An Musical by n0bby
Dramatis Personae
- ToUtem: An Neo-con
- DeadsideDemon: An Incubator
- Jophiel: The Tea-Bagger
- Nadenu: A alcohol reviewer
- Yanari: A troupe of East European Fire Eaters
- Darqflame: Am voluptuous piece of eye candy
- Demea: An Yeast Infection
- MoebiusLord: Token Liberal Ghey Activist
- Gitslayer: A African-Hispanic Jewish Sterotype
- Kaolian: A Pre-school coach
- Allakhazam: An Gil Seller
- Pikko: Previously on Lost...
- Redphoenixxxx: Connard
- tarv: Cap'n Jack Sparrah
- Smasharoo: Sic Transit Gloria Swanson
- Patrician: Geezah
- Danalog: An Permanent Wave
- Kelvyquayo: Intelligent Design
- Nephtyswanderer: The Cheshire Cat
- Tare: Weapon of Mass Destruction
- Nexa: Candice Bergen's love-child
- Bhodisattva: An Mountie
- Thumbelyna: Teensy Tiny Love Muppet
- Varrus: Social Moralist Philosopher/cUnt
- AtomicFlea: despierta la Novia, la manana de la boda!
- Elderon: Your Mom
- Al'Katie: Fluffer
- Smoggy: A small nagging sense of uncertainty
- gbaji: A man of few words who is able to convey the most subtle and sophisticated sentiments with a terse and appositie 'bon-mot'
- Ambrya: Allakhazam's sex slave
- Nobby An Funting Kumquat
- Growlingbunny: Lucille Ball's worst mistake
- Samira: Hilary Clinton's stunt-double
- Soracloud: Thermostat
- Celcio: Catwalk model and ****-burglar
- MonxDot: An Hangover
- Kakar: Smakar
- Elneclare: Earth Mother and Kitten Strangler
Scene I
An village at the bottom of an Mountain. Panning shot shows the Sign:-
Forumee Kwalzfor
Population 157
The villagers are communally decorating every house and tree with tinsel, fairy-lights, and (for no apparent reason) cat poo.
As they work, they sing.
Oh little town of Allakhazam
How have you come to be
The home of eve'ry player of
M - M - O - R - P - Gs?
And while we flame and Ra-a-a-ate down
And call each other Ghey
We take a break
From WoW and Quake
Each Chri-i-i-stmas Day
As the song ends, the villagers huddle around the Christmas Tree and the banter begins.
Jophiel: So like Christmas is gonna be so Toootally bodacious this year dudes!
Gitslayer: Aight!
Tare: I'm so excited! I think I'm going to give birth again!
Tare raises her skirt and squirts out a sprog already dressed in a cutesy "Santa's Little Helper" romper suit
DSD: Me too!
DSD unbuttons her 501s, grabs a baby from under her waistband and places it on the drying rack with all the others
Al'Katie: Well fUck you all!
Al'Katie slopes away leaving a trail of blood and failed-baby goop along the pavement.
Kaolian staggers onto the scene drinking from something in a brown paper bag.
Kaolian: Anyone want to see my knob?
Yanari: Sure. But I bet it's not as big as mine!
Amid a screech of tires and a neenaa of sirens, the bad taste police arrive and arrest everyone except Jophiel.
Scene dims to a pool of light bathing Jophiel who (to the tune of "All I want for Christmas Is You") sings:
I don't want a lot for Christmas
Just another thousand posts.
Tales of lawn-mowed Bunny Wabbits
And Tea-bag drowning Turkey Roasts
I just want my Karma rating
To exceed Allakhazam
When I reach five point oh-seven
I'll send a PM saying 'BAM'
Make my dreams come troooOOoo
Baby all I want for Christmas
Is an understanding of basic lyrical meter and rhyme
The scene fades to total darkness as the soundtrack booms a low and gloomy synth-pad.
Fade to
Scene II
An Cave up on an big mountain thingy above teh village.
Nobby: Well kidnapping Christmas revellers is usually quite satisfying, but somehow, I want to do something even more. . . erm. . .
Darqflame: Vicious?
Nobby: Yeah Vicious! Thanks Baby!
Nobby throws a cookie through the bars of Darqflame's cage. Darqflame drops her silk whip and devours the cookie ravenously.
Nobby: So this Christmas I have an even more dastardly plan!
Nobby stirs the contents of an steaming cauldron and sings quietly to himself to the tune of "Let it Snow"
Oh the posters out there annoy me
And Patrician's full of joy, he
Has just been ranked 'Guru'
Well fUck you, just fUck you, yes fUck you!
Well the time has come for hating
So let's hit their clique-ish rating
Let the Circle-Jerk reach a halt
Sub-Default, Sub-Default, Sub-Default!
