Things I've learned consultingFollow

I've been busy the last couple of weeks consulting for a few corporations that will remain nameless. They are all in the "Luxury Apparel" manufacturing and marketing business. Here are a few things I've learned.

"Brand Manager" is actually a quaint term for "24 year old Phoenix College MBA who we pay largely in clothing that costs us 12 cents a ton to manufacture in Shanghai."

Brand Managers use the word "Demographic" as a verb. For instance: "We should demographic our new whale skin hubcaps in Nebraska."

Companies apparently not only have thousands of "Vice Presidents," of which I was already somewhat aware having known people who worked in banks, but have dozens of people with identical job titles who often report to each other. For instance, Jill is the Vice President of Marketing and she reports to Bob, the Vice President of Marketing and he reports to Nancy, the Vice President of Marketing.

The seeming key to a successful career as a Vice President of Marketing is a combination of not having an opinion about anything until it's a massive success, at which time you claim credit for it regardless of your actual involvement, and asking people if they saw the most recent sporting event in which the companies sponsor took part.

Swedes assume no one but them speaks Swedish to the point where they discuss sexual positions they'd like to penetrate the Brand Manager in while the Brand Manager is sitting across the table from them. Also, Brand Managers who work almost exclusively with Norwegian clients speak only English.

Being given a giant gym bag full of clothing items which cost 11 cents a ton to manufacture, and might be something you'd wear to paint your house if not for the fact that they were essentially the uniform of a soccer club you hate with a burning passion, is supposed to elicit a reaction other than "Thank you, no."

People are silly, repetitive, self important and do superficial things while at work, I learned that when I was dishwasher at 17. I learned that people actually got suprised by it around the same time.

/shrug

Why not paint your house in it? You wouldn't want to get paint on your favorite club's uniform would you?

The odd thing is, that's lower odds than before.

I was at the FAA building last week. One of their servers was down and their IT dept couldn't figure out why.

here is why:

cause there WAS A FLOPPY DISK IN THE FLOPPY DISK DRIVE!!!!!!!!

please, our local DMV is still using NT.

not MVA to you, duh

Edited, May 9th 2007 6:58pm by Kelvyquayo

Xythex!
Hows the baby?

That implies that there might have been something of value. So, no, not really.

Oh, I'm leading in the polls to kick the other Allafemme's asses in a fantasy Thunderdome. Bout it.

Once baby xythex meets Hannah (aka, the GateKeeper), we're all doomed.

Nexa

Were already doomed as we already arranged baby XytheX and Hannah's marraige several months ago, remember? I'd find the thread but I'm far too lazy. Sure it's a marraige of convenience, in order to avoid the logistical nightmare of trying to control the world from two different sides of the country, but what is love anymore anyway? I hope you've already started to set aside the dowry!

Meanwhile, at the poker table, do you sit on those pocket snowmen with a 9, 10, and a jack showing and let your opponents do the raising or do you drive up the cost of doing business? ***** consulting. Amaze us with a WSoP story.

Totem