Make up your minds!Follow

This fascinates me. People that breastfeed are so militant! I have no objection to breastfeeding-hell, I won't stop you, I plan on doing it myself. I just object to having it pushed onto me as much as some of you object to evangelism. If we have to coexist, I expect some give on both sides.

Projection. This could be the case, or not. In any case, there's always the restroom. Unless you're rubbing his face on the counter, you should be fine.

Wow. The amount of entitlement here is amazing. People have been mother for centuries, and they've always had to do so within the confines of certain societal rules. No one is telling you to hurt your child, but having one doesn't mean you get breaks that the rest of us don't.

But others can get breaks that I don't, right?

Others can bare more skin than you'll ever see while I'm breastfeeding, all in the name of fashion. They can walk through the mall with their *** cracks hanging out for the world to see and cleavage to the midriff without a problem, but I can get harassed for the honest exposure of a little side-swell of boob?

Others can eat their lunch in the food court with impunity, but my baby has to eat his/hers in a cramped, uncomfortable stall in a filthy, urine-smelling, heavily trafficked bathroom, or under a hot, claustrophobic blanket, like he or she is doing something wrong or improper, something that needs to be hidden.

You're right--there's a huge sense of entitlement here--but it's not on the part of nursing mothers. It's from the people who keep these asinine double-standards alive and well. "Societal rules" these days have no problem with the sight of a lot of female flesh--unless that flesh is nourishing a child.



Edited, Nov 21st 2006 2:26pm by Ambrya

Others that are breastfeeding? I would think not.

I would think that if they are exposed to any degree that is frowned upon by whatever the authority in charge is, they would be chastised.

You should write fiction. Or for Lifetime. That almost made me forget that you're arguing with yourself.

I don't see the double-standard, but then perhaps it's because I'm not flooded with baby. Maybe someday. If so, I hope it doesn't obliterate my persepective or lead me to believe I'm the only person on the planet.

I've breastfed in the mall bathroom stall and it is completely unpleasant. I can't sit on the toilet because it's disgusting so I end up holding my freakin' 20 pound kid while standing up and trying to keep him balanced so that he doesn't accidentally bite flesh off. After doing this a couple times I decided to just take him back to the van. Once I'm in there I don't even bother sitting in the back. It's more comfortable to sit in the front seat than to hide in the back. And like Ambrya said, once you get the nip in there, you pull your shirt down to their mouth and there's really nothing to see at all. Unless you find the sight of a baby attached to his mommy under clothing offensive.

I'm obviously on the side of feeding whereever you need to, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to ask my husband to sit in front of me to give me a teensy bit of privacy or try to find some corner where no one will pay attention to me.

Somehow I don't think Ambrya means that she's going to flash her boobs like Moms Gone Wild and leave her shirt flapped wide open for everyone to oogle at. If a mother is going to try to be discreet, why does she need to be banished to the bathroom?

I've already stated that I intend to be as discreet as I can. Unfortunately, I'm dealing with enough boob that I might not be able to cover it all, that I'll have to have a hand in there supporting some of it when the nursing-bra cup is down. And I'm not going to make apologies to anyone if, despite my reasonable efforts, a little bit of skin happens to be exposed.

I'm not asking for special treatment--I just expect for me and my baby to be allowed to do what any other person can and does do. I expect to be allowed to eat in a restaurant without being harassed. I expect to be allowed to picnic in the park without being harassed. I expect to be able to go shopping without being harassed. And I shouldn't be given grief for making a choice that will have profound and life-long health benefits for my child.

Okay, hypothetical scenario. Happens to dozens of women every day.

You're out with your mother for a day of shopping with and for the baby. You stop by a family restaurant for lunch, and you're eating your salad and having a great conversation with your mom when the kidlet begins to display signs of hunger--signs which will rapidly escalate to a full-out wail if food isn't offered pronto.

You don't have enough supply to have expressed breastmilk ready to offer in a bottle, or your baby suffers from nipple confusion when offered the bottle and won't take it (or won't take the breast at a later feeding). Your baby also squirms and refuses to eat if his or her face is covered.

You have two options. The first, you can leave the table and nurse in the bathroom (or car, as Pikko pointed out) and the other is to try to nurse discreetly at the table. If you choose the latter option, it's possible the other customers, the waitstaff, or the management may approach you and harass you, even if there's nothing showing.

