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I HATE being the bad guyFollow

#1 Sep 05 2006 at 12:16 PM Rating: Good
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My middle child is not as academically driven as his older brother or younger sister. He's been diagnosed ADD and has been prescribed medication for it(something I have disagreed with, but my husband is standing firm on this). He's had other health problems in the past and is smaller than all of his other classmates. His sister, who's almost 4 years younger than him, is about 2 inches shorter than he is and they weigh the same.

I know that he tries to go all out for sports and other activities, but he won't do the same for school. My husband and I decided to let him play football this year, if he kept his grades up, something our child agreed to. School started 3 weeks ago and he's already failing in his reading class. I reminded him that because his grades are already below a C, he can't practice or play in the games until those grades get back up, something we're going to have to tell his coach tonight.

My son is disappointed, to say the least, and his behavior hasn't exactly been peachy keen either after my announcement. My heart virtually hurts because I know I'm taking away something that he loves to do, and I know that I have to stick with this. But it's just so freaking hard to look at my son with that look on his face like I drove over and parked a puppy under the wheel of my car. Unfortunately, hubby's still gone and so I'm bearing the brunt of it all. Smiley: frown

And it doesn't help that with my daughter in cheerleading, she's going to be cheering at these football games so we'll be going to the games and he's going to be sitting at the sidelines.
#2 Sep 05 2006 at 12:19 PM Rating: Excellent
What does this have to do with Steve Irwin?
#3 Sep 05 2006 at 12:20 PM Rating: Good
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Leaning that the consequences of your actions can come back and bite you in the *** is a *****, but not learning it is much, much worse. Whenever you get the puppy eyes, tell him very seriously that you are sorry he did this to himself.
#4 Sep 05 2006 at 12:21 PM Rating: Good
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Grandfather Barkingturtle wrote:
What does this have to do with Steve Irwin?


Nothing, except they have a name in common. Smiley: grin
#5 Sep 05 2006 at 12:23 PM Rating: Excellent
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#6 Sep 05 2006 at 12:26 PM Rating: Decent
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out of curiousity do you think he may have a harder time grasping those lessons he is failing in? Or is it more of a lack of trying?

Whats the take on homework? Do you as parents help him out or let him go it alone, only to make sure its "done"?

If its something where he might have a harder time getting it, you might want to check into after school tutoring. Ask his teacher for a conference to see what his/her thoughts are on the matter. If its just him not trying, maybe set aside specific time each day to sit with him and help him keep on track.

While its not a fun thing to be the one to take away a favorite activity, he does need to make sure he is at least trying 100% on his education. And if hes having a hard time understanding the lessons it can be even more frustrating to him. But either way, it sounds like he needs help from some area, be it more personal teaching, or just someone to let him know he's being watched over his shoulder while he does his homework
#7 Sep 05 2006 at 12:28 PM Rating: Good
Thumbelyna Quick Hands wrote:
Grandfather Barkingturtle wrote:
What does this have to do with Steve Irwin?


Nothing, except they have a name in common. Smiley: grin
There's the problem right there. He's rebelling because you named him Irwin.
#8 Sep 05 2006 at 12:33 PM Rating: Good
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BT, that avatar made me bust up. Smiley: thumbsup

Tough love on the kid. Kudos to you for keeping the priorities straight.
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#9 Sep 05 2006 at 12:39 PM Rating: Good
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You know, when I was growing up, the phrase "This is hurting me more than it hurts you," was total BS to me. Now as a parent, I realize how horrific it feels to have someone you love more than anything, disappointed. Sticking to your guns is about the hardest thing to do. It sucks, but you are doing the right thing. Best of luck^^
#10 Sep 05 2006 at 12:59 PM Rating: Good
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DSD wrote:
out of curiousity do you think he may have a harder time grasping those lessons he is failing in? Or is it more of a lack of trying?

Whats the take on homework? Do you as parents help him out or let him go it alone, only to make sure its "done"?

If its something where he might have a harder time getting it, you might want to check into after school tutoring. Ask his teacher for a conference to see what his/her thoughts are on the matter. If its just him not trying, maybe set aside specific time each day to sit with him and help him keep on track.

While its not a fun thing to be the one to take away a favorite activity, he does need to make sure he is at least trying 100% on his education. And if hes having a hard time understanding the lessons it can be even more frustrating to him. But either way, it sounds like he needs help from some area, be it more personal teaching, or just someone to let him know he's being watched over his shoulder while he does his homework


I think it's lack of trying. Every teacher he has ever had has said that he's very bright and when he's paying attention, he does very good work. But when he's not motivated or wants to go play and do the fun stuff, he'll rush through his work and won't try.

There's tutoring twice a week in the morning that my son goes to. For homework, I don't get home with the kids until 6:00 at night, and we have to deal with chores, dinner, bathtimes, cheerleading practice & football practice, so they do their homework at the afterschool center they go to each day. There are homework clubs there they go to and they do their homework there with other teachers to help them. When we get home, I go over the work with the kids and sometimes I've had to make them go back and re-do some of it (either because the homework is sloppy or because the answers are just wrong). I'll sit with them at times during their homework, depending on how much help they need. During dinner, I'll talk with the kids about what they're learning in class and what they're reading. The policy at my children's school is if homework isn't turned in, the kids lose out for recess and have to stay in to make up the work. So there's always opportunities to get the homework done.

