The girlfriend says...Follow

Man you've bveen railing on her for how long now? 6 months easy? If it's that scary, just split up with her already. Better in the long run on both of you.

What ever happened to you guys her moving?

EDIT: Props on keeping it cool though.

Edited, May 8th 2007 12:33pm by Kaelesh

Yeah, what happened to the whole moving to Ottawa as the make or break of your relationship?

You don't keep track of her surfing the crimson wave? My hubby knows to the hour when I'm going to start. Something to do with him making sure that he never obtains his red wings.

hahaha, a bit squeemish is he?

Nexa

What about the girlfriend.

I know exactly what I should do however the fear of being put through the emotional ringer is equally distasteful as the prospect of moving across the country to a city I dont like far away from family and friends.

I am procrastinating in the hopes that some miracle will somehow come along and save me from my 'damned if you do/don't' predicament.

HA! I do that to my boyfriend every other month or so, just to keep him on his toes and make sure he's still really committed.

also just for fun

Nexa

I'm not so much worried about myself and the girlfriend though. I am pretty am aware of how the situation. How it is going to play out, my own mistakes, etc. As unbelieveable as it might seems my own drama bores me, now.

I think my question stands though. To all the parents that weren't 'trying for it' even for the ones that were. That first time pregnancy reared its life changing head. How the f'uck did you cope? What went through you head?

Both my wife and I were excited. I never really had any moments of terror. We had been trying for a couple of months, so it was intentional. I'm sure if it wasn't the situation would've been different.

Oh it's not unbelieveable at all. What is unbelieveable is that a person as focused as yourself would be content with reacting instead of acting. Let me tell you, it's better to ***** up and know you're the one that did it than let life toss you like a beach ball.

I guess that wouldn't be as emo, though.

I've thought I was pregnant twice. The first time, I knew I'd abort because I wasn't ready, and it didn't come to that. The second (no period for 6 months!), it was more of a question of deciding how I'd adjust, but it also turned out to be unnecessary.

I see the difference as this: the first time, it was the wrong time, and the wrong guy. This time it wouldn't be, and I'd manage.

Well, my best wishes on her starting her monthlies soon. But not too soon. Cause it's a little funny.

Me and the wife had been trying for about a month and a half before the test came back positive. She has the summers off (teacher) and I was walking out the door on my way to work when she called me back in and told me. I was excited and we started planning things out.

Never really had any doubts or was scared about the whole thing, 13 months after he was born it is all worth it. He is a great little dude with a personality that cracks us up.

I fall into the bolded category.

As far as our life situation goes, there really couldn't be a much worse time for us to be having a kid. We're barely scraping by financially because I've been in school and out of the work force these past few years, and having the kid is going to make it just that much longer until I'm done with school and back on the job market. I also have some health and depression issues I'm in the middle of working on and probably would have been served better waiting to be more on top of those.

Mr. Ambrya was never better than ambivalent about being a father. He thinks he won't be a very good father, because his own father sucked. He's wrong. He's the kindest, most nurturing person I know--I can't possibly imagine a man who will be a better father. He knew, however, that I was never going to be content with a childless life (and, unbeknownst to me at the time, was afraid that if we didn't have kids, we'd end up divorced because I wouldn't be happy--I don't know that I would have divorced him over it, because we have a really great marriage and I adore him insanely, but I went into the marriage knowing the kids issue was a big question mark we would eventually have to address.) I've wanted to be a mother my whole life, so he decided to cope with his issues because he felt our marriage was more important than his insecurities.

At the time we made the decision to try to have a kid, he was looking 42 in the eye and I was mere months away from 32. Statistically, a woman's chances of having a child with chromosomal abnormalities begin to increase after the age of 35 (it's not like flicking a switch and all of a sudden you're in the danger zone, but each year the odds of dodging the bullet get worse past that point.) If we had waited for me to finish school, then by the time we had a baby, I would be over 35, AND I would be trying to start a new career that would frequently have me on-call 24 hours a day, so it seemed like being in school was actually a better time to have a baby than waiting for me to be done with school. Combine that with the age factor, and it was--to put it inelegantly--time to sh'it or get off the pot.

Honestly, getting pregnant was a relief. We had quite a few strikes against us in the fertility column, which could have made things difficult. Instead, it ended up being surprisingly easy to get pregnant. Even with optimally timed intercourse (during the three days preceding ovulation and the day of) chances of conceiving are only around 25%. We hit it out of the park our first time at bat. We lost that one at about 5 weeks, but then conceived again the very next time I ovulated. So even though we had some cards stacked against us, fertility-wise, we ended up having absolutely no problems on that front.

I think I was so caught up in the mechanics of trying to conceive--fertility charting, basal body temp monitoring, ovulation predictor tests, etc--and afterward, in the fear of losing the pregnancy AGAIN, that the implications for the radical change our lives would undergo took a long time to really hit. Even now that they have, I don't let myself dwell on them too much. I am a little bit Pollyanna-ish about it all; I just tell myself it will work out somehow. I have a lot of fears about my own ability to be a good mother that occasionally try to rear their ugly heads. I'm nowhere near the nurturer that Mr. Ambrya is, despite my desire to be a parent. But I tell myself that things change once you have your own child; you find sources of nurturing and selflessness within yourself that you never would have suspected you had. And honestly, the people who make the worst parents are, I think, the people who never question the kind of parents they'll be. The fact that I worry about it is, in the end, a mark in my favor.

Mr. Ambrya is still a bit freaked out. I keep trying to reassure him that his suitability as a father has nothing to do with him income, but he worries because he feels that in our present situation, he's not an adequate provider. But then, he frequently finds causes to accuse himself of inadequacy on one level or another. He's doing the best he can, and I try to make sure he knows I'm aware of that at every opportunity, and that I'm grateful and that I love him. I've told him--and I don't think he believes me yet, but I keep telling him anyway--that even if we had to sell our house and downgrade our standard of living significantly to get by, it wouldn't matter. What our child needs from him is not material things. He needs love and approbation and face-time, not his own room loaded with all the latest and greatest toys. The finances aren't important--his willingness to be an attached and engaged father is. And since we are pretty much in agreement on parenting philosophy, I have no worries that when push comes to shove, he'll find it within himself to be the kind of father he wants to be, even if his own fears and doubts occasionally trouble him.

I don't know if you will find any of this helpful, Bodhi, but you did ask.

As for your own situation, even if it turns out your girlfriend is not pregnant, this could be a very good opportunity to open the lines of communication on the whole moving issue, especially if it's going to mean the end of your relationship. Once the "negative" is confirmed, there won't be a better time to have an honest talk and tell her that, barring the presence of a baby, you don't see yourself being with her in the long haul, particularly if she is bound and determined to move, since that is something you are not willing to do. Therefore, the best thing to do would be to end things as amicably as possible now, rather than tempt fate to throw another pregnancy scare your way sometime between now and the time she moves.

If the result is positive--I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. At this point in my life, dealing with an unwanted pregnancy is far outside my frame of personal reference.

Either way, good luck.

varus wrote



You not getting much then?

All I can come up with after reading this thread is this: Thank God there won't be any more bodhis running around.

If you can't handle the idea of being a father, maybe you should consider something simple, like not having sex. Hard to swallow for you I'm sure, but you'll find that you're less likely to be hooked up with some stupid **** you can't stand, if you're not fUcking her.