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Movies I've seen recently.Follow

#1 Jan 02 2008 at 4:22 PM Rating: Decent
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Black Irish - Sucked. It's sh*tty to grow up in Boston as a poor Catholic kid. Got it.

Gone Baby Gone - Good first 15 minutes, then sucked. It's sh*tty to be a poor Catholic baby with a crackhead mother in Boston. Got it.

Day Zero - Sucked. I know Elijah Wood is actually inclined to suck in terms of sexual preference, but this taking it to the big screen is just bad for us all. I almost changed political parties after watching this smoking ****, so poorly and ham handed was the anti-war sentiment handled. One redeeming characteristic: not set in Boston.

I am Legend - Sucked. I has a dog. Noooo zombies be killin my dog! That's the whole movie, really. Will Smith's taut dialog with @#%^ing department store mannequins confirms what we've all known for a while now, he gets by on being a black guy who can enunciate English words on film and little else. Every movie he's made in the last twenty years should have been titled "Six Degrees of Separation 9: Fourteen Degrees of shouting "What? Oh no you didn't!"

Once - Sucks a movie. As a music video it was fine. As a money making scheme it was @#%^ing genius.

I'm Not There - Sucked. I even happen to LIKE most of Bob Dylan's work. If I were he, I'd find Todd Haynes and stab him in the face with a harmonica 80 or 90 times to express my displeasure. Then, since that just wouldn't satisfy the rage and feeling of being artistically pounded in the urethra with a brine coated drill bit, I'd just start stabbing anyone else named Todd. I tried to think of a Todd who wasn't a massive drain on society, but I just couldn't. I propose we illegalize the act of cursing boy children with this ego crippling moniker.

The Bucket List - Sucked. Morgan Freeman is a talentless empty shell of a dying old man willing to do anything for a paycheck. I'm amazed he found time to pull himself away from making Edison Force 2 with Jamiriqui to shoot this thing. While I'm at it, let me say for us all: YOU DON'T NEED THE MONEY JACK. You've got more than enough just from the residuals of Batman to keep banging skeletal 20 year old aneroxic chicks well into your centarian years. Viagra's just not that expensive, buddy. How much money do you really need? Wait, you're playing a womanizing ultra rich ****? WHAT A STRETCH!! What's next, a transvestite giraffe?

Jane Austen Book Club - Sucked. At first I thought "Hey, what a clever title!" then I realized the horrible truth. The movie is about....a Jane Austen book club. No sh*t, I'm serious. A better title would have been "some crazy old ******** a lesbian and a dot com millionaire @#%^" I'm not kidding. The one mail character is a sexless bicycle riding geek. Wow, a story where the sensitive awkward guy attracts a hot chick, hackneyed but refreshing. Oh wait, right, he's a @#%^ing multi millionaire. Who rides a bike. IN LA. "Gee, I have a metric asston of money, how could I ever possibly get chicks? Oh wait, I know. Cycle to the book club and fail to mention my enormous wealth."

Becoming Jane - Sucked. Jane Austen that is. What the @#%^? Seriously, the woman wrote three great novels that have been made into 1000 movies already, and some other mediocre books that haven't yet become big budget productions. Here's an idea, Hollywood, MAKE ONE OF THOSE INSTEAD OF MOVIES ABOUT HER AMAZINGLY BORING **** FREE LIFE. I've got a high concept pitch for you already: Reese Witherspoon is a woman on a spinning space station in a distopian future where social conservatism has reached ludicrous proportions and decides to rebel by staging a play of the banned work Romeo and Juliet. Austen and Shakesphere in one movie. You don't even need writers for this sh*t. Mansfield Park meets Romeo and Juliet in space. BAM! $250M worldwide gross easy. You're welcome.

Lions for Lambs - Sucked. I'm unsure of what the science is behind the ability for Robert Redford to haunt us from beyond the grave with his sh*tty movie making, but whatever it is, it must be stopped immediately. Here's an idea for your eco consciousness left wing crusades, dude, Melanoma prevention. At one point, I paused the movie, and connected the dots of the cancerous moles littering his face and was shocked to discover the crystal clear image of Paul Newman hanging his head in shame. Indeed Cool Hand Luke, in @#%^ing deed. Why couldn't you have just cast Lee Marvin as Sundance? WHY?? Also, Tom Cruise is still a crazy gay midget.

