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We could plan the allah gathering around your wedding and attend?

It's only fitting that this forum-bread couple invites the forum inwhich their undieing love for each other first flourished!

That and I want cake.

I'm really bored right now with absolutely nothing to do at work. So here's my votes.
Best Newcomer: Gotta go with Barkingturtle.

Poster With the Least Brain Cells: Humbly nominate myself.

Best Thread: Kaolin thread hands down until the end of time.

Worst Sock Puppet: Jinghles.

Best Arch Nemesis Pair: I'm actually going with Jophiel and
Eonsdizzle, Eonsdark, Thisisnotaeons.

Best Flamer: Nobby and it's only because of the one response to Gbaji, "More words please."

Funniest Poster: Smasharoo because he's arguably certifiably insane and manages amuse me with most of his posts.

Most Knowledgable: I'm actually going to go with Ambrya on this one.

Board Lifetime Achievement Award: Exodus for the above reasons.

Favorite Poster: Totem.

And my boredom now continues.

Well, clutch the pearls.

No way. I know where they've been.

thats just asking for wayyyy too much!

Posting over there without flaming seems to send them for a loop.

See the tail end of this thread!

Bump

And whilst I observe my own fUcking rules thankyouverymuch, I don't want to instigate a repetition of last year's 4 bajillion 'assyulum awards threads"

So here goes.

Missing in Action: Youshutup & Walkerscrisps (Both Jockos - coincidence, or McGhey action? Will we ever know? Do we McCare?)

Kleverist PosterAs ever, Joph & ToUtem tie for this one. Big words, insightful critiques, irreverent observations, and ghey cyborz whenever I want.

Newcomer: Redphoenixxx has brought a new edge of liberal bleedin' heart whining. We've needed a new "Victim with teeth" for a while. Bienvenue.

Occasional FlashbacksSmash & Moebiius - Quit playing tease and get your ***** back. Post more, ********

Funniest poster: Me and ToUtem. But this year, Samira's reintroduced me to inhaling coffee and beer. Oh and Demea.

Most Persistent CUnt:Bhodi still metamorphoses between angsty teen, pseudo-wise person, and alien butt-plug. But he's still fUcking here.

Admin: I have to exclude people I'm shagging (so sorry DF and Illia) but Kaolian gets my outrageously over-demonstrative British slight nod this year.

Hobbit: GrowlingBunny.

Biggest Smiles: The Flea'Jo Affair, The Pregnancies, Nexa finding tr00 lub, and of course, finding my BoobyTaunt avatard when i thought I'd lost it forever.

GFY: gbaji, Monxdot, FFXIers

TYVM: DF (natch, duhh), DSD, Thumbelyna, Kaolian, Flea, Alla, ElneClare, Demea, Nizdaar

You might not be seen as headline acts but you're part of the mix: Celcio, Aadyn, Wint, Weebs, Ambrya

Arrogant, self opinionated Funting Kumquat: Me

Nobby's Poster of the Year: Jophiel (again) CUnt.

I'm not even part of the mix anymore.

Remember! When adding Nadenue to the mix she is best shaken, not stirred.

and yeah, post more.

First and foremost I'd like to thank each of you who voted for me in whatever capacity you selected. While there is an element of hubris involved to see my name in your posts, the more basic satisfaction I get is that I am entertaining you. And at its core, that is what I like to do. So if my thoughts make you laugh, and the Coke you're drinking burns your nostrils on its way to the CRT I have done what I set out to accomplish.

On that note, I'd like to tell a joke I heard the other day.

A man walks into an adult novelty store and asks for an inflatable love doll. The man behind the counter says, "We got American and Muslim love dolls, which one do you want?" The customer asks, "What's the difference?" The man behind the counter replies...







"The Muslim Doll blows itself up!"

Ahhh, ****, I think I just peed my pants.

Anyhow, on to this year's awards. An always interesting catagory is the Best New Poster award. We have had a number of no0bs show up here (sup, RedphoenixXxXxX, paulsol?) and become impact players in their rookie year. The two I just mentioned certainly qualify as quality posters. They came in, took their lumps, and kept coming back with their takes and didn't back down. I'd like to point out that they also didn't gay up the place like a lot of other rookies-- which is remarkable since they both are French. That demonstrates incredible restraint on their behalf. Also making his first appearance is someone many others have mentioned: Barkingturtle, a man who gleefully describes his barnyard sexual conquests to our consternation. And while I always can jerk one out to a good sheep shagging story, his mid-year disappearance took away valuable points from the judges. My vote goes to RedphoenixXxXxX for solid takes and his delicious escargot.

Next up is Best New Mother or as I like to call it, The Big Lactating Tit Award in honor of those juicy mams spurtin' life sustaining milk. We've had several promiscuous women around here, Atomicflea not withstanding, who have apply proven their fertility and willingness to forego tightly clasped knees and gotten jiggy wid it. Tare is my nomination for this year's Got MILF Award. She embodies the essence of womanly charm and grace and is a good sport besides. Congratualtions to all the new mothers this year!

Our least favorite award is one that is more a mark of shame more than anything. To earn this distinction means you went beyond merely bad and annoying to mindboggling stupid. The Tard of the Year award goes to none other than Eonsgotcumdribblingoffhischin. There was a certain amount of trepidation on my part to even mention his name since he's undoubtedly furiously rubbing one out while muttering my name, but just because he is a worthless sack of week old smegma doesn't mean I should fail to point out his many failures as a poster, even by FFXI standards. 'Grats to you, numbnuts, I guess...

