Yesterday the weather was perfect for a bike ride and this place was sucking ***, so I left work early and hit some trails near my place. I will admit, sometimes I like riding my bicycle or jogging, but yesterday went very wrong.
I was riding along, when the call of nature took firm hold of my bladder, so I started looking for a good place to pull off the trail and drain myself. I spotted what looked like a good spot, with a half-circle of bushes and trees to obscure the dripping wang I was about to produce. I slowed down and pulled into the little alcove, placing my bike on what appeared to be a pile of harmless sticks, quickly dropped my drawers and started whizzin'.
Well, just a few seconds into my **** I feel this burning on the back of my head, and I reach back there, and feel some nasty little bug that has bitten me. I snatch it, still pissing away, because I can multi-task, and hold it in front of my face. It's a bee, and as I realize that I've been stung for the first time in roughly two decades, my leg sort of smolders with another half a dozen stings.
I whirled around, dong spritzing the area about me, and was greeted by the sight of a dark cloud of stingy little bees. Those sticks I dropped my bike on? Apparently they concealed some sort of hive, and now the bees were all swarming around and I had my diCk out. I zipped up in a hurry, luckily managed to keep myself out of my zipper, and ran down the trail, leaving the bike where it was. I tossed off my hat and backpack, and started slapping the little fUckers as they stung me all about the back of my head, and my legs, arms and yes, one had apparently been in my boxers and stung me right on the ol' shaft.
I yelled at people who were headed the other way, past me, and toward the upset hive. I may not have made alot of sense, though.
"Hive! Hive! I hit a hive!"
When I collected myself to some extent I ventured back to the bicycle cautiously, and found it covered in bees, like the boney insides of Candyman. I snagged the front tire and charged down the path, away from the hive, dropping the bees as I went. I was stung several more times while retrieving the bike, but by that point I was over being bothered by it.
So then I rode out of the park and went to the bar, and although I had been on the wagon for about six months, I got drunk.
The point is, don't let bees sting you on the genitals, it's a bummer, and earwigs don't bite as hard as bees, or something.