No Country for Old Men - Pure unadulterated awesomeness. I went out and bought 42 pnumatic cattle slaughtering guns immediately after viewing. Everyone's going to want one for Halloween.

The Invasion - Sucked. This movie was so mindbogglingly boring that it makes Heaven's Gate look like a tightly plotted thrill ride. It probably could have been, good, it had a good cast, it was just about 90 minutes too long weighing in at 93 minutes.

We Are the Strange - Makes me laugh aloud just thinking of it. Fantastic.

King of Kong - Documentary of the year, easy. ***** all that Iraq stuff, no one cares. A director that can make the Donkey Kong world record look like an epic struggle between good and evil deserves and Oscar. Seriously. See it.

I'm looking forward to seeing There Will be Blood, if Daniel Day Lewis can pull off another Bill The Butcher caliber performance it might salvage the year for me. We'll see.




Edited, Jan 2nd 2008 7:25pm by Smasharoo
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#2 Jan 02 2008 at 4:35 PM Rating: Good
Encyclopedia
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Maybe the problem is that you're watching crappy films? Just sayin'!


Honestly though, I'd see this:

Quote:
Reese Witherspoon is a woman on a spinning space station in a distopian future where social conservatism has reached ludicrous proportions and decides to rebel by staging a play of the banned work Romeo and Juliet. Austen and Shakesphere in one movie. You don't even need writers for this sh*t. Mansfield Park meets Romeo and Juliet in space. BAM! $250M worldwide gross easy. You're welcome.


Except you'd have to have underground sex clubs on the station. Lots of them...
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#4 Jan 02 2008 at 5:23 PM Rating: Decent
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Youshutup wrote:
Saw Pan's Labyrinth recently. Fairy story set just after the Spanish Civil War. Cute little girl's mum marries the facist captain and they move out to live with him and his soldiers near this forest where rebels are hiding out. Little girl meets this tree-spirit guy who gives her awful tasks so that she can return to her kingdom. It's a proper fairy story; cute yet horrific. Often really brutal. Great special effects.
I thought this movie was terrific. The little girl was a great actor, but the captian was portrayed even better.

Quote:
Also saw The Royal Tenenbaums & Rushmore for the first time. All great films.
I thought Royal Tennebaums stunk.
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#5 Jan 02 2008 at 5:25 PM Rating: Good
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gbaji wrote:
Maybe the problem is that you're watching crappy films? Just sayin'!


Honestly though, I'd see this:

Quote:
Reese Witherspoon is a woman on a spinning space station in a distopian future where social conservatism has reached ludicrous proportions and decides to rebel by staging a play of the banned work Romeo and Juliet. Austen and Shakesphere in one movie. You don't even need writers for this sh*t. Mansfield Park meets Romeo and Juliet in space. BAM! $250M worldwide gross easy. You're welcome.


Except you'd have to have underground sex clubs on the station. Lots of them...

Yes, any futuristic dictatorship that bans Romeo and Juliet would surely repress everyone sexual freedoms and there would certainly be lots of underground sextastics. Perhaps Reese Witherspoon could be hunted by her female nemesis Julian Moore who eventually turns over to the underground free sex side in a truely unforgetable red on blonde gravity free lesbian sex scene. Smiley: cool

(Copyrighted)
#6 Jan 02 2008 at 5:37 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
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You dissin' Jane Austen? Someone is not getting any tonight.
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#7 Jan 02 2008 at 5:38 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
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In other news, I am really excited about the new PT Anderson flick, There Will Be Blood.

Anyone heard anything about it? Seen it?
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#8 Jan 02 2008 at 5:42 PM Rating: Decent
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We recently went to the cinema intending to see The Golden Compass, but the timing was all off so we ended up seeing Enchanted...bleh.
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#9 Jan 02 2008 at 5:43 PM Rating: Excellent
Nexa
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In his bitterness, he seems to have forgotten that he really liked Once.

Smiley: mad

Nexa
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#10 Jan 02 2008 at 5:52 PM Rating: Good
Last movies I watched were the following.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - I just watch them because I read the books. So far the movies have been enjoyable. Should be interesting to see them try to get the cast through two more movies before Daniel Radcliff looks too old.

