OK fellas, I must admit. I'm jealous. Reeeeealy jealous. You guys have the girl next door and I want the female version.
Last night Sickabilly was browsing mens health websites and came across this place accidentally. After a few sardonic remarks we decided to watch some of the vids in jest. But holy hell this woman cracked me up! And for the most part, she was right on target.
While the vids may be tame visually, audio is strictly NSFW. A few of my faves:
Why dont women initiate sex?
What does a woman want during oral sex?
Best way to handle breasts.
Some I havent yet watched, but will do so in the future (when I have time to spare and need a chuckle):
Help! My wife just lays there!
Can I bolt after first time sex?
Should I worry if she uses a vibrator?
Sure, we have those pansy *** female magazines that have the same sex article over and over again about what men like. But what self respecting female actually reads that crap unless stuck at the beauty salon ( especially since the articles are almost copy and pasted each time). But damnit I demand a Guy Next Door vids!!! Preferably someone cute with rocking abs and a twinkle in his eye.
My god I nearly died laughing when the girl compared men squeezing breasts like if women grasped and wrung the *****.
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I read that column but I never knew there were videos. I'm busy now, can't post...
She is cute. They need more 'How women think' segments and fewer 'Basic Primers for a horny teenager' though.
Back when I used to read Men's Health, I liked Jimmy the Bartender more than the Girl Next Door. Then I realized that the magazine was geared towards 40-year-old men who've lost their sex drive, their hair, and their physique.
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.
The Glorious GitSlayer wrote:
She is cute. They need more 'How women think' segments and fewer 'Basic Primers for a horny teenager' though.
check the "Why dont women initiate sex" and "How to defuse a womans Fury" for some helpful insite on that, Git
DSD wrote:
The Glorious GitSlayer wrote:
She is cute. They need more 'How women think' segments and fewer 'Basic Primers for a horny teenager' though.
check the "Why dont women initiate sex" and "How to defuse a womans Fury" for some helpful insite on that, Git
Listened to 'um. I meant they needed more like those.
The Glorious GitSlayer wrote:
fewer 'Basic Primers for a horny teenager' though.
But most men never move past that stage.
Nadenu wrote:
The Glorious GitSlayer wrote:
fewer 'Basic Primers for a horny teenager' though.
But most men never move past that stage.
How sad for them. I'm sure **** is the highlight of their life.
Mmmmm...****.
GRRR!! Boy, butter that ****!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone that life has given vodka and have party.
This establishment does not serve women. You must bring your own.
This establishment does not serve women. You must bring your own.
I had a subscription to that magazine years ago, but I let it expire as it seemed to get pretty weak after a while. I'm impressed with their web-site though, it's got a lot of decent articles and info. I may have to check that out some more.
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Quote:
I Want A Guy Next Door!!!
Ask away!
Bode - 100 Holy Paladin - Lightbringer
Snoop dawg disagree's.
That "girl next door" chick is like a cute, funny Sarah Silverman.
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Before I clicked this I thought it was going to be about Elisha Cuthbert.
Quote:
My god I nearly died laughing when the girl compared men squeezing breasts like if women grasped and wrung the *****.
And off goes another woman who thinks that's bad. A sad world, truly.
I laughed through most of the first video in the grocery store though, because it seemed sorta like the girl she used as her example wasn't part of the video at first.
Do you really need a guy next door, though? We don't say 'nothing' when something is wrong. Extreme subtlty and reverse psychology are not our tactics for attracting women. We are basic at our cores. We're too simple to require you to RTFM. I'm glad my brain works that efficiently.
Edited, Mar 25th 2007 2:48am by bsphil
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Almalieque wrote:
If no one debated with me, then I wouldn't post here anymore.
gbaji wrote:
I'm not getting my news from anywhere Joph.
OH JESUS LOL
On the video describing the female ******:
On the video describing the female ******:
Quote:
Remember the battle scene at the end of Star Wars when the Rebel forces have to send a shot directly into a 2 meter opening in the Death Star to make the whole thing blow into a million pieces? One shot after another keeps missing, until finally Luke says, "I used to bullseye womprats in my T-16 back home, they're not much bigger than 2 meters," and with that he decides he's going to try and take the shot.
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Almalieque wrote:
If no one debated with me, then I wouldn't post here anymore.
gbaji wrote:
I'm not getting my news from anywhere Joph.
im happy they have an outlet for you.
want to know why a magazine on "how to treat a women" for men never takes off?
there is a joke, well, we say it is a joke, but its pretty much on the mark, that explains why.
whats the best way to get a women off?
who cares?
heheheeheh, hell yeh its ok to bolt after first sex. its recommended in fact. by by.
want a guy nextdoor? unless he is gay, or "seriously" involved, and your not fat or ugly or both, just knock on the door. i guarentee you he is willing and able. why dont women initiate sex? ill tell you why. becuase they KNOW what happens next and they dont know how to shut him off once they get him started short of finnishing what they started. they are scared. thats why.