Can you honestly say you wouldn't resent having to interrupt your pleasant afternoon and your lively conversation with your companion in order to excuse yourself to the bathroom (where there is more likely than not NO place to sit and nurse than in the stalls with the toilets.) Are you saying it wouldn't strike you as at all bizarre that of all the people in the restaurant, YOUR BABY should be forced to eat his or her lunch in the bathroom, even though s/he's doing absolutely nothing shameful or wrong? And if you choose not to go to the bathroom, can you honestly say it wouldn't feel like banishment if the manager approached you and asked you to do so?



It's not about having a transcendent experience. Breastfeeding is bloody hard work, and if you can cop a moment of tenderness and bonding with your baby here and there, great, but for the most part, it's a frickin' HUGE burden to take on. But at the same time, every day the medical and health community reveals more reasons why breastfeeding is best for both mother and child.

It's about trying to function in a world where making the best choice for your child comes into conflict with virtually every option our society offers. It's about getting the message from one side that you're a bad mother for not breastfeeding, but then getting no accomodation for doing so, and possibly being the recipient of hostility when you do it.



No one is asking for special priviledges. We just ask that we not be refused the priviledges every other non-breastfeeding person enjoys without a second thought, like eating lunch in a public place, just because we also have a baby to look after.

Breastfeeding isn't some sort of magical experience, it's painful at first and then *boring* as all hell. I hate sitting still that long for anything, I'll be damned if I'm going to go sit in a bathroom for half an hour while I breastfeed with noone to talk to. There are so many other directions to look in, for the love of god, pick one. Don't like seeing boobies, look away. Don't like kids being breastfed for so long, mind your own damn business. There are plenty of places where children are traditionally breastfed for around 3 years, helping to evenly space children in the absense of other forms of birth control. It's been working since people were people. I won't, because it's BORING, but if someone else wants to put in the time, more power to ya honey.

Nexa

Really, it's not that big of a deal, I promise. You'll get some eye-rollers or tskers, but I never had someone tell me not to. I nursed Hannah for almost the entirety of a 7 hour flight in economy with folks sitting all around me. They were happy I was keeping something in her damn mouth so they could try and sleep.

Nexa

Don't forget lowering your risk of breast cancer...that's a nice one.

Nexa

A couple centuries ago, it was very common to see a woman with her top pulled down below her breast so to breastfeed her child. If you had money, you hired a wet nurse to feed the kid. In fact, I was lactating a year after I ween my youngest and almost went into being a wet nurse, as suggested by one doctor, I saw.

The world average of 4.2 years is normal when one wants to space out ones kids. It's long been used as a form of birth control, since most women who breastfeed 6 or more times a day won't ovulate.

I and my oldest actually had to ween our first child, when we wanted a second one.

What gets me is the people who seem to be most offended, are ofter other women. I got nothing but support from the sailors and marines, but their wives would have a fit over the fact, that their husbands might see a bit of my exposed breast. Darn I show off more of my breast now at Renn Faire, then you ever see when I was breast feeding. I love looking like I'm about to pop out of my bodice.

This is what I'm hoping for. I think here in Oregon I probably won't have the problems I would have, say, back in the midwest. The Portland area is pretty bohemian.

But here's the thing--despite my rather forceful opinions here on the boards, I'm actually not a confrontational person. If I can avoid an ugly scene, I will. I know that if it comes down to it, if I am confronted, I will stand up for myself and my baby, but I'll also find the experience extremely upsetting, so I'm really dreading the possibility that it might happen.

At the same time, I've been in the company of women when they were confronted, and whether or not they stood up for themselves, I just ached for them for having to put up with this insane boob-phobia when they're doing absolutely nothing improper. I've hugged and reassured women who have cried because they're so frustrated that even when they're doing everything RIGHT, they're being made to feel as though they're doing something wrong.

And I've also (as recently as last week) been among a group of people who, when a mother had to open her shirt and pull down her bra cup to nurse her baby, simply looked in another direction and carried on about their business, chatting and having fun, so that no one, not the mother, not the baby, not the bystanders, was inconvenienced or subjected to hard feelings or hostile words. And I realized just how very right and sane that particular scene was, and found myself baffled and infuriated at how ***-backwards doing it any other way is.

I'm hoping that I don't have to ever deal with problems that arise from my choice to breastfeed, even if I have to do it in public. But at the same time, I'm bracing myself, because I know it's a very real possibility, and I have to be ready for it.

Pikko: Mr. Ambrya and I were at Babies 'R Us the other day and we saw one of those nursing bib-type things that you drape over yourself. He scoffed and boggled and told me that if anyone bought me one as a baby shower gift, he'd throw the damn thing out.

Just make sure you're not stressing yourself out too much in anticipation of potential stress Ambrya...kinda defeats the purpose. You're totally letting the terrorists win ;)

Nexa