Lifetime Achievement Award goes to FleaJo1 this year. She's accomplished several notable benchmarks recently: She hit 10k and bagged this board's most prolific writer, FleaJo2, and thus shed herself of the ignomony of having been formerly connected to another board luminary, Skeeter. I can only assume she learned her lesson and won't let Jophiel steal her computer and credit cards should her impending nuptuals go sour. She has been a consistent poster here by adding a certain amount of levity mixed with gravity-- a very difficult balance to attain --to nearly every discussion. The only subject on which she seems to lose her head is on the topic of shoes and handbags. Good luck reining that fetish in, Jophiel. The wedding's accessories are gonna be expensive, buddy. You'd best hope her Daddy is well off or you're looking at some major coin when she hits you up for her clothing allowance.

Favorite Admin was a tougher call this year. The frontrunner, Exodus topped many people's choice this year, as well as Pikko Pots, but my call goes to Danalog for taking a stand this year and muting that stupid mangurt guzzler, Eons. Well done! A special and honorable mention goes out to Kaolian for his efforts across the board for keeping the tards in check. I voted for you on this award in years past, so think of yourself as being Alla's Steven Spielburg-- the Academy can't keep nominating him year after year without appearing to have favorites, so this is why you were off the ballot this time.

This year's more obscure award, the Low Grade Infection That Just Won't Go Away or Heal goes to Katie, my all time favorite dark *****, err horse for fighting the good fight. I love ya, girl. Keep on keepin' on, and don't let those bastards drag you down. I only wish Tacosid were around more so we could watch the two of you get hot and heavy. Good times, good times.

Last, but not least, the most anticipated award of the night, Favorite Poster goes to...

Ahhh, let's toss another joke in before we cut to the commerical break.

The owner of a golf course in North Carolina was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of North Carolina and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
<rim shot!>

Ok, we're back! And tonight's most prestigious award, Favorite Poster, goes to... Nobby! It's his second consecutive year for this award-- let's listen in on his acceptance speech...

Nobby: Ahhh, can't be too careful nowadays, y'know? Lot of "tea leaves" about, know what I mean?
Asylum readers: Excuse me?
Nobby: "Tea leaves"... "thieves."
Darqflame: Nobby... yeah, he's me new "china."
Asylum readers: What?
Darqflame: China plate... "mate."
Nobby: I'm gonna 'ave a "butcher's" round the 'ouse for a quick pig's.
Totem: Who you gonna butcher?
Nobby: "Butcher's hook"... "look."
Asylum readers: Uhhh <confused look on their collective faces>

And there we have it! I thank you all for coming tonight and we look forward to seeing you again next year!

Totem


Edited, Dec 22nd 2006 1:22am by Totem

I don't know how this got into you guys' head, but it is my belief that Paulsol is NOT French. He's from New-Zealand. NEW-ZEALAND, as in the country that's on the opposite side of the world to France!! He'll correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure he is a pure New-Zealander, born and bred and fed.


I would also like to ape Joph in his regarding the gbaji bit. indeed...


Now as to my acceptance speech, in my bestest amewican/Cartman accent, ahem:





Gosh! It's like totally awesome, guys! I'm like, totally lost for words and stuff! So yeah, I'd like thank my pop, my ma', Gawd, and all the people that make this place so special! I love you guys!

I didn't prepare a speech cos I was like "Dude, they all hate you in the Asylum", but now I'm like "Dude, they don't! Well, most do, but some don't!" And isn't that super? It sure is, guys...

So anyway, as I was saying, I'd like to thank Nobby for the moral support. I couldn't have it without you, dude! You're like, totally awesome!

I'd like to thank Totem, cos he's like super funny and rude and stuff! Kinda like the grandpa that makes you laugh cos he's all old and senile and he says the stupidest shIt and stuff, but when guests come you lock him in the cupboard and hope his screams don't draw too much attention.

I'd like to thank gbaji, for all the laughs and the banging of the head against the wall, and the funny discussions that I had with friends thank to your awesomely stupid posts! You're the reason we Europeans look down on you Americans, and may you prosper in your crazy and paranoid world inside your head. You give conspiracy theorists the world over a reason to exist.

I'd like to thank Samira for being totally awesome and clever at the same time. And how can you not adore a girl that used to have a crush on a French revolutionnary?

I'd like to thank Bhodi, cos he helped me change my name, and I see a bit of myself in him, though it's mostly the hair.

I'd like to thank Nexa, cos she's like totally hot! and nice with me...

I'd like to thank Smash, cos he rocks! Yeah! Rock on, communist comrade!!

I'd like to thank Joph and Flea, cos they're like the mum and dad of the asylum with all their posts and knowledge and nasty putdowns (especially Flea, I still have the claw marks. And no, not like that).

I'd also like to thank all thos that participated in political discussions (Paulsol comes to mind), cos I totally love those, and it's been a great way to learn how to express ideas coherently, and, like, totally PWN NOOBS and stuff, like Abadd and Varus. All you guys made my days at work a lot less boring.

I'd finally like to thank all the poster that put the "fun" in "The Asylum is fun", with their witty one-liners and amusing stories, like Elderon, Tricky, Debalic (<3), Celsio, MentalFrog, of course the legendary BT, and all the others I haven't mentionned cos after 10 years of smoking pot everyday my memory is starting to, like, be totally gone man!

And big up yourself to the admins cos they've always been cool to me, but I know that's just cos I post on the Asylum and not in the OOT, cos they're like total looooosers, dude! So, Kao, DK, Pilko, Dana, big up yourselves and keep it real, and remember to pop caps in people's bottoms, and stuff!

Voila, that's my acceptance speech.

I'll be back next year, where I'll be mounting a serious challenge for Frenchest Poster of the Year Award.

Have a great Christmas, and, like, a totally awesome New-Year!




Edited, Dec 22nd 2006 7:16am by RedPhoenixxx