rofl, these women who cant find a man threads crack me up. it should be more like these women who cant find the PERFECT man. cause i guarentee you there is a man somewhere on the job. he may not be the prettiest, the wealthiest, or have the nicest body, but i guarentee you there is a man readily available and winning and able to get the job done.
men are all about sex. we live it 24/7 in out minds. we spend our life nuturing it, worshiping it, craving it. we getgood jobs not because we like nice cars, but because we like more sex. more money equals more sex. if it wasnt for sex, women would be the top money earners and most men would live in trailer park communes collecting enough returnable bottles to get a six pack on friday night.
the only women who cant find a man are women who are too picky. we ALWAYS have a man on the job. might not be the right man, but i guarentee you he is there and on the job 24/7.
but keep reading. mabe there is a secret you might uncover about us. rofl, sex, a toy and food, that is al there is to men. but keep reading........
want to know why a magazine on "how to treat a women" for men never takes off?
there is a joke, well, we say it is a joke, but its pretty much on the mark, that explains why.
whats the best way to get a women off?
who cares?
heheheeheh, hell yeh its ok to bolt after first sex. its recommended in fact. by by.
want a guy nextdoor? unless he is gay, or "seriously" involved, and your not fat or ugly or both, just knock on the door. i guarentee you he is willing and able. why dont women initiate sex? ill tell you why. becuase they KNOW what happens next and they dont know how to shut him off once they get him started short of finnishing what they started. they are scared. thats why.
rofl, these women who cant find a man threads crack me up. it should be more like these women who cant find the PERFECT man. cause i guarentee you there is a man somewhere on the job. he may not be the prettiest, the wealthiest, or have the nicest body, but i guarentee you there is a man readily available and winning and able to get the job done.
men are all about sex. we live it 24/7 in out minds. we spend our life nuturing it, worshiping it, craving it. we getgood jobs not because we like nice cars, but because we like more sex. more money equals more sex. if it wasnt for sex, women would be the top money earners and most men would live in trailer park communes collecting enough returnable bottles to get a six pack on friday night.
the only women who cant find a man are women who are too picky. we ALWAYS have a man on the job. might not be the right man, but i guarentee you he is there and on the job 24/7.
but keep reading. mabe there is a secret you might uncover about us. rofl, sex, a toy and food, that is al there is to men. but keep reading........
Quote:
rofl, these women who cant find a man threads crack me up. it should be more like these women who cant find the PERFECT man. cause i guarentee you there is a man somewhere on the job. he may not be the prettiest, the wealthiest, or have the nicest body, but i guarentee you there is a man readily available and winning and able to get the job done.
someones feeling a tad bit petualnt. Whats the matter, SR? No one able to get past your pessimistic, ignorant attitude to get to the good stuff?
Really though, you don't need a guy next door. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
About ****, she says that if a guy is looking at **** it means that he can't separate a "fantasy two-dimensional world" from the awesomeness of a three-dimensional relationship and so she doesn't know if she'd want to date a guy like that.
About vibrators, she says that it's just a quick way for a woman to get a physical release without any muss or fuss and so a guy would be stupid to feel threatened by it.
Edited, Mar 25th 2007 10:30am by Jophiel
About vibrators, she says that it's just a quick way for a woman to get a physical release without any muss or fuss and so a guy would be stupid to feel threatened by it.
Edited, Mar 25th 2007 10:30am by Jophiel
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
You know better than to try and apply logic to this.
Quote:
You know better than to try and apply logic to this.
I reacted the same way to the **** and vibrator videos giving conflicting messages. Women and logic never mix. Never have, never will.
The girl next door even recommends lying to women in a few of her videos to get past the female anti-logic.
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Almalieque wrote:
If no one debated with me, then I wouldn't post here anymore.
gbaji wrote:
I'm not getting my news from anywhere Joph.
Yeah, logic when applied to my own relationship caused a two-month separation. 
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Jophiel wrote:
About ****, she says that if a guy is looking at **** it means that he can't separate a "fantasy two-dimensional world" from the awesomeness of a three-dimensional relationship and so she doesn't know if she'd want to date a guy like that.
About vibrators, she says that it's just a quick way for a woman to get a physical release without any muss or fuss and so a guy would be stupid to feel threatened by it.
Edited, Mar 25th 2007 10:30am by Jophiel
About vibrators, she says that it's just a quick way for a woman to get a physical release without any muss or fuss and so a guy would be stupid to feel threatened by it.
Edited, Mar 25th 2007 10:30am by Jophiel
She's right.
Ok, she is feeling unsure of herself in the former, she just needs reassurance. As for the later? Be a man for fUcks sake and quit crying.
When the hell did woman and logic mix well?
Edited, Mar 25th 2007 11:30pm by GitSlayer
But damnit I demand a Guy Next Door vids!!!
Wouldn't 14 hours of some guy saying "blow me more" get old, though?
Disclaimer:
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
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