I know its been linked here before, months ago, but I was bored at work and decided to revisit overheardinnewyork.com and I was fighting laughing out loud so hard at my desk, tears were coming out of my eyes. My monday morning just picked up a bit.
This one just got to me for some reason, I could not keep from laughing:
Bimbette: It was a real Japanese store. The Japanese person behind the counter was Japanese.
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I liked this one:
Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don't stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I'm going to yell at you and make fun of you.
Quote:
Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don't stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I'm going to yell at you and make fun of you.
DSD wrote:
I liked this one:
Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don't stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I'm going to yell at you and make fun of you.
Quote:
Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don't stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I'm going to yell at you and make fun of you.
That's in my head everytime I see my kids horsing around and I know I'm going to be getting the first aid kit in about 5 minutes.This one had me rofl as well:
***** student: I don't really have a problem with incest, but in my family there aren't many lookers.
***** student: I don't really have a problem with incest, but in my family there aren't many lookers.
Quote:
Girl #1, feeling her breasts: Oh my gosh! I know I'm not fat or anything, but my boobs are so heavy!
Girl #2: Uhhh, yeah...
Girl #1: Something's wrong -- they are way too heavy. Feel them!
Girl #2: Um, I don't think--
Girl #1: --Just do it, seriously!
Girl #2, holding breast: They feel okay...
Girl #1: I think they're too heavy. Actually hold them.
Girl #2, tightening grip: Uh, have I never told you I'm bisexual?
Girl #1: Oh... Well... Have you ever wanted to date me or something?
Girl #2: Not date you... But I've always wanted to have a threesome with you.
Girl #2: Uhhh, yeah...
Girl #1: Something's wrong -- they are way too heavy. Feel them!
Girl #2: Um, I don't think--
Girl #1: --Just do it, seriously!
Girl #2, holding breast: They feel okay...
Girl #1: I think they're too heavy. Actually hold them.
Girl #2, tightening grip: Uh, have I never told you I'm bisexual?
Girl #1: Oh... Well... Have you ever wanted to date me or something?
Girl #2: Not date you... But I've always wanted to have a threesome with you.
Althrun the Silent wrote:
Quote:
Girl #1, feeling her breasts: Oh my gosh! I know I'm not fat or anything, but my boobs are so heavy!
Girl #2: Uhhh, yeah...
Girl #1: Something's wrong -- they are way too heavy. Feel them!
Girl #2: Um, I don't think--
Girl #1: --Just do it, seriously!
Girl #2, holding breast: They feel okay...
Girl #1: I think they're too heavy. Actually hold them.
Girl #2, tightening grip: Uh, have I never told you I'm bisexual?
Girl #1: Oh... Well... Have you ever wanted to date me or something?
Girl #2: Not date you... But I've always wanted to have a threesome with you.
Girl #2: Uhhh, yeah...
Girl #1: Something's wrong -- they are way too heavy. Feel them!
Girl #2: Um, I don't think--
Girl #1: --Just do it, seriously!
Girl #2, holding breast: They feel okay...
Girl #1: I think they're too heavy. Actually hold them.
Girl #2, tightening grip: Uh, have I never told you I'm bisexual?
Girl #1: Oh... Well... Have you ever wanted to date me or something?
Girl #2: Not date you... But I've always wanted to have a threesome with you.
Quote:
Chick: Whoa, you were married?
Guy: Yup. Six years.
Chick: What happened?
Guy: Ummm... We were too different.
Chick: Different how?
Guy: Well, I'm the kind of person who wanted to pay off all his med school bills and live abroad for a few years. She's the kind of person who wanted to @#%^ other guys.
Chick: [Shocked.]
Guy: Hey, you asked.
Guy: Yup. Six years.
Chick: What happened?
Guy: Ummm... We were too different.
Chick: Different how?
Guy: Well, I'm the kind of person who wanted to pay off all his med school bills and live abroad for a few years. She's the kind of person who wanted to @#%^ other guys.
Chick: [Shocked.]
Guy: Hey, you asked.
omg I'm so glad I went home for lunch, otherwise I'd be in trouble!
Quote:
Chick: That bartender has such huge tits. Are you sure you don't wish I had bigger tits?
Dude: Honey, you know I love you just the way you are.
Chick: You're just saying that because I blow you every single night.