I've been in contact with his teacher to see what else we can do to get his grades back up. He'll be going into junior high next year, and I know if he's not applying himself now, he's just going to have a harder time next year.
#11 Sep 05 2006 at 1:07 PM Rating: Decent
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well it sounds as if everything you can do is being done. If its al ack of trying then you are right on the ball with your decision and I couldnt agree more with you. Whatever you do stick to your guns then and let him know you mean business. If he really wants to do sports than he knows what is expected of him in other areas of his life.

Being a parent is never easy. But you have it in you to keep your foot down Smiley: grin
#12 Sep 05 2006 at 1:18 PM Rating: Decent
Maybe you should print out some shadowrelm or MonxDoT posts to give him a glimpse of his future. You could call it "An Illiteracy Carol"
#13 Sep 05 2006 at 1:19 PM Rating: Excellent
Tell him that Daddy left because he was so ashamed of his son. That'll learn him.
#14 Sep 05 2006 at 1:20 PM Rating: Good
Grandfather Barkingturtle wrote:
Tell him that Daddy left because he was so ashamed of his son. That'll learn him.
RACK that.
#15 Sep 05 2006 at 1:47 PM Rating: Good
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I find myself wondering.....
What would SuperNanny do?
#16 Sep 05 2006 at 9:28 PM Rating: Good
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Update: So I emailed my son's teacher and asked her about my son's grade. She emailed me back and after doing the work today (for which he got an A), he bumped up his F to a C. Talk about awesome! Smiley: yippee So I call my son at the afterschool center and tell him what the teacher said, to which he was quite happy that he could go to practice tonight. I reminded him to do his homework and from the time the kids are at the center to the time I pick him up, he's got 2.5 hours to do homework, hang out and play. So he has plenty of time to get his homework done.

Then the drama hits when I pick him up. He was playing with his friends, as usual, and when we got home, I asked him about his homework. He showed it to me and it was done half-assed. I mean, it's not like I'm looking for perfect penmanship with 100% correctness on his homework, but I'm not going to just take a lick and promise. And what he did today was just so lazy and sloppy, that I told him he was going to have to do some of it over. He threw a temper tantrum and started moaning and complaining, all while the clock is ticking away towards football practice. I just stand there looking at him and he finally does the homework. But he's 30 minutes late to practice now. And then he gets all pissy and says he doesn't want to go. I told him he made a commitment to his team and to his coach and if he's not going to practice, he better go and tell that to his coach face to face. So I take him to practice and we tell the coach what is going on. The coach backed me up and told Steven that the "don't pass school, don't play" rule applies to the entire team and he understands why I'm putting school first.

My son's still being pissy and so the coach has a little talk with him and my son told the coach that he didn't want to practice. The coach told him in no uncertain terms that just because he had a bad attitude about school, he's not going to take it out on the entire team and told him to join the team or he can run around the field for the rest of practice. At that point, I figured that my presence there was just pissing Steven off so I told the coach that I would be back in a bit. He waved goodbye and told me he would let me know it went.

But I'm pissed, disappointed and just frustrated. I want my son to be happy, and I know that's not going to happen 100% of the time. But I hate it when I know in his mind that he's going to see me as the root of all his pissed off-edness. And I know as a parent, that's pretty much going to be your role, the cause of your child's unhappiness at times, but still it freaking sucks.
#17 Sep 05 2006 at 9:44 PM Rating: Good
Yeah but if you don't set any boundaries down he'll grow up to be Charlie Sheen. And we've ALL seen how that ends up Smiley: oyvey Charlie Sheen brainwashed that stingray. And now look what happened Smiley: cry
#18 Sep 05 2006 at 9:58 PM Rating: Good
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You're obviously not hitting him hard enough.
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#19 Sep 06 2006 at 1:47 AM Rating: Decent
Or often enough.

I find a 2 x 4 or a pool cue works best.

But seriously it is hard, at the end of the day he has to learn to be responsible for his actions. IN 10 years time are you going to rock up to his work to see if he got the Johnson file right.

Perhaps dump him in Maine and tell him to get himself home. That'll learn him.
#20 Sep 06 2006 at 4:24 AM Rating: Decent
Do you know what the cure for ADD is?

A good, hard kick up the ***.
#21 Sep 06 2006 at 5:51 AM Rating: Decent
Sadly if a kid is rebellious and resistant to hard work in 6th grade, it will only get worse in junior high. Best bet is to stay tough and firm. He's probably going to need it. Your #1 priority as a parent is to play nice and be liked at all time, it's to do whats best for him because you know whats best.
#22 Sep 06 2006 at 6:56 AM Rating: Good
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#23 Sep 06 2006 at 7:47 AM Rating: Excellent
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BBBD wrote:
IN 10 years time are you going to rock up to his work to see if he got the Johnson file right.
I read this as "rock his world".

Which would be one, erm, unorthodox means of parentings.
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#24 Sep 06 2006 at 7:52 AM Rating: Good
Jophiel wrote:
BBBD wrote:
IN 10 years time are you going to rock up to his work to see if he got the Johnson file right.
I read this as "rock his world".

Which would be one, erm, unorthodox means of parentings.


Worked for me!


And saved me the cost of flowers and dinner, which is and was and always will be a considerable burden for a sixth grader.
#25 Sep 06 2006 at 8:02 AM Rating: Good
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How come the teacher changed his grade from an F to a C? Thats a big jump in grades
#26 Sep 06 2006 at 8:25 AM Rating: Decent
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Sounds like your kid is pretty thick. Not everyone can get good grades you know. Some kids are just more stupid than others.
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