Not niceFollow

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: a glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your home will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No kidding." He said, "35 years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

How can you tell when a man is well-hung?

When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose


...nice.








Edited, Sep 5th 2007 8:39pm by Elinda

Not funny.
|
V

Why do women get married in white?

So they match the other property you keep in the kitchen.

He's blinded by all that white in the kitchen

Heh, a ladyfriend of mine saw me snickering at some of these, came over to look at what I was reading...

And then promptly smacked me upside the head.

Speaking of golf, there was this young married couple who enjoyed doing everything together. The groom was a golfer and he wanted to get his new bride into the game. So he arranged lessons with a local golf pro to teach her.
During the first lesson, the pro observed her swinging a club. He advised her to ease up her vise-like grip. "Hold the club gently, like you would your husband's *****" he instructs her. After heeding this advise and resuming practice, the pro stopped her again. "That was better, but now take the club out of your mouth."

Gitslayer's genie-golf joke would be funnier if the husband were a Republican Congressman, and if he were the one seduced by the "genie".

Could be a televangelist but genies are probably sinful.

Even better when the kids themselves are, er, dirt-colored!