Halloween - The remake done by Rob Zombie. Got started a little slow but there is plenty of violence and for you skin freaks(NOBBY), almost every girl in the movie gets naked at one point. I thought it was a pretty fairly done movie though Zombie certainly took some liberties with the Halloween license. They didn't the trademark piano riff nearly enough either. I mean what's the one thing you associate with Michael Myers and Halloween? The piano.

Superbad - I thought Superbad was a bit overrated. It was still very funny to me but it just seemed like alot of the most funny moments I had seen in the previews.

Black Sheep - Fucking awesome. Without a doubt one of the most amusing movies I have seen all year. Weresheep forever!

Stardust - Fairly cheesy but still an enjoyable movie. Reminded me quite a bit of The Princess Bride for some reason. De Niro was hilarious.

Living & Dying - Too quote Smash. Sucked. Was horrid. Robbers just happen to rob two serial killers? Come on. Edward Furlong sucked donkey balls in this.


#11 Jan 02 2008 at 5:54 PM Rating: Excellent
Nexa
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Brill wrote:

Stardust - Fairly cheesy but still an enjoyable movie. Reminded me quite a bit of The Princess Bride for some reason. De Niro was hilarious.


Admittedly, I didn't have super high expectations or anything, but this was a much better movie than I had anticipated.

Nexa
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“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
#12 Jan 02 2008 at 6:06 PM Rating: Good
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Wow, you see (or are dragged to see) a lot of bad movies.

King of Kong was probably the most entertaining film I've seen all year, documentary or not. Grizzly Man was right up there in the documentary genre, too; definitely worth a rental if you haven't seen it. Nothing like watching a documentary about a guy who makes documentaries about bears, loses his mind while living alone in the Alaskan wilderness, and is eventually eaten by one of his film subjects.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead was excellent. I'm not normally a huge Philip Seymour Hoffman fan, but he and Ethan Hawke were great in it. It reminded me of A Simple Plan, but with better writing and acting as well as more nude shots of Marisa Tomei.

Juno was pretty good. Nothing profound, but Ellen Page and Michael Cera made me laugh.

Enchanted was cliche, but it was actually a nice change of pace to see a mindless, happy, old-school-style Disney movie after the string of downers that have been dominating the theaters over the last few months.

Lars and the Real Girl sucked. I was expecting so much more from a movie about a man and his blow-up doll.

There Will Be Blood and Atonement are next on my list of movies to see.
#13 Jan 02 2008 at 6:18 PM Rating: Good
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Quote:
Admittedly, I didn't have super high expectations or anything, but this was a much better movie than I had anticipated.

Nexa

I was actually kind of disappointed by Stardust, mostly because my expectations for it were very high after reading positive reviews like this one from people who went to see it with extremely low expectations, as well as all of the direct comparisons to The Princess Bride which I thought was was a much funnier and more charming movie.
#14 Jan 02 2008 at 6:24 PM Rating: Good
I do kind of want to see the last Resident Evil movie Smiley: frown That and War.
#15 Jan 02 2008 at 6:46 PM Rating: Decent
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Nexa wrote:
Brill wrote:

Stardust - Fairly cheesy but still an enjoyable movie. Reminded me quite a bit of The Princess Bride for some reason. De Niro was hilarious.


Admittedly, I didn't have super high expectations or anything, but this was a much better movie than I had anticipated.

Nexa
I really wanna see this, but it's in the Movie Inbetween right now. Not showing at theatres (in the sticks, eh) and not out on video yet. I've been told I'd love it.
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#16 Jan 03 2008 at 5:37 AM Rating: Good
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Youshutup wrote:
Saw Pan's Labyrinth recently. Fairy story set just after the Spanish Civil War. Cute little girl's mum marries the facist captain and they move out to live with him and his soldiers near this forest where rebels are hiding out. Little girl meets this tree-spirit guy who gives her awful tasks so that she can return to her kingdom. It's a proper fairy story; cute yet horrific. Often really brutal. Great special effects.

Also saw The Royal Tenenbaums & Rushmore for the first time. All great films.


