different needs in the long term.

In the long term, no relationship with me would survive without a healthy sense of humor. I border on the ridiculous.

Nexa

Very true, but I think after you have spent a significant amount of time with someone you should know them well enough to know what the consider a blemish and what they consider more important. It's true that your moral background is going to shape the idea of what you look for in a mate, I"m just saying there are things that you may not think are perfect but can end up being "perfect for you".

You won't date someone your own age?

And at age 20, you don't find 16-year-old girls insufferable?

Minimum: Female, Honest, tolerant, romantic, unselfish, faithful.

Female: Bewbies & no *****. I'm pretty strict on that.

Honest & Tolerant: that whole "No, what do you want to do?" spiral. I'd far rather have "Well I'd prefer to see movie A than movie B". We can then talk through options sensibly.
If smoking or drinking are an absolute no-no, then "I'd prefer you didn't smoke/drink" isn't strictly honest. I'd prefer to hear "I don't mind you drinking but I can't be near you if you smoke" so I genuinely know where I stand.
And when I genuinely have no options (E.g. I really do have to work late) I can't stand being asked to make choices that aren't there.

Romantic: self-explanatory

Unselfish: (Money) I don't mind paying for everything, but I do mind being expected to pay for everything.
(Time) I don't expect a girfriend to want to do everything I want to do and vice versa. Separate interests as well as common ones.

Faithful: Never cheated, never will. If you find somebody else, tell me and we can move on.

Ideals: A giggler who can make me giggle.

I don't have any set physical ideals.

Oh yeah, no cheating is such a gimme I didn't even think to mention it.



You know, really I would be open to anyone who would be open to me, but I find it difficult to imagine that things would work out if they didn't meet my minimums.

I'll tell you what I hate. Anger, fear, sorrow, and all the things that lead to them. Hatred, ignorance, and selfishness, for example. If a person can't at least try to wage an honorable stand against those things, I don't care how great they are otherwise. I just can't have it.

Most relationships are work, and I already have a job. I'm holding out for one that more or less works on its own.

I hate to break it to you, but even the best damn relationship takes a lot of work. If you ever get into the skimming mode, where you just let things go by without much effort in communication, compromise, and sometimes an out and out screaming match, you deal with it later in the long run, and it's not pretty. If you're lucky, you realize this before it's too late. But never fall iunto that fantasy that the perfect relationship works on its own. It's a myth and a dangerous one to believe in.

So very true. When the other person stops working on it, it's a no-win, you can never do all the work in a relationship with a good outcome. When they stop communicating, or start cheating, it's time to work harder for both, or end it. I have a grudge issue, so ending is better for me. And the, "well, I thought you needed some space" or "I just need some space" is usually a good hint there is a problem.

I look to Nexa to be the nice ex. She's been awesome to her ex from before the split. It took me years to forgive my son's dad, we are now the best of friends, but we could never get together. There were really bad times, and being beat up is never good. My daughter's dad is another story. I have no clue how long he cheated on me and the mental and emotional torment he supplied to me is unforgivable, at least at this time. It's been four years and I still can't stand him. I am nice and civil, but it's hard to forget what he did when he married his mistress. Every time I see them it's like bringing it all up again.

you don't have to agree with me. I'm just pointing out what I have seen over time both in relationships, both my own and others. I've got an amazing, rock solid relationship with my husband, going on 9 years married, 12 years together and both of us still make a concerted effort towards our relationship. I hope you find your perfect relationship, but forgive me if I dont hold my breath

Minimum requirements: Male, kind, intelligent, funny, well-read. Economically stable (by this I mean able to contribute to the running of our household. I hold up my end, you hold up yours). No drugs, no smoking, no cheating. Sexually compatible. Wants to make family a priority, not overly invested in the trappings of wealth. Catholic, socially traditional and politically progressive. Pubbies need not apply. Must want kids.


Wants: Spanish-speaking would be a plus. I'd love to share that aspect of myself. I've always liked a tall guy, and appreciated a man that kept up his appearance (well-groomed, not cut like an athlete but not someone that gained 50 lbs and wore only sweatpants and thought nothing of it). It'd be nice to have someone that not only communicated his needs, but learned to read my signals so he could tend to mine.


Expectations: Remember to make me feel that any work I put in to stay attractive is worth it. I can handle a lot, but I don't do trash, plumbing, or lawns. Handle your ****. Don't ever raise your voice. Assume both of us could walk out at any time. I'll put in 110%, and I expect the same, so don't get lazy. Remember what it was without me.

For one.