The TalkFollow

My own strategy for when the time comes with my as-yet-unrealized children is not to have one big momentous "Talk-with-a-capital-T" but just to answer questions as they arise throughout childhood, and to try to provide information as various subjects come up, making every attempt to be frank and not act shocked or embarasssed so that by the time they hit puberty, they're fairly well prepared for what lies ahead and are comfortable with their own bodies. I'm planning to try my best to make it clear while I don't consider having sex "bad" or "shameful" that there are a lot of risks attached and I'd prefer they wait to have sex until they're a reasonably adult age, because a bad decision can be dangerous if not life-destroying, and the older they are before they start having sex, the more able they'll be to make decisions that are less likely to cause them harm. I believe that demystifying and destigmatizing sex goes a long way toward helping adolescents make better choices about sex, so my plan is just to try to handle it in as "matter of fact" a manner as I possibly can.

That's my theory at least--we'll see how well it works when the questions actually start rolling in.

For myself, I seem to recall a time when I was about 4 years old when my 8-year-old sister gave me the simpliefied "he puts his thing in her thing" explanation. When I was about 8, a 13-year-old friend/quasi-babysitter gave me a slightly more advanced "this is what I learned in sex-ed" version. A year or two later, my drunken mother gave me her over-dramatized "when two people really love each other, God let's them blah blah blah" nonsense version. Then, of course, there was a chapter on reproduction in 8th grade biology and the 9th grade "Reproductive Health" portion of the manditory Phys Ed class.

Of all of them, it was my mother's version of "The Talk" that was the least useful.

I got all I needed from Look Who's Talking. Yeah, ok, so I was thirteen. I must have seen or heard something in school by then.

Oh yeah, also reading my dad's **** novels and my sister's teen sex stories.

I'm not a big fan of "the talk" concept and instead prefer the "answer their questions as you go" method. So there isnt' really any one age. I will answer Hannah's questions as simply, honestly and straight-forwardly (is that a word?) as I can as they come up without over the top elaboration like Tare was mentioning (hahaha, oh sweetie, I'm so sorry!).

I was a pretty responsible kid and loved to learn things. So despite my parent's disinterest in telling me what-for, I researched it myself and when I decided that I would be having sex with my boyfriend, I made an appointment at family planning and got an exam and put on birth control. I went alone. I don't want Hannah to feel she needs to do that, it can be scary.

Nexa

I was 15, and my Dad picked me up from my first serious girlfriend's house late at night. He decided to go for the "Talk" on the way home. The entirity of my sex education from my father went as follows:

"If you are going to dip your wick, make sure you have something on it".....cue silence for the entire journey home.

I would say kids today are exposed to sexuality from a variety of sources much earlier than we were as kids and it's no secret that kids today are having sex earlier than they did, say, 15 years ago. Having said that, the age at which parents have "the talk" should correspond and come sooner. What age is best? It depends on the kid. I think 6th grade is the standard because it's considered by many to be the cusp between childhood and adolescence.

My dad explained it to me when I was four or five. I asked if he had any photos.

All I remember from sex education at school (when I was eight or nine) is that it always started with "when a man and a woman love each other very much AND THEY ARE MARRIED..."

In 5th or 6th grade we watched the video on life, don't remember too much of it.

When I was 17 and had already been dipping the stick my mom tried to ensure I knew to use a condom.

/traumatized

I think its easier both for the parent and kid if the parents answer the kids questions when they ask. As I have noticed, kids ask very early. My son has been asking more frequently now as he knows his little brothers being made in mommys tummy, but even at three he would ask questions about sex.

Instead of sitting down and having an all out "talk" I would rather start the learning process now when hes curious and awkward free enough to come ask me. Even at three and four they retain most of what they learn. I've never balked or lied about sex questions with my son knowing that what I lay down as a foundation now for these talks will stay with him forever. If I lie about sex now or hem and haw, showing I am uncomfortable about those kind of questions, why would he believe me later when its more important? And why would he feel comfortable to come to me when I showed him I wasnt comfortable when he asked before? But at this point I dont go beyone the question he asks.

I dont know what I will do when the time comes but I figure throughout the years I will continue to answer questions and add in more information for him to digest, subtly giving him the info he will need without bringing it all to the surface in one swoop. Hopefully by the time hes older I will have given him the info he needs and feel comfortable enough in his own comfortability with me to bring up more of the delicate subjects here and there as he grows up.



Edited, Sep 8th 2006 at 11:10am EDT by DSD

Jophs already uncomfrotable that I inadvertantly showed his kid ****. Im sure he'd loooove to know I was teaching Joph Jr sex ed

Did anyone else expect this thread to turn into the How I Lost My Virginity thread that would keep us warm through the winter months to come? If just five of you will step up and share how and when you were deflowered, I'll enlighten you to my story. Here's a teaser; it involves small children, marijuana and a mechanical *****.

I think we already had a thread about how old we all were when we lost our virginity, but Im too lazy to go poking around looking for it

Psssh. If it ain't on the first page I ain't ************ to it.