Dude: Well, it doesn't hurt.
Dude: Honey, you know I love you just the way you are.
Chick: You're just saying that because I blow you every single night.
Dude: Well, it doesn't hurt.
Edited, May 7th 2007 12:26pm by Althrun
Old lady: This is a full sandwich. I said half sandwich.
Waiter: What's the big deal? I won't charge you for the whole thing -- just eat half.
Old lady: No, no, you don't understand -- I am claustrophobic.
Waiter: What's the big deal? I won't charge you for the whole thing -- just eat half.
Old lady: No, no, you don't understand -- I am claustrophobic.
30-something lady: ... And he wanted to have sex with me. What is it that drives the heteros away and makes me the goddamn gay whisperer?
Quote:
11AM I Lie at the Third-Grade Level
Four-year-old holing up a toy: Mommy, can I get this?
Mom: It says it's for kids ages eight and up. How old are you?
Four-year-old: Um... eight.
Four-year-old holing up a toy: Mommy, can I get this?
Mom: It says it's for kids ages eight and up. How old are you?
Four-year-old: Um... eight.
Quote:
That's Going to Be Great Advice in Kindergarten
Little kid: Mommy...Mommmmmyyyyyy! I have got to ****!
Mom: Would you please just crap in your pants and quit screaming about it already!
Little kid: Mommy...Mommmmmyyyyyy! I have got to ****!
Mom: Would you please just crap in your pants and quit screaming about it already!
Donate. One day it could be your family.
An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. Victor Hugo
An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. Victor Hugo
Quote:
Guy: So at this Texas game ranch they release emos, and you shoot at them... I mean, emus.
Hehe
Quote:
Girl #1: Thanks, I like being wished on. Well, not wished on, but wished for.
Girl #2: I was wished on in Mexico...
Girl #1, after long pause: Was it the same guy that gave you herpes?
Girl #2: I was wished on in Mexico...
Girl #1, after long pause: Was it the same guy that gave you herpes?
Funny site...not been there in a long time. Thanks for reminding me of it. Edited, May 7th 2007 4:36pm by Nightsintdreams
Proud citizen of Miranda.
-Currently on Pochacco Server of Hello Kitty Online.
-Currently on Pochacco Server of Hello Kitty Online.
The title is what made this one:
Friggin racists...
Quote:
You're Dating Grimace?
Teen guy #1: So, what did she look like?
Teen guy #2: Oh, dude, she had the most perfect body. She was like, 26-34-26!
Teen guy #1: So, what did she look like?
Teen guy #2: Oh, dude, she had the most perfect body. She was like, 26-34-26!
Quote:
Black woman #1: And then she was like, 'I don't like fried chicken!'
Black woman #2: How could you not like fried chicken?!
Black woman #1: I know! How could you not like fried chicken?!
Black woman #2: ... Well, was she white?
Black woman #2: How could you not like fried chicken?!
Black woman #1: I know! How could you not like fried chicken?!
Black woman #2: ... Well, was she white?
Friggin racists...
Quote:
Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn't know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn't look 14...
Guy #1: And you didn't ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn't ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, 'cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point... Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don't judge me, man...
Guy #2: Well, I didn't know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn't look 14...
Guy #1: And you didn't ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn't ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, 'cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point... Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don't judge me, man...
Quote:
Hip chick in black whose dog poops in street: No! No! Jesus @#%^ing Christ! [Looks up and notices she's in front of large church.] Oops.
Quote:
20-ish guy: I wish I had a gi-normous ****. I mean, a **** the size of a baseball bat.
20-ish girl: What would you do with it? No woman could fit it in.
20-ish guy: Doesn't matter. If I had a **** that big I'd never have to argue with anyone again.
20-ish girl: How do you figure that?
20-ish guy: If someone disagreed with me I would take out my 34-inch ****, flip it up on the table like a mutant Chateaubriand and make a face like this [makes a 'So there!' face].
20s-ish girl: So, let me get this straight: You think that a giant ***** trumps a logical argument?
20-ish guy: Well, doesn't it? Like with that guy you met in Aruba last winter?
20-ish girl, after long stare: I told you never to mention that again.
20-ish girl: What would you do with it? No woman could fit it in.
