And that is it.Follow

The first time I saw her she was reading a book through her big thick glasses and was completely smitten with her on the spot, I struck up a conversation with her right then and there.

It is something I can't seem to get out of my head. I've been holding it down since the break up. Been going out, lined up a great new apartment, enjoyed the ego boost of getting hit on by pretty girls, pretty much been keeping myself busy to avoid the sh'ittiness of the break up. Today was it though, everything was packed off and moved and she came by to break up the cats and say her final goodbye. Now I am stuck sitting in an empty apartment on a very gray day thinking about all those moments that make up a relationship.

Like the first time we went on a date and ended up holding hands in a van full of East Indians listening to Punjabi rap, taking her sick cat to the emergency vet on a sunday and paying the 300 bucks to save its cause she couldn't afford it and I knew how much it meant to her. The night walking home in the snow and saying I love you for the first time, idle moments while she talked about nothing important where I thought to myself how much I loved her, her making fun of me for being attacked by a peacock at the zoo, me making fun of her for crying at the notebook, all the little in jokes we shared, the annoying things that I would never change, the first time she out fished me, her explaining exactly why I should like the Beatles, the day she asked if we should move in together, better yet after we had finally finished dragging everything up the 3 epic flights of stairs and we fell asleep on the mattress. Going shopping together for the first time, making perogies, bickering over where to hang which pictures, the fight over Ottawa and the epiphany that I would do anything for the girl, walking down St Catherines in Montreal, and everything else.

It is all gone. I am never going to hug again when she cries, never going to laugh at the quirky stuff that only she would do. Her cat isn't going to wake me up in the morning by pawing me on the face.

I'm f'ucking spent. It's ok if I allow myself a moment of self pity before I start banging chicks, right?

Yeah you are free, go hit it.

Most Circumspect 'Out of the Closet' post ever, but I'm sure you and the random biker with the biggest moustache at the bar will have a blast in the mens' room.

/highfive

What's worse is the realization that all those firsts you had with her will cheapen the next relationship you have. How next time you go on a first date you'll compare her to the one that got away and she never lives up to the impossible standards of history revised. Coming to grips with the fact that you have all these unresolved and unrequited feelings sabotauging what could be promising relationships. Hesitating to say I Love You because it's a misstep you're not sure you want to take again. All those little quirks that you thought were so unique to her will only infuriate you when someone else has them. All those activities that you shared will in the future serve only to make you feel disgusted with yourself if you partake in them with some new woman.

And the way your memory will haunt you, reminding you of all the opportunities you had to make things right, or at least better, because it is always your fault in the end.

I envy you in some respects though, Bhodi, because by going forward as a sodomite you at least remove any rational thought or feelings of guilt from the equation.

I like my take on the "Bhodi's a pole-smoker" post the best.

Edited, Aug 27th 2007 2:26pm by Barkingturtle

No goodbye sex?

You are not the first person this **** has happened to.
You are not the first person to think these things.
You are not the first person to feel this way.
You will get over it, princess.
You are a unique snowflake, just like the rest of us.

Now go cut yourself.

Wait. Bugging or buggering? One of those woulda been fun.

It'll pass, it always does. The self pity and feelings of despair that is, hopefully not the desire to bang other chicks!

Never makes it any easier though.

Call the chick from the bar. Bang her. Throw her down a flight of stairs as you call her your ex's name. Then drop a phonebook out your apartment window on her head as she's waiting for a cab. That way you get laid and take out some post breakup aggression

OK, did you get the closure you needed? If so, go call up the chickie from the bar!

We know how to transfer every bit of blame for the ruination of the relationship squarely on the ex's shoulders!










Sex with someone new and fun does wonders for shortening the recovery time also.

Well, true. But you feel the way you feel; it doesn't really have a point to it. Give it some time; you'll find someone else to criticize and fear before you know it.