Unimaginative AssassinsFollow

I'll throw my hat into the ring I suppose.

Start a tunnel across the street from targets house under the cover of darkness. Cover up the hole with a sort of fake hatchway made of grass or whatever. Come back each day and work on the tunnel until it reaches the basement of house and a basement window that has a bush sitting next to it. Run an electric wire through the hole into the basement and have it hooked up to a battery that could kill with a remotely controlled on/off switch. Wait for a night when an incredibly large storm is predicted and sneak into the basement through the tunnel and quietly break all the basement windows and open any doors that lead directly outside. Go back through the tunnel and cover up the basement hole only leaving the wire poking through. Go out the hole that sits next to the bush outside one of the broken basement window. The basement will flood and the target will obviously go downstairs to investigate. Watch until he is in the water and remotely turn on the battery. The water gets a crapload of current sent through it and the target is electrocuted to death. Go back through the hole and out to the opposite side of the street. Turn off the battery and collect it with the wire. Dispose of them as you see fit.

Fiendish, and appropriately over-complicated in a Ernst Blofeld kind of way, but Shit

If that happens, I assume her husband's home and either find a comfy wardrobe for the night or shin down a drainpipe.

Wombats make excellent assassins is why!

Ways to off a despot:
1. Buy said dictator an ipod using the still experemental Witricity wireless electricity module. Except instead of having the power module matched to the signal of the Ipod, match it to the signal of his pancreas and boil his acid internally! (as a backup plan, load said Ipod with Hannah Montana songs - DF approved!)

2. Death by Hubble! Little known secret of the hubble space telescope is that it actually doubles as an orbiting solar powered death ray. Reorient it so the rear is facing the sun, open the secret back panel and cook away! As an added bonus, you can use it to write your name across any country you want to claim in hot fiery death!

3. Yak bombs. The only difficult part is loading them into the trebuchet. The wombats usually help with that part

4. [Censored by order of FDA]

The most diabolical, sinister way to kill an dictator:

Expose him to American food. Soon the cholesterol and preservative overload will wheedle away at his foreign-healthy physique, and he will succomb to obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.

Death by Hot Pocket!

This reminds me of something that happened this weekend that I found rather odd. Maybe someone can help me.

My sister was at the computer listening to songs through a pair of ear buds. My jacket was draped over the chair. Mind you, this jacket is notorious for causing static electricity. So I go to pull my jacket up off the chair when I hear a SCREAM followed by her ripping the ear buds out of her ear and complaining they "popped" in her ear. Best I can figure is that the static electricity made a 6in. jump from my jacket to her ear phones and some how caused a discharge, but I've never heard of this with any kind of ear buds or headphones before. Normal? Any thoughts?

Her ears are fine and the pain went away after a few minutes with no noticeable problems afterwards.

Probably Seinfeld. Neither British, nor terribly awesome.

Mahmoud Ahmedinajad:

Organise the Annual Congress of the "Gay Bisexual and Transgender Jews of New-York for Jesus Association". Get the NRA to sponsor it. Allow for corporate invitees. Send invite to Mahmoud.

Putin:

Hire a Russian film crew, and make them shoot the Russian version of Brokeback Mountain except that this time the cowboys are not gay, but proud patriotic Russian men who drink vodka while wrestling barechested with wild bears. Hire Putin to play the role of Jake Gyllenhaal, and have him killed by a rampaging salmon.

Sarkozy:

Buy an inflatable doll, and a dozen Candiru fish. Feed the fish with extra super hot mexican chilis for a couple of weeks. Stuff an ipod with minispeaker playing inside the mouth of the doll, and make it play Blondie on repeat. Place a mini fishtank with the Candiru fish inside it, in the vaginal section. Make sure to pierce a small hole, roughly 1.5 inches in diametr, on top of the tank. This is to allow penetration. Use warm water if required. Send to the Elysee Palace, and wait for results to appear in Voila Les Stars!

Bush:

Too easy.

Happens to me all the time when working from home. Usually when my clothes rub up against the cloth of the couch the static electricity seems to find the best place to make sparks is my eardrum. Very annoying and somewhat painful. Maybe I'll hang out in front of one of those ****** places that does A+ cert training and jump a nerd to steal the standard issue grounding wrist straps.

ps ~ f'uck off.

I wouldn't feel right just answering your question. Gives me the willies.

I'm not sure how'd I'd go about killing someone, but I"ve definitely worked out a plan for disposing the bodies... Concrete shoes + fertile deep crab grounds in Puget Sound, Pacific OCean, whatever, = skeletons. Those crabbies do a quick number on bait...

I say we take off, Nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

Shhhh! The enemy is reading this.