Who's already ordered the book and booked the day off work to read it?
I predict that when Harry finds that Cho Chang won't do ****, he'll revisit his relationship with Hermione, but by then, she'll already be carrying Dumbledore's Lovechild.
Severus Snape will turn out to be Ron Weasley's father, because (as we all suspected), Molly Weasley used to go like the Shit-house door on a trawler.
And they will discover that Hagrid is packing a mangina that has serviced all of the Death Eaters and preserved their man-juices to breed a master race of -fUckers.
In the closing paragraph, Sony Online will be given rights to run the game servers and Voldemort will be revealed as a mud-blood who was responsible for the code in MS Office, at which point he will be replaced in an emergency security patch by the Minsistry of Magic.
Yeah. I've ordered the book. I am an loser