20-ish guy: Doesn't matter. If I had a **** that big I'd never have to argue with anyone again.
20-ish girl: How do you figure that?
20-ish guy: If someone disagreed with me I would take out my 34-inch ****, flip it up on the table like a mutant Chateaubriand and make a face like this [makes a 'So there!' face].
20s-ish girl: So, let me get this straight: You think that a giant ***** trumps a logical argument?
20-ish guy: Well, doesn't it? Like with that guy you met in Aruba last winter?
20-ish girl, after long stare: I told you never to mention that again.
Edited, May 7th 2007 5:25pm by Althrun
Me (Workin in a shop in San Fran in '94) "Hi, you need any help?"
East Coast Lady Tourist - "Wow! I just love your accent! Where are you from?"
Me - (In my most pukka London accent) - "Bosnia."
Lady _"Really? I've heard of Bosnia. It was on the news....."
Me - "Yeah, It was pretty rough. I had to escape the war, leaving my family and friends behind. It took me two weeks to leg it over the Himalayas till I got to France and then 3 weeks stowed in the hold of a cargo ship. Then when I got to NY, I was caught and imprisoned for 2 weeks, and then they gave me a green-card and let me stay. God Bless the USA. It has given me everything, innit" (I was on commision)
Lady - " Thats an amazing story!"
Pause.....then "Tell me, Do you have 24 hours in your day too?"
Me - (moment spent wondering if she is takin the **** out of a **** taker) "Umm..Actually no. We have 23 and a half, but we dont have 'leap' years'.
Lady - (pause to think) "well that seems much more sensible than our method, leap years always confuse me".
Me - "So, can I help you with anything?" (inwardly thinking 'other than a fecking brain transplant')
True story.
Edited, May 7th 2007 7:07pm by paulsol
East Coast Lady Tourist - "Wow! I just love your accent! Where are you from?"
Me - (In my most pukka London accent) - "Bosnia."
Lady _"Really? I've heard of Bosnia. It was on the news....."
Me - "Yeah, It was pretty rough. I had to escape the war, leaving my family and friends behind. It took me two weeks to leg it over the Himalayas till I got to France and then 3 weeks stowed in the hold of a cargo ship. Then when I got to NY, I was caught and imprisoned for 2 weeks, and then they gave me a green-card and let me stay. God Bless the USA. It has given me everything, innit" (I was on commision)
Lady - " Thats an amazing story!"
Pause.....then "Tell me, Do you have 24 hours in your day too?"
Me - (moment spent wondering if she is takin the **** out of a **** taker) "Umm..Actually no. We have 23 and a half, but we dont have 'leap' years'.
Lady - (pause to think) "well that seems much more sensible than our method, leap years always confuse me".
Me - "So, can I help you with anything?" (inwardly thinking 'other than a fecking brain transplant')
True story.
Edited, May 7th 2007 7:07pm by paulsol
"If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders". Carlin.
You tell her that story and she asks how many hours are in your days???
Quote:
You tell her that story and she asks how many hours are in your days???
The mad thing was is that she totally believed it. Like I said, I was talking in my normal English/london accent, I wasn't wearing a nylon leisure suit and I don't have a Borat moustache.
No way did I think that she would believe it. But she totally fell for it. In fact she felt so sorry for my recent predicament she bought about $300 worth of stuff that I'm sure she didn't really need or want. she just wanted to do her bit for a new immigrant.
After that I used to tell people all sorts of rubbish.
I've been an Australian Gold Prospector, an ex Angolan Mecenary who seved under Mad Mike Hoare and a English Lord who "needed some time away from the pressures of court life".
Got away with it every time....But only in the USA. Its because seppos have an extremely poorly developed sense of /sarcasm.
I guess thats why 'canned laughter' was invented. So that Americans knew when to laugh.....
Made selling stuff to them a very profitable business......
"If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders". Carlin.
Quote:
I guess thats why 'canned laughter' was invented. So that Americans knew when to laugh.....
Maybe! Or maybe exposure to canned laughter has eroded our humoUr meters.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
Quote:
Guy: I want to give you a Dirty Sanchez.
Girl: That better be the name of a drink!
Guy: Oh, it is...
--Canal & Broadway
Girl: That better be the name of a drink!
Guy: Oh, it is...
--Canal & Broadway
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