gbaji wrote:
Cue conspiracy theorists in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
Alright then.
No one knows this but this Mr Johnson was in fact a double secret agent on the payroll of the FSB. This is why he helped the Tribal Indians, in order to bring down the US government through liberal measures, and replace them with a Native American governemnt that would force casinos and booze upon the rest of you guys.
Soon, you will find traces of Plutonium 210 in his body, linking his death to that of Mr Litvinenko. What no one knows, however, is that the Russian have made a deal with Iranians and the Congolese to spread Plutonuim 210 all over the planet, thereby turning every country in the world into a natural nuclear reactor.
This was step 1 of the operation known in the inner cirlce of the FSB as "Operation ***** the Whities".
Step 2 is quite simple. Every single country in the world will soon be able to produce Nuclear Weapons naturally, by simply breathing into large aluminuim tubes and sealing them. Once this happens, Russia will be free to declare a state of emergency and invade the EU, Africa, and the Solomen Islands. America, caught in Casino fever, will be unable and unwilling to respond. They will be far too concerned with the strange spin the roulette table has, and why the marble never falls on black, and how Crazy-Talk is funny when he does his Bruce Willis impression.
China, which has been relatively quiet in all this, will finally put into action it's secret weapon called "All the Chinamen jump from table now!!", which involves every single Chinese person jumping from the table unto the floor, thereby causing the Earth to divert from its gravitational pull and head straight from the sun. The only way to revert to the original rotation of the Earth and prevent a galactic meltdown will be for every Chinese person to jump back unto their table, thereby repostioning the Earth on its natural course.
Unfortunately, they will be unwilling to do this unless the US finally admits the Lady Di, Elvis, and Bob marley are still alive. Those three will be forced by NASA to emerge from their Louisiana farm and reveal to the world that they are alive and well,and have been killing time by watching repeats of Seinfeld, though rumour has it that Bob was not too happy about Kramer's outburst, but he understands hecklers can be quite annoying, sometimes..
While the world recovers from this schocking news, the FSB (you'd forgotten about them, I bet), will be free to reintroduce communism to the masses, thereby lifting the burkha of capitalist oppression and reverting the means of productions to the few workers left in South-East Asia.
Voila!
It might sound far-fetched, but that's
eactly what they want
you to think...
