jokesFollow

#1 Aug 05 2007 at 5:02 PM Rating: Sub-Default

6 posts

A blind man enters a Ladies' Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very angry voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things: One - The bartender is a blonde girl. Two - The bouncer is a blonde girl. Three - I'm a six-foot, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. Four - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. Five - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Edited, Aug 5th 2007 6:09pm by Kaolian

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#2 REDACTED, Posted: Aug 05 2007 at 5:04 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night, having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun, shoots the glass to pieces and says, "In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the glass to pieces and says, "Well mate, in Australia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says, "In London we have so many bloody South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

#3 REDACTED, Posted: Aug 05 2007 at 5:05 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes straight up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly sir, that'll be ten pence," replies the bartender. "Ten pence?" exclaims the man. "Yes, ten pence," the bartender replies. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly, sir," replies the bartender, "but that comes to real money." "How much money?" enquires the man. "Forty pence," the bartender replies. "Forty pence?" exclaims the man. "Where is the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replies, "He's upstairs with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man. The bartender replies, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."

#4 REDACTED, Posted: Aug 05 2007 at 5:07 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) A Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. So he asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's ********* from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy"! So the next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

#5 REDACTED, Posted: Aug 05 2007 at 5:08 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) One day a man died and found himself in Hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked, "Why so glum?" The man responded, "Why do you think? I'm in Hell!" "Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?" "Sure," the man said. "I love to drink." "Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Coke and vodka. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!" The man was astounded. "Crikey, that sounds great." "You a smoker?" the demon asked. "You better believe it!" "You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?" "Wow," the man said, "that's awesome!" The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble." "Why yes, as a matter of fact I do." "Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?" The man said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't meanÃ–" "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!" "Wow," the man said, starting to feel better about his situation. "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!" The demon said, "You gay?" "No." "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

#6 Aug 05 2007 at 5:09 PM Rating: Excellent

Kaolian

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Leet Haxör

29,919 posts

That is considered spamming. Knock it off.

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