So they're all thrown out of kilter
As they drop beneath the filter
So to posters both old and new.
Well fUck you, just fUck you, yes fUck you!
When you finally try to post
You'll find nobody sees what you wrote
And when Ev'ryone's sub-default
You'll be lower than Aegisfang's Goat
Well the time has come for hating
So let's hit their clique-ish rating
Let the Circle-Jerk reach a halt.
Sub-Default, Sub-Default, Sub-Default!
Darqflame: So you want me to put all these hostages in the mincer?
Nobby: Yes dear. All except the brown one. I want to use her as bait. .
Darqflame: Niiiice
Flea-lo:Maricon!
Scene III
Back in the village, a scene of chaos. The villagers bump into each other, clearly failing to see anyone at all.
Kelvyquayo: WTF! Who just bumped into me?!!
Elderon: Me.
Al'Katie: Me.
Celcio: Me.
Smoggy: Me.
Samira: Me.
gbaji: It would appear that I may be the individual into whom you collided
Ambrya: Me.
Growlingbunny: Me.
Soracloud: Me.
Kelvyquayo: WTF! I don't see any of you!
Kakar: Hoooold on.
Elneclare: What, *****?
Kakar: My Karma's hit the floor!
Ambrya: Me too
Growlingbunny: And mine
Jophiel: Like, Whoa! We're all Sub-default!
Patrician: By Jove chaps! I do believe he's right!
Nephtyswanderer: If we had the numbers back. . .
Everyone: STFU Neph!!
Nephtyswanderer: just sayin'
Jophiel: Dudes! Like if we all, like change to "Never Filter". . .
Kakar: ZOMG! It works!1!!eleven. I see you all!
Everyone changes their settings to "Never Filter" and they blink as all the villagers come into view.
Demea: We've been Karma Bombed!
Smasharoo: CrapShitfUck
Ambrya: Well at least we can see each other now.
Nephtyswanderer: Troo dat. QFT.
Smasharoo: CrapShitfUck
Demea: Yeah you said.
Smasharoo: No. . . CrapShitfUck!
Smasharoo flicks his gurly hair back and points. . .
Smasharoo: No. . . LOOK!!!!
Varrus: Hello again everyone!
Qaoz: Sup?
Niobia: Welcome back!
SCENE IV
The apse of an Church in the village.
Several people in Festive Costume are being marshalled around a Nativity Scene. An officious character is ordering them about.
Rev'd ToUtem: C'mon! Git yo' skinny white asses into line! An' show some Respeck! This ain't no SNL Skit! We's celebrating Kwanza Here!!
He looks with disappointment at the sorry band of thespians as they trip, clown-like over their costumes and lines.
Rev'd ToUtem: OK Folks. I's had enuff o' dis sheeut!
Nadenue! Y'awl put down that moonshine and put yo' clothes back on!
And Saboruto. Take that out of gbaji this instant. I don' give a dayum if'n he likes it!
See, Chilluns' - Dis is what Kwanza be's all about.
To the tune of "Last Christmas" by "Wham"
Last Kwanza
We put on a play
Last Kwanza
It brightened the day
This Year
To give us a break
I's showin' the 'bama black snake.
Last Kwanza
When Elderon pretended
He was Pope and Smash was all offended
This year
To cheer up the ******
I'll show you my 'Bama Black Snake
Saboruto faints.
Tare has a stroke
ElneClare can't reach.
The actors all stare aghast at the might of the Rev'd ToUtem's appendage.
Enter Mel Gibson, Stage Right.
Mel: Good job you have a forskin on that monster there bro.
ToUtem gives him a wink.
SCENE V
Back in the cave.
Flea'lo is attempting to saw through the bars of the cave with Joph Junior's Fisher-Price "My First Prison Breakout Hacksaw".
Nobby is flexing his tooth to impress Darqflame, but she's otherwise occupied.
Darqflame: So since I got this Alienware PC I can 7-box in the LoTR Beta, gold-farm in WoW Burning Crusade, and still find time to banninate n00bs for infringing the NDAs! Go Me!
Nobby: Erm. DF?
Darqflame: Whu?
Nobby: Where's Flea'Lo?
Darqflame: CrapShitfUck.
From down the mountainside they here the cackle of a victorious Peruvian.
Flea'Lo: I pwnz j00!!!
Nobby: Hey DF!
Darqflame: What?
Nobby: Where's my 'Rate Posts' button gone?
Darqflame: Oh Noez!! And she's taken my Banninating Button too!!!11!!eleven!!
To be continued...
Edited, Dec 21st 2006 5:56pm by Nobby
for "Let It Snow".
, Now let us some more Nobby 
