Wants/Expectations/Minimum RequirmentsFollow

Ok, so I was talking with one of my friend/classmates on Tuesday about relationship requirements and whatnot (she's single and looking). We got into a discussion of women's dream partners, and realizing we'll never find that person, what our realistic expectations are in a partner. We also contrasted that with our minimum requirements to not get out of a relationship. I thought this was a neat topic and required some sort of table(list on here, since I don't know if tables are available) for analysis, but I've been busy all week. I'm done with that other thing now, so I thought I'd throw it out here for discussion.

In a partner (I don't care if you're gay, straight, whatever), what qualities (and I'm not really talking physical appearance here, but if it's essential, go for it) are your real "wants" when looking, what are your "expectations", and what are your "minimum requirements".

I'd put mine, but you all know who I'm dating and that seems kinda meh.

Nexa

Minimal: Funny, smart. Not just intelligent but with it, culturally aware, articulate. When I say "funny" I don't only mean "has a sense of humor". It's fine if he laughs at my jokes; but it's better if he makes me laugh at his.

Expectations/wants: Someone who is a decent match in terms of life goals. I've been with someone who was perfect except that he was utterly content with where his life was at that point (early 20s) and had no ambition whatever. It's relaxing, in a way, but ultimately frustrating as we drifted apart.

If he has kids, that's fine, as long as they're not psychotically inclined to hate me on a wicked stepmother responsible for the ruination of their lives level. I know that's unrealistic, and I don't mind.

eh, we all settle on some things. When you grow up you figure out that Prince Charming was probably gay and Mr. Darcy would have been ******** the maid after six months.

Nexa

Minimum: I'd like her to at the very least be honest, creative and smart. Not too smart, though; not smarter than me.

Ideal: A nymphomaniac triple-amputee gymnast who paints and does stand up comedy. It'd be cool if she could drive, too, so she could pick me up from the bar.

Minimal: Sense of humor that jives with mine, well-spoken (and well read!), outgoing and fun.

Expectations/wants: Ambitious but not to the exclusion of everything else, family-oriented, open-minded, honest and financially stable.

Edited to add: I hate litterers, so he can't be doing any of that.





Edited, Apr 4th 2008 1:10pm by Tare

I'm know this might be on first look to be a superficial list but i firmly believe i can work around anything else.

1. Non smoker, i have no beef with smokers i just don't want to date one.

2. Has a Job, or full time student working towards a career, i have no interest in being the sole bread winner so you can sit at home all day.

3. Interest in Fantasy/Sci fi either TV, Computer or Roleplaying in any form, this is a fairly central part of my life and i don't/won't give it up for a relationship. If you can't live with my hobby you can't live with me.

Thats it i'm done.

Man, you guys are way to easy going.

Totally. You should have an unrealistic standard no person could possibly meet so you could sigh constantly and press the back of your hand against your brow, overwhelmed with ennui.

haha, no, but I think that most people have more of a minimum standard for happiness with a partner than what most people seem to think of off the top of their heads. I guess there's also something to be said for not realizing what you're willing to put up with when you love somebody, but that doesn't mean it will work out in the long run either (though sometimes that's the case).

Anway, from recollection, this is what my friend said:

Minimum: A good sense of humor, interested in and capable of having intellectually stimulating conversations, engaging and engaged by her, an appreciation for (if not a great understanding or education in) art (since she's an artist), acceptance of her being a vegetarian even if he's not one, motivation to go out and do things but contentment to sit around and veg out at least some of the time, generally respectful of her opinions and needs. Must like cats.

Expectation: Financially secure and politically motivated/engaged (since she is), educated (even unofficially...I guess more "well read" would be correct), at least somewhat romantic, likes kids (she doesn't want any, but loves her neices and nephews and likes to babysit them).

Wants/Ideal: Someone who is ambitious and likes to experiment/learn new things (she wants to learn how to dance, go sky diving, stuff like that), is really funny, very attentive, and gets along well with her family and friends. Very handsome is a plus.

She had more on each item, but I can't remember what else there was. Oh yeah, ideally, someone who likes to drive fast, haha.

Nexa

That's not far different from my list. Just a bit wordier.

Date Nexa's friend!

I think one of my minimum requirements would be that if she made a list like this one, she wouldn't include things like "financially secure". I know it makes me sound naive and corny, but I'm really not interested in anyone who'd be attracted to my wallet. I'm not really into anyone who would be quite so calculating when considering whether or not to be with someone.

I'm not really into anyone who would be quite so calculating when considering whether or not to be with someone.

So, no women then?

Thank you, thank you, try the salmon.

Well, 1. I guess I take "financially secure" to mean something different than having money. I've always taken that term to mean someone who is financially responsible and not counting on a partner to care for them financially. It seems to matter to some people, and not to others. I had an ex boyfriend who wanted me to drop out of school so that he could "take care of me". 2. I think there's a difference between pulling out a checklist and ticking off boxes on the first date and being at least somewhat aware of what your needs are in both the short and long run. Some people aren't out to "date" and if you're really only looking for a long term partner, I'd imagine you're less likely to spend too much time dating someone that you know isn't a good fit for you in the long term.

I always made it clear after about the age of 18 that I wasn't interested in dating someone that didn't want kids. I knew I wanted kids, that was a big deal breaker for me. I didn't want to get all hung up on someone that was otherwise really great, but wasn't ever going to want to have children.

Nexa