How to gbaji an argument, 101Follow

This is just a little guide for you people who have no clue what you're talking about, but still want to impress lesser humans at dinner parties, or failing that, on forums. It's an easy way, to appear knowledgable on pretty much any subject, without all the hassle of reading, or learning, or any of those stupid excerices that involve this liberal invention known as "the brain". Money-back guarantee, 30-day warantee, rain-proof, etc... Contributions are welcome.





1) Make up your own definitions.

Words usually have an accepted meaning, but that's just a convenient tools for liberals. True republicans are not schackled by the conspiracies of dictionnaries. This allows you to make completely absurd statements to score political points, or scare people, while keeping the option to change those statements when someone points out their absurdity.

Exemple: "Europe is socialist". This statement, taken at face value, would imply that "Europe-the-continent" has a state-controlled economy and market, and is on the way to becoming communist. It conjures images of the old USSR, of China, of Cuba. It scares people off the welfare system, since no one wants to be a commy. When someone points out that europe is not socialist at all, no problem, just change the definition of "socialism". The harm will alredy have been done, and no one will bother to read, or listen to, the 6 pages of muddled reasoning that will follow. Which brings us to the second rule.



2) It's quantity, not quality.

People are lazy. Espceially foreigners and liberals. They have a limited attention span, and tend to get lost in sentenses that have more than one comma in them. So, if in doubt, spout! Write page after page of non-sensical bullcrap. Like prisoners forced to listen to heavy metal for 6 hours at full blast, people will crack. They'll give up. they'll confess. While their words might amount to "Yeah, ok, whatever man" what they really mean is "You've won."



3) People have a short memory.

Especially liberals, since they take so many drugs. (If you have understood Rule 1 properly, you'll know that drugs can also mean coffee, or cigarettes, or TV, so don't worry, it's technically "true").

Hence, if you've argued something completely stupid before, say the fact that global warming is not man-made, and found out that your political masters disagree with you, just forget about it! Everyone else will have! Just claim you always agreed that global warming was man-made, but that your point was that we should do somethign about it rather than arguing. Unless someone has a tape recorder, they can't prove anything. And if someon quotes you on a forum, just ignore it! Yes, with the "How to gbaji an argument 101", it really is that easy! Which brings us to our next point:



4) Ignore certain arguments.

Certain arguments are difficult to counter, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, you can't redefine the words. Sometimes, you can't just completetly derail the topic. In this case, fUck it! just ignore it, put your hands over your ears and go "lalalala". While some might find it odd, most will join in your singing routine.



5) Change the topic.

Sometimes, you'll start arguing something, and realise mid-way through it's pretty dumb. If you can't change the words, ignore the argument, drown people out, or pretend you never said it, no problem! Just change the subject and argue about something else.

Exemple: You start arguing in favour some Knut calling Spanish the "language of the ghetto". People round-up on you. You start feeling trapped, but don't despair! Just shift the focus of the conversation to something peripherial, like the funding of public schools in California, or how helping people in fact screws them over. This is great, since most people either don't care about those subjects, or can't be ***** to start a whole argument over again. And remember, if they quit, they lose!



6) Make irrelevant comparaisons.

This technique is useful when you've run out of argument. Ideally, you should wait until you've used all the other techniques provided above. When none of them have worked, tell a pointless story that has no relevance to the argument, but which makes a point. Any point.

Exemple: You're arguing that gun control is bad. Wait until you run out of arguments, and then say "Well, this guy once went into a car dealer and asked for a SUV. He was warned that if he ran over people at 80 mph, they would die. So, should he campaign to make them illegal?! Cars kill people too!". By the time people have argued that this is irrelevant, you can easily start another argument about SUVs. Since they won't be arguing guns anymore, you've won!



7) Slippery slope.

This is the Super Hero of arguments. Whenever people make a point, push it to the extreme, and argue how stupid that extreme is.

Exemple: Abortion. "Well, if you allow abortion, why not allow the killing of babies! Where does it stop?!" Since no one wants babies to be killed, they will agree. And if they don't, use Technique Number 6: Tell a story about this girl who wanted to throw away her old Baseball cards, but was prevented from doing so, and then found out one of them was worth $2000. See? That's why abortion should be illegal.



8) It's white or black

Nuances are for ******** Shades of greys are for commies. In this world, things are good, or bad, white or black, liberal or republican. There is no middle ground. Someone attacks the Iraq War? They're unpatriotic, hate America, and want to kill children. Someone is in favour of social welfare? They're Communists. Someone wants gun control? They hate the Constitution, and hate America. Someone wants to close Guantanamo? They have buttsecks with terrorists. No need to prove anything. You're either with us, or against us.



9) Experience is evidence, unless it's not.

This technique is a bit more complex than the others, but some practice, it becomes a great argumentative tool. If people say something, ask them to back it up with "facts". not just any fact, but "Republican facts". Other facts are "liberal facts", and hence can't be trusted. If the quote is not from the Republican White House, it's not a "fact".

If this technique is turned on you, say you have "experience". For exemple, you know half of the Public School employees in California. They can't disprove it, you can't prove it, so who cares?!

If this technique is also turned on you, for exemple someone saying they know about Europe because they've lived there all their lives, no worries! Here comes number 10!



10) Brainwashed by the conspiracy.

If someone argues something you don't agree with, they're brainwashed. Simple. Nothing to prove, no need to argue further. You can afford to be condescedning with them: "I'm sure you have good intentions, but it's not your fault, you've just been brainwashed by years of liberal brainwashing of professional brainwashers. It's awful, but with my help, you'll get better, my poor little retarded brainwashed fUckwit."

This argument is more powerful than it looks. Brainwashing is everywhere: the media, the people you know, foreign governemnts, your family, personal experience, factsheets, stats, the media, and of course, the media.

These are the basics of gbajiing your way through a discussion. There are many techniques, but these should guarantee that most people won't have the energy, or the ********* desire, to argue with you again.

Anything that promotes a Democratic agenda, whether it is successful or not, represents a "huge problem" and/or a "new low" for the Democratic party.

Anything that promotes a Republican agenda, if it passes, is a major victory and validation.

Anything that promotes a Republican agenda, if it fails, really was a victory but we're interpreting it the wrong way. And our interpretation will become a "huge problem" and/or "new low" for the Democratic problem.

Unless you're accused of rape, in which case there are many facets to why it was really consensual and the ***** framed you.

Oh come now, let's be realistic. If a Pubbie fails, it is because a Dem side stepped the whole process.

How to guides are for brainwashing the masses, the liberal masses...

I think I'm just one of the few people that's masochistic enough to read his posts.

That, and I watch Fox.

Personally I was surprised that the word "filibuster" never appeared in the OP.

The laughing that this post induced caused tears.


I hope you're satisfied

I would have a heck of a lot more respect if it didn't keep changing from thread to thread.

HEY! Where the hell have you been?!

Nexa