I think, this is one of my all time favorite movies now. It is probably one of the more graphically violent films I've watched, but it fit in, creating a fantastic dichotomy between reality and fantasy.

I haven't been able to get out to too many movies, but I did see I Am Legend and Enchanted. I was dissappointed in the ending of I Am Legend since it strayed from the book. But overall not bad. Enchanted was funny, just for how well Disney really mocked itself. It was a fresh change of pace.

I'm looking forward to the Spiderwick Chronicles. Our local 3d Imax will be showing it, and I think the eldest and us parental units, will go see it together.
#17 Jan 03 2008 at 5:52 AM Rating: Good
Spiderwick Chronicles looks good, I've had my eye on that one for a while. I did want to see I Am Legend, although I may avoid it until it releases on DVD just due to the tremendous amount of negative reviews I've heard about it all over the place. I still haven't seen the 3rd Pirates (it's on Netflix...) an I'm also awaiting Sunshine and the 3rd Resident Evil as well.

Upcoming I really like the look of Sweeney Todd and Cloverfield. Teeth looks kind of interesting as well (any movie based around the concept of a ****** with teeth deserves a nod of some sort...talk about horror!) The Signal looks good as well...although slightly overdone. I like the idea of a Zombie-esque film without the Zombies. The Nines is one I've been interested in and haven't seen yet. The trailer looked fantastic, and anyone liking movies such as The Game or similar (thriller/intellectual drama) might want to take a peek. In fact, I think I'll see if I can toss that on Netflix right now.

Glad to hear King of Kong was good, the wife and I both have been interested in seeing that and this is the first feedback I've heard about it.
#18 Jan 03 2008 at 6:01 AM Rating: Good
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The problem is, you actually expected a good movie. I have decided that there are no good movies anymore. Gimme "Blazing Saddles" any day.
#19 Jan 03 2008 at 6:53 AM Rating: Good
Nadenu wrote:
I have decided that there are no good movies anymore.


Oh come now...not even Bubba Ho-tep?
#20 Jan 03 2008 at 7:39 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
The problem is, you actually expected a good movie. I have decided that there are no good movies anymore. Gimme "Blazing Saddles" any day.
Thats pushing it more than a bit.

Sure good films are getting rarer but they are far from extinct, and further every single one of my top 10, hell probably 50 films where made after Blazing "Only remembered because it's not PC and we can't make that type of film anymore" Saddles.
#21 Jan 03 2008 at 10:11 AM Rating: Good
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In 2 years the only movies I'd really recommend are Goya's Ghosts (full of win) and Pan's Labyrinth.

Casino Royale and the Bourne movies were great entertainment but I think of those as chewing gum for the eyes rather than nourishment.
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#22 Jan 03 2008 at 11:48 AM Rating: Decent
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Been a while Smash -- haven't played EQ in years but we have a wannabe Smash on our WoW forums that made me crave the real thing.

You're funny. He's just emo.

I haven't heard of half of those movies, and the half I have heard of didn't look too enticing in the previews. Two Jane Austens in one year? Are you looking at having your sausage trimmed or something?

PS: The Fat ******* says hello. =p
#23 Jan 03 2008 at 12:50 PM Rating: Decent
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Brill wrote:
I do kind of want to see the last Resident Evil movie


I watched it last night. It was pretty far fetched. It was ok at best.

#24 Jan 03 2008 at 12:58 PM Rating: Good
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Quote:
I do kind of want to see the last Resident Evil movie


I watched it last night. It was pretty far fetched.



What? You mean it wasn't based on a 'true' story!!

I demand a refund!

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#25 Jan 03 2008 at 1:19 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
What? You mean it wasn't based on a 'true' story!!

I demand a refund!


Maybe "silly" would have been a better word. And I forgot about the blatant rip off of Day of the Dead where they were trying to domesticate the undead.
#26 Jan 03 2008 at 2:31 PM Rating: Decent
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Casino Royale



Worst Bond movie ever. Not close. Never say Never? Better. The original spoof Casino Roayle? Better. What about it did you find entertaining, exactly? Did I miss part of it when I fell asleep after 45 minutes of Daniel Craig playing with himself and trying to look hard?
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Disclaimer:

To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

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