Double Standard?Follow

I was listening to whatever crap "Best Of..." my morning jocks chose to send my way now that everyone's hibernating, and they were reading a post someone had pointed out to them on craigslist. I'm recreating from memory here, so bear with :


As they discussed this, several issues arose among the callers, some of which were:
1. A man that wants a baby w/o a mother must be gay or a child molester.
2. Any woman that could give up her child is unnatural.
3. A man can't raise kids on his own, you need two.
4. Damn, this guy is selfish and he's getting a child for the wrong reasons.

Now, I know we have a lot of mothers, fathers, and parents-to-be around here, and I was curious. How many of these came to mind for you? Did you discount any of them for the knee-jerk prejudices they are, or are there any that you feel are valid? Would you have a kid on your own if life didn't work out to where you were in the 'ideal' situation?

For the record, my rebuttals to the above, lest Totes cry about how I'm not taking a stand:
1. I assume, not being a man, that the yen for tiny feet in tiny socks isn't limited to having a ******. I assume that there are men out there cough*Smoggy*ehem that always pictured themselves as fathers, but life just didn't pan out. That said, adopting when you're gay must be hard due to societal prejudices, and I don't doubt there are sicko baby farmers out there but not in the majority.
2. Some women like pregnancy but not motherhood. As long as they know this about themselves and want to help, why not? It's a giving act, even if I don't know if I could do it.
3. Bullsh*t.
4. What the hell is the 'right' reason? I met her at a bar and I knocked her up? Not everyone can or does plan their kids for optimum cash flow and family stability.

Edited, Dec 19th 2006 9:35am by Atomicflea

Edited, Dec 19th 2006 10:06am by Atomicflea

Joph and his son have turned out alright. I see no reason why a man can't raise a child alone. Most single parents dont have the luxury of having a full time live-in nanny so I think the child of this man will be very well taken care of. Relationships aren't for everyone.

I hope you at least slapped #3, my father raised 3 kids alone and we all turned out just fine.


He's probably not that attractive a guy and isn't interested in the kind of women he'd attract but wants a family. Kinda odd, but nothing out of whack with the normal weird crap that happens on a day to day basis.


Could just be fed up with women but still want a kid as well.


I'd tell the guy to adopt, help some poor kid whose already out there. Blood doesn't mean anything.

Maybe adoption isn't an option for him. It brings up an interesting point, though. Some guy called up and was super-upset that a woman could give up her kid to a man after being a surrogate, but wasn't upset by the notion of adoption. If anything, many surrogate mothers (especially ones that have babies for gay couples) go on to have relationships with their biological children, so the separation is not as traumatic and damaging as a forced separation. These children are taught to look at their birth as a labor of love.

Don't really know enough to know adoption wouldn't be an option, barring a bad legal past there isn't anything money won't pay off. And if he's willing to pay 50,000(and hope the women doesn't just turn around and ***** him over which wouldn't be hard at all with how the legal system works) doesn't sound like he's hurting finacially.

How does it differ from compensated surrogacy for a couple, which is, in fact, legal? Or, for that matter, a privately arranged adoption where the adoptive parents pay the woman's expenses while she's pregnant?

Pregnancy is expensive in terms of medical care, time off work, and hell, even wardrobe, and poses the chance of being hazardous to one's health, so why shouldn't the couple--or person--in question cover the mother's medical expenses and compensate her? They're not paying for the baby, they're paying for the woman's effort.



Damn, Joph beat me to it

Edited, Dec 19th 2006 10:51am by Ambrya

Everyone thought it was great when it was Daddy Warbucks.

Maybe the guy wanted a family but his ex turned out to be a ho and now he's bitter about women but still wants kids. So he hires a nanny and buys a baby and then he can go on with his life with that need fulfilled. Women do this, but they just have the equipment to make their own, so yeah, double standard.

I, personally, could never be a surrogate for another person except maybe my sister. I know that giving the baby up would be too crushing for me, but if my sister couldn't have babies I'd volunteer immediately (and at least the kids would still be my nieces or nephews, so not so bad).

I just reread what I wrote and I apologize, I'm overtired and possibly drunk. You understand.

Nexa

Such is the fascist state we live in. Fuckin' government, not letting me buy children through Craigslist. Pretty soon, I won't be allowed to leave my kids on the corner and post them on Freecycle, either.

Out of curiosity, I wonder how many couples looking for a privately arranged adoption (which may or may not include paying the mother's living expenses) are on craigslist? I'm too lazy and too hungry to look it up, but I don't think the distinction is so great that one should be illegal and the other not.

Of course, depending on how he proposes conceiving the baby, he just might be guilty of soliciting prostitution.

*Edit: actually, now that I think of it, I wonder if this might not be some elaborate scam to score some nookie. Wonder how many of the women who respond to the ad are savvy enough to 1) demand a signed contract in advance, 2) insist upon artificial insemination, and 3) demand at least partial payment in advance.

Edited, Dec 19th 2006 11:06am by Ambrya

I couldn't find anything currently on craigslist, but they did state it was on the Chicago board whenever the original show aired. I edited the post b/c I remembered the ad did specify that the birth mom should sign over all legal rights before being paid.

I did find a site addressing surrogacy in the 50 states. Here's what it had to say re: Illinois-

He's not kidding either. I didn't see a black man until I was about 3 and then I screamed at my mother "Mama! What IS it!?" He just smiled.

True story. Ain't kids the cutest?

Nexa

He's not kidding either. I didn't see a black man until I was about 3 and then I screamed at my mother "Mama! What IS it!?" He just smiled.


Now you just scream.

You've come a long way, baby!

:)

/nod I would be a surrogate for anyone in my family if the need arose.