So, I broke up with someone not too long ago, and they have been an inconsiderate *** ever since . So today, some friends of mine came round for a good session of getting drunk, ******** about men, and experimental lesbianism.
Sometime, somewhow, during the course of the evening, the question was raised "What would happen if you were to puncture a ******** with, say, a knitting needle?"
Possible answers were bursting, popping, slow seepage, and various others . The only thing we could actually aggree on was that the man targeted might be a little put out bu the attack.
But out of interest, what DO you think would happen, Pop, Burst, Seepage, or other :)
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I imagine it would just bleed a little and then he'd cave in the side of your skull with an aluminum baseball bat. Then after you were unconscious I suspect he'd put a bandaid on the ********, and slice your stomach open with pruning shears and play jumprope with your mall intestine before sewing your ****** shut with it. Then he'd probably cut your face off and wear it as a mask at dinner parties pretending to be you. I can't imagine it would be terribly difficult to pull off frankly.
YMMV
YMMV
Disclaimer:
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
Smasharoo wrote:
mall intestine
Now I have visions of my colon going shopping for cosmetics :) And what does YMMV mean ?
It would bleed. It's an organ, not a balloon.
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
You would be arrested and jailed for assault and battery.
but hey, your freedom is a small price to pay for a little revenge, amirite?
but hey, your freedom is a small price to pay for a little revenge, amirite?
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
fatalillusiontw wrote:
So today, some friends of mine came round for a good session of getting drunk, ******** about men, and experimental lesbianism.
Rachael Yamagata wrote:
Is there a woman out there who'll take me?
'Cause I've been far too hurt by this man
Apparently, I don't give him leeway
Apparently, I don't understand
And there's a last look we were meant to have
But the crossing light turned white too fast
There's a last kiss we were meant to share
But there's a new girl now so he shouldn't dare
Is there a woman out there who'll take me?
'Cause I need sleep with somebody soft
We'll have a drink and toast to his fortune
But I'm not ready yet for coffee or talk...
'Cause I've been far too hurt by this man
Apparently, I don't give him leeway
Apparently, I don't understand
And there's a last look we were meant to have
But the crossing light turned white too fast
There's a last kiss we were meant to share
But there's a new girl now so he shouldn't dare
Is there a woman out there who'll take me?
'Cause I need sleep with somebody soft
We'll have a drink and toast to his fortune
But I'm not ready yet for coffee or talk...
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
fatalillusiontw wrote:
...and experimental lesbianism.
I'm sorry, did you say something else?
Debalic wrote:
You would be arrested and jailed for assault and battery.
but hey, your freedom is a small price to pay for a little revenge, amirite?
but hey, your freedom is a small price to pay for a little revenge, amirite?
Hehe, it wasnt a planned action, just one of those random thoughts drunk people come up with . I have no plans to go after my Ex's ******** with a knitting needle ...Mainly because I misplaced my wool bag. And my Microscope
Smasharoo wrote:
I imagine it would just bleed a little and then he'd cave in the side of your skull with an aluminum baseball bat. Then after you were unconscious I suspect he'd put a bandaid on the ********, and slice your stomach open with pruning shears and play jumprope with your mall intestine before sewing your ****** shut with it. Then he'd probably cut your face off and wear it as a mask at dinner parties pretending to be you. I can't imagine it would be terribly difficult to pull off frankly.
YMMV
YMMV
I just felt a tad funny in my skirt reading this. Am I sick?
Heh heh heh, she said ********.
I get the distinct impression that the OP is hitting on me.
Barkingturtle wrote:
I get the distinct impression that the OP is hitting on me.
Nah, not at all . I am as pure and unsullied as the fresh fallen snow, as fresh as the first drops of dew in the morning, and as frigid as a polar bear with frostbite and chilblains, locked in a freezer ....aww hell, what I am saying, I'm a ****!
Wait your a fat woman from Nottingham. This explains a great deal.
Disclaimer:
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
fatalillusiontw wrote:
I'm a ****!
Smasharoo wrote:
Wait your a fat woman from Nottingham. This explains a great deal.
Well, Robin Hood, our local legend, is a cross dressing crim - If we are proud of that, what kind of woman did you expect :P
fatalillusiontw wrote:
Smasharoo wrote:
Wait your a fat woman from Nottingham. This explains a great deal.
Well, Robin Hood, our local legend, is a cross dressing crim - If we are proud of that, what kind of woman did you expect :P
Prefaced like that I'm expecting a woman with a diCk.
Barkingturtle wrote:
fatalillusiontw wrote:
Smasharoo wrote:
Wait your a fat woman from Nottingham. This explains a great deal.
Well, Robin Hood, our local legend, is a cross dressing crim - If we are proud of that, what kind of woman did you expect :P
Prefaced like that I'm expecting a woman with a diCk.
Okay, not QUITE that bad :)
Scholar
21 posts
Having had something similar happen (apparently dalmatians don't like the color red, had no clue myself), it just bleeds a little and is bruised for a good long while.
We all know that women can't use the internet. Pics or you're just a 30-something fat dude living in his mom's basement who has no life n' stuff (just like Joph).
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.
Well, having sobered up slightly, I've managed to recall how this conversation came about . My friend has a puppy - very big, slightly fat, fugly as hell , and very exscitable (the puppy, not the friend ! ) and she also has a brand spanking new boyfriend, who recently stayed at her house for the first time .
Apparently, having shut the poor poochie out of the room in order to make the beast with two backs, My friends BF fell asleep (as men often do) and she sat up reading for a bit, and drinking wine from the box (classy area, Bestwood! ) . Eventually, gravity, alcohol, and bladder limitations all exerted their force, and my friend needed to open the door and go for a pee . Opening the door, poor, neglected-in-favour-of-sex Tinkerbell (who the hell names a bulldog that! ) was overexcited to be readmitted to the bedroom, and proceded, sharp claws (I dont know if thats the right word for dogs >< ) and all, to jump on the bed, apparently hitting the BF in a sensitive place and causing him to exclaim *********** I think I punctured a ******** " .
Sadly, it was merely bruised, and swolled, and apparently twice its normal size an hour later, but NOT actually punctured, hence the question :)
And, for the person wanting pics of me to prove I'm not a fat sad old man-geek, www.myspace.com/fatal_illusion :P Yup yup, I'm not a looker, and I have more rolls than the average bakery, but check out the hooters, I aint male :P
Apparently, having shut the poor poochie out of the room in order to make the beast with two backs, My friends BF fell asleep (as men often do) and she sat up reading for a bit, and drinking wine from the box (classy area, Bestwood! ) . Eventually, gravity, alcohol, and bladder limitations all exerted their force, and my friend needed to open the door and go for a pee . Opening the door, poor, neglected-in-favour-of-sex Tinkerbell (who the hell names a bulldog that! ) was overexcited to be readmitted to the bedroom, and proceded, sharp claws (I dont know if thats the right word for dogs >< ) and all, to jump on the bed, apparently hitting the BF in a sensitive place and causing him to exclaim *********** I think I punctured a ******** " .
Sadly, it was merely bruised, and swolled, and apparently twice its normal size an hour later, but NOT actually punctured, hence the question :)
And, for the person wanting pics of me to prove I'm not a fat sad old man-geek, www.myspace.com/fatal_illusion :P Yup yup, I'm not a looker, and I have more rolls than the average bakery, but check out the hooters, I aint male :P
Nope, you're sure not.
fatalillusiontw wrote:
I am an Lard-***** chavette with a hint of emo from Nottin'um which has no Twin-Town but has a suicide pact with Basra.
In the absence of personality, wit or literacy, I post ****-**** pictures of myself looking like a beached whale with nipples.
Whatever I post, my photos tell you that I can only get laid by loitering outside pubs near the Forest Rec
Love me.
In the absence of personality, wit or literacy, I post ****-**** pictures of myself looking like a beached whale with nipples.
Whatever I post, my photos tell you that I can only get laid by loitering outside pubs near the Forest Rec
Love me.
Let me know if I missed any nuances.
Oh - go for softer focus on your next portfolio there
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Nobby wrote:
fatalillusiontw wrote:
I am an Lard-***** chavette with a hint of emo from Nottin'um which has no Twin-Town but has a suicide pact with Basra.
In the absence of personality, wit or literacy, I post ****-**** pictures of myself looking like a beached whale with nipples.
Whatever I post, my photos tell you that I can only get laid by loitering outside pubs near the Forest Rec
Love me.
In the absence of personality, wit or literacy, I post ****-**** pictures of myself looking like a beached whale with nipples.
Whatever I post, my photos tell you that I can only get laid by loitering outside pubs near the Forest Rec
Love me.
Let me know if I missed any nuances.
Oh - go for softer focus on your next portfolio there
Actually, Nottingham is twinned ^^
Quote:
One of the cities is Minsk, in Belarus. It is in the centre of the country, close to the River Svisloch, and has a population of around 1.7 million people. It was twinned with Nottingham in 1966. Many Nottingham schools are twinned with a school in Minsk.
Another of the cities is Karlsruhe, in Germany. This city is on the River Rhine, and close to the Black Forest. It has a population of around 275,000 people. Nottingham and Karlsruhe were twinned in 1969. Regular exchange visits take place between choirs, sports teams, and businesses.
Ghent was twinned with Nottingham in 1985. Ghent is a city in the North East of Belgium, between Brussels and the North Sea. Its population is around 244,000 people. Local football teams from around Nottingham regularly play in tournaments in Ghent.
In 1981 Harare and Nottingham became twinned cities. Harare is the capital of Zimbabwe. Its population is around 1.2 million people.
Another of the cities is Karlsruhe, in Germany. This city is on the River Rhine, and close to the Black Forest. It has a population of around 275,000 people. Nottingham and Karlsruhe were twinned in 1969. Regular exchange visits take place between choirs, sports teams, and businesses.
Ghent was twinned with Nottingham in 1985. Ghent is a city in the North East of Belgium, between Brussels and the North Sea. Its population is around 244,000 people. Local football teams from around Nottingham regularly play in tournaments in Ghent.
In 1981 Harare and Nottingham became twinned cities. Harare is the capital of Zimbabwe. Its population is around 1.2 million people.
I tried to find a photo of a whales nipple but failed :) Anyone have one ?
And Nobby, I take it you're from Notts or have been here at some point also ?
Edited, Mar 29th 2007 6:34pm by fatalillusiontw
fatalillusiontw wrote:
I tried to find a photo of a whales nipple but failed :) Anyone have one ?
fatalillusiontw wrote:
Actually, Nottingham is twinned ^^
fatalillusiontw wrote:
I tried to find a photo of a whales nipple but failed :) Anyone have one ?
What in the name of Hugo Chavez were you thinking of posting those pictures?
Are you a Divine tribute act by any chance?
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Oh god, quick someone, hurry, call the Sherriff of Nottingham! It appears some bloated creature has sludged out of the swamp and swallowed our poor friend fatalillusion.
Have you considered bulimia?
Have you considered bulimia?
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