Big Brother: How would you say you're getting along with the other Housemates Osama?
Osama: Well to be honest, I expected a bunch of self-interested decadent, infidel running dogs. . .
Big Brother: And now you've got to know them?...
Osama: Well Al Sharpton and I have a special friendship y'know? It's like he's some kind of soulmate?
Big Brother: Anyone else that you feel close to?
Osama: Ermm. . . I think Paris Hilton has hidden depths. . . If you know what I mean?
Osama winks
Big Brother: Anyone that you don't get along with?
Osama: Not really, although Matt Le Blanc is starting to get on my tits.
Big Brother: How so?
Osama: If he says "How YOU doin" once more, me and Sharon Stone have agreed to behead him.
Big Brother: Thank you Osama. You may leave the diary room.
Osama: Salaam dude.
Day 19, and Big Brother has set the Housemates a Task
Ozzy: Roit folks. Big Bruvva 'as set a task. E's asked me to read this note.
Bill Clinton: What's the task Ozzy?
Ozzy: Oi've just fUckin' told ya! Big Bruvva's asked me to read this note.
Billy Graham: So basically, we're fUcked, right?
Ozzy: 'old on! 'old on! Lemme try. Erm. . . Big
Meg Ryan: Oh FFS!!!
Day 27, and Big Brother is calling the Housemates into the Diary Room to nominate each other for eviction
Big Brother: Meg. Who is your nominee, and why?
Meg Ryan: FUck that's a no-brainer aSshole. Like it's so totally Ozzy.
Big Brother: And your reason Meg?
Meg Ryan: Err. DuuUUuuh! He's an cUnt.
Big Brother: Thank you Meg
Big Brother: Arnold. Who is your nominee, and why?
Schwarzenegger: Well thweetpantth. I'd have to thay Othama. I mean, don't get me wrong, he'th a tOtal thweetie, and I jutht adOre how he can make tho much of a thimple turban, but he HAth thome annoying habitth
Big Brother: Which of Osama's habits annoy you Arnold
Schwarzenegger: Weeeeell. . . There'th the beheadingth, the callth to prayer (5am? Purleathe!A boy needth hith beauty thleep) and he keepth hith eyeth open when we kith
Big Brother: Thank you Arnold
Big Brother: Bill. Who is your nominee, and why?
Bill Clinton: No brainer. Arnold
Big Brother: And your reason Bill?
Bill Clinton: Man I used to practically fUckin' worship the guy. Hard Man, body builder, wasn't frightened to pinch a chick's butt. . .
Big Brother: So what changed, Bill?
Bill Clinton: Are you frickken kidding? That high-pitched ****** voice, the nail varnish allover the guys' bathroom, constantly pinching my butt. . . where to fUckin' start?
Big Brother: Thank you Bill
to be continued...
