...of the true medical professionals.
I walked into the ER tonight and was immediately told by the resident surgeon that I had to have my 'game face' on. I laughed, as any doctor or nurse will crack before I do when I'm working. He bets that I'll crack, as this case 'is one of those'.
On the table, on his side, is a gentleman in his 50s curled on his side, holding his stomach. We begin the standard Medical History, age, etc. Then:
"So what brings you to the ED today?"
"I can't ****."
"Oh, constipated?"
"Yes."
"Since when?"
"Thursday."
"What happened Thursday?"
"I was drunk and in an alley and two men held me up and put something up my ***."
"....."
"I was drunk, I don't remember, but it was like 18 inches, and it's still up there."
"......"
"And I can't **** much since it went up there."
"I bet."
For the record, I didn't crack, not even when an 18" double-sided, flesh-toned ***** was pulled from him and the resident had to excuse himself to go howl with laughter in the hallway.
As I waited outside with the nurses, they each told me "theirs." Apparently, you can't work in an ER without experiencing this. Objects involved a bottle of Glow perfume, a mango, a cucumber, and